first sentence of a college essay

The Admissions Strategist

How to start a college essay: 8 killer tips.

College admissions essays are a vital part of your application.

They give the admissions committee a more personal understanding of you, and they can tip an admissions decision in your favor.

As with any piece of writing, it’s important to consider your audience when writing a college essay.

• In this case, the audience is an admissions officer who will likely read hundreds of essays , all addressing similar prompts, during the admissions cycle.

He may have read dozens of essays in the last few hours. As he turns to your application, he wants to read a well-written, engaging essay.

• How can you make this person feel excited about reading your essay?
• How can you immediately set yourself apart from dozens or hundreds of other applicants?
• How can you make the admissions officer want to really pay attention and read closely?

1. Keep it brief .

On college essays, students are generally  limited to 500-700 words .

• That’s certainly not many words for such an important piece of writing, so it’s necessary for you to keep the essay introduction brief.

You need to get to the “meat” of the essay as quickly as possible.

• So while the college essay introduction is important, it shouldn’t take up the majority of your limited word count.

In the introduction, you do not need to summarize or preview everything that will be discussed in the essay.

• Instead, the college essay introduction should give a short, engaging glimpse into the rest of the piece.

When writing the first draft of your essay, it’s OK to go over the word count by 200-300 words.

• When cutting down the essay, start by refining the introduction. Since you likely started the essay by writing the introduction, there’s a good chance you included too much unnecessary background detail.
• When you reread the essay after a short break, you’ll realize how much of your introduction isn’t necessary.

As a benchmark, you don’t want the introduction to comprise more than 30% of the word count of the entire college essay.

Even then, we recommend keeping the introduction to around 20% of the essay.

2. Start with an attention grabber .

The very first sentence of your essay should be the  “hook” or “grabber.”  This sentence “hooks” readers or “grabs” their attention, making them want to read more.

This first sentence should provide rich details, engage a reader’s curiosity, or otherwise stand out from the rest.

Here are some sample grabbers from winning college essays:

I have old hands. (Stanford) If my life were a play, there would be two sets, two acts, and two sets of characters. (MIT) Some fathers might disapprove of their children handling noxious chemicals in the garage. (Stanford) There is a hefty blue book in my bookcase that is older than any other book in my house. (MIT) When I was in the eighth grade I couldn’t read. (Stanford) As an Indian-American, I am forever bound to the hyphen. (Stanford) I change my name each time I place an order at Starbucks. (Stanford) I’ve been surfing Lake Michigan since I was 3 years old. (Stanford)

The first sentence can also be a question, but only if it’s particularly insightful or interesting, like this one:

While traveling through the daily path of life, have you ever stumbled upon a hidden pocket of the universe? (Stanford)

Don’t each of these sentences make you want to read more? That’s the impact of a well-written grabber.

Some of these sentences offer vivid details (the hefty blue book, the noxious chemicals, the old hands).

• Others engage our curiosity (How do you surf a lake? Is it true that a Stanford applicant couldn’t read in eighth grade? What is a hidden pocket of the universe?).

The rest simply stand out.

• For example, “I am forever bound to the hyphen,” is a thought-provoking and interesting statement. “I change my name each time I place an order at Starbucks,” is a unique way to begin a college essay.

Where is she going with this?

You may also notice that, for the most part, these sentences are short.

This isn’t a necessity, but a short, intriguing opening sentence can be especially powerful.

Find a similarly unique or thought-provoking first sentence.

From the first few words, the admissions officer will be fully engaged in reading your essay.

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3. vividly describe an anecdote related to your essay’s main point..

After the initial grabber (or sometimes as part of the initial grabber), it’s a good idea to include a vivid anecdote .

Like the grabber, a detailed anecdote can keep your reader engaged and wanting to know more.

It can also effectively introduce the experience or topic you’ll be discussing.

Here’s an excerpt from another winning college essay (written by Shaan Merchant for Tufts University):

“Biogeochemical. It’s a word, I promise!” There are shrieks and shouts in protest and support. Unacceptable insults are thrown, degrees and qualifications are questioned, I think even a piece of my grandmother’s famously flakey parantha whizzes past my ear. Everyone is too lazy to take out a dictionary (or even their phones) to look it up, so we just hash it out.

This highly detailed description of a family game of Bananagrams (a version of Scrabble) provides an excellent introduction to Merchant’s essay about his love of words.

Merchant could have started his essay with a dull sentence like, “I have loved words since I was a child.” Instead, he selected a colorful, entertaining anecdote that introduced this point far more creatively.

He also started with an intriguing grabber: “Biogeochemical.

• It’s a word, I promise!” Immediately, readers are pulled into the essay and wondering what inspired this opening piece of dialogue.

Brainstorm an anecdote that can introduce the main point of your essay (like a game of Bananagrams introduced Merchant’s love of words).

• If your essay is about an experience, you can open it by narrating a significant moment that was part of that experience.

To make the anecdote vivid, you should include specific details that paint a picture in the reader’s mind.

These images can describe any of the five senses: sight, smell, hearing, taste, or touch.

• In our sample excerpt, for instance, Merchant mentions “shrieks and shouts” and “[his] grandmother’s famously flakey parantha” (flatbread). Later in his college admissions essay introduction, Merchant also references “small, glossy, plastic tiles” thrown into a pile.

In another winning college essay, a student vividly described the condition of his mother’s feet in relation to her hard work and sacrifice on his behalf.

The bottom line is this:

Come up with an anecdote that illustrates your essay’s point or the experience you’re describing.

Make sure you also include plenty of specific, descriptive adjectives. The admissions officer will be thankful for your refreshingly creative college essay introduction.

4. Connect the descriptive anecdote to the overall point of your essay.

A descriptive anecdote is creative, engaging, and a fun way to introduce the essay topic.

But it’s not very effective unless you explain how this anecdote is connected to the rest of the essay.

In this sentence, you can:

• Explain the importance of the experience or moment being described
• Explain how this moment is connected to a larger event or experience
• Explain what personal qualities or traits this anecdote illustrates
• Explain how the anecdote is connected to the overall point you will be making in the essay

In Merchant’s intro, he goes on to describe the game of Banagrams a bit more, including the fact that his dad won the game with “Rambo,” which Merchant contended was not a word.

After this entertaining and vivid description, Merchant writes, “Words and communicating have always been of tremendous importance in my life.”

With this brief sentence, Merchant explains what personal qualities are illustrated by his anecdote, as well as telling readers what the rest of the essay will be about.

After you write an anecdote, make sure you also provide 1-2 sentences explaining the significance of the anecdote and connecting it to the main topic of your essay.

In addition to making the essay topic clear to the reader, this type of sentence highlights excellent thinking skills.

5. Avoid stale, overused introductory techniques.

The goal here is to write a college essay introduction that is not like the other hundreds or even thousands of introductions the admissions officer has read.

This means it’s important to avoid boring, predictable introductory techniques.

• For example, you don’t want to say, “Many experiences have shaped my journey to college,” or, “The obstacles I’ve experienced have made me who I am.”
• These sentences are weak and vague, and they’re also likely written by many college applicants every year.

You also want to avoid the formulaic essay writing you may have learned in elementary or middle school.

• Do not write, “In this essay, I will tell you about…” or feel the need to list each of the main points you’ll cover.
• For example, it’s not necessary to write, “My volunteer work with blood drives, nursing homes, and mentoring programs has greatly influenced me.”

The college admissions essay should be more creative than a traditional essay written for English class.

For this reason, it’s better to ditch overused, formulaic introductions for something more unique.

6. Don’t try to use impressive vocabulary words.

In the sample introduction written by Shaan Merchant, he incorporated impressive words like “biogeochemical,” “parantha,” and later, “donnybrook.”

However, this complex word usage was intended to illustrate Merchant’s point about his lifelong love of words.

In most cases, however, it is best if you don’t try too hard to use multi-syllable vocabulary words intended to impress admissions officers.

• Usually, this will make the introduction sound unnatural. It won’t sound like  your authentic voice , which is what admissions officers want to read.

Additionally, most admissions officers can recognize when an applicant is being genuine vs. when an applicant is simply trying to impress.

• Worse, some applicants may try to use complicated vocabulary and end up using it incorrectly.

It’s great for you to include a few more advanced words, but you shouldn’t overdo it. Otherwise, the introduction will sound  stiff, forced, and unnatural .

The introduction should introduce not only the topic of the essay, but also your unique and authentic voice.

7. Write your college essay introduction last.

This may sound crazy, but it’s usually a good idea to write the introduction last.

First, construct the body of your essay.

• What are the main points you want to make?
• How have the experiences, people, or events described shaped or impacted your life?
• What do these experiences, events, or people tell admissions officers about you?

Once this information is complete, writing the perfect accompanying introduction is a simpler process.

• When you know exactly what you want to write in your essay, it’s easier to come up with a relevant anecdote.
• It’s also easier to generate a powerful, engaging grabber.

The introduction comes first in the essay, but that doesn’t mean you have to write it first.

If the introduction seems a little tricky, or if you get stuck with writer’s block, write the rest of the essay first.

Later, it’ll be far easier to come back to the introduction and think up a brilliant, relevant grabber and anecdote.

8. Proofread, proofread, proofread.

This is true of the college essay in general, but it’s especially important for the introduction.

The college essay introduction is the very first impression the college admissions officer will get of you.

Spelling and grammar mistakes  in the introduction are the equivalent of arriving late to a job interview wearing ripped jeans.

It’s not a good first impression. Even if what comes next is great, the negative first impression is hard to forget.

Make sure your introduction is completely free of errors in grammar, spelling, capitalization, punctuation, word usage, etc.

• Read over it multiple times, and have others check it multiple times as well.

Have a friend or relative with excellent grammar skills look over the essay, or ask your English teacher if he or she would take a look.

No matter how many times you and others have proofread the essay, check for errors one more time before sending it off.

Don’t ruin what could be a great essay with typos or mistakes in the very first paragraph.

Here are a few tips to ensure your college essay is mistake-free:

• Use Grammarly . This is a web extension that catches basic mistakes while you’re writing. Think of it as an upgraded spell check.
• Have a friend or teacher review the essay.
• Highlight the absolutely necessary sentences in your introduction. Which sentences create the meaning and essence of the introduction? Which sentences, once omitted, do not alter the meaning and effectiveness of the introduction?

Recap: How to Write a College Essay Introduction

An effective college essay introduction should “wow” admissions officers. It should be creative, intriguing, and unique.

Make sure you start with a strong “hook” or “grabber.” It’s a good idea to follow this first sentence with a vivid anecdote, which you will then connect to the overall topic of your essay. This is often easier to do if you go back and write the introduction last.

Avoid overused introductory techniques, spelling and grammar errors, and forced vocabulary.

If you follow these tips, the admissions officer will be interested in what you have to say from the very start.

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12 Strategies to Writing the Perfect College Essay

College admission committees sift through thousands of college essays each year. Here’s how to make yours stand out.

Pamela Reynolds

When it comes to deciding who they will admit into their programs, colleges consider many criteria, including high school grades, extracurricular activities, and ACT and SAT scores. But in recent years, more colleges are no longer considering test scores.

Instead, many (including Harvard through 2026) are opting for “test-blind” admission policies that give more weight to other elements in a college application. This policy change is seen as fairer to students who don’t have the means or access to testing, or who suffer from test anxiety.

So, what does this mean for you?

Simply that your college essay, traditionally a requirement of any college application, is more important than ever.

A college essay is your unique opportunity to introduce yourself to admissions committees who must comb through thousands of applications each year. It is your chance to stand out as someone worthy of a seat in that classroom.

A well-written and thoughtful essay—reflecting who you are and what you believe—can go a long way to separating your application from the slew of forgettable ones that admissions officers read. Indeed, officers may rely on them even more now that many colleges are not considering test scores.

Below we’ll discuss a few strategies you can use to help your essay stand out from the pack. We’ll touch on how to start your essay, what you should write for your college essay, and elements that make for a great college essay.

Be Authentic

More than any other consideration, you should choose a topic or point of view that is consistent with who you truly are.

Readers can sense when writers are inauthentic.

Inauthenticity could mean the use of overly flowery language that no one would ever use in conversation, or it could mean choosing an inconsequential topic that reveals very little about who you are.

Use your own voice, sense of humor, and a natural way of speaking.

Whatever subject you choose, make sure it’s something that’s genuinely important to you and not a subject you’ve chosen just to impress. You can write about a specific experience, hobby, or personality quirk that illustrates your strengths, but also feel free to write about your weaknesses.

Honesty about traits, situations, or a childhood background that you are working to improve may resonate with the reader more strongly than a glib victory speech.

Grab the Reader From the Start

You’ll be competing with so many other applicants for an admission officer’s attention.

Therefore, start your essay with an opening sentence or paragraph that immediately seizes the imagination. This might be a bold statement, a thoughtful quote, a question you pose, or a descriptive scene.

Starting your essay in a powerful way with a clear thesis statement can often help you along in the writing process. If your task is to tell a good story, a bold beginning can be a natural prelude to getting there, serving as a roadmap, engaging the reader from the start, and presenting the purpose of your writing.

Focus on Deeper Themes

Some essay writers think they will impress committees by loading an essay with facts, figures, and descriptions of activities, like wins in sports or descriptions of volunteer work. But that’s not the point.

College admissions officers are interested in learning more about who you are as a person and what makes you tick.

They want to know what has brought you to this stage in life. They want to read about realizations you may have come to through adversity as well as your successes, not just about how many games you won while on the soccer team or how many people you served at a soup kitchen.

Let the reader know how winning the soccer game helped you develop as a person, friend, family member, or leader. Make a connection with your soup kitchen volunteerism and how it may have inspired your educational journey and future aspirations. What did you discover about yourself?

Show Don’t Tell

As you expand on whatever theme you’ve decided to explore in your essay, remember to show, don’t tell.

The most engaging writing “shows” by setting scenes and providing anecdotes, rather than just providing a list of accomplishments and activities.

Reciting a list of activities is also boring. An admissions officer will want to know about the arc of your emotional journey too.

Try Doing Something Different

If you want your essay to stand out, think about approaching your subject from an entirely new perspective. While many students might choose to write about their wins, for instance, what if you wrote an essay about what you learned from all your losses?

If you are an especially talented writer, you might play with the element of surprise by crafting an essay that leaves the response to a question to the very last sentence.

You may want to stay away from well-worn themes entirely, like a sports-related obstacle or success, volunteer stories, immigration stories, moving, a summary of personal achievements or overcoming obstacles.

However, such themes are popular for a reason. They represent the totality of most people’s lives coming out of high school. Therefore, it may be less important to stay away from these topics than to take a fresh approach.

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Write With the Reader in Mind

Writing for the reader means building a clear and logical argument in which one thought flows naturally from another.

Use transitions between paragraphs.

Think about any information you may have left out that the reader may need to know. Are there ideas you have included that do not help illustrate your theme?

Be sure you can answer questions such as: Does what you have written make sense? Is the essay organized? Does the opening grab the reader? Is there a strong ending? Have you given enough background information? Is it wordy?

Write Several Drafts

Set your essay aside for a few days and come back to it after you’ve had some time to forget what you’ve written. Often, you’ll discover you have a whole new perspective that enhances your ability to make revisions.

Start writing months before your essay is due to give yourself enough time to write multiple drafts. A good time to start could be as early as the summer before your senior year when homework and extracurricular activities take up less time.

Read It Aloud

Writer’s tip : Reading your essay aloud can instantly uncover passages that sound clumsy, long-winded, or false.

Don’t Repeat

If you’ve mentioned an activity, story, or anecdote in some other part of your application, don’t repeat it again in your essay.

Your essay should tell college admissions officers something new. Whatever you write in your essay should be in philosophical alignment with the rest of your application.

Also, be sure you’ve answered whatever question or prompt may have been posed to you at the outset.

Ask Others to Read Your Essay

Be sure the people you ask to read your essay represent different demographic groups—a teacher, a parent, even a younger sister or brother.

Ask each reader what they took from the essay and listen closely to what they have to say. If anyone expresses confusion, revise until the confusion is cleared up.

Pay Attention to Form

Although there are often no strict word limits for college essays, most essays are shorter rather than longer. Common App, which students can use to submit to multiple colleges, suggests that essays stay at about 650 words.

“While we won’t as a rule stop reading after 650 words, we cannot promise that an overly wordy essay will hold our attention for as long as you’d hoped it would,” the Common App website states.

In reviewing other technical aspects of your essay, be sure that the font is readable, that the margins are properly spaced, that any dialogue is set off properly, and that there is enough spacing at the top. Your essay should look clean and inviting to readers.

End Your Essay With a “Kicker”

In journalism, a kicker is the last punchy line, paragraph, or section that brings everything together.

It provides a lasting impression that leaves the reader satisfied and impressed by the points you have artfully woven throughout your piece.

So, here’s our kicker: Be concise and coherent, engage in honest self-reflection, and include vivid details and anecdotes that deftly illustrate your point.

While writing a fantastic essay may not guarantee you get selected, it can tip the balance in your favor if admissions officers are considering a candidate with a similar GPA and background.

Write, revise, revise again, and good luck!

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About the Author

Pamela Reynolds is a Boston-area feature writer and editor whose work appears in numerous publications. She is the author of “Revamp: A Memoir of Travel and Obsessive Renovation.”

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How To Start A College Essay: 10 Strategies That Worked

Reviewed by:

Former Admissions Committee Member, Columbia University

Reviewed: 4/25/24

Looking for tips on starting a college essay? Read on to learn the best ways to start an essay with examples. 

College application essays can be some of the most intimidating parts of the college admissions process. You may even find yourself wondering how to start an essay for college. But don’t panic. This is your chance to show your personality amid a sea of other applicants. 

More than all of your other application materials, your essay should be unique and personal. It is about you and is your chance to show who you are to colleges beyond the numbers. You will have your grades and educational background, but the essay is your chance to give admissions officers a taste of the personality behind them. 

No matter the topic , most successful essays tell a personal story about the applicant and why they would be a good candidate for admittance. Whether you’re writing a transfer essay , a personal statement, or an essay for a scholarship , you’ll need to learn the basics of successful essay writing. 

Knowing how to start a college essay will make your whole experience much easier. Our guide will cover the purpose of your college essays, how to start an essay, and best practices for crafting winning essays. 

10 Effective Ways to Start a College Essay

There are many different ways that you can begin your college essay. Choosing something unexpected may help you stand out from other applicants! Here are some interesting ways to start essays that will help you grab the reader’s attention right away.

1. The Striking Description

Starting with a vivid description can be an excellent opener to seize your reader’s attention:

Example: “ Brown, crumpled leaves were heaped in the corners of the small, cold room. As I walked in, the smell of woodsmoke filled the air .”

This example of a bold opening instantly creates an image in the mind . The reader can easily begin to see themselves in the setting as the writer engages their senses — both sight with “brown, crumpled, small” and smell with “woodsmoke.” 

This creates an interesting sensory experience for your reader and helps grab their attention right from the beginning of your essay. If you’re just learning how to begin an essay, this is a great opener to try your hand at. 

You can try to create very unusual or disturbing imagery to really grab your reader’s attention, but be careful. Remember that reading the college essay is a subjective experience. If you disgust or upset your admissions officer, they might be less likely to accept you.

2. The Mystery 

Begin by setting up questions your essay will answer . This “mystery” method ignites the reader’s sense of curiosity, which will motivate them to keep reading.

Example: “ The knife was on the countertop. It shouldn’t have been there .”

This example leaves the reader full of questions. “Whose knife?”, “Why shouldn’t it be there?” These are questions the essay will answer later on. It can be confusing and intriguing – they don’t know what’s going on and want to read on to understand. 

This method can be very effective for opening your college essay. It creates mystery and poses questions — just make sure you answer each of those questions throughout the essay. Your goal is to intrigue the reader, not leave them feeling puzzled!

Take this example from a real-life, successful college application essay:

“ I live alone — I always have since elementary school. ” ( Kevin Zevallos , Connecticut College)

This gives an unusual detail that immediately poses questions — why would a child be living alone? It compels the reader to keep reading to find out more.

3. Direct Address 

You can start your essay with a direct question to your reader to stand out from other essays the admissions committee will read:

Example: “Does every life matter? Do you think so?”

This example poses a divisive philosophical question and then turns it directly on the reader, seemingly putting pressure on them to answer. This can be a risky maneuver but is also very effective. Breaking the fourth wall can be quite shocking! 

Acknowledging your situation as a writer for your college essay  — ”when I began this essay…” — is closely related to this method, but you should use it cautiously. If overdone, it can easily become banal. However, if you think you have a way to use it for a killer opener, it can have excellent results.

4. The Anecdote 

Using an anecdote or a short personal story can be an endearing way to begin your college essay. With this method, the writer shares an experience or an anecdote that highlights their strengths or unique perspective.

Example: “When I was five, I had a toy cat I dragged everywhere. We were inseparable! I begged my mom until I was 10 to get our first real cat, Luna, and my obsession with animal care began.”

The purpose of using an anecdote is to introduce yourself and your core traits immediately. This example is excellent because the writer uses a personal story to lead into their interest in animal care, which in this case is relevant to their choice of degree. 

5. The Funny One

If appropriate, you can start your essay with a humorous anecdote or a witty comment to set the tone for your essay. Only use this method if it’s true to your personality, as it’s easy for humor not to come across in an essay.

Example: “Managing to break free from my mother’s grasp, I charged. With arms flailing and chubby legs fluttering beneath me, I was the ferocious two­ year old rampaging through Costco on a Saturday morning. My mother’s eyes widened in horror as I jettisoned my churro; the cinnamon­ sugar rocket gracefully sliced its way through the air while I continued my spree.”

This example comes from Brittany Stinson’s famous Costco college essay that got her into five Ivy League schools. Using a funny story in your college essay is a risk and should only be undertaken by strong writers with a good sense of humor. When done right, adding humor to your essay can equal a home run. 

6. The Thoughtful Quote

Famous quotes are out, but that doesn’t mean all quotes are off the table. One impactful way to start your paper is to begin with a quote that plays a significant role in your story.  

This could be a quote from any “main character” in your essay, such as a friend, family member, or teacher, that was said at a pivotal moment in your journey.

Example: “‘You’re not that important, nobody’s thinking about you. In a good way - you know? You can wear whatever you want.’ 

My best friend Sadie looked at me with a smile as I threw on my fourth outfit option. Maybe she was joking, but those words follow me to this day. Getting caught up in the opinions of others is silly, everyone’s got their own things to worry about! This mindset would later allow me to pursue my passion, and start my business. 

In this example, the quote chosen comes from a personal story and represents an important shift in the writer's state of mind. To really drive the message home, recalling the quote and the end of the essay would help to create a memorable piece of work. 

While famous quotes are often repetitive and forgettable - using a unique one from a personal story is an excellent way to stand out.

7. The Multilingual One

If you’re speaking about your upbringing or culture, one way to immediately intrigue the reader and nod to the main themes of your essay is to write in your native tongue for the opening sentence. This could also work if the main theme of your essay involves you learning a language.

Example: “Je t'aime, mon petit chou!” My mom called to me as I got ready for my first day of English school.

In the above example, the reader uses their first language to immediately tell the reader about themselves. Make sure to only use this method if speaking multiple languages ties into the key theme of your story.

8. The Three Pillars

This method can be applied to any of the above strategies. The very first line is only a part of your essay opening. When crafting your intro, rely on three things:

• An initial hook
• A description of your essay’s content and what story are you going to tell
• A pivot, where you show how you allude to the challenge of your paper

Example: “When I was 9, I had an obsession. Every day I would run outside and collect as many leaves and plants as I could to press, dry, and organise them. It wasn’t until many years later that I realised this simple hobby would be indicative of a diagnosis: autism.”

Your pivot will usually take the form of a thesis statement, where you set out the point you will make with your essay. This doesn’t necessarily mean you spoil the whole thing; you are just setting up the thing you’re going to say later. 

From your opening paragraph, your reader should be engaged, aware of the story or content you are going to describe, and aware of the broad point you will try to make with your essay in relation to the prompt question.

9. The Date, Time, and Place

Simple, yet effective. Sometimes, the best way to start an essay is to begin by setting the scene in the most bare-bones way possible: by listing the date, time, and place that your story begins. You can even throw in another fact so long as it lends itself to your story.

Example: “June 26th, 2010 

Swan Creek, Michigan

Population: 2,406

Population feels like: 5”

In this example, the writer sets us up to understand that they are from a small town and that the essay will discuss something significant that happened on this date in that place. It immediately makes the reader curious about what you’ll say! Just make sure that if you use this intro, your event is shocking enough to warrant it.

10. Start Halfway Through

Before we look at some real-life examples of successful college application essays , a last piece of advice is to not start writing your essay at the beginning. Starting your essay halfway through your story can be confusing yet impactful if done correctly. Then, you can include the beginning of your story in paragraph 2.

Example: “Ow!” my principal yelped, the entire weight of my project collapsing over him. I was mortified, and in deep trouble.”

Clearly with this intro, something needs to be set up for the opening paragraph to make sense. What “project”? Why is it falling? These are the questions your reader will want to know and that you can answer in your essay.

10 College Essay Introduction Examples That Worked

Let’s take a look at some good opening sentences for college essays that worked! These examples of how you can begin your essay are from our essay database and actually got people into college using the methods above. 

Example Intro #1

“ My father said I didn’t cry when I was born. Instead, I popped out of the womb with a furrowed brow, looking up at him almost accusatorially, as if to say “Who are you? What am I doing here? While I can’t speak to the biological accuracy of his story — How did I survive, then? How did I bring air into my lungs? — it’s certainly true that I feel like I came preprogrammed with the compulsion to ask questions .” - Marina, Harvard

Why this intro worked: First, its initial line gives us an unusual, personal factoid about this person that immediately poses questions about the person — why didn’t they cry? What does this suggest about them? — that draws in the reader. 

Secondly, it’s pretty funny. The image of a frowning baby instantly puts your reader in a good mood, making it likely the reader will enjoy reading the essay and feel a connection to you. 

Then, the essay ends with a little hint of its meaning with the “compulsion to ask questions.” This is a fantastic move, going straight from the hilarity of an image as a baby to how it relates to the aspects of the applicant that are relevant to their college admission. 

Example Intro #2

In this next example of a Princeton University application , the applicant creates a provoking twist to draw in the reader:

“ People love to ask why. Why do you wear a turban? Why do you have long hair? Why are you playing a guitar with only 3 strings and watching TV at 3 A.M.—where did you get that cat? Why won’t you go back to your country, you terrorist? My answer is…uncomfortable. Many truths of the world are uncomfortable. ”

Why this intro worked: This is an extremely effective opening. Its vague opening line immediately creates mystery and poses questions, drawing in the reader. Then, the benign questions are a setup for the vitriolic “you terrorist,” making it yet more shocking and upsetting. 

We mentioned before how you might want to avoid this, but here is an example of where it works. The applicant sets up their argument on uncomfortable truths using clever writing techniques and their real-world experiences. 

Example Intro #3

In this successful Harvard essay example intro, the writer recalls a challenging time dealing with heavy subject matter. 

“On my parents’ 22nd wedding anniversary, we received the dreaded call. My grandfather, my father’s father, had succumbed to Covid-19. He died alone due to Covid restrictions. He and my grandmother had flown from [STATE] to [CITY] so that my grandmother could have a hip replacement at [HOSPITAL NAME]. He contracted Covid while in [CITY]  and, in a tragic twist of events, he ended up dying in that very same hospital. When a loved one passes away, they are torn away from us, leaving a tear in our lives where they once were. In Judaism, we tear our clothes in mourning to symbolize our pain and sorrow. Sadly, the tears in our family fabric happened long before my grandfather died from Covid.”

Why this intro worked: This opening is straight to the point and effective due to its honesty. In admissions essays, don’t be scared to talk about difficult subjects. We’ve all experienced grief, loss, and trauma in our own ways, so choosing a story about this can help the reader learn a lot about you and how you manage to cope. 

Example Intro #4

Here’s another intro example from a Harvard student’s essay.

“The grand piano beckons me as I climb the stage to perform. Trained fingers avidly seek the first keys. My heart beats staccato, my breath syncopates with excitement. No time to stall, I attack the first note…”

Why this intro worked: In this essay, the writer chooses to open with descriptive language. The way they paint the scene is captivating and leaves the reader on the edge of their seat, waiting to find out what comes next. Sometimes, a short intro can be the most effective; don’t worry about including all the details right off the bat.

Example Intro #5

Here’s an intro example from a successful “Why Us?” essay for Columbia. 

“Watching Spider-Man fighting bad guys in New York made me want to do the same. I can be a superhero through my work as an architect, by designing spaces that improve communities and the well-being of others. Opportunities to research the connection between systemic issues and architecture compels me to Columbia.”

Why this intro worked: This intro is memorable because of the simple childhood movie reference and the unique way the student views his passion for architecture. Referencing a favorite film, can help the reader easily connect to your application. Just be careful that whatever you reference makes sense within your essay. 

Example Intro #6

Take a look at this sample intro to an extracurricular essay for Stanford: 

“Music is my life as much as my life is music. I can see what both are in their simplest manner during that moment of a symphony orchestra when all the instruments are listening to how the trumpet plays a note, and the piano answers each time. Someone plays, someone else answers, all throughout the song. It’s a conversation, in which they acknowledge each other's presence, thus giving each other life.”

Why this intro worked : The student’s passion for music is bursting through their words in this intro! It’s clear that they care deeply about music throughtheir use a unique metaphor: a conversation. This is a creative choice and serves to set this essay apart. 

Example Intro #7

Here’s an example from a Dartmouth essay: 

“POP! POP! POP! I’m reminded of a childhood vacation in Aruba with kids around me tossing firecrackers, but the hand pushing me firmly from behind told me these weren’t firecrackers. The authoritative voice of one of our [CONFERENCE NAME] members telling us to “Run!” confirmed that these were gunshots and that we were in imminent danger in the heart of [CITY].”

Why this intro worked : This essay opens with an action-packed scene, drawing the reader in immediately. The fast pace encourages you to keep reading and promises a compelling story to come. This is a writing technique known as in medias res (Latin for “in the midst”), and is an effective opening strategy for your college essay!

Example Intro #8

Here’s another intro example from an essay written for MIT: 

“Right foot back, along with your weight, then put your weight back on your left leg, throwing yourself slowly forward and bringing back your right foot. Repeat with the left foot. That’s the first basic salsa movement I learned from some lessons taken with my mother when we accompanied my sister to her therapy in [CITY].”

Why this intro worked : This is a great example of a mystery opening. The reader is intrigued by the movement descriptions but doesn’t fully understand what it means until the writer mentions salsa dancing. It’s creative and attention-grabbing!

Example Intro #9

This intro example was written when applying to the UPenn Wharton School: 

“The book I’d swept off my father’s desk in middle school was my first glimpse into business as Wharton professor Barbara Kahn’s The Shopping Revolution appeared before me. An avid shopper myself, middle school me was sold.”

Why this intro worked : In addition to providing a great image and a subtle sense of humor, this opening is great because it ties into the school without being obvious, with a quick mention of a Wharton professor, making the student’s passion for UPenn clear.

Example Intro #10

Check out this sample introduction from a Princeton applicant: 

“It began with a tree. At age 7, I was digging up soil to help plant trees at [NAME OF ORGANIZATION]. It was blazing hot outside in the brutal [CITY] sun, yet somehow my heart was burning hotter - I had never felt a rush so fiery, so warm, so… euphoric. And I knew: this was the start of something new.”

Why this intro worked : This intro’s intriguing first sentence invites questions from the reader and then dives right into a passionate description by the author. The setup here masterfully sparks the reader’s imagination as to where this essay could be going! 

College Essay Introductions to Avoid

Let’s discuss what you shouldn't include in the start of your essay. First, remain authentic. Avoid using famous quotes or anything that didn’t directly come from your experience. 

Second, look to the great writer George Orwell. He had some excellent advice on making writing unique that you can implement in your college application. 

With everything you write, ask yourself these questions : 

• What am I trying to say?
• What words will express it?
• What image or idiom will make it clearer?
• Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?

These are all fantastic questions to ask yourself. If you can interrogate your drafts using this advice, you are sure to improve your college essay’s quality. If you don’t think that will be enough to guide you, Orwell also provided six “rules” — they are more guidelines than rules — that can provide more rigid advice: 

• “Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
• Never use a long word where a short one will do.
• If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
• Never use the passive where you can use the active.
• Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
• Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.”

Obviously, some of these rules can sound pretty outdated — who says barbarous anymore? — but don’t let that distract you from the solid advice. Orwell’s questions and rules basically break down to this: Of everything you write, ask what you are trying to achieve and why you are making each choice. 

You want your writing to precisely express, as much as it can, your own thoughts and opinions, rather than trying to seem clever with big words or coasting by using worn-out phrases.  

Here are our answers to some of the most frequently asked questions about crafting a stellar college essay introduction.

1. Why Does the Start of My College Essay Matter?

Admissions officers process tens of thousands of applications every year, so you need to stand out, and the best place to do that is by seizing your reader’s attention at the very beginning. 

2. What Should be the First Thing You Write in a College Essay?

The first thing you include in your college essay depends on the topic. However, no matter what topic your essay is about, you should be able to grab the reader’s attention right away and set up the story of your paper. The “who, what, when and where,” should be clear within the first 5 sentences. 

3. How Can I Start A College Essay About Me?

Our personal statement (or other essays discussing your personal life) should start by introducing key factors of who you are that are relevant to the essay. Remember, college essays are the place for colleges to get to know you! 

Just make sure not to include too much irrelevant background information and focus on the story of how you became interested in the college/degree you are applying for.

4. How Do I Begin A Narrative Essay? 

There are various ways to begin a narrative essay. You might choose to begin with vivid description, a bit of punchy dialogue, or in medias res with some attention-grabbing action.

Final Thoughts

There’s a whole lot of information included here that can be pretty overwhelming. And while this may not have alleviated your tensions, it should teach you how to start a college essay. 

The most important thing is this: If you can authentically talk about yourself, you’ve already made the best contribution to your college essay possible. Colleges are interested in who you are and not so much in your ability to learn writing techniques online. 

That said, if you’re looking for ways to express yourself and stand out among other applicants, the tips listed here can help. Good luck!

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• College Application

How to Start a College Essay: Your Guide

If you're wondering how to start a college essay, you've come to the right place. We've got you! Your college essays are among the most important application components you have to submit, and they can play a huge role in the admissions committee's decision. It is, therefore, crucial that you write a compelling essay if you want to stand out, and one of the most challenging aspects of that is the beginning. After all, your  college essay introduction  will set the tone for the rest of your essay, so you want to make sure that it is off to a great start. In this blog, we will go over some Dos and Donts for writing college essay introductions, a few strategies that'll help you stand out, and we will share some examples to help you get inspired. 

>> Want us to help you get accepted? Schedule a free strategy call here . <<

Article Contents 7 min read

Why is the college essay introduction so important.

During the college admissions process, applicants do not get to speak directly with the admissions board. You may get to talk to them directly if you're applying to a school that conducts interviews and you're called for one, but for the most part, your college essay is your only chance to tell the admissions committee about yourself and why you are a good fit for their school. This means that the opening paragraph of your college essay is also your chance to make a first impression - and you probably already know how important first impressions are. 

Furthermore, your college essay introduction should tell your reader what to expect from the rest of your essay and, in many ways, your application. Think of your college essay as a cover letter for your college application. If you were applying for a job, your work experience and academic background would be detailed on your  high school resume , and your cover letter would be the personal document that explains why you are the right person for the job. 

Your college application works similarly. Your college essay is supposed to provide the admissions committee with additional information about who you are and, in some cases, context. For example, let's say that you're trying to  get into college with a low GPA  because some extenuating circumstances affected your academic performance during high school. Your essay allows you to address that, and you can prepare the reader for this using your introductory paragraph. 

For example, take a look at the example in the next tab. Let's assume that this student's grades are far from ideal. With this opening paragraph, she manages to grab the reader's attention with the first sentence while simultaneously providing some context for what the admissions board might see on their transcript.

My economics teacher once told us that almost 78% of Americans live paycheck-to-paycheck. I didn't understand what that meant until two years ago when I spent what was supposed to be the first day of my sophomore year watching over my sick younger sister because my mother literally couldn't afford to miss one hour of work to care for her sick child. That was not the first time I had to skip school to watch my siblings or run an important errand, but it was the last time that I did not use that time to study and catch up on my reading.

How to start a college essay: The “hook”

For your essay to be compelling, it needs to grab the reader's attention from the very beginning. In other words, the first sentence needs to be an essay "hook" that will make them want to keep on reading. The hook for your essay doesn't need to be about a specific topic, but it should stir up some emotion in the reader. For example, it can be a joke that makes them laugh or a strong statement that makes them want to read on whether they agree with you or not. 

To help you come up with the "hook" for your own Supplemental or  Common App essays , we put together a few examples of different types of hook sentences that you can use. The list below is not exhaustive, but it will give you a good idea of where to start. So let's review them: 

The interesting question

As suggested by the name, this is a question you would pose at the beginning of your essay to engage the reader's curiosity. You can use this type of hook by asking a question you will answer in your essay or asking a question that catches the reader off-guard. Most people are naturally inquisitive, so they will want to keep reading to get the answer to your question or to find out why you asked the question in the first place. Either way, the question would have gained their interest.

Looking for more help with your essay? Check out this infographic:

Interesting question hook example:

Have you ever read your fridge's instruction manual?

The beginning of an anecdote 

Whether you are writing a  supplemental college essay  in response to a specific prompt or a  nursing school personal statement , one of the best things that you can do is include anecdotes in your essay. People tend to remember narratives, so starting your essay with a short, well-written story is a great way to stand out. Ideally, you want to tell a personal story about a formative experience or something that will help the reader know you a little bit better. Your first sentence should be intriguing, and it should make it clear that you are about to tell a story. 

However, if you choose to begin your essay with a story, you must be careful about the type of story you are sharing. Remember to consider your audience. You should only tell the story if it is connected to the rest of your essay and it adds value to the overall essay. You should also pay attention to the maximum number of words you can use for your essay. For example, if you are writing a Common App essay that allows up to 650 words, then you can probably use some words to tell a story. On the other hand, if you are responding to one of the  Brown supplemental essay  prompts, which asks students to write 250 words or less, you might want to use a different type of hook. 

Anecdote hook example:

Last year, I woke up on a gurney in the middle of an emergency room...

The fun fact or statistics 

You can also start your essay by providing real information about a topic of your choice that is related to your story and your essay. This is not only informative, but it once again plays on the curious nature of human beings. You should pick an interesting fact from an accurate and reliable source. So if you choose to use this type of hook to start a college essay, make sure you've taken the time to evaluate your source and confirm that it is credible.

Fun fact/statistic hook example:

One in every 20,000 people are born with albinism every year, and I am one of them.

You can also choose to start your essay with a quote. As with the other hooks, your quote should be related to the topics that you will discuss in your essay. For example, it could be a quote about the field of study you want to pursue, resilience, the importance of diversity, etc. The key is to use a quote that relates to your story and is likely to connect with the reader as well. So, choose quotes that are powerful and memorable, but not cliché. Also, keep in mind that the admission board is reading your college essay so they can get to know you. So, you should only use the quote to introduce and guide your essay, but do not spend too much time talking about what the quote means or who the author of the quote is. Make sure that the focus of the essay is still on you!

Quote hook example:

Tupac Shakur once said: "I'm not saying I'm gonna change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world." 

The joke or funny statement

Starting a college essay with something funny is not only a great way to make your essay stand out, but it also gives you a chance to let your personality shine through your sense of humor, thus humanizing your application and making a great first impression. If you do choose to start your college essay with a joke, remember that this is still an academic document, so make sure the joke is appropriate for the audience and related to your college essay.

So, if you're stumped and don't know how to start a college essay, consider googling jokes about your future major, future profession, or one of your hobbies. There are a surprising number of puns and funny statements that can help inspire you and that you can use to start your essay. That is, if they relate to your topic, of course. You can also think back to any funny experiences you've had or try to think of something funny about where you grew up, for example.

Joke/funny statement hook example:

My physics teacher once told me that engineers are people who solve a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Check out this video for some additional college essay tips:

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How to start a college essay: Dos and Dont's

Maybe you've already written your essay, but you don't think the opening paragraph is attention-grabbing enough, or perhaps you just can't figure out how to start a college essay. Either way, you can benefit from working with a  college essay advisor  or consulting with a  college essay review service . These services are offered by admission professionals who can use their expert knowledge and experience to help you craft the most compelling essay possible, starting with an introduction that will definitely help you stand out.  "}]">

How to start a college essay: Opening paragraph example #2

“Tupac Shakur once said: "I'm not saying I'm gonna change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world." I have no doubt in my mind that his words, and those of many other artists who, like him, have used language to share their stories, struggles, and joys, have sparked the brain of many people who have changed the world in one way or another. Whether they are rapping or singing those words as Mr. Shakur did or writing poems and books like Maya Angelou and Charlotte Brontë did, words and language can be incredibly powerful, and I want to learn as much as I can about how to wield that power.”

This is a great way to start a college essay. The paragraph begins with an inspiring quote that is not extremely popular, and that can spark a number of different conversations. It would definitely make the reader curious as to where the applicant is going with their essay. By the time you get to the end of the first paragraph, you have learned that this applicant likely enjoys reading and rap music and that they intend to study something that is related to either language or literature.

Your college essay's introductory paragraph sets the tone for the rest of your essay because it is the first thing the admissions officers will read. It's, therefore, a great opportunity to stand out and make your application memorable.

You certainly can. However, you need to do this carefully. You should avoid very popular quotes about hard work or education as that usually sounds cliché. Furthermore, your quote needs to be related to the overall topic of your essay.

Absolutely! Starting your essay with a fun fact about yourself, the field of study you wish to pursue, the town you live in, or any other topic that is related to your overall essay is a great way to start a college essay.

Do not start your essay by introducing yourself or providing autobiographical information that can be found elsewhere in your application. Remember that your college essay is supposed to provide new information about you as the person the application numbers, so use the limited number of words that you have wisely.

You should start your college essay with a "hook" or "grabber," such as a fun fact, anecdote, joke, or even quote. We recommend reviewing different  College essay examples  and paying close attention to the opening lines to get a better idea of what an attention-grabbing opening sentence can look like.

College essays are one of the most important application components that you will submit. Except for college admissions interviews - which every school does not conduct - they are your only chance to speak to the admissions board directly in your own words. So it is important to write a compelling essay that shows strong communication skills and makes a good impression.

A strong college essay has an opening statement that grabs your attention, specific examples, a structure that is easy to follow, and no spelling or grammar mistakes. It should also tell a story and share new information about the applicant.

Here at BeMo, we can guide you and teach you  how to write a college essay , but we cannot write it for you. Now, we do need to warn you:  Can  you pay someone to write your college essay for you? Yes.  Should  you pay someone to write your college essay? No. This practice is both unethical and potentially counterproductive because if the college you applied to were to find out or find inconsistencies in your application, there would be severe consequences.

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How to Get the Perfect Hook for Your College Essay

What’s covered:, developing your hook.

• 5 College Essay Hook Examples

5 Tips and Examples for Crafting a Great Hook

Your essay is one of the best tools available for standing out in a crowded field of college applicants (many with academic portfolios similar to yours) when applying to your dream school. A college essay is your opportunity to show admissions committees the person behind the grades, test scores, and resume. To ensure your college essay receives the full attention of admissions committees, you need to lure them in with a great hook—that is, a compelling opening that makes your audience hungry for more.

You need a strong start to capture the attention of the admission committees. When it comes to college essays, first impressions are everything. In fact, there’s no guarantee that anyone is going to read more than your first sentence if you bore them to tears within a few words, which is why it’s essential to craft an effective and engaging hook.

There’s no one-size-fits-all strategy for composing an attention-grabbing hook. A well-crafted hook can be anything from an image to an anecdote to an interesting fact while factors like writing style, essay structure, and prompt can all influence what makes for a good hook. That said, memorable hooks share a number of attributes, most notably they draw readers in,  connect with the topic you’re writing about, and leave a lasting impression, often in a creative or unexpected way.

For example, let’s construct a hypothetical essay. Let’s say that after some careful consideration, Jane Doe has decided to write her personal essay about her experience running canine obedience classes. She isn’t quite sure how to start her essay, so she’s practicing with some proven essay hooks. If you’re ready to develop your own hook, check out four of our favorite college essay hook strategies and how they work for Jane below!

College Essay Hook Examples

There are a number of proven strategies that Jane can use to craft a compelling hook. A few tried-and-true hooks include:

1. Open with an Anecdote

People love stories, so it makes sense that telling one is a great way to attract readers. Detailing a relevant anecdote provides context for your essay and can give the reader an idea of what you are up against if you’re overcoming an obstacle or rising to a challenge.

On the day that I told my mother I wanted to start my own canine obedience school, she smiled and muttered something under her breath about the irony of my youthful disobedience and my newfound passion for enforcing rules. What she didn’t know then was that it was not in spite of, but rather because of, my tendency to push the boundaries that I was confident in my ability to succeed.

2. Set the Scene

One fantastic way to get your essay moving and to draw your readers in is to plunge them into the middle of an important scene. Provide readers with descriptive details and dialogue to make them feel like they’re watching a movie from your life and have just tuned in at a critical moment.

I jumped back as the dog lunged for my leg, teeth bared and snarling. “It’s okay, Smokey, it’s okay,” I soothed as I tried to maneuver closer to the post where I had tied his leash. In the back of my head, I heard my brother’s taunts swirling around.

“A dog trainer?” he had scoffed. “What kind of person would hire you as a dog trainer?!”

I pushed the thoughts away and grasped the leash, pulling it tightly to my side as Smokey, surprised by my sudden confidence, fell into stride beside me.

3. Ask a Question

Asking a question at the beginning of your essay can activate your reader’s critical thinking and get them hungry for the answer that you won’t offer until later. Try to come up with a question that’s broad enough that they won’t know the answer right away, but specific enough that it isn’t a generic hook that could work on just any college essay.

How do you respond when you’re faced with a very real physical threat to your safety, yet you literally can’t afford to back down? This is the question I faced on my very first day as a dog trainer.

4. Use a Metaphor or Simile

A metaphor or simile can pull readers in by helping them make connections between seemingly unrelated topics or by encouraging them to think about topics from a different point of view.

Running canine obedience classes is a lot like navigating high school. It’s a dog-eat-dog world with a lot to learn, many personalities to manage, peril around every corner, and everyone anxious to graduate.

Selecting the right hook is a great first step for writing a winning college essay, but the execution is also important.

1. Narrow Down Your Scope

Sometimes the best way to tackle big projects like writing an attention-grabbing hook or captivating college essay is to think small. Narrow down on a specific incident or even a moment that leads into your topic.

It’s my first time teaching a canine obedience class. I’m surrounded by strangers and the dogs are barking so loud I can’t hear myself think, but I have a gnawing feeling that I’m losing control. I put my fingers to my lips and let out the loudest whistle I’m capable of. Suddenly there was silence.

2. Use Adjectives

Adjectives are used to add a description and make your writing clearer and more specific. In other words, they’re the details that make your writing stand out and suck readers in. Jane didn’t simply reward the dog for sitting, she…

It was a battle of wills between me and the eight-month-old Australian Shepherd—defiance was in his sparkling blue eyes, but so was desire for the bit of hot dog hiding in my hand. Reluctantly he sat, earning his treat while I claimed my alpha status.

3. Use Emotion

Use emotion to connect and entice your reader. Emotions make readers feel, pulling them into your essay, and are memorable. You can use them for everything from sharing a fact about yourself to putting the reader in your shoes.

When I was young, I would have been extremely lonely if not for my dog Trevor. I struggled to make friends and Trevor provided companionship, helped me overcome my shyness (he was a great icebreaker), and is responsible for shaping who I am today. When Trevor passed away in high school, I set out to train canine obedience and help dogs become the best versions of themselves—just like what Trevor did for me.

4. Short and Sweet

Admissions committees have a lot of essays to read, so the quicker you get to the point and capture their attention, the better.

Mere moments into my dream job, someone had already peed on the floor and another had bitten a person. Welcome to the life of a dog trainer.

5. Just Start Writing

Sometimes the hook of your college essay isn’t clear. Rather than getting hung up, start developing your essay and see if it adds clarity as to how to best implement a hook. Some students even find that it’s easiest to write a hook last, after writing the body of the personal statement.

Where to Get Feedback on Your Essay Hook

Wondering if you created an effective hook? It’s difficult to evaluate your own writing, especially a line or two you read and reworked numerous times. CollegeVine can help. Through our free Peer Essay Review tool , you can get a free review of your hook, and overall essay, from another student. Then you can pay it forward and improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 177 college essay examples for 11 schools + expert analysis.

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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College Application Essays: First Sentences and Why They Matter

You’ve heard it before but I’m going to say it again: In this age of unprecedented competition for college admission, the first sentences of your college application essay matter more now than ever before.

Ordinary college application essays don’t get read.

Why? Three main reasons.

• The competition for college admission is unprecedented. Even for highly qualified students. In fact, at Stanford where 96.7% of last year’s applicants were rejected (Princeton rejected 94.5% of last year’s applicants), the admissions office has created an acronym for those highly qualified applicants who show nothing exceptional in their applications: SP, which stands for standard positive. When colleges are looking for outstanding students, standard excellence no longer cuts it. And when all applicants have the same numbers (SAT/ACT scores, AP scores, GPA), the way to show that you are more than SP is through your essays.
• College admissions officers typically read about 50 application essays a day, five days a week, for months. Given the number of essays admissions officers read, you don’t want to be forgettable.
• Ordinary essays, standard positive essays, don’t get read. Period. Remember, the people reading your admission essays are well-trained, and they can smell a banal essay a mile away. I’m not sure that is the most apt metaphor I might have come up with, but you get the idea. Many admissions officers have reported to me that they can’t get past the first sentence or two of some applicants’ essays, and if that happens, you’re sunk. Also, remember that admissions officers are under no obligation to read your essay. So if your essay seems boring or ordinary or standard positive, you’re toast. You need to be outstanding.

Are you seeking one-on-one college counseling and/or essay support? Limited spots are now available. Click here to learn more.

30 Topic Sentence Examples

June 24, 2024

What is an essay without a topic sentence? Well, confusion. In your writing, the topic sentence introduces what the paragraph will be about. It should cover the topic of the paragraph and the prime focus of what you want to discuss in the next several lines. And it can assist in smoothly transitioning into the next paragraph, the next point you’re about to make. Depending on the complexity of your argument, the topic sentence can also weave together several paragraphs. So when the topic sentence is missing, it’s easy to lose track of what your specific message is. Below, you find 30 topic sentence examples.

Think of the topic sentence as a tool in your writing kit. It’s there to help you signpost and structure the argument of your essay. Having it, while making sure the topic is interesting and clear, is essential to help your reader truly understand your thesis.

How do you write a topic sentence?

When you’re about to write an essay, you won’t find yourself immediately thinking of every topic sentence example at once. Figuring out what your thesis is going to be, the very purpose and argument of your essay, will be a necessary first step . Then you might want to create an outline . The outline can draft out what you want to cover in each paragraph or how your argument will be supported.

This is where the topic sentence comes in. For every paragraph, you can begin to think of topic sentence examples that best sum up the rest of your idea. The more interesting you can make the topic sentence, the better it will be, so long as you can support it. Remember, the topic sentence will introduce what you are going to discuss and expand on in the rest of the paragraph.

Examples (Continued)

Let’s take a look at these six topic sentence examples below that introduce a paragraph:

1) Studies over the last ten years have shown that the use of social media has a significant role in teenage mental health.

2) Kate Jackson and her family, who have all been San Francisco residents for 30 years, noted that this was the hottest summer yet.

3) Book sales across the country have actually increased this year, contrary to popular belief.

4) During COVID-19, people rushed to adopt pets, but after the pandemic ended many of those pets were surrendered to shelters.

5) It is undeniable what impact the meat industry has had on our environment.

6) In the 19th century in France, the creation of the Braille system was a significant turning point for those with disabilities.

How do you imagine the rest of the paragraph will turn out? How can you best support your topic sentence to strengthen your overall essay?

Support your paragraph with evidence

The topic sentence of your paragraph will not hold well if it is not backed up with the right evidence. After writing a topic sentence like the topic sentence examples above, the rest of your paragraph should include strong examples of evidence to support your argument. Doing so will only help validate your topic sentence and allow your reader to have more insight into your thesis.

Considering each topic sentence examples above, try to think of what types of evidence you would expect in that same paragraph. There could be reports on statistics, interviews, and other forms of evidence provided. How will yours be?

Where should the topic sentence go?

Now you know that your topic sentence should be followed by the right evidence. So it’s safe to assume that the topic sentence belongs at the very beginning of the paragraph.

Yet depending on the paragraph you’re working on, you can also place your “main” topic sentence after an “intro” topic sentence. Let’s take a look at the two examples below:

7) Due to rising temperatures around the world, people have had to flee their homes and relocate to areas less prone to fires or floods. (Intro topic sentence)

8) However, many have found that even these “safer” locations are still susceptible to eventual natural disasters. (Main topic sentence)

When we combine the two sentences, we get:

Due to rising temperatures around the world, people have had to flee their homes and relocate to areas less prone to fires or floods. However, many have found that even these “safer” locations are still susceptible to eventual natural disasters.

The first (intro) topic sentence example is more generic and introductory, functioning like a summary of an observation. The second (main) topic sentence example then presents another contradictory argument to that first point. Depending on the tone or argument you want to make in your paragraph, you can format your topic sentences in such a way to further sharpen your thesis. Whenever you have doubt though, you can always place one topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph.

Sometimes less is more in writing the topic sentence

The topic sentence introduces the key concept of that paragraph, along with evidence and research findings. It can even be written as more than one sentence or perspective, as noted directly above. However, you also don’t want to say too much. Why?

You don’t want to give all of your information away at once. While it is imperative to write a clear, specific, and even complex topic sentence, it’s just as important to avoid being too general or too informative. Striking the right balance is going to help you structure the rest of your essay. After all, you have the rest of the paragraph and the rest of your essay to do that, which leads us to our next point.

Topic sentences for smoother transitions

Like a game of dominoes, your paragraphs are all connected and should flow smoothly into the next statement you are making. As you are building your outline, or even as you’re already writing, consider how your previous paragraph transitions into the next . This depends on the intention of each paragraph and how you are structuring your argument.

Topic sentences for paragraph transitions have many functions. They will elaborate on more examples. They can wrap up or summarize a preceding point you made, providing another perspective. Also, they can go against a fact or opinion you wrote, which is a great way to strengthen your overall thesis and they can also be posed as a question.

Take a look at these transitional topic sentence examples below:

9) In fact, walking as a form of exercise has shown to reduce cortisol levels.

10) Furthermore, city council representatives have said that environmental sustainability has remained at the top of the agenda, but activists have largely disagreed.

11) While the strike in Hollywood has come to an end, many writers are still without employment and searching for new ways to restart their careers.

12) However, grocery prices across the country still seem to have risen.

13) Despite the state’s discontinued funding for the arts, is there another feasible way for these students to gather together and flourish as young artists at their school?

More than one paragraph: Topic sentences that expand into several key points

So far we’ve covered topic sentences that elaborate on just one paragraph. However, you might find that one topic sentence (or two) can best address several paragraphs. This usually occurs when you’re trying to introduce a bigger argument to serve your essay.

Let’s take one of the single paragraph topic sentences from earlier above and expand it by adding a connecting topic sentence to it:

14)Book sales across the country have actually increased this year, contrary to popular belief.

15) A report from the Association of American Publishers’ StatShot program states that in April sales over a year there has been an 18% increase.

These two topic sentence examples can even serve as their own introductory paragraph. This can then lead into more paragraphs related to the topic of specific book sales increasing across the country:

Book sales across the country have actually increased this year, contrary to popular belief. A report from the Association of American Publishers’ StatShot program states that in April sales over a year there has been an 18% increase.

Make the topic sentence interesting, not obvious

Check out 15 more topic sentence examples below. How do they introduce the topic, and what does it make you want to learn more about? You can imagine what kind of paragraph, or paragraphs, might follow afterwards:

16) When brewed correctly, coffee can hold strong, subtle hints of flavors such as chocolate or fruit, depending on the level of acidity.

17) Although today life in 1920s Paris is often romanticized for its glamor, jazz, and fashion, the city was still struggling to recover from the devastation of World War I.

18) Strict social rules dominated the Victorian Era, despite Britain’s expansion around the world in pursuit of wealth and power.

19) Dogs have a keen sense of time, so much so that they can predict when you’re late to take them out for a walk.

20) Before winter arrives, birds such as cranes and waterfowl follow preferred aerial pathways during their yearly migrations.

21) Conservation methods have helped local farms in their efforts to prioritize sustainability.

22) Did you know that humans would have a better chance of reaching Mars if they had a base set up on the moon?

23) The Pacific Ocean covers more than 30 percent of the earth’s surface, and it is home to so many life forms that have not yet been studied.

24) It is often debated whether or not student athletes should be paid for their performance, considering the cost for them to succeed.

25) Becoming a successful CEO doesn’t just happen overnight.

26) Although purchasing a home is considered a great form of investment, potential buyers should look at the real estate market first.

27) Watching my mother work three jobs to support our family has taught me the importance of resilience and strong work ethic.

28) Historical fiction not only has the power to teach us of actual past events. It also allows us to step into the lives of those we would have never met.

29) Parents and teachers at Sunnyroad School District are advocating for schools to provide free computers for their students – but the administrators aren’t so sure.

30) Across the country, the debate around whether teenagers should be allowed to use smart phones on campus has been circulating.

The topic sentence as a guide

One way to look at topic sentences is to imagine them as guiding compasses of your essay. Whatever point you are trying to make, the topic sentence has the power to guide your reader down a certain path. Choose wisely! And if you’re ever unsure about how to steer your essay and you need a personal guide, we’re here to help .

Additional Resources

• 100 Creative Writing Prompts for Middle & High School
• 100 Tone Words to Express Mood in Your Writing
• 160 Good Argumentative Essay Topics for Students in 2024
• How to Write the AP Lang Rhetorical Analysis Essay (With Example)
• How to Write the AP Lang Argument Essay (With Example)
• 400 Adjectives to Describe a Person
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• College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn’t

College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn't

Published on November 8, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on August 14, 2023.

One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays . Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay.

Table of contents

Essay 1: sharing an identity or background through a montage, essay 2: overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative, essay 3: showing the influence of an important person or thing, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

This essay uses a montage structure to show snapshots of a student’s identity and background. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

In the weak rough draft, there is little connection between the individual anecdotes, and they do not robustly demonstrate the student’s qualities.

In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity. She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values.

How My Five Senses Record My Life

Throughout my life, I have kept a record of my life’s journey with my five senses. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down.

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him? Joseph’s words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox.

Listening to “Cell Block Tango” with my grandparents while eating filet mignon at a dine-in show in Ashland.

Singing “The Worst Pies in London” at a Korean karaoke club while laughing hysterically with my brother, who can do an eerily spot-on rendition of Sweeney Todd.

Taking car rides with Mom in the Toyota Sequoia as we compete to hit the high note in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera . Neither of us stands a chance!

The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents.

I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. I actually don’t mind this daily chore.

I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. Ava’s next to me and tells me to go up a level. We’re biking buddies, dieting buddies, and Saturday morning carbo-load buddies. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.

My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. I’m excited to expand my collection.

Word count: 455

College essay checklist

Topic and structure

• I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me.
• My essay reveals something different from the rest of my application.
• I have a clear and well-structured narrative.
• I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

Writing style and tone

• I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.
• I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of tells.
• I’ve used appropriate style and tone for a college essay.
• I’ve used specific, vivid personal stories that would be hard to replicate.
• I’ve demonstrated my positive traits and values in my essay.
• My essay is focused on me, not another person or thing.
• I’ve included self-reflection and insight in my essay.
• I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Making Sense of My Identity

Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. You are about to enter the “Making Sense of My Identity” collection. Allow me to guide you through select exhibits, carefully curated memories from Rose’s sensory experiences.

First, the Sight Exhibit.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Joseph couldn’t have known how his words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. As we’re the school newspaper editors, our journalism teacher Ms. Riley allows us to stay until midnight to meet tomorrow’s deadline. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice.

Next, you’ll encounter the Sound Exhibit.

Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage.

Just below, enter the Smell Exhibit.

While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside. The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. These savory scents of my family’s cultural heritage linger long after I’ve finished the last bite.

Next up, the Touch Exhibit.

I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. For a few fleeting moments, as I continue my nightly chore, the pressure of my weekend job, tomorrow’s calculus exam, and next week’s track meet are washed away.

Finally, we end with the Taste Exhibit.

My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk. We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. I know that once the digital display hits 30:00, we’ll allow our legs to relax into a five-minute cool down, followed by the fiery tang of Fruit Punch Gatorade to rehydrate.

Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. I invite you to rejoin us for next fall’s College Experience collection, which will exhibit Rose’s continual search for identity and learning.

Word count: 649

• I’ve crafted an essay introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight.

The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story. The student’s use of elaborate vocabulary in every sentence makes the essay sound inauthentic and stilted.

The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. This allows the reader to focus on the narrative and appreciate the student’s unique insight.

One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his 212 pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

It’s been an exceedingly taxing semester not being able to engage in football, but I am nonetheless excelling in school. That twist of fate never would have come to pass if I hadn’t broken my ankle. I still limp down the halls at school, but I’m feeling less maudlin these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

Five months ago, right after my ill-fated injury, my friends’ demeanor became icy and remote, although I couldn’t fathom why. My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near.

A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends (i.e., homework). I wasn’t enamored with school. I never had been. Nevertheless, I didn’t abhor it either. I just preferred football.

My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it. I ravenously devoured everything in the writer’s oeuvre .

As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say.

I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision.

Word count: 408

• I’ve chosen a college essay topic that’s meaningful to me.
• I’ve respected the essay word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

As I step out of bed, the pain shoots through my foot and up my leg like it has every morning since “the game.” That night, a defensive linebacker tackled me, his 212 pounds landing decidedly on my ankle. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

My broken ankle broke my spirit.

My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were.

In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know.

Then there was that day in Mrs. Brady’s history class. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along. Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it.

With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. That’s when my English poetry book, Paint Me Like I Am , caught my attention. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. I couldn’t get enough.

I wasn’t the only one who was taken with the poems. Previously, I’d only been vaguely aware of Christina as one of the weird kids I avoided. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before.

With Christina, I started making friends with people who once would have been invisible to me: drama geeks, teachers’ pets, band nerds. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. They were smart and talented, and they cared about people and politics and all sorts of issues that I hadn’t considered before. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me.

I still limp down the halls at school, but I don’t seem to mind as much these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

My broken ankle broke my spirit. Then, it broke my ignorance.

Word count: 512

This essay uses a narrative structure to show how a pet positively influenced the student’s values and character.

In the weak draft, the student doesn’t focus on himself, instead delving into too much detail about his dog’s positive traits and his grandma’s illness. The essay’s structure is meandering, with tangents and details that don’t communicate any specific insight.

In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion.

Man’s Best Friend

I desperately wanted a cat. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova.

Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores. As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! My mom was “extra” with all the doggy gear. Cisco even had to wear these silly little puppy shoes outside so that when he came back in, he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty. If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. It didn’t take long for Cisco to decide that his outerwear could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I took off one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done.

When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better. It’s like he could read my mind. Once we arrived at the hospital, the fluorescent lighting made the entire scene seem unreal, as if I was watching the scene unfold through someone else’s eyes. My grandma lay calmly on her bed, smiling at us even through her last moments of pain. I disliked seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to her. It was unnatural to see her like this一it was so unlike the way I usually saw her beautiful in her flowery dress, whistling a Billie Holiday tune and baking snickerdoodle cookies in the kitchen. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained at the foot of the bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that seemed more effective at communicating comfort and compassion than the rest of us who attempted to offer up words of comfort that just seemed hollow and insincere. It was then that I truly appreciated Cisco’s empathy for others.

As I accompanied my dad to pick up our dry cleaner’s from Ms. Chapman, a family friend asked, “How’s Cisco?” before even asking about my sisters or me. Cisco is the Villanova family mascot, a Goldendoodle better recognized by strangers throughout Loveland than the individual members of my family.

On our summer trip to Boyd Lake State Park, we stayed at the Cottonwood campground for a breathtaking view of the lake. Cisco was allowed to come, but we had to keep him on a leash at all times. After a satisfying meal of fish, our entire family walked along the beach. Cisco and I led the way while my mom and sisters shuffled behind. Cisco always stopped and refused to move, looking back to make sure the others were still following. Once satisfied that everyone was together, he would turn back around and continue prancing with his golden boy curly locks waving in the chilly wind.

On the beach, Cisco “accidentally” got let off his leash and went running maniacally around the sand, unfettered and free. His pure joy as he raced through the sand made me forget about my AP Chem exam or my student council responsibilities. He brings a smile not only to my family members but everyone around him.

Cisco won’t live forever, but without words, he has impressed upon me life lessons of responsibility, compassion, loyalty, and joy. I can’t imagine life without him.

Word count: 701

I quickly figured out that as “the chosen one,” I had been enlisted by Cisco to oversee all aspects of his “business.” I learned to put on Cisco’s doggie shoes to keep the carpet clean before taking him out一no matter the weather. Soon after, Cisco decided that his shoes could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I removed one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his footwear more after I’d gear him up and we’d tread through the snow for his daily walks.

One morning, it was 7:15 a.m., and Alejandro was late again to pick me up. “Cisco, you don’t think he overslept again, do you?” Cisco barked, as if saying, “Of course he did!” A text message would never do, so I called his dad, even if it was going to get him in trouble. There was no use in both of us getting another tardy during our first-period class, especially since I was ready on time after taking Cisco for his morning outing. Alejandro was mad at me but not too much. He knew I had helped him out, even if he had to endure his dad’s lecture on punctuality.

Another early morning, I heard my sister yell, “Mom! Where are my good ballet flats? I can’t find them anywhere!” I hesitated and then confessed, “I moved them.” She shrieked at me in disbelief, but I continued, “I put them in your closet, so Cisco wouldn’t chew them up.” More disbelief. However, this time, there was silence instead of shrieking.

Last spring, Cisco and I were fast asleep when the phone rang at midnight. Abuela would not make it through the night after a long year of chemo, but she was in Pueblo, almost three hours away. Sitting next to me for that long car ride on I-25 in pitch-black darkness, Cisco knew exactly what I needed and snuggled right next to me as I petted his coat in a rhythm while tears streamed down my face. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that communicated more comfort than our hollow words. Since then, whenever I sense someone is upset, I sit in silence with them or listen to their words, just like Cisco did.

The other day, one of my friends told me, “You’re a strange one, Josue. You’re not like everybody else but in a good way.” I didn’t know what he meant at first. “You know, you’re super responsible and grown-up. You look out for us instead of yourself. Nobody else does that.” I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t trying to do anything different. I was just being me. But then I realized who had taught me: a fluffy little puppy who I had wished was a cat! I didn’t choose Cisco, but he certainly chose me and, unexpectedly, became my teacher, mentor, and friend.

Word count: 617

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

• A unique, personally meaningful topic
• A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
• Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
• Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
• Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
• A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

• A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
• A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

Though admissions officers are interested in hearing your story, they’re also interested in how you tell it. An exceptionally written essay will differentiate you from other applicants, meaning that admissions officers will spend more time reading it.

You can use literary devices to catch your reader’s attention and enrich your storytelling; however, focus on using just a few devices well, rather than trying to use as many as possible.

Most importantly, your essay should be about you , not another person or thing. An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability.

Your essay shouldn’t be a résumé of your experiences but instead should tell a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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How not to write your college essay.

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If you are looking for the “secret formula” for writing a “winning” college essay, you have come to the wrong place. The reality is there is no silver bullet or strategy to write your way to an acceptance. There is not one topic or approach that will guarantee a favorable outcome.

At the end of the day, every admission office just wants to know more about you, what you value, and what excites you. They want to hear about your experiences through your own words and in your own voice. As you set out to write your essay, you will no doubt get input (both sought-after and unsolicited) on what to write. But how about what NOT Notcoin to write? There are avoidable blunders that applicants frequently make in drafting their essays. I asked college admission leaders, who have read thousands of submissions, to share their thoughts.

Don’t Go In There

There is wide consensus on this first one, so before you call on your Jedi mind tricks or predictive analytics, listen to the voices of a diverse range of admission deans. Peter Hagan, executive director of admissions at Syracuse University, sums it up best, saying, “I would recommend that students try not to get inside of our heads. He adds, “Too often the focus is on what they think we want.”

Andy Strickler, dean of admission and financial aid at Connecticut College agrees, warning, “Do NOT get caught in the trap of trying to figure out what is going to impress the admission committee. You have NO idea who is going to read your essay and what is going to connect with them. So, don't try to guess that.” Victoria Romero, vice president for enrollment, at Scripps College adds, “Do not write about something you don’t care about.” She says, “I think students try to figure out what an admission officer wants to read, and the reality is the reader begins every next essay with no expectations about the content THEY want to read.” Chrystal Russell, dean of admission at Hampden-Sydney College, agrees, saying, “If you're not interested in writing it, we will not be interested when reading it.” Jay Jacobs, vice provost for enrollment management at the University of Vermont elaborates, advising. “Don’t try to make yourself sound any different than you are.” He says, “The number one goal for admission officers is to better understand the applicant, what they like to do, what they want to do, where they spend the majority of their time, and what makes them tick. If a student stays genuine to that, it will shine through and make an engaging and successful essay.”

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Don’t Be Artificial

The headlines about college admission are dominated by stories about artificial intelligence and the college essay. Let’s set some ground rules–to allow ChatGPT or some other tool to do your work is not only unethical, it is also unintelligent. The only worse mistake you could make is to let another human write your essay for you. Instead of preoccupying yourself with whether or not colleges are using AI detection software (most are not), spend your time focused on how best to express yourself authentically. Rick Clark is the executive director of strategic student success at Georgia Institute of Technology, one of the first institutions to clearly outline their AI policy for applicants. He says, “Much of a college application is devoted to lines, boxes, and numbers. Essays and supplements are the one place to establish connection, personality, and distinction. AI, in its current state, is terrible at all three.” He adds, “My hope is that students will use ChatGPT or other tools for brainstorming and to get started, but then move quickly into crafting an essay that will provide insight and value.”

Don’t Overdo It

Michael Stefanowicz, vice president for enrollment management at Landmark College says, “You can only cover so much detail about yourself in an admission essay, and a lot of students feel pressure to tell their life story or choose their most defining experience to date as an essay topic. Admission professionals know that you’re sharing just one part of your lived experience in the essay.” He adds, “Some of the favorite essays I’ve read have been episodic, reflecting on the way you’ve found meaning in a seemingly ordinary experience, advice you’ve lived out, a mistake you’ve learned from, or a special tradition in your life.” Gary Ross, vice president for admission and financial aid at Colgate University adds, “More than a few applicants each year craft essays that talk about the frustration and struggles they have experienced in identifying a topic for their college application essay. Presenting your college application essay as a smorgasbord of topics that ultimately landed on the cutting room floor does not give us much insight into an applicant.”

Don’t Believe In Magic

Jason Nevinger, senior director of admission at the University of Rochester warns, “Be skeptical of anyone or any company telling you, ‘This is the essay that got me into _____.’ There is no magic topic, approach, sentence structure, or prose that got any student into any institution ever.” Social media is littered with advertisements promising strategic essay help. Don’t waste your time, energy, or money trying to emulate a certain style, topic, or tone. Liz Cheron is chief executive officer for the Coalition for College and former assistant vice president of enrollment & dean of admissions at Northeastern University. She agrees with Nevinger, saying “Don't put pressure on yourself to find the perfect, slam dunk topic. The vast majority of college essays do exactly what they're supposed to do–they are well-written and tell the admission officer more about the student in that student's voice–and that can take many different forms.”

Don’t Over Recycle

Beatrice Atkinson-Myers, associate director of global recruitment at the University of California at Santa Cruz tells students, “Do not use the same response for each university; research and craft your essay to match the program at the university you are interested in studying. Don't waste time telling me things I can read elsewhere in your application. Use your essay to give the admissions officer insights into your motivations, interests, and thinking. Don't make your essay the kitchen sink, focus on one or two examples which demonstrate your depth and creativity.” Her UC colleague, Jim Rawlins, associate vice chancellor of enrollment management at the University of California at San Diego agrees, saying “Answer the question. Not doing so is the surest way we can tell you are simply giving us a snippet of something you actually wrote for a different purpose.”

Don’t Overedit

Emily Roper-Doten, vice president for undergraduate admissions and financial assistance at Clark University warns against “Too many editors!” She says, “Pick a couple of trusted folks to be your sounding board when considering topics and as readers once you have drafts. You don’t want too many voices in your essay to drown you out!” Scripps’ Romero agrees, suggesting, “Ask a good friend, someone you trust and knows you well, to read your essays.” She adds, “The goal is for the admission committee to get to know a little about you and who better to help you create that framework, than a good friend. This may not work for all students because of content but helps them understand it’s important to be themselves.” Whitney Soule, vice provost and dean of admissions at The University of Pennsylvania adds, “Avoid well-meaning editorial interference that might seem to polish your writing but actually takes your own personal ‘shine’ right out of the message.” She says, “As readers, we connect to applicants through their genuine tone and style. Considering editorial advice for flow and message is OK but hold on to the 'you' for what you want to say and how you want to say it.”

Don’t Get Showy

Palmer Muntz, senior regional admissions counselor at the University of Alaska Fairbanks cautions applicants, “Don’t be fancier than you are. You don’t need to put on airs.” He adds, “Yes, proofread your work for grammar and spelling, but be natural. Craft something you’d want to read yourself, which probably means keeping your paragraphs short, using familiar words, and writing in an active voice.” Connecticut College’s Strickler agrees, warning, “Don't try to be someone you are not. If you are not funny, don't try to write a funny essay. If you are not an intellectual, trying to write an intellectual essay is a bad idea.”

Anthony Jones, the vice president of enrollment management at Loyola University New Orleans offers a unique metaphor for thinking about the essay. He says, “In the new world of the hyper-fast college admission process, it's become easy to overlook the essential meaning of the college application. It's meant to reveal Y...O...U, the real you, not some phony digital avatar. Think of the essay as the essence of that voice but in analog. Like the completeness and authenticity captured in a vinyl record, the few lines you're given to explain your view should be a slow walk through unrestrained expression chock full of unapologetic nuances, crevices of emotion, and exactness about how you feel in the moment. Then, and only then, can you give the admissions officer an experience that makes them want to tune in and listen for more.”

Don’t Be A Downer

James Nondorf, vice president and dean of admissions and financial aid at The University of Chicago says, “Don’t be negative about other people, be appreciative of those who have supported you, and be excited about who you are and what you will bring to our campus!” He adds, “While admissions offices want smart students for our classrooms, we also want kind-hearted, caring, and joyous students who will add to our campus communities too.”

Don’t Pattern Match

Alan Ramirez is the dean of admission and financial aid at Sewanee, The University of the South. He explains, “A big concern I have is when students find themselves comparing their writing to other students or past applicants and transform their writing to be more like those individuals as a way to better their chances of offering a more-compelling essay.” He emphasizes that the result is that the “essay is no longer authentic nor the best representation of themselves and the whole point of the essay is lost. Their distinctive voice and viewpoint contribute to the range of voices in the incoming class, enhancing the diversity of perspectives we aim to achieve.” Ramirez simple tells students, “Be yourself, that’s what we want to see, plus there's no one else who can do it better than you!”

Don’t Feel Tied To A Topic

Jessica Ricker is the vice president for enrollment and dean of admissions and financial aid at Skidmore College. She says, “Sometimes students feel they must tell a story of grief or hardship, and then end up reliving that during the essay-writing process in ways that are emotionally detrimental. I encourage students to choose a topic they can reflect upon positively but recommend that if they choose a more challenging experience to write about, they avoid belaboring the details and instead focus on the outcome of that journey.” She adds, "They simply need to name it, frame its impact, and then help us as the reader understand how it has shaped their lens on life and their approach moving forward.”

Landmark College’s Stefanowicz adds, “A lot of students worry about how personal to get in sharing a part of their identity like your race or heritage (recalling last year’s Supreme Court case about race-conscious admissions), a learning difference or other disability, your religious values, LGBTQ identity…the list goes on.” He emphasizes, “This is always your choice, and your essay doesn’t have to be about a defining identity. But I encourage you to be fully yourself as you present yourself to colleges—because the college admission process is about finding a school where your whole self is welcome and you find a setting to flourish!”

Don’t Be Redundant

Hillen Grason Jr., dean of admission at Franklin & Marshall College, advises, “Don't repeat academic or co-curricular information that is easily identifiable within other parts of your application unless the topic is a core tenant of you as an individual.” He adds, “Use your essay, and other parts of your application, wisely. Your essay is the best way to convey who your authentic self is to the schools you apply. If you navigated a situation that led to a dip in your grades or co-curricular involvement, leverage the ‘additional information’ section of the application.

Thomas Marr is a regional manager of admissions for the Americas at The University of St Andrews in Scotland and points out that “Not all international schools use the main college essay as part of their assessment when reviewing student applications.” He says, “At the University of St Andrews, we focus on the supplemental essay and students should avoid the mistake of making the supplemental a repeat of their other essay. The supplemental (called the Personal Statement if using the UCAS application process) is to show the extent of their passion and enthusiasm for the subject/s to which they are applying and we expect about 75% of the content to cover this. They can use the remaining space to mention their interests outside of the classroom. Some students confuse passion for the school with passion for their subject; do not fall into that trap.”

A Few Final Don’ts

Don’t delay. Every college applicant I have ever worked with has wished they had started earlier. You can best avoid the pitfalls above if you give yourself the time and space to write a thoughtful essay and welcome feedback openly but cautiously. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect . Do your best, share your voice, and stay true to who you are.

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Former student heads to prison for life for killing University of Arizona professor

PHOENIX − A former University of Arizona graduate student was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole for the murder of a professor on campus in 2022 .

Murad Dervish , 48, was found guilty of first-degree murder after he shot Thomas Meixner, head of the university's Department of Hydrology and Atmospheric Sciences, on Oct. 5, 2022. The sentence he received Monday will put him behind bars for the rest of his natural life, plus 14 years, with no parole.

Last month, a jury also found him guilty of a slew of other charges , including one count of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, one count of burglary and three counts of endangerment. Dervish was a graduate student who was expelled and prohibited from being on campus.

He was accused of threatening Meixner and other faculty and university staff for more than a year.

Dervish's attorney wanted his client to be found guilty but insane, telling the jury Dervish did not know right from wrong and was psychotic, paranoid and delusional. The prosecutor from the Pima County Attorney’s Office argued the murder was premeditated and showed threatening emails and evidence that Dervish planned to kill Meixner in the weeks and months before the shooting.

Family, university requested life without parole

During the sentencing, Meisner’s sisters, son and wife spoke about their experience, and all requested Dervish be sentenced to life in prison without a chance of parole. They spoke about how kind and intelligent Meixner was and how he was generous with his community.

One of his sons, Sean Meixner, spoke before the sentencing about his grief, sadness and hatred of Dervish, stating his life would never be the same without his father. He spoke about feeling as though he is waiting to die so he can hold his father again and be free of the "agony living in his absence."

“How could a man who devoted his life to God and others be taken from this life in the worst way possible, in pain and fear? Where was God in that?” he said.

Celina Ramirez, representing the university, said Meixner was a passionate, world-renowned scholar and kind mentor whose leadership resulted in the hydrology department’s high ranking.

She said the shooting has hurt the mental health of students and university staff, noting the challenge it is for many students and employees to return to campus.

“No legal punishment could ever be enough to fully atone for the intense grief and pain the defendant has inflicted upon Dr. Meixner's family, friends, colleagues, students, and the university community,” Ramirez said.

But Meixner’s sisters specifically criticized the university, as well as UA police and the person who sold Dervish the gun he used to kill Meixner.

“The University of Arizona failed my brother,” said Margaret Meixner, one of his sisters. "He loved and trusted the U of A, but that trust was misplaced."

She called the university’s police department incompetent and said the police and the university had her “brother’s blood on their hands.”

University police,  according to a letter by university president Robert Robbins , went to the county attorney’s office twice to seek charges against Dervish. The county attorney declined to press charges because of a lack of evidence.

In the months after the shooting, a faculty report found the university knew about the threats and failed to implement an effective risk management system to keep people on campus safe. Another  report , compiled by a consultant hired by the university, offered 33 recommendations for improving security.

Since then, the university has implemented numerous safety changes and updated safety communications. Meixner's family settled a lawsuit against the university for $2.5 million for failing to protect Meixner.

Dervish apologizes to Meixner's family but says trial was unfair

After Meixner’s family members spoke, Dervish addressed the judge over the objection of his attorney.

Dervish said he was pushed to speak because of the repeated mentions of him being a monster. Dervish spoke about how he had been enamored by the weather ever since he was a child and was so happy when he got into the University of Arizona.

“I felt I was in this new and magical place. I was going to study what I always wanted to truly study,” he said, adding that he fought addiction, homelessness and rejection by people in his life.

He said his heart broke for “what happened.”

“For them to lose him is just horrible, to his wife I don’t even know what to say,” Dervish said. “Just saying the word 'sorry' sounds dumb and ugly. It doesn’t fit … with what happened.” 

He also said “significant errors” were made during the trial, primarily by his attorneys. He noted the trial was not granted a change of venue and claimed the trial was unfair.

“I have yet to have a fair and impartial trial,” he said.

Pima County Superior Court Judge Howard Fell told him that he would have the opportunity for others to review whether the trial was fair.

“Right now, you are going to prison for the rest of your life,” Fell said.

Dervish threatened, harassed staff before the shooting

The prosecutor said that on the day of the shooting, Dervish entered the Harshbarger Building at UA shortly before 2 p.m. He chased Meixner down a hallway in the building and into a classroom. Dervish emptied his magazine, shooting Meixner 11 times.

Dervish then fled the building, police said. According to the complaint, police found Dervish driving on Highway 85 toward Mexico 30 miles south of Gila Bend three hours later.

Documents say Dervish refused to stop, leading police on a chase for 2 to 3 miles until his car was stopped.  

Dervish's behavior was well-known among members of the department and law enforcement before the shooting occurred. In the year before the shooting, Dervish reportedly harassed and threatened staff members working at Harshbarger Building.

Some of the threats were antisemitic: Dervish wished death to all Jews and accused Meixner of orchestrating a Jewish-led conspiracy against him, despite Meixner being raised Roman Catholic.

Dervish's attorney said his anger toward Meixner stemmed from a bad grade on a test.

Before his expulsion from the university, Dervish had been prohibited from stepping foot on university property. Pictures of Dervish were distributed throughout the department with instructions on how and when to call the police.

Additionally, entry passwords for rooms to which Dervish had access were changed.

After the judge handed down the sentence, the Pima County Attorney's Office released a statement saying County Attorney Laura Conover would bring red flag legislation back to the Legislature this year, following the wishes of Meixner's family.

“In honor of the family’s expressed wishes, and under her desire for a safer community, County Attorney Conover will bring her red flag legislation back to the legislature again next year, and for as long as it takes, to bring home common-sense gun safety reforms for a safer and healthier community," her office said in a statement.

Those laws, which have the backing of Democratic Attorney General Kris Mayes, allow courts to order the seizure of firearms from people who might be a threat to themselves or others.

Former Gov. Doug Ducey proposed a similar law, under a different name, in 2018 after 17 students and staff were killed in a shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. But the Republican's bill was rejected by the GOP-majority Legislature.

Reach the reporter at  [email protected] . The Republic’s coverage of southern Arizona is funded, in part, with a grant from Report for America. Support Arizona news coverage with a tax-deductible donation at  supportjournalism.azcentral.com.

Name of College Avenue shooting suspect released, Atlanta police say

ATLANTA, Ga. (Atlanta News First) - We’re learning the name of the man police believe shot someone Friday afternoon, putting a DeKalb County community on lockdown for hours.

RELATED: APD: Suspect surrenders following hours-long search after shooting near Oakhurst neighborhood

Police say 28-year-old Amati Moore turned himself in early Friday evening after a four-hour manhunt.

The shooting happened just after 2 p.m. Friday on College Avenue near the East Lake MARTA station. A 32-year-old man was shot and taken to the hospital.

Police believe the two knew each other and the shooting was a result of an escalating dispute.

Moore is now facing aggravated assault and cruelty to children charges.

Copyright 2024 WANF. All rights reserved.

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Supreme Court Says Prosecutors Overstepped With Jan. 6 Charge

The ruling that the Justice Department misused a 2002 law in charging a pro-Trump rioter who entered the Capitol could have an impact on hundreds of other cases, including one against Donald Trump.

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By Adam Liptak

Adam Liptak has reported on the Supreme Court since 2008.

• June 28, 2024

The Supreme Court ruled on Friday that federal prosecutors had improperly used an obstruction law to prosecute some members of the pro-Trump mob that stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

The ruling could affect the prosecutions of hundreds of rioters out of the more than 1,400 who have been charged with an array of offenses for taking part in the effort to block certification of the 2020 election results.

It could also have an effect on part of the federal case against former President Donald J. Trump accusing him of plotting to overturn his 2020 loss at the polls. But the precise impact on those cases will not become clear until trial courts review them in light of the Supreme Court’s ruling.

Prosecutors had argued that the law applied to efforts to obstruct an “official proceeding” — the joint session of Congress that took place on Jan. 6, 2021, to certify the Electoral College results.

But Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr., writing for the majority, read the law narrowly, saying it applied only when the defendant’s actions impaired the integrity of physical evidence.

Lower courts will now apply that strict standard, and it may lead them to dismiss charges against some defendants, although most of those charged or convicted under the obstruction law also face other charges.

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Did Karen Read murder her cop boyfriend, or was she framed? A jury will decide.

Karen Read is on trial, accused of murdering John O’Keefe, her then-boyfriend and a Boston police officer. The defense argues it was a coverup. Here’s what to know.

A previous version of this article incorrectly said that witnesses at a party told the court they saw Karen Read's vehicle hit her boyfriend, John O'Keefe. The court did not hear eyewitness testimony. The article has been corrected.

The murder trial of Karen Read — which for months has captured outsize interest, including from true-crime fans across the nation — is on the verge of a conclusion.

Jurors have been instructed to reach a verdict on the fate of Read, a former adjunct professor. They will decide whether the evidence supports that she reversed her vehicle to fatally strike her boyfriend, Boston police officer John O’Keefe — or if, as the defense has argued, she is the victim of a coverup by his law enforcement colleagues to protect another potential suspect.

Here’s what to know about the case.

Highlights of the case

• Read — a former equity analyst and adjunct professor at her alma mater Bentley College, in Waltham, Mass. — was charged with second-degree murder, which carries a maximum penalty of life in prison. She faced additional charges of manslaughter while operating under the influence of alcohol, which carries a potential penalty of five to 20 years in prison, and leaving a scene of personal injury and death, which has a maximum penalty of 10 years imprisonment. She denied all charges.
• Read and her boyfriend O’Keefe, 46, had been drinking heavily and barhopping with friends on the night of Jan. 28, 2022, according to court testimonies reported by the Associated Press. Read dropped O’Keefe off at the house of his friend — fellow Boston police officer Brian Albert — for a party in the town of Canton just before 12:30 a.m. on Jan. 29.
• The prosecution argued Read and O’Keefe were in a rocky romance and that she had argued with O’Keefe before dropping him at the party. The prosecution contended that Read hit O’Keefe with her Lexus SUV while making a three-point turn and then drove away, and argued that vehicle data from Read’s SUV along with a broken taillight and hair on the vehicle’s bumper support this.
• The defense argued that O’Keefe was beaten up at the house party in Canton and wounded before being thrown outside onto the lawn in a snowstorm and framed to appear as if struck by Read. They contend that Albert’s house was never searched for signs of a fight involving O’Keefe, and pointed to conflicts of interest among investigators in the case and those at the party. The prosecution denied any police coverup or conspiracy.

More background

O’Keefe, who had been a Boston police officer for 16 years, was found unresponsive outside Albert’s home and later pronounced dead at a hospital on Jan. 29, 2022. An autopsy found he had died of hypothermia and blunt force trauma. Read and O’Keefe dated for about two years before his death.

Central to the prosecution’s case was testimony from several first responders that they had heard Read yell: “I hit him. I hit him. Oh my God. I hit him.” Prosecutors, according to the AP , also point to angry phone messages that Read allegedly sent to O’Keefe hours before he died, and a voice message she left O’Keefe moments after she drove away from the house party in which they said she was “seething in rage” and screaming at O’Keefe.

Defense lawyers for Read said O’Keefe was beaten up inside Albert’s home and bitten by Albert’s dog before being brought outside, citing evidence of dog scratches on his body alongside his injuries. They argued Read was a “convenient outsider” framed for his murder and the subject of an elaborate law enforcement coverup to protect the real killer, whom they do not name but imply was at the party. Read did not take the stand during the trial. She told reporters outside the court Tuesday: “There is no case against me … after eight weeks, it’s smoke and mirrors, and it’s going through my private life and trying to contrive a motive that was never there.”

Another point of contention was connections between now retired officer Albert and the state trooper who led the investigation, Michael Proctor — who has acknowledged sending offensive messages about Read to his friends, family and fellow troopers during the investigation.

Proctor admitted making comments to supervisors about not finding nude photos of Read while looking through her phone, the AP reported . He told the court his remarks had no influence on the investigation and has apologized for his language. Read’s lawyers have also argued there had been several conflicts of interest in the investigation of the case, including that many people attending the house party knew the investigators.

Medical evidence presented to the court was divided. Some experts testified that they would have expected more bruising if O’Keefe had been hit by a heavy vehicle and suggested he had scratch marks on his arm consistent with dog bites, while others said the injuries were consistent with being hit by a large car.

Polarized reaction

The case has fascinated those watching nationally and struck a chord in the Massachusetts region. Dozens of Read supporters wearing pink flocked outside Norfolk Superior Court in Dedham, Mass., in solidarity with Read.

“She was unjustly charged,” Vicki Walkling, a Read supporter, told the AP. “This case has enraptured everybody because it’s unfair. It could happen to any one of us. Any one of us could be framed for a murder we did not commit.”

Others have been holding placards seeking “Justice for John” and accused Read of lying and murder.

What’s next

Testimony in the trial began April 29, and the court heard from 74 witnesses in total, according to Courthouse News Service.

Closing arguments were heard on Tuesday June 25, and the jury began deliberating on its verdict. It is expected to reach a conclusion soon.

A previous version of this article was inadvertently published before it was ready. This is the current version of the article.