friendship is the greatest gift of life essay

Emerson writes a poem about old friendships and about friendships lost.

A ruddy drop of manly blood The surging sea outweighs, The world uncertain comes and goes, The lover rooted stays. I fancied he was fled, And, after many a year, Glowed unexhausted kindliness Like daily sunrise there. My careful heart was free again, — O friend, my bosom said, Through thee alone the sky is arched, Through thee the rose is red, All things through thee take nobler form, And look beyond the earth, And is the mill-round of our fate A sun-path in thy worth. Me too thy nobleness has taught To master my despair; The fountains of my hidden life Are through thy friendship fair.

W e have a great deal more kindness than is ever spoken.  Maugre all the selfishness that chills like east winds the world, the whole human family is bathed with an element of love like a fine ether. How many persons we meet in houses, whom we scarcely speak to, whom yet we honor, and who honor us! How many we see in the street, or sit with in church, whom, though silently, we warmly rejoice to be with! Read the language of these wandering eye-beams. The heart knoweth.

The effect of the indulgence of this human affection is a certain cordial exhilaration. In poetry, and in common speech, the emotions of benevolence and complacency which are felt towards others are likened to the material effects of fire; so swift, or much more swift, more active, more cheering, are these fine inward irradiations. From the highest degree of passionate love, to the lowest degree of good-will, they make the sweetness of life.

Our intellectual and active powers increase with our affection. The scholar sits down to write, and all his years of meditation do not furnish him with one good thought or happy expression; but it is necessary to write a letter to a friend, — and, forthwith, troops of gentle thoughts invest themselves, on every hand, with chosen words. See, in any house where virtue and self-respect abide, the palpitation which the approach of a stranger causes. A commended stranger is expected and announced, and an uneasiness betwixt pleasure and pain invades all the hearts of a household. His arrival almost brings fear to the good hearts that would welcome him. The house is dusted, all things fly into their places, the old coat is exchanged for the new, and they must get up a dinner if they can. Of a commended stranger, only the good report is told by others, only the good and new is heard by us. He stands to us for humanity. He is what we wish. Having imagined and invested him, we ask how we should stand related in conversation and action with such a man, and are uneasy with fear. The same idea exalts conversation with him. We talk better than we are wont. We have the nimblest fancy, a richer memory, and our dumb devil has taken leave for the time. For long hours we can continue a series of sincere, graceful, rich communications, drawn from the oldest, secretest experience, so that they who sit by, of our own kinsfolk and acquaintance, shall feel a lively surprise at our unusual powers. But as soon as the stranger begins to intrude his partialities, his definitions, his defects, into the conversation, it is all over. He has heard the first, the last and best he will ever hear from us. He is no stranger now. Vulgarity, ignorance, misapprehension are old acquaintances. Now, when he comes, he may get the order, the dress, and the dinner, — but the throbbing of the heart, and the communications of the soul, no more.

What is so pleasant as these jets of affection which make a young world for me again? What so delicious as a just and firm encounter of two, in a thought, in a feeling? How beautiful, on their approach to this beating heart, the steps and forms of the gifted and the true! The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed; there is no winter, and no night; all tragedies, all ennuis, vanish, — all duties even; nothing fills the proceeding eternity but the forms all radiant of beloved persons. Let the soul be assured that somewhere in the universe it should rejoin its friend, and it would be content and cheerful alone for a thousand years.

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new. Shall I not call God the Beautiful, who daily showeth himself so to me in his gifts? I chide society, I embrace solitude, and yet I am not so ungrateful as not to see the wise, the lovely, and the noble-minded, as from time to time they pass my gate. Who hears me, who understands me, becomes mine, — a possession for all time. Nor is nature so poor but she gives me this joy several times, and thus we weave social threads of our own, a new web of relations; and, as many thoughts in succession substantiate themselves, we shall by and by stand in a new world of our own creation, and no longer strangers and pilgrims in a traditionary globe. My friends have come to me unsought. The great God gave them to me. By oldest right, by the divine affinity of virtue with itself, I find them, or rather not I, but the Deity in me and in them derides and cancels the thick walls of individual character, relation, age, sex, circumstance, at which he usually connives, and now makes many one. High thanks I owe you, excellent lovers, who carry out the world for me to new and noble depths, and enlarge the meaning of all my thoughts. These are new poetry of the first Bard, — poetry without stop, — hymn, ode, and epic, poetry still flowing, Apollo and the Muses chanting still. Will these, too, separate themselves from me again, or some of them? I know not, but I fear it not; for my relation to them is so pure, that we hold by simple affinity, and the Genius of my life being thus social, the same affinity will exert its energy on whomsoever is as noble as these men and women, wherever I may be.

I confess to an extreme tenderness of nature on this point. It is almost dangerous to me to "crush the sweet poison of misused wine" of the affections. A new person is to me a great event, and hinders me from sleep. I have often had fine fancies about persons which have given me delicious hours; but the joy ends in the day; it yields no fruit. Thought is not born of it; my action is very little modified. I must feel pride in my friend's accomplishments as if they were mine, — and a property in his virtues. I feel as warmly when he is praised, as the lover when he hears applause of his engaged maiden. We over-estimate the conscience of our friend. His goodness seems better than our goodness, his nature finer, his temptations less. Every thing that is his, — his name, his form, his dress, books, and instruments, — fancy enhances. Our own thought sounds new and larger from his mouth.

Yet the systole and diastole of the heart are not without their analogy in the ebb and flow of love. Friendship, like the immortality of the soul, is too good to be believed. The lover, beholding his maiden, half knows that she is not verily that which he worships; and in the golden hour of friendship, we are surprised with shades of suspicion and unbelief. We doubt that we bestow on our hero the virtues in which he shines, and afterwards worship the form to which we have ascribed this divine inhabitation. In strictness, the soul does not respect men as it respects itself. In strict science all persons underlie the same condition of an infinite remoteness. Shall we fear to cool our love by mining for the metaphysical foundation of this Elysian temple? Shall I not be as real as the things I see? If I am, I shall not fear to know them for what they are. Their essence is not less beautiful than their appearance, though it needs finer organs for its apprehension. The root of the plant is not unsightly to science, though for chaplets and festoons we cut the stem short. And I must hazard the production of the bald fact amidst these pleasing reveries, though it should prove an Egyptian skull at our banquet. A man who stands united with his thought conceives magnificently of himself. He is conscious of a universal success, even though bought by uniform particular failures. No advantages, no powers, no gold or force, can be any match for him. I cannot choose but rely on my own poverty more than on your wealth. I cannot make your consciousness tantamount to mine. Only the star dazzles; the planet has a faint, moon-like ray. I hear what you say of the admirable parts and tried temper of the party you praise, but I see well that for all his purple cloaks I shall not like him, unless he is at last a poor Greek like me. I cannot deny it, O friend, that the vast shadow of the Phenomenal includes thee also in its pied and painted immensity, — thee, also, compared with whom all else is shadow. Thou art not Being, as Truth is, as Justice is, — thou art not my soul, but a picture and effigy of that. Thou hast come to me lately, and already thou art seizing thy hat and cloak. Is it not that the soul puts forth friends as the tree puts forth leaves, and presently, by the germination of new buds, extrudes the old leaf? The law of nature is alternation for evermore. Each electrical state superinduces the opposite. The soul environs itself with friends, that it may enter into a grander self-acquaintance or solitude; and it goes alone for a season, that it may exalt its conversation or society. This method betrays itself along the whole history of our personal relations. The instinct of affection revives the hope of union with our mates, and the returning sense of insulation recalls us from the chase. Thus every man passes his life in the search after friendship, and if he should record his true sentiment, he might write a letter like this to each new candidate for his love.

DEAR FRIEND: —

If I was sure of thee, sure of thy capacity, sure to match my mood with thine, I should never think again of trifles in relation to thy comings and goings. I am not very wise; my moods are quite attainable; and I respect thy genius; it is to me as yet unfathomed; yet dare I not presume in thee a perfect intelligence of me, and so thou art to me a delicious torment. Thine ever, or never.

Yet these uneasy pleasures and fine pains are for curiosity, and not for life. They are not to be indulged. This is to weave cobweb, and not cloth. Our friendships hurry to short and poor conclusions, because we have made them a texture of wine and dreams, instead of the tough fibre of the human heart. The laws of friendship are austere and eternal, of one web with the laws of nature and of morals. But we have aimed at a swift and petty benefit, to suck a sudden sweetness. We snatch at the slowest fruit in the whole garden of God, which many summers and many winters must ripen. We seek our friend not sacredly, but with an adulterate passion which would appropriate him to ourselves. In vain. We are armed all over with subtle antagonisms, which, as soon as we meet, begin to play, and translate all poetry into stale prose. Almost all people descend to meet. All association must be a compromise, and, what is worst, the very flower and aroma of the flower of each of the beautiful natures disappears as they approach each other. What a perpetual disappointment is actual society, even of the virtuous and gifted! After interviews have been compassed with long foresight, we must be tormented presently by baffled blows, by sudden, unseasonable apathies, by epilepsies of wit and of animal spirits, in the heyday of friendship and thought. Our faculties do not play us true, and both parties are relieved by solitude.

I ought to be equal to every relation. It makes no difference how many friends I have, and what content I can find in conversing with each, if there be one to whom I am not equal. If I have shrunk unequal from one contest, the joy I find in all the rest becomes mean and cowardly. I should hate myself, if then I made my other friends my asylum.

The valiant warrior famoused for fight, After a hundred victories, once foiled, Is from the book of honor razed quite, And all the rest forgot for which he toiled."

Our impatience is thus sharply rebuked. Bashfulness and apathy are a tough husk, in which a delicate organization is protected from premature ripening. It would be lost if it knew itself before any of the best souls were yet ripe enough to know and own it. Respect the naturlangsamkeit which hardens the ruby in a million years, and works in duration, in which Alps and Andes come and go as rainbows. The good spirit of our life has no heaven which is the price of rashness. Love, which is the essence of God, is not for levity, but for the total worth of man. Let us not have this childish luxury in our regards, but the austerest worth; let us approach our friend with an audacious trust in the truth of his heart, in the breadth, impossible to be overturned, of his foundations.

The attractions of this subject are not to be resisted, and I leave, for the time, all account of subordinate social benefit, to speak of that select and sacred relation which is a kind of absolute, and which even leaves the language of love suspicious and common, so much is this purer, and nothing is so much divine.

I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frostwork, but the solidest thing we know. For now, after so many ages of experience, what do we know of nature, or of ourselves? Not one step has man taken toward the solution of the problem of his destiny. In one condemnation of folly stand the whole universe of men. But the sweet sincerity of joy and peace, which I draw from this alliance with my brother's soul, is the nut itself, whereof all nature and all thought is but the husk and shell. Happy is the house that shelters a friend! It might well be built, like a festal bower or arch, to entertain him a single day. Happier, if he know the solemnity of that relation, and honor its law! He who offers himself a candidate for that covenant comes up, like an Olympian, to the great games, where the first-born of the world are the competitors. He proposes himself for contests where Time, Want, Danger, are in the lists, and he alone is victor who has truth enough in his constitution to preserve the delicacy of his beauty from the wear and tear of all these. The gifts of fortune may be present or absent, but all the speed in that contest depends on intrinsic nobleness, and the contempt of trifles. There are two elements that go to the composition of friendship, each so sovereign that I can detect no superiority in either, no reason why either should be first named. One is Truth. A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another. Sincerity is the luxury allowed, like diadems and authority, only to the highest rank, that being permitted to speak truth, as having none above it to court or conform unto. Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins. We parry and fend the approach of our fellow-man by compliments, by gossip, by amusements, by affairs. We cover up our thought from him under a hundred folds. I knew a man, who, under a certain religious frenzy, cast off this drapery, and, omitting all compliment and commonplace, spoke to the conscience of every person he encountered, and that with great insight and beauty. At first he was resisted, and all men agreed he was mad. But persisting, as indeed he could not help doing, for some time in this course, he attained to the advantage of bringing every man of his acquaintance into true relations with him. No man would think of speaking falsely with him, or of putting him off with any chat of markets or reading-rooms. But every man was constrained by so much sincerity to the like plaindealing, and what love of nature, what poetry, what symbol of truth he had, he did certainly show him. But to most of us society shows not its face and eye, but its side and its back. To stand in true relations with men in a false age is worth a fit of insanity, is it not? We can seldom go erect. Almost every man we meet requires some civility, — requires to be humored; he has some fame, some talent, some whim of religion or philanthropy in his head that is not to be questioned, and which spoils all conversation with him. But a friend is a sane man who exercises not my ingenuity, but me. My friend gives me entertainment without requiring any stipulation on my part. A friend, therefore, is a sort of paradox in nature. I who alone am, I who see nothing in nature whose existence I can affirm with equal evidence to my own, behold now the semblance of my being, in all its height, variety, and curiosity, reiterated in a foreign form; so that a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

The other element of friendship is tenderness. We are holden to men by every sort of tie, by blood, by pride, by fear, by hope, by lucre, by lust, by hate, by admiration, by every circumstance and badge and trifle, but we can scarce believe that so much character can subsist in another as to draw us by love. Can another be so blessed, and we so pure, that we can offer him tenderness? When a man becomes dear to me, I have touched the goal of fortune. I find very little written directly to the heart of this matter in books. And yet I have one text which I cannot choose but remember. My author says, — "I offer myself faintly and bluntly to those whose I effectually am, and tender myself least to him to whom I am the most devoted." I wish that friendship should have feet, as well as eyes and eloquence. It must plant itself on the ground, before it vaults over the moon. I wish it to be a little of a citizen, before it is quite a cherub. We chide the citizen because he makes love a commodity. It is an exchange of gifts, of useful loans; it is good neighbourhood; it watches with the sick; it holds the pall at the funeral; and quite loses sight of the delicacies and nobility of the relation. But though we cannot find the god under this disguise of a sutler, yet, on the other hand, we cannot forgive the poet if he spins his thread too fine , and does not substantiate his romance by the municipal virtues of justice, punctuality, fidelity, and pity. I hate the prostitution of the name of friendship to signify modish and worldly alliances. I much prefer the company of ploughboys and tin-peddlers, to the silken and perfumed amity which celebrates its days of encounter by a frivolous display, by rides in a curricle, and dinners at the best taverns. The end of friendship is a commerce the most strict and homely that can be joined; more strict than any of which we have experience. It is for aid and comfort through all the relations and passages of life and death. It is fit for serene days, and graceful gifts, and country rambles, but also for rough roads and hard fare, shipwreck, poverty, and persecution. It keeps company with the sallies of the wit and the trances of religion. We are to dignify to each other the daily needs and offices of man's life, and embellish it by courage, wisdom, and unity. It should never fall into something usual and settled, but should be alert and inventive, and add rhyme and reason to what was drudgery.

Friendship may be said to require natures so rare and costly, each so well tempered and so happily adapted, and withal so circumstanced, (for even in that particular, a poet says, love demands that the parties be altogether paired,) that its satisfaction can very seldom be assured. It cannot subsist in its perfection, say some of those who are learned in this warm lore of the heart, betwixt more than two. I am not quite so strict in my terms, perhaps because I have never known so high a fellowship as others. I please my imagination more with a circle of godlike men and women variously related to each other, and between whom subsists a lofty intelligence. But I find this law of one to one peremptory for conversation, which is the practice and consummation of friendship. Do not mix waters too much. The best mix as ill as good and bad. You shall have very useful and cheering discourse at several times with two several men, but let all three of you come together, and you shall not have one new and hearty word. Two may talk and one may hear, but three cannot take part in a conversation of the most sincere and searching sort. In good company there is never such discourse between two, across the table, as takes place when you leave them alone. In good company, the individuals merge their egotism into a social soul exactly co-extensive with the several consciousnesses there present. No partialities of friend to friend, no fondnesses of brother to sister, of wife to husband, are there pertinent, but quite otherwise. Only he may then speak who can sail on the common thought of the party, and not poorly limited to his own. Now this convention, which good sense demands, destroys the high freedom of great conversation, which requires an absolute running of two souls into one.

No two men but, being left alone with each other, enter into simpler relations. Yet it is affinity that determines which two shall converse. Unrelated men give little joy to each other; will never suspect the latent powers of each. We talk sometimes of a great talent for conversation, as if it were a permanent property in some individuals. Conversation is an evanescent relation, — no more. A man is reputed to have thought and eloquence; he cannot, for all that, say a word to his cousin or his uncle. They accuse his silence with as much reason as they would blame the insignificance of a dial in the shade. In the sun it will mark the hour. Among those who enjoy his thought, he will regain his tongue.

Friendship requires that rare mean betwixt likeness and unlikeness, that piques each with the presence of power and of consent in the other party. Let me be alone to the end of the world, rather than that my friend should overstep, by a word or a look, his real sympathy. I am equally balked by antagonism and by compliance. Let him not cease an instant to be himself. The only joy I have in his being mine, is that the not mine is mine . I hate, where I looked for a manly furtherance, or at least a manly resistance, to find a mush of concession. Better be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo. The condition which high friendship demands is ability to do without it. That high office requires great and sublime parts. There must be very two, before there can be very one. Let it be an alliance of two large, formidable natures, mutually beheld, mutually feared, before yet they recognize the deep identity which beneath these disparities unites them.

He only is fit for this society who is magnanimous; who is sure that greatness and goodness are always economy; who is not swift to intermeddle with his fortunes. Let him not intermeddle with this. Leave to the diamond its ages to grow, nor expect to accelerate the births of the eternal. Friendship demands a religious treatment. We talk of choosing our friends, but friends are self-elected. Reverence is a great part of it. Treat your friend as a spectacle. Of course he has merits that are not yours, and that you cannot honor, if you must needs hold him close to your person. Stand aside; give those merits room; let them mount and expand. Are you the friend of your friend's buttons, or of his thought? To a great heart he will still be a stranger in a thousand particulars, that he may come near in the holiest ground. Leave it to girls and boys to regard a friend as property, and to suck a short and all-confounding pleasure, instead of the noblest benefit.

Let us buy our entrance to this guild by a long probation. Why should we desecrate noble and beautiful souls by intruding on them? Why insist on rash personal relations with your friend? Why go to his house, or know his mother and brother and sisters? Why be visited by him at your own? Are these things material to our covenant? Leave this touching and clawing. Let him be to me a spirit. A message, a thought, a sincerity, a glance from him, I want, but not news, nor pottage. I can get politics, and chat, and neighbourly conveniences from cheaper companions. Should not the society of my friend be to me poetic, pure, universal, and great as nature itself? Ought I to feel that our tie is profane in comparison with yonder bar of cloud that sleeps on the horizon, or that clump of waving grass that divides the brook? Let us not vilify, but raise it to that standard. That great, defying eye, that scornful beauty of his mien and action, do not pique yourself on reducing, but rather fortify and enhance. Worship his superiorities; wish him not less by a thought, but hoard and tell them all. Guard him as thy counterpart. Let him be to thee for ever a sort of beautiful enemy, untamable, devoutly revered, and not a trivial conveniency to be soon outgrown and cast aside. The hues of the opal, the light of the diamond, are not to be seen, if the eye is too near. To my friend I write a letter, and from him I receive a letter. That seems to you a little. It suffices me. It is a spiritual gift worthy of him to give, and of me to receive. It profanes nobody. In these warm lines the heart will trust itself, as it will not to the tongue, and pour out the prophecy of a godlier existence than all the annals of heroism have yet made good.

Respect so far the holy laws of this fellowship as not to prejudice its perfect flower by your impatience for its opening. We must be our own before we can be another's. There is at least this satisfaction in crime, according to the Latin proverb; — you can speak to your accomplice on even terms. Crimen quos inquinat, aequat . To those whom we admire and love, at first we cannot. Yet the least defect of self-possession vitiates, in my judgment, the entire relation. There can never be deep peace between two spirits, never mutual respect, until, in their dialogue, each stands for the whole world.

What is so great as friendship, let us carry with what grandeur of spirit we can. Let us be silent, — so we may hear the whisper of the gods. Let us not interfere. Who set you to cast about what you should say to the select souls, or how to say any thing to such? No matter how ingenious, no matter how graceful and bland. There are innumerable degrees of folly and wisdom, and for you to say aught is to be frivolous. Wait, and thy heart shall speak. Wait until the necessary and everlasting overpowers you, until day and night avail themselves of your lips. The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one. You shall not come nearer a man by getting into his house. If unlike, his soul only flees the faster from you, and you shall never catch a true glance of his eye. We see the noble afar off, and they repel us; why should we intrude? Late, — very late, — we perceive that no arrangements, no introductions, no consuetudes or habits of society, would be of any avail to establish us in such relations with them as we desire, — but solely the uprise of nature in us to the same degree it is in them; then shall we meet as water with water; and if we should not meet them then, we shall not want them, for we are already they. In the last analysis, love is only the reflection of a man's own worthiness from other men. Men have sometimes exchanged names with their friends, as if they would signify that in their friend each loved his own soul.

The higher the style we demand of friendship, of course the less easy to establish it with flesh and blood. We walk alone in the world. Friends, such as we desire, are dreams and fables. But a sublime hope cheers ever the faithful heart, that elsewhere, in other regions of the universal power, souls are now acting, enduring, and daring, which can love us, and which we can love. We may congratulate ourselves that the period of nonage, of follies, of blunders, and of shame, is passed in solitude, and when we are finished men, we shall grasp heroic hands in heroic hands. Only be admonished by what you already see, not to strike leagues of friendship with cheap persons, where no friendship can be. Our impatience betrays us into rash and foolish alliances which no God attends. By persisting in your path, though you forfeit the little you gain the great. You demonstrate yourself, so as to put yourself out of the reach of false relations, and you draw to you the first-born of the world, — those rare pilgrims whereof only one or two wander in nature at once, and before whom the vulgar great show as spectres and shadows merely.

It is foolish to be afraid of making our ties too spiritual, as if so we could lose any genuine love. Whatever correction of our popular views we make from insight, nature will be sure to bear us out in, and though it seem to rob us of some joy, will repay us with a greater. Let us feel, if we will, the absolute insulation of man. We are sure that we have all in us. We go to Europe, or we pursue persons, or we read books, in the instinctive faith that these will call it out and reveal us to ourselves. Beggars all. The persons are such as we; the Europe an old faded garment of dead persons; the books their ghosts. Let us drop this idolatry. Let us give over this mendicancy. Let us even bid our dearest friends farewell, and defy them, saying, 'Who are you? Unhand me: I will be dependent no more.' Ah! seest thou not, O brother, that thus we part only to meet again on a higher platform, and only be more each other's, because we are more our own? A friend is Janus-faced: he looks to the past and the future. He is the child of all my foregoing hours, the prophet of those to come, and the harbinger of a greater friend.

I do then with my friends as I do with my books. I would have them where I can find them, but I seldom use them. We must have society on our own terms, and admit or exclude it on the slightest cause. I cannot afford to speak much with my friend. If he is great, he makes me so great that I cannot descend to converse. In the great days, presentiments hover before me in the firmament. I ought then to dedicate myself to them. I go in that I may seize them, I go out that I may seize them. I fear only that I may lose them receding into the sky in which now they are only a patch of brighter light. Then, though I prize my friends, I cannot afford to talk with them and study their visions, lest I lose my own. It would indeed give me a certain household joy to quit this lofty seeking, this spiritual astronomy, or search of stars, and come down to warm sympathies with you; but then I know well I shall mourn always the vanishing of my mighty gods. It is true, next week I shall have languid moods, when I can well afford to occupy myself with foreign objects; then I shall regret the lost literature of your mind, and wish you were by my side again. But if you come, perhaps you will fill my mind only with new visions, not with yourself but with your lustres, and I shall not be able any more than now to converse with you. So I will owe to my friends this evanescent intercourse. I will receive from them, not what they have, but what they are. They shall give me that which properly they cannot give, but which emanates from them. But they shall not hold me by any relations less subtile and pure. We will meet as though we met not, and part as though we parted not.

It has seemed to me lately more possible than I knew, to carry a friendship greatly, on one side, without due correspondence on the other. Why should I cumber myself with regrets that the receiver is not capacious? It never troubles the sun that some of his rays fall wide and vain into ungrateful space, and only a small part on the reflecting planet. Let your greatness educate the crude and cold companion. If he is unequal, he will presently pass away; but thou art enlarged by thy own shining, and, no longer a mate for frogs and worms, dost soar and burn with the gods of the empyrean. It is thought a disgrace to love unrequited. But the great will see that true love cannot be unrequited. True love transcends the unworthy object, and dwells and broods on the eternal, and when the poor interposed mask crumbles, it is not sad, but feels rid of so much earth, and feels its independency the surer. Yet these things may hardly be said without a sort of treachery to the relation. The essence of friendship is entireness, a total magnanimity and trust. It must not surmise or provide for infirmity. It treats its object as a god, that it may deify both.

Ralph Waldo Emerson left the ministry to pursue a career in writing and public speaking. Emerson became one of America's best known and best-loved 19th-century figures. More About Emerson

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The Importance of Friendship

Friendships are a crucial part of living a fulfilling life..

Posted July 26, 2021 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

• Friendship makes life more enjoyable and enriches one's everyday experiences.
• Finding friends can be challenging but can be often achieved by approaching others with mutual interests.
• The first criteria one should look for in a partner is someone who is ultimately a good friend to them.

As we move through life, we find that there are many things out of our control. We can’t choose our parents, our genetics , or control the things that happen in the world around us. One thing that we can control is who our friends are, and this decision can either make our lives so much richer and beautiful, or more stressful and disappointing. Today we’ll focus on how to choose friends who enrich our lives and make them more beautiful.

Why friends are so important

Having solid friendships is important for two main reasons. First, they make life more enjoyable. We get to share the beautiful aspects of life with people who we love, which can enrich our everyday experiences. Second, our friends help us through the difficult times. Having friends to support us through hard times can make unimaginably difficult situations seem more tolerable.

The most beautiful part about pouring our time and energy into friendships is that not only do friends help enrich our lives, but we enrich theirs too! Friendships get us through the tough times in life, make things more fun and enjoyable, and all-around make our lives better. I urge you to take stock of your friendships and ask yourself if your current friends people build you up and support you, or is the friendship more one-sided?

As we explore friendships today, these are also inclusive of our partners. I believe that the foundation for any healthy relationship is friendship. So it’s important to group our romantic partners into this conversation too.

So, where do we find friends? This might sound silly, but finding friends can be challenging! When I first moved to California for my Ph.D., I didn’t have any friends out here. There were quite a few people in my program that I enjoyed spending time with. But, towards the end of school, they became very busy and were no longer able to dedicate time to hang out anymore. Thankfully, through the help of a very good therapist, I learned that it was important to enjoy life instead of striving for excellence all of the time. As a result, I learned how important it was to carve out time in my life for friends.

Unfortunately, the people I had dedicated time to thus far were achievement-oriented and were pouring their time into work and not our friendships. This forced me to seek out other ways to form connections with people. I ended up finding a local hiking group with the hopes of meeting people with similar interests. During one of these hikes, I met Jim, one of my best friends to this day.

We became instant friends. We have continued to support each other over the years, and even more importantly, we always make time for one another. We both view the friendship as one that makes each other’s lives better, therefore it’s always worth the time and energy. The backbone of any successful friendship is one where both sides put in equal effort and support.

Both Jim and I were forced to put in more effort when he moved across the country to the East Coast. Because we already had such a strong foundation, this didn’t impact our friendship. We talk all of the time and see each other several times a year. We make the relationship a priority no matter what coast each other is on. Like anything in life that is valuable to us, we must work at it and put time and effort into it.

When it's time to move on from a friendship

The second part of the friendship discussion can be a difficult one — reassessing your current friendships and potentially moving on from friends who don’t add value to your life.

Two of my best friends from high school went down different paths from me. We still keep in contact, but I don’t spend too much time with them anymore. The supporting, loving part of our relationship wasn’t there anymore, so it was no longer worth putting energy into maintaining a friendship that had changed so much.

This may be a story you can relate to. What I hope you take away from this post is this — friendships take energy, time, and commitment. And if you’re putting your time and energy into someone who isn’t enriching your life and giving you the support you need, it may be time to reevaluate that friendship.

If you find yourself in the market for friends (who isn’t?) I recommend you find groups or activities that you genuinely enjoy. This way you’ll have the opportunity to connect with people who have similar interests. And once you’re there, take a risk! Talk to people, exchange contact information, and follow up with them. It may feel scary at first, but the reward outweighs the momentary uncomfortable feeling you may have.

Friendship and dating

In many ways, the most important friendship in our lives is the one we have with our romantic partners. The first criteria we should look for in this partner is someone who is ultimately a good friend to us, meaning that they are kind, positive, loving, and supportive. If we’re dating someone and they’re a jerk, it’s probably safe to assume that they’re not a good friend. To avoid this, I recommend seeking out someone who is a good friend first, i.e. before the romance and sexual stuff gets in the way.

When there are bumps in a friendship or a romantic relationship , it’s important to work through those tough times. The tricky part is that it will take two people to fix that issue. We can only control our actions and hold ourselves accountable, but we cannot control our friend or our partner's reaction. In addition to our own actions, we have control over the friends or partners that we choose in the first place. If we prioritize choosing good people who we can trust will work through issues with us, then we can work through anything.

Friendships are a crucial part of living a fulfilling life. It’s so important that we surround ourselves with people who we have fun with, who support us, and people who make us better. You may already have beautiful friendships in your life, but if you’re still in the market for friends, it’s never too late to cultivate new relationships that will make your life even more magnificent.

Robert Puff, Ph.D. , is host and producer of the Happiness Podcast, with over 16 million downloads.

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Anne Lamott on the Greatest Gift of Friendship and the Uncomfortable Art of Letting Yourself Be Seen

By maria popova.

In an especially enchanting essay titled “The Book of Welcome,” Lamott imagines a scripture that was never written, a set of guidances and assurances that would avail us of haven from one of our most anguishing pathologies — the sense that we fall short, that we are undeserving of happiness, that we are unlovable and undesired; a sense instilled in many of us by “not having been cherished for who we are, by certain tall, anxiously shut-down people in our childhood homes.” She writes:

The welcome book would have taught us that power and signs of status can’t save us, that welcome — both offering and receiving — is our source of safety. Various chapters and verses of this book would remind us that we are wanted and even occasionally delighted in, despite the unfortunate truth that we are greedy-grabby, self-referential, indulgent, overly judgmental, and often hysterical. Somehow that book “went missing”… We have to write that book ourselves.

We write that book, Lamott suggests, in large part through our friendships — those delicate yet supremely secure embraces of welcome, woven of what Emerson memorably termed “truth and tenderness.” We nurture these voluntary relationships to heal from the involuntary ones that failed to nurture us when we were coming unto ourselves. Lamott writes:

The reality is that most of us lived our first decades feeling welcome only when certain conditions applied: we felt safe and embraced only when the parental units were getting along, when we were on our best behavior, doing well in school, not causing problems, and had as few needs as possible. If you needed more from them, best of luck. […] They liked to think their love was unconditional. That’s nice. Sadly, though, the child who showed up at the table for meals was not the child the parents had set out to make. They seemed surprised all over again. They’d already forgotten from breakfast. The parental units were simply duplicating what they’d learned when they were small. That’s the system. It wasn’t that you got the occasional feeling that you were an alien or a chore to them. You just knew that attention had to be paid constantly to their moods, their mental health levels, their rising irritation, and the volume of beer consumed. Yes, there were many happy memories marbled in, too, of picnics, pets, beaches. But I will remind you now that inconsistency is how experimenters regularly drive lab rats over the edge.

And when “the system” does eventually drive us over the edge, we drop — if we’re lucky, if we allow ourselves to fall with grace — into the ungrabby, ungreedy, wholly welcoming arms of those we learn to call friends. Lamott recounts her own crash when, in her thirties, she got sober:

A few women in the community reached out to me. They recognized me as a frightened lush. I told them about my most vile behavior, and they said, “Me too!” I told them about my crimes against the innocent, especially me. They said, “Ditto. Yay. Welcome.” I couldn’t seem to get them to reject me. It was a nightmare and then my salvation. It turns out that welcome is solidarity. We’re glad you’re here, and we’re with you. This whole project called you being alive, you finding joy? Well, we’re in on that.

Allowing that, Lamott observes, is a massive undertaking, a “big adjustment” that requires a “rebalancing of the soul.” But once we do, the book of welcome rewrites your story:

Trappings and charm wear off… Let people see you. They see your upper arms are beautiful, soft and clean and warm, and then they will see this about their own, some of the time. It’s called having friends, choosing each other, getting found, being fished out of the rubble. It blows you away, how this wonderful event ever happened — me in your life, you in mine. Two parts fit together. This hadn’t occurred all that often, but now that it does, it’s the wildest experience. It could almost make a believer out of you. Of course, life will randomly go to hell every so often, too. Cold winds arrive and prick you: the rain falls down your neck: darkness comes. But now there are two of you: Holy Moly.

A master of the touchpoint between wit and wisdom, Lamott adds to the poignant a wink of the playful:

The two nonnegotiable rules are that you must not wear patchouli oil — we’ll still love you, but we won’t want to sit with you — and that the only excuse for bringing your cell phone to the dinner table is if you’re eagerly waiting to hear that they’ve procured an organ for your impending transplant.

Small Victories is an enormously ennobling read in its entirety. Complement it with Lamott on how to handle those who refuse to welcome us , then revisit Aristotle on the art of human connection , Andrew Sullivan on why friendship is a greater gift than erotic love , and C.S. Lewis on true friendship .

— Published November 10, 2014 — https://www.themarginalian.org/2014/11/10/anne-lamott-small-victories-friendship/ —

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Essay on Importance of Friendship

Students are often asked to write an essay on Importance of Friendship in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Importance of Friendship

The essence of friendship.

Friendship is a valuable treasure in our lives. It is a bond of love, trust, and mutual respect. Friends stand by us in times of joy and sorrow, making life more meaningful.

Role of Friendship

Friends teach us important life lessons. They help us understand different perspectives, fostering empathy and compassion. They also offer emotional support and help us build our confidence.

Friendship and Personal Growth

Friendship encourages personal growth. It nurtures our emotional intelligence, helps us learn to communicate effectively, and develops our problem-solving skills. True friendship is a gift that enriches our life journey.

Also check:

• Speech on Importance of Friendship

250 Words Essay on Importance of Friendship

Friendship, a profound human experience, is a cornerstone of our social fabric. It transcends the boundaries of race, religion, and culture, fostering an environment of mutual respect, understanding, and shared values.

Psychological Impact of Friendship

Friendship plays a critical role in our psychological well-being. It provides emotional support, helping to mitigate stress and anxiety. Friends serve as a sounding board, allowing us to express our thoughts and emotions freely, which can be therapeutic and contribute to our overall mental health.

Friendship as a Learning Platform

Friendship is also a platform for personal growth and learning. Friends expose us to diverse perspectives, encouraging us to think critically and broaden our horizons. They challenge our beliefs, prompting us to question and refine our viewpoints, fostering our intellectual growth.

The Role of Friendship in Shaping Character

Moreover, friendship shapes our character. The qualities we admire in our friends often inspire us to cultivate those traits within ourselves. They mirror our strengths and weaknesses, helping us to self-reflect and strive for personal improvement.

Friendship and Social Cohesion

On a societal level, friendships foster social cohesion. They promote empathy and tolerance, as we learn to accept our friends’ differences and appreciate our commonalities. This understanding and acceptance can extend beyond our immediate circle, promoting a more inclusive society.

In conclusion, the importance of friendship cannot be overstated. It supports our mental health, encourages personal growth, shapes our character, and promotes social cohesion. Despite its often underestimated value, friendship is an integral part of our lives, enriching our experiences and contributing to our personal and societal well-being.

500 Words Essay on Importance of Friendship

The value of friendship.

Friendship, a universal human experience, is not just a simple interpersonal relationship. It is a complex bond formed between individuals, serving as a cornerstone in the architecture of our social life. It provides us with a sense of belonging, emotional support, and personal growth.

Emotional Support and Mental Health

One of the primary importances of friendship lies in its capacity to provide emotional support. Friends are our confidants, providing us a safe space to express our feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams without the fear of judgment. They provide comfort during times of stress, acting as a buffer against mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Their presence and understanding can help us navigate through the complexities of life, promoting emotional well-being.

Social Development and Personal Growth

Friendship plays a crucial role in our social development and personal growth. Friends expose us to diverse perspectives, cultures, and experiences, broadening our worldview. They challenge our beliefs, encourage us to step out of our comfort zones, and inspire us to become better versions of ourselves. This process of mutual learning and growth is a significant aspect of friendship.

Resilience in the Face of Adversity

Friends provide us with the resilience to face adversity. They stand by us in times of crisis, offering emotional, and sometimes, practical support. Their presence can help us develop resilience, enabling us to bounce back from life’s challenges. The shared experiences of overcoming adversity often strengthen the bond of friendship, making it more profound and meaningful.

Physical Health and Longevity

The importance of friendship extends to our physical health and longevity. Studies suggest that strong social connections can contribute to a longer, healthier life. Friends can encourage positive lifestyle habits such as regular exercise and a balanced diet. Moreover, the happiness derived from friendship can boost our immune system, reducing the risk of chronic diseases.

Friendship and Society

On a larger scale, friendship contributes to societal harmony. It fosters empathy, understanding, and respect among individuals, creating a more inclusive and tolerant society. Friends from diverse backgrounds can help break down cultural and social barriers, promoting unity and cooperation.

In conclusion, friendship is a vital aspect of our lives, providing emotional support, personal growth, resilience, health benefits, and contributing to societal harmony. It is a cherished bond that enriches our lives, making our journey through life more enjoyable and meaningful. As Aristotle once said, “In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. They keep the young out of mischief; they comfort and aid the old in their weakness, and they incite those in the prime of life to noble deeds.” This encapsulates the importance of friendship in our lives.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

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A friendship essay is precisely what it sounds like: a paper that students write to describe their relationships with their mates.  It is among the many assignments that students are given in their college institutions.  Writing essays about friendship is a great way to analyze what the connection means to you and reflect on some of your encounters. It can also be used as a tool to improve your closeness and affection. This blog post offers tips you may consider while writing your paper and its outline. It features friendship essay examples that help generate ideas that form the primary focus of your paper.  If you are not ready to waste your time on essay writing, StudyCrumb is here to offer affordable prices and professional writers.

What Is a Friendship Essay?

The definition of friendship essay is quite clear and straightforward. A paper about friends can be described as a write-up on a relationship between two or more people. This interpretation makes it easier to obtain the meaning of friendship essay.  Writing such thematic essay will help you communicate your feelings as well as your thoughts. It allows you to recollect your memories about different encounters you have had in life. It will also help you evaluate qualities of your connection.  While writing, you may have a sequence of events starting from your meet-up, activities you have done together, and how you have sustained the connection. Preparing an essay about friendship can evoke memories from your past that may have been long forgotten.

Purpose of an Essay on Friendship

This kind of essay aims to help you explore its nature and form, its pros and cons, and its role in your life. The importance of friendship essay is that it acts as a reflective tool. It helps you realize the significance of creating and maintaining good relationships with friends. It also explains how these connections contribute to your overall wellness. In addition, an article about friendship may teach you to understand that true friendship is priceless and should stand the test of time.

Ideas to Write a Friendship Essay on

Writing essays about friendship is a more manageable task than drafting a paper about a topic that may require more detailed research. Any excellent essay about true friendship starts with an idea that you can examine.  Below are some unique ideas you can explore:

• What is friendship?
• What does friendship mean to me?
• The value of friendship you cherish in your life.
• Cross-cultural friendships.
• The role of friendship in mental health maintenance.

As you reflect on your relationship with your friend, see if you can write a paper incorporating these themes. Remember to choose an idea that interests you and is relevant to your personal experiences or research. Be sure to support your arguments with evidence and examples from real-life situations, literature, or academic research. Look through our definition essay topics or persuasive essay ideas to find a theme that suits your task best.

Friendship Essay Outline

An essay outline about friendship is a summary of what your write-up will contain but in a less detailed format. You use it to organize and structure your content logically and effectively. It presents the main topics and subtopics hierarchically, allowing writers to see the connection between different parts of the material. The importance of an outline lies in its ability to help writers plan, organize, as well as clarify their ideas. This makes the writing of an essay about friends more efficient, and the final product is more coherent and effective. Here is an example of an outline for a friendship essay.

• Briefly introduce the topic of friendship
• Provide a thesis statement that summarizes the main points of the essay
• Topic sentence
• Your main argument
• Real-life examples that support your key idea
• Supporting evidence
• 3rd Body Paragraph
• Examples or recommendations
• Summarize the main points
• Provide some food for thought

Note that this is a general outline. The exact structure and content of your essay will depend on the specific requirements of your assignment and your personal interests.

Structure of a Friendship Essay

The structure of an essay on friendship typically includes the following three parts.

• Introduction An introduction should grab the reader's attention and provide background information. It should also include a clear thesis statement that sets a path and direction of the friendship essays.
• Body The essay's body is where you will provide evidence and details to underpin your thesis statement. It should consist of several paragraphs supporting and developing a statement of purpose. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of your friendliness, such as its importance, benefits, or challenges.
• Conclusion Briefly summarize the essay's main points and reinforce your principal argument. The conclusion should leave a lasting impression on readers and emphasize your topic's significance. Overall, the structure should be clear and well-organized, allowing the audience to follow your argument and understand the topic's significance.

Friendship Essay Introduction

A good introduction about friendship essay should grab the reader's attention and encourage them to continue reading. This can be achieved through a " hook ," a quote, an interesting fact, or a thought-provoking question. Background information can then be provided to give context to the discussed topic.  The introduction to an essay about friendship should also clearly state your main point or argument of the piece, known as thesis statement. This sets pace for the rest of the paper and gives readers a clear view of what to expect. A friendship essay introduction should be concise, engaging, and provide context for the audience to understand the content fully.

Read more: How to Start off an Essay

Friendship Essay Introduction Example

Here is an example of a friendship essay introduction that sets the stage for a reflective and thought-provoking exploration of the most precious gift in life.

Friendship is a special bond that unites two individuals with common interests, experiences, and emotions. It makes life easier and contributes to our happiness. It is a relationship that transcends race, religion, and socio-economic status and has power to sustain and uplift the spirit of humans. In this essay, I will explore its benefits and how it can contribute to a better world. Through personal anecdotes, I will illustrate the bond's depth and role in our day-to-day lives.

Friendship Essay Thesis Statement

The friendship thesis statement aims to provide a summary of the essay's main point. It can be one or two sentences which you develop as you research. The statement of purpose should focus on the central argument and be supported by evidence presented in the body. The thesis statement about friendship should guide the essay's structure. Its main objective is to provide your reader with a roadmap to follow. It should be specific, concise, and accurately reflect the content in your paper. Understanding what constitutes a strong thesis is crucial for writers as it is integral to every essay writing process.

Friendship Thesis Statement Example

The thesis statement must be clear to readers so that they may quickly recognize it and comprehend the paper's significance. It should act as a blueprint of what to expect. A friendship thesis statement sample could be:

In this essay, I will explore friendship's meaning, its importance, benefits, drawbacks, and how it can contribute to a better world. Through a series of personal anecdotes, I will illustrate the bond's depth and its key role in our lives.

Friendship Essay Body

The body part should include five or more paragraphs. Students will use body paragraphs to elaborate on the key factors that make their connection special.

• Definition and explanation. This friendship body paragraph should start with a definition and a brief explanation of its characteristics and qualities.
• Importance of friends. Discuss why it is vital in your life and how it contributes to personal growth and welfare.
• Types of friendships. A paragraph about friendship should discuss different types of friend's relationships that exist.
• Qualities of a good friend. Discuss standards a great confidant should possess.
• Challenges. Discuss the common problems that friends face.
• Ways to strengthen friendship. Provide tips on reinforcing and maintaining good relationships.
• Conclusion. Sum up the key points made in your essay and reiterate the importance of genuine bonds in life.

Friendship Body Paragraph Example

Below is a friendship body paragraph sample.

How to Spend Free Time with Friends • Outdoor Activities. Spending time in nature is a great way to bond with friends. You can meet, then go for a hike, take a walk, or go to a picnic in a park. This allows you to connect and enjoy the beautiful world around you. • Movie Night. Watching a movie is another fun activity you can do with friends. You can share popcorn, grab snacks, and enjoy a movie together. This is a great way to relax and unwind. • Board Games. Playing board games with friends is a fun and interactive way to spend free time. You can play classic games like Monopoly. This is a great way to challenge each other and have a good time.

Friendship Essay Conclusion

Any conclusion on a friendship essay should sum up the main ideas discussed in your essay and restate the thesis statement. It should leave a lasting impression and provide a closure to your topic. To start writing a conclusion about a friendship essay, commence by rephrasing the thesis statement in different words. Summarize the points discussed in your essay by connecting them back to your statement of purpose. End conclusion with a final thought or call to action that leaves a lasting impression on your reader.  It is vital to keep it concise yet impactful. Avoid introducing new information or arguments, as it can confuse readers. Instead, focus on tying up loose ends and emphasizing main ideas discussed in your essay.

Read more: How to Conclude an Essay

Friendship Essay Conclusion Sample

Here is an example of a friendship essay conclusion:

In conclusion, friendship is an essential aspect of our lives that brings joy, support, and companionship. It is a relationship built on mutual trust, understanding, and love. A true friend will always be there for you, no matter what. As humans, we need sincere friends to help us navigate life's ups and downs and provide emotional support. An understanding friend can withstand any obstacle and bring happiness to our lives. The connection is meant to last a lifetime, whether through shared experiences, interests, or simply a common bond. Ultimately, having a close group of loyal friends who truly care for us is one of the greatest gifts we can receive in life.

How to Write an Essay on Friendship?

To write an essay about friendship, start by brainstorming ideas about what friends mean to you and the benefits of such kinds of relationships. Knowing how to write a good essay about friendship involves selecting a great topic and arranging your content in a manner that has logical flow.

1. Come Up With a Topic About Friendship

To brainstorm essay topics on friendship, consider the following.

• Reflect on your own experiences. Think about your own bonds and encounters you have had with allies. Avoid bad occurrences. This can inspire topics to explore in your essay. To find a subject that interests you, you can also look through internet examples of friend essays.
• Ask questions related to friends, such as "What makes a meaningful connection?" or "How does the quality of your bond change over time?"
• Talk to others. Ask friends, family, or classmates about their experiences. They may have interesting insights that can inspire new topics for your essay.

Ensure that topic you select is appropriate for your report style. For example: 

The Day my Best Friend Changed My Life.

You can start this topic by how you met, narrate your story, and then pick out some attributes of a good friend and the advantages of the relationship. Remember to choose a topic on friendship essay that you feel passionate about and can explore in depth in your essay.

2. Do Research

To research and collect information for the friend essay, follow these steps.

• Start with a general search. Use search engines like Google to find articles, books, and other resources on affection.
• Identify keywords. Determine the most relevant keywords for your essay, such as "essay about a friend." Use them in your search to narrow down results to the most pertinent information.
• Evaluate sources. When you have a list of potential sources, evaluate each to determine their credibility and relevance. Look for sources that are written by experts in the field and that have been peer-reviewed or published in reputable journals.
• Take notes. As you read, take notes on the most important and relevant information.

3. Develop a Friendship Essay Outline

An outline is a useful tool for organizing ideas in an essay and it ensures that your essay has a structure. Before outlining you need to have a clear vision of what your essay will focus on. Then analyze every piece of information that you have and categorize it into headings. An outline of an essay about friendships will comprise a list which consists of each paragraph’s topic sentence . By going through the outline, you are able to examine what purpose each paragraph serves. If you need assistance on how to create an outline for a college essay about friendship use the outline example shown below.

4. Write an Essay on Friendship

Writing an essay about friendship is an exciting task. Below is a sample of how you can write your friendship essay. Friendship is the bond between two or more individuals based on mutual trust, support, and understanding. This connection can develop at any stage of life and even last a lifetime. It is a bond that fills our lives with comfort, laughter, and advice during a hard period. Many different factors can contribute to its formation and success. Having similar needs, mutual interests, and social activities can help sustain the relationship. Another crucial aspect is being ready to support each other through happy and difficult times unconditionally. Trust is also an essential component in the longevity of this connection. In conclusion, friendship is an invaluable treasure that brings joy, comfort, and support to our lives. It provides a safe place in a world that can be harsh and unforgiving. It reminds us that we should always stay true to each other.

5. Proofread Your Friendship Essay

When writing a friendship essay, consider the following for an effective introduction.

• Grab your reader's attention. A good introduction makes them want to continue reading your friendship essay.
• Provide context. Give an overview of the friendship essay and its purpose. This will make readers interested in your work.
• Establish your purpose. Clearly state the main idea or thesis.
• Preview the main points. Briefly summarize key points that will be covered.
• Be concise. An introduction should be short and on point, generally no more than one or two paragraphs.

Remember, your introduction will set tone for the rest of your piece and should encourage your readers to continue reading.

Read more: Essay About Happiness : Tips & Examples

Friendship Essay Examples

A sample essay about friendship can be critical to students, especially when they are researching and collecting information. Free friendship essays help you get ideas on how to write and structure your essay. Below are essay examples about friendship that you can go through to help with your writing and draw inspiration from. Friendship essay example 1

Friendship essay example 2

Essay about friendship sample 3

Example of essay on friendship 4

Friendship Essay Writing Tips

Here are some extra tips you need to know that will motivate you to write a friendship short essay.

• You could start with a quote, an anecdote, or a surprising fact.
• Use examples from your own life to illustrate your points in your school college essay about friendship, as this will make your essay more relatable and interesting to read.
• Friendship titles for essays should be clear and straightforward. They should also reflect your main points.
• Describe the aspect of the bond that, in your opinion, is most crucial. It is possible to personalize something that means an entirely different thing to various individuals.

Bottom Line on Friendship Essay Writing

Your central task is to understand what is a friendship essay even before you start writing. Friendship essays explore the nature of our relationships and their various aspects. They can take various forms, from short reflective essays to longer, more analytical pieces. These papers can discuss qualities that make a good friend, the benefits of your relationship, or challenges of maintaining close relationships. Examples of short essays about friendship could be a personal reflection, exploring the unique bond between the writer and their friend and what they hope to continue gaining from each other when they cross paths in future. If you struggle with other papers, feel free to check out our writing guides. From an essay about bullying to a world peace essay , we’ve got you covered.

FAQ About Friendship Essay

1. may i use friendship quotes for the essay.

Yes, it is always a winning step. You can write an essay on friendship with quotes either as the title of your essay or as an introductory phrase. You can also include it in the body of your work while narrating your story.

2. How to write a hook for an essay of friendship?

An essay should hook your reader's attention and make them want to read your story. When writing essays about friendship, you can describe a unique situation in which your friends helped you. You can also end your introduction with a catchy quote, such as Squad goals! Some other quotes that you can use include:

• A road to a friend's house is never long.
• Count your age with friends and years.
• True friend is seen through the heart, not through the eyes.

3. Explain the importance of friendship essay.

The importance of friendship essay is that it teaches students to express their thoughts and feelings about confidants and benefits they obtain from this connection. It also acts as a reflective tool. Friend essays also help students realize advantages of creating and maintaining good relationships with friends and how these linkages contribute to your overall wellness and welfare.

Daniel Howard is an Essay Writing guru. He helps students create essays that will strike a chord with the readers.

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10 Great Quotes on the Gift of Friendship

One of the best gifts that members of Common Change give and receive is the gift of friendship. Here are a few quotes on friendship.

• Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. Ed Cunningham
• What is a friend? I will tell you . . . . it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself. Frank Crane
• Friends: people who know you well, but like you anyway. Unknown
• A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are. Unknown
• Friends are special, treasure them. Unknown
• The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.  Hubert H. Humphrey
• To have a friend and be a friend Is what makes life worthwhile. Unknown
• My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
• Friendship is a treasured gift, and every time I talk with you I feel as if I’m getting richer and richer
• No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. Francois Muriac
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Importance of Friendship Essay Example, with Outline

Published by gudwriter on May 10, 2018 May 10, 2018

Ready for importance of friendship essay? Take a look at this informational resource featuring an outline, APA style format, and a list of references. Use ideas from this essay sample to form the focus of your writing assignment. To achieve high grades order admission essays from experienced tutors who will help you with your essay.

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Importance of Friendship Essay Outline

Introduction.

Thesis: Friendship brings people together in a bond that helps them realize and experience a meaningful life.

Paragraph 1:

A good friend is always available irrespective of the circumstances.

• A true friend cares for their friends, accepts them unconditionally, tolerates their shortcomings, and encourages them even in the face of hopelessness.
• A loyal friend makes one to be who they are without fearing victimization or judgment.
• A good friend can know one more than one knows themselves.
• A friend can tell one without fear what one does not want to tell oneself.

Paragraph 2:

Friendship is like a partnership since it brings two people together on equal terms that are binding to both of them.

• Friends give their all and love each other unconditionally and do even more so as to sustain it.
• The ugly, the bad, and the good should be endured in friendship.
• A good friend brings out the best in someone.
• A person in friendship expects their initiatives to be attended to even when they are down with illness.

Paragraph 3:

Friendship can be compared to family and can even do more than a family could do for a person.

• Sometimes, the friends one has are the family they wish they had or the family they find easier to deal with as compared to their blood family.
• One’s blood family may ignore, ridicule, judge, or even misunderstand them.
• One may get from their friends that which they do not get from their family.
• A true family is not linked by the bond of blood but the bond of joy and respect in each other’s life.

Paragraph 4:

“A friend in need is a friend in deed” is an old cliché that speaks about true friendship.

• It essentially means that a true friend will always help in times of need.
• I fully understood the meaning of this saying when a classmate friend of mine once handed in my takeaway assignment in my absence.

Friendship brings people together to form a greater and stronger whole than its individual parts. Friends act and react in ways that show that they love and care for each other.

Importance of Friendship Essay Example

Almost every human being has friends or at least a friend with whom they spend time together. Friendship is about knowing someone better than others do and counting on them whenever the need arises. A friend is like a gift that one gives oneself. It is doubtless that out of friendship, one lives the fullness of life. Some of the qualities that are expected from friendship include trust, honesty, and authenticity. These are qualities that are majorly concerned with remaining true to a friend and providing them a shoulder to lean on all the time. Friendship brings people together in a bond that helps them realize and experience a meaningful life. Gudwriter offers two paragraph essay examples from any topic.

A good friend is always available irrespective of the circumstances. A true friend cares for their friends, accepts them unconditionally, tolerates their shortcomings, and encourages them even in the face of hopelessness. Even at that moment when everyone decides to walk away from a person for whatever reason(s), their true friend would walk in and be with them and support them. With a loyal friend, one can be who they are without fearing victimization or judgment because they know the friend fully understands them. A good friend can as a matter of fact know one more than one knows themselves. In addition, a friend can tell one without fear what one does not want to tell oneself. If one is on a wrong path, the friend would tell them as soon as they notice it.

Additionally, friendship is like a partnership since it brings two people together on equal terms that are binding to both of them. They give their all and love each other unconditionally and do even more so as to sustain it. In a friendship, there should be expected to be the ugly, the bad, and the good, all of which should be endured. A good friend brings out the best in someone by encouraging them and prevailing upon them to make the best out of their abilities and strengths. Just like in a business partnership, a person in friendship would expect their initiatives to be attended to even when they are down with illness. This is why it could be true to say that life is partly what one makes it and partly what the friends they choose make it.

Friendship can also be compared to family and can even do more than a family could do for a person. Sometimes, the friends one has are the family they wish they had or the family they find easier to deal with as compared to their blood family. One’s blood family may ignore, ridicule, judge, or even misunderstand them. In such a case, they would get from their friends that which they do not get from their family. However, in the best case scenario, friendship can also develop between or among family members. Normally, a true family is not linked by the bond of blood but the bond of joy and respect in each other’s life. One should consider a good friend of theirs as their greatest relation because just one loyal friend is more than a thousand relatives.

“ A friend in need is a friend in deed ” is an old cliché that speaks about true friendship. It essentially means that a true friend will always help in times of need. I never really gave much weight to this saying until I once had to rely on a friend and classmate for an important favor. I had missed school due to an unavoidable circumstance on a day everyone in the class was to hand in their final takeaway assignment in print format. I tried calling people I had thought were my friends among my classmates but none was willing to help. When I was just about to give up, Jasmine, a classmate who was not so close a friend, called and asked me to email her my assignment. I later learnt she downloaded the assignment, printed it, and handed it in together with hers. From then, I am careful about people I treat as friends.

Friendship brings people together to form a greater and stronger whole than its individual parts. Friends act and react in ways that show that they not only love each other but care for them too. It is akin to striking a partnership in which one partner is always there for the other partner in his or her absence. Friends broaden each other’s horizon by opening new doors for each other. They seek to soar beyond limits as a single determined force. Indeed, friendship guarantees one a meaningful and fulfilling life.

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Home › Friendship Quotes

275 Friendship Quotes To Celebrate Your Friends

Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. See our disclosure for more info.

What do you value most in a friend? These friendship quotes show how special great friends truly are.

Having great friends to share your life with is a gift like no other , and having a “best friend” is one of life’s most precious gifts.

A true friend is a companion who will be there for you no matter what. You can be 100% yourself around them with no judgement, and they’ll love and support you through thick and thin.

So whether you want to honor your friendships or just remember why you love your friends dearly, we hope you enjoy these amazing friendship quotes.

So share them with your best friends and make some new ones too. It’s always a good time to be a friend to someone who needs it.

Page Contents

Friendship Quotes

Friendship is a word, the very sight of which in print makes heart warm. Augustine Birrell

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity. Khalil Gibran

Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. Friedrich Nietzsche

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit. Aristotle

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together. Woodrow Wilson

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. Samuel Butler

The real test of friendship is can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple? Eugene Kennedy

Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything. Muhammad Ali

There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship. Unknown

Friendship is like a glass ornament, once it is broken it can rarely be put back together exactly the same way. Charles Kingsley

Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious. Thomas Aquinas

Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks. Waqar Ahmed

Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. Swedish Proverb

The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it. Hubert H. Humphrey

Every friendship travels at sometime through the black valley of despair. This tests every aspect of your affection. You lose the attraction and the magic. John O’Donohue

Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant. Socrates

Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief. Marcus Tullius Cicero

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Proverbs 27:9, ESV

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces. Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of one another. Eustace Budgell

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship. Dorothy Parker

One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention. Clifton Faidman

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. Ellie Weisel

A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship. Markus Zusak

Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest, it’s about who walked in to your life, said ‘I’m here for you’ and PROVED it. Anonymous

Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can’t have too many friends because then you’re just not really friends. Truman Capote

Of all the things which wisdom provides to make us entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship. Epicurus

There are no rules for friendship. It must be left to itself. We cannot force it any more than love. William Hazlitt

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. Henri Nouwen

Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation. George Washington

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. Albert Schweitzer

We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over. Ray Bradbury

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. Elie Weisel

No matter how tired I am, I get dinner at least once a week with my girlfriends. Or have a sleepover. Otherwise my life is just all work. Jennifer Lawrence

Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation. Oscar Wilde

When the world is so complicated, the simple gift of friendship is within all of our hands. Maria Shriver

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. Ralph Waldo Emerson

All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon the sand. Ella Wheeler Wilcox

The rules of friendship are tacit, unconscious; they are not rational. In business, though, you have to think rationally. Steven Pinker

Friendship is the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world. John Evelyn

Friendship my definition is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble. Stieg Larsson

I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing. Katherine Mansfield

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, for in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. Khalil Gibran

Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil. Balthasar Gracian

A man’s friendships are one of the best measures of his worth. Charles Darwin

Women’s friendships are like a renewable source of power. Jane Fonda

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘You too? I thought I was the only one.’ C.S. Lewis

Every friendship goes through ups and downs. Dysfunctional patterns set in; external situations cause internal friction; you grow apart and then bounce back together. Mariella Frostrup

Friendship’s the wine of life. Edward Young, Night Thoughts

If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal. Oprah Winfrey

Friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things. Anonymous

Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives and remembering what one receives. Alexandre Dumas

Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you. Misty Copeland

Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that. Ally Condie

No road is long with good company. Turkish Proverb

Friend Quotes

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. Ed Cunningham

It’s the friends you can call up at 4am that matter. Marlene Dietrich

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. Anais Nin

In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends. John Churton Collins

I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than walk alone in the light. Helen Keller

A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. Elbert Hubbard

A friend can tell you things you don’t want to tell yourself. Frances Ward Weller

Some people arrive and make such a beautiful impact on your life, you can barely remember what life was like without them. Anna Taylor

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes. Henry David Thoreau

Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart. Washington Irving

Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success. Oscar Wilde

I may not always be there with you, but I will always be there for you. Anonymous

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. Jim Morrison

Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you; spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life. Amy Poehler

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. Martin Luther King, Jr.

A friend is someone who makes it easy to believe in yourself. Heidi Wills

The great thing about new friends is that they bring new energy to your soul. Shanna Rodriguez

Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. Albert Camus

Some people go to priests, others to poetry, I to my friends. Virginia Woolf

A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside. Winnie the Pooh

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends. Walt Whitman

You’ve got a friend in me. Randy Newman, Toy Story

Friends should be like books , few, but hand-selected. C. J. Langenhoven

Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends, for it is one of God’s greatest gifts. It involves many things, but above all the power of going out of one’s self and appreciating what is noble and loving in another. Thomas Hughes

Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends. Richard Bach

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. Linda Grayson

A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should. Anonymous

We come from homes far from perfect, so you end up almost parent and sibling to your friends – your own chosen family. There’s nothing like a really loyal, dependable, good friend. Nothing. Jennifer Aniston

One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about. Mindy Kaling

Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts. Margaret Lee Runbeck, Answer Without Ceasing

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. Buddha

I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. Plutarch

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friends are the sailors who guide your rickety boat safely across the dangerous waters of life. Sare and Cate

Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years. Richard Bach

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. Sicilian Proverb

Friends are like stars, they come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow. Roxy Quicksilver

Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness. Euripides

There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends. Sylvia Plath

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Steven King, Stand by Me

Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose. Tennessee Williams

Friends are medicine for a wounded heart, and vitamins for a hopeful soul. Steve Maraboli

A friend is an emotional bond, just like friendship is a human experience. Simon Sinek

How many slams in an old screen door? Depends how loud you shut it. How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live ’em. How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give ’em. Shel Silverstein

Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. Plautus

Never leave a friend behind. Friends are all we have to get us through this life–and they are the only things from this world that we could hope to see in the next. Dean Koontz

If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me. Unknown

I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff. John Katz

Sitting silently beside a friend who is hurting may be the best gift we can give. Unknown

A friend is someone who understand your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are. Unknown

There are three things that grow more precious with age; old wood to burn, old books to read, and old friends to enjoy. Henry Ford

I have friends, I have associates, and I have friends. Shaquille O’Neal

I felt it shelter to speak to you. Emily Dickinson

Winning friends begins with friendliness. Dale Carnegie

A good friend is a connection to life — a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. Lois Wyse

A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. Donna Roberts

There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, however dear and beloved, but an expansion, an interpretation, of one’s self, the very meaning of one’s soul. Edith Wharton

The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away. Barbara Kingsolver

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Dale Carnegie

We have been friends together in sunshine and in shade. Caroline Sheridan Norton

Some people arrive and make such a beautiful impact on your life, you can barely remember what life was like without them Anna Taylor

Friends confront each other sometimes, and sometimes the friendship lasts, and sometimes it doesn’t. Brooke Elliott

Good friends help you to find important things when you have lost them…your smile, your hope, and your courage. Doe Zantamata

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand. Emily Kimbrough

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. Flavia Weedn

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them. Francesco Guicciardini

The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend. Henry David Thoreau

If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give. George MacDonald

A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out. Grace Pulpit

I get by with a little help from my friends. The Beatles, With A Little Help from My Friends

Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends. Henry Travers, It’s a Wonderful Life

Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job. Laurence J. Peter

Remember that the most valuable antiques are dear old friends. H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Do good to your friends to keep them, to your enemies to win them. Benjamin Franklin

The richest man is the one with the most powerful friends. Eli Wallach, The Godfather Part III

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over. Octravia Butler

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad. Arnold H. Glasgow

There is nothing I wouldn’t do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves; it is not my nature. Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling. Arthur Brisbane

If you have two friends in your lifetime, you’re lucky. If you have one good friend, you’re more than lucky. S.E. Hinton

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. Aristotle

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Fight for you. Respect you. Include you. Encourage you. Need you. Deserve you. Stand by you. Unknown

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. Douglas Pagels

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun. Charles R. Swindoll

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them. Edwin Arlington Robinson

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing. Benjamin Franklin

Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead; do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead. Anna Cummins

Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. Ally Condie

Friends are like walls. Sometimes you lean on them, and sometimes it’s good just knowing they are there. Unknown

The only good thing about times of adversity is that you realize who your real friends and fans are – and the rest go away – which in my mind is an OK thing. Pete Wentz

Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends. Jacques Delille

Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find. William Shakespeare

No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. Alice Walker

I don’t know what I would have done so many times in my life if I hadn’t had my girlfriends. Reese Witherspoon

A friend in need is a pest. Vince Vaughan, Wedding Crashers

The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends. Gwenyth Paltrow

You find out who your real friends are when you’re involved in a scandal. Elizabeth Taylor

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods. Aristotle

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar. Robert Brault

Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up. Thomas J. Watson

They make me stronger; they make me braver. Jane Fonda

Best Friend Quotes

Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies. Richelle Mead

A best friend is like a fourleaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have. Irish Proverb

Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend. Sarah Dessen

Things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend. Bill Waterston, Calvin and Hobbes

My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake. Aristotle

I think about my best friendship – which the Marnie-Hannah friendship in Girls is based on – as like a great romance of my young life. Lena Dunham

My best friend is me, and I take good care of me. Diane von Furstenberg

When a man’s best friend is his dog… That dog has a problem. Edward Abbey

She’s always there for me when I need her; She’s my best friend; she’s just my everything. Ashley Olsen

The best mirror is an old friend. George Herbert

What do you do with your best friend? You do nothing. Blake Lively

It’s not that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but it’s your best friends who are your diamonds. It’s your best friends who are supremely resilient, made under pressure and of astonishing value. They’re everlasting; they can cut glass if they need to. Gina Barreca

Best friends can turn a horrible day into one of the best days of your life. Nathaniel Richmond

I’ve known my best friend since I was a baby, and I don’t know what I would do without her. She is always straight with me and can make me laugh hysterically. Everyone should have someone like that in their life. Jasmine Guinness

That was the thing about best friends. Like sisters and mothers, they could piss you off and make you cry and break your heart, but in the end, when the chips were down, they were there, making you laugh even in your darkest hours. Kristin Hannah

That was what a best friend did: hold up a mirror and show you your heart. Kristin Hannah

If we treated ourselves as well as we treated our best friend, can you imagine? Meghan Markle

A best friend is someone who makes you laugh even when you think you’ll never smile again. Anonymous

Picking a best friend who stands up for what she believes in, is true to herself and allows you to be yourself without judgement of how ‘cool’ you are? Well, now you’re picking a friend for life. Renee Olstead

You can’t describe your best friends in words. You can describe them with memories that you had with them. Saurabh Saini

A bosom friend an intimate friend, you know a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul. L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say. Anonymous

The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had. Steven Wright

Ooh you’re the best friend that I ever had. I’ve been with you such a long time. You’re my sunshine and I want you to know. That my feelings are true. I really love you. Oh you’re my best friend. Queen, You’re My Best Friend

The biggest ingredient in a best friend is someone whose actions you respect and who you can truly be yourself around. Renee Olstead

Best friends don’t necessarily have to talk every day. They don’t even need to talk for weeks. But when they do, it’s like they never stopped talking. Anonymous

The biggest ingredient in a best friend is someone whose actions you respect and who you can truly be yourself around. Anonymous

Talking to your best friend is sometimes all the therapy you need. Anonymous

Best friend: someone you can only stay mad at for so long because you have important things to talk about. Anonymous

Best friend isn’t just a name. A best friend is someone who’s there for you, no matter what. You can trust them, with anything and everything. Best friends share tears and laughs, almost like their emotions are intertwined. Most importantly, you can always count on a best friend. Anonymous

Best friends? Well, I guess you could call us that but I think we are more like sisters . Anonymous

Nothing compares to the pain of a belly ache from laughing too hard with your best friend. Anonymous

You can always tell when two people are best friends because they are having more fun than it makes sense for them to be having. Anonymous

A good friend knows all your best stories, but a best friend has lived them with you. Anonymous

You know, real life doesn’t just suddenly resolve itself. You have to keep working at it. Democracy, marriage, friendship. You can’t just say, ‘She’s my best friend.’ That’s not a given, it’s a process. Viggo Mortensen

Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, and somewhere in the middle we became the best of friends. Anonymous

When it hurts to look back, and you’re afraid to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there. Anonymous

Are we going to be friends forever?’ Asked Piglet. ‘Even longer,’ Pooh answered. A. A. Milne

Oh, you’re the best friends anybody ever had. And it’s funny, but I feel as if I’d known you all the time, but I couldn’t have, could I? Judy Garland, The Wizard of Oz

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. Oprah Winfrey

As much as a BFF can make you go WTF, there’s no denying we’d be a little less rich without them. Gossip Girl

True Friendship Quotes

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. Seneca

True friendship can afford true knowledge. It does not depend on darkness and ignorance. Herny David Thoreau

True friends are like diamonds — bright, beautiful, valuable, and always in style. Nicole Richie

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. Bernard Meltzer

True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. David Tyson

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. Arnold H. Glasgow

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. Elisabeth Foley

A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else. Anonymous

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. Eleanor Roosevelt

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success. Doug Larson

True friendship is like sound health ; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost. Charles Caleb Colton

A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation and doesn’t always need togetherness. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part. Anonymous

With friends like these, who needs enemies? Joey Adams

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people together. Emilie Saint-Genis

A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart. Heather Pryor

One of the tasks of true friendship is to listen compassionately and creatively to the hidden silences. Often secrets are not revealed in words, they lie concealed in the silence between the words or in the depth of what is unsayable between two people. John O’Donohue

If you wanna find out who’s a true friend, screw up or go through a challenging time… Then see who sticks around. Karen Salmansohn

Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Shrek

True friendship ought never to conceal what it thinks. St. Jerome

It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends. J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else. Len Wein

Hold a true friend with both your hands. Nigerian Proverb

A true friend is someone who will always love you—the imperfect, the confused, the wrong you because that is what people are supposed to do. R.J.L.

True friendship resists time, distance, and silence. Isabel Allende

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Walter Winchell

A good friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body. Steven J. Daniels

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship. Thomas Aquinas

If you have one true friend you have more than your share. Thomas Fuller

A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably. William Penn

Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer. Jean de la Fontaine

Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected. Charles Lamb

Did these friendship quotes remind you of your favorite friends?

However long its been since you were in touch, reach out and make their day by sharing one of these great friend quotes with them. And don’t forget to let us know your favorite in the comments below.

Quincy Seale

15 thoughts on “275 Friendship Quotes To Celebrate Your Friends”

It’s true. Friends never judge you. They always love you for who you are.

Fake friends always makes me stronger.

It’s always a good feeling having that one friend that is so close like family that truly understand you totally.

A truer friend pushes you and pushes you until you reach your goals or pushes you until you succeed.

Beautiful quotes, thank you.

One of the most outstanding collection of quotes on friendship I have had the good fortune of reading. Each one is unique and stands on its own. Well done!

Ultimately the bond of all companionship whether marriage or friendship is conversationB-) thats so true open up today

Friends are really very important in our life. Earlier I believed that friendship is nothing but just a jock. But later on I realised friendship when my friend helped me in my problems. Once I needed fees for my school, and parents didn’t had enough money. I asked three friends whom I believed useless, but all of them were ready to lend me money. And from the following time, i began to believe on friendship. It’s really important in life. Thank you for providing useful thoughts.

I have had a lot of fake friends , but one has made live up to all my goals and left me wanting more

Friendship plays an important role in the lives because there are some of the things that we don’t wanna share with someone from our family but we do share these things with our bestie. Thankfully Alhamdullilaah I am blessed with this enormous gift ?????? I love her toooo much even more than my own life May she live long May our beautiful Friendship remain forever and may Allah keep our Friendship away from any harm Ameen Sum Ameen

I just wanted to say that your website is the reason I started mine! I love reading your site daily. I think this is one of my favorites: “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant.”

Frienship is the most beautiful thing in my life. if my friends was not there, then may be i was not so happy. all of my hapiness is due to my friends. i love you all my friends. be happy always. 🙂

I love everything that was put together about friends, thank you For putting it all together greatly appreciated it, can you send me more to my email ?

Friendship is very important for all of us because everything you are not share with your parents or family so you need at least one best friend who understands you and give a proper advice for any problem or you can share everything with them. Qoutes are very helpful to make the bond stronger between two frineds.

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The Gift of Friendship and the Godliness of Good Friends (Part 1)

More by kevin.

We talk a lot about relationships in the church. There are scores of marriage seminars, retreats, and conferences. There are video series and books for newlyweds and engaged couples. Most every church offers marital counseling and most every pastor preaches somewhat regularly on marriage. And the same is true for parenting. There are dozens of books on raising children. There are Sunday school classes, blog sites, and ministries that focus on the parenting relationship. All this is good.

But have you ever noticed we seldom study friendship? It is the most important-least talked about relationship in the church.

Think about your greatest joys in life. They probably center around your friends–the fun times hanging out, the great conversations, the laughter, the sharing, the pleasure of “clicking” (not cliquing!) with someone else or a group of people.

And now think of the most painful times in life. No doubt, sickness and tragedy are on the list. And yet, oftentimes these difficulties are made sweeter by the support of friends and family. But when friendship goes bad–when things get awkward or you feel like you are on the outside looking in–no amount of health and prosperity can fill the gap. Almost anything bad can be wonderful with friends, and almost anything good can be terrible without them.

The worst summer of my life was the summer I spent holed up in a cabin in the mountains of Colorado working on a national government textbook. For three months I worked 10 hours a day studying political science with a classmate and our college professor. We had no electricity (we charged our laptop batteries in town every day) and no indoor plumbing (we used an outhouse). But that wasn’t the main problem. I got used to the rustic lifestyle. The problem was the absence of friends. I was surrounded by amazing natural beauty, engaged in work that I liked fairly well, and allowed time every night and every weekend to read, run, or explore. But I was miserable because I felt all alone.

It’s surprising we don’t talk more about friendship in the church. Depending on how you define friendship, the Bible may have more to say about the friend relationship than it does about marriage and parenting. Further, I bet church “satisfaction” is largely based on two things. If you find happy churchgoers I wager you’ll find these two items present, and where church members are unhappy, I can almost guarantee these two things are missing: quality teaching and quality relationships. No doubt, there are many other important aspects of church life. But for most folks these are the two that matter most. People want a church that teaches them well (which includes sermons, songs, classes, and Bible studies) and a church where they can make friends.

I don’t know if making friends is harder than ever. In some ways, with travel and technology, it is easier than it used to be. But there are still a number of factors that mitigate against genuine friendship.

• We are extremely mobile, moving from place to place, rarely settling down in one spot for a long time.
• We are consumed by family life, pouring almost all our spare time into our children and what’s left over into our spouse.
• We are deceived by email and Facebook, imagining we have hundreds of spectacular relationships when actually we have lots of well-wishers and acquaintances and few flesh and blood friends.
• We are entranced by one-way relationships, expending emotional energy as we bond with our favorite sitcom actor, sports star, or American Idol contestant.

Friendship is wonderful, and we all want it. But friends can be hard to come by. This is nothing new. A true friend has always been one of God’s most sought after gifts. “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” (Proverbs 20:6). Thankfully, the book of Proverbs says a lot about friendship. It won’t help you find friends, at least not directly. But Proverbs will help you be a better friend. And the best friends usually have the best friends.

In particular, Proverbs invites us to ask three questions relative to friendship: Are you fake? Are you foul? Or are you faithful? We’ll look at these three questions over the next three days. Be a friend and read along.

Kevin DeYoung (PhD, University of Leicester) is senior pastor of Christ Covenant Church (PCA) in Matthews, North Carolina, and associate professor of systematic theology at Reformed Theological Seminary (Charlotte). He is the author of more than 20 books and a popular columnist, blogger, and podcaster. Kevin’s work can be found on clearlyreformed.org . Kevin and his wife, Trisha, have nine children.

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10 Paragraphs: My Best Friend

Friendship is a beautiful tapestry of shared memories, laughter, and unwavering support. Within that tapestry, there is often one person who stands out—the best friend. This individual holds a special place in our hearts and has witnessed our joys, triumphs, and vulnerabilities. Writing a paragraph about your best friend can be a heartfelt tribute, an opportunity to celebrate the unique qualities that make them an irreplaceable presence in your life.

Table of Contents

Tips On Writing A Paragraph On My Best Friend

Introduce your best friend: Start by introducing your best friend and providing some basic information about them, such as their name and how long you’ve known each other. For example, “My best friend, Sarah, has been by my side for over a decade, and our friendship has only grown stronger with time.”

Highlight their qualities and characteristics: Describe the qualities and characteristics that make your best friend special. Focus on their positive traits, such as their kindness, loyalty, sense of humor, or empathy. Provide examples or anecdotes to illustrate these qualities. For instance, “Sarah is the epitome of kindness, always going out of her way to help others. I remember when she spent hours organizing a surprise birthday party for me, ensuring every detail was perfect.”

Share memorable experiences: Recall some memorable experiences or adventures you’ve shared with your best friend. Describe the fun, laughter, or meaningful moments you’ve experienced together. This helps to showcase the bond and connection you have. For example, “From road trips to late-night conversations, Sarah and I have shared countless adventures. One of my favorite memories is when we hiked to the top of a mountain and watched the sunrise, celebrating the beauty of nature and our friendship.”

Express gratitude and appreciation: Take a moment to express your gratitude and appreciation for your best friend. Share how they have positively impacted your life and why they are important to you. This adds depth and emotion to your paragraph. For instance, “I am incredibly grateful to have Sarah in my life. Her unwavering support and belief in me have given me the strength to overcome challenges and pursue my dreams. I am forever thankful for her presence.”

Conclude with a reflection: Wrap up your paragraph by reflecting on the significance of your best friend in your life. Summarize the qualities, experiences, and emotions you’ve mentioned and state what makes them truly special. This leaves a lasting impression on the reader. For example, “In conclusion, Sarah is not just my best friend; she is my confidant, my cheerleader, and my partner in crime. Her genuine care, infectious laughter, and unwavering support make her an irreplaceable presence in my life.”

Paragraph 1

My best friend, Emily, is the epitome of warmth and compassion. From the moment we first met, her genuine smile and kind heart drew me in. Whether it’s lending a listening ear during tough times or celebrating the joys of life together, Emily’s unwavering support has been a constant source of comfort. Her ability to empathize and offer sage advice never fails to amaze me. With Emily by my side, I know I have a friend for life who will always be there to brighten my days.

Paragraph 2

When I think of my best friend, Alex, the first word that comes to mind is “adventurous.” From spontaneous road trips to exploring new hobbies, Alex is always up for a thrilling experience. Their infectious enthusiasm and zest for life inspire me to step out of my comfort zone and embrace the unknown. With Alex, every day is an opportunity for an exciting adventure, and I’m grateful to have a friend who continually pushes me to embrace life to the fullest.

Paragraph 3

Sarah, my best friend since childhood, is a constant reminder of the power of laughter and joy. Her infectious laughter has the ability to light up any room and bring a smile to even the gloomiest of days. Sarah’s sense of humor is unmatched, and our countless inside jokes have created a bond that cannot be broken. With her by my side, life’s challenges seem more manageable, and every moment becomes an opportunity for shared laughter and happiness.

Paragraph 4

In a world where true authenticity is often hard to find, my best friend, Michael, stands out as a beacon of genuineness. His unwavering loyalty and honesty have been the foundation of our friendship. I know I can always count on Michael to speak the truth, even when it’s difficult. His ability to be authentic and vulnerable has created a safe space where we can share our deepest fears and dreams without judgment. Having Michael as my best friend is a true gift.

Paragraph 5

My best friend, Olivia, possesses a unique blend of creativity and compassion that sets her apart. Her artistic talents bring life and beauty to everything she touches. From painting breathtaking landscapes to writing heartfelt poetry, Olivia’s creativity knows no bounds. But what truly sets her apart is her ability to use her talents to uplift others. Olivia’s art is a reflection of her kind and empathetic soul, and I am constantly inspired by her ability to create beauty in the world.

Paragraph 6

When it comes to resilience and determination, no one compares to my best friend, Jason. Through life’s ups and downs, Jason has shown an unwavering strength that I deeply admire. He faces challenges head-on with a tenacity that is truly remarkable. Jason’s ability to overcome obstacles and rise above adversity has taught me the importance of perseverance and has inspired me to push through my own struggles. With Jason by my side, I know that together we can conquer anything.

Paragraph 7

My best friend, Lily, has a heart as big as the ocean. She possesses a rare combination of compassion and empathy that makes her a natural caregiver. Lily’s ability to truly listen and understand others’ emotions creates a safe space for vulnerability and healing. Her kindness knows no bounds, and she consistently goes above and beyond to help those in need. Lily’s unwavering support and nurturing nature make her not just a best friend but a true guardian angel in my life.

Paragraph 8

From the moment I met my best friend, Ethan, I knew we shared an unspoken bond. Our connection goes beyond words; it’s a deep understanding that transcends explanation. Ethan is the person who knows me better than I know myself. He can read my thoughts with a single glance and provides unwavering support even when I struggle to express my own needs. With Ethan, I feel seen and understood, and I am grateful every day for this extraordinary friendship.

Paragraph 9

Sophia, my best friend and partner in crime, brings a vibrant energy and sense of adventure into my life. Together, we’ve tackled countless escapades, turning the ordinary into extraordinary. Whether it’s exploring hidden corners of our city or embarking on spontaneous road trips, Sophia’s boundless enthusiasm and zest for life are infectious. With her by my side, each day is an opportunity for new discoveries and unforgettable memories that will be etched in our hearts forever.

Paragraph 10

My best friend, Daniel, is a constant source of inspiration and wisdom. His intellectual curiosity and thirst for knowledge are truly remarkable. Daniel’s ability to engage in deep conversations and offer profound insights challenges me to think critically and broaden my perspectives. With his guidance, I’ve grown not only intellectually but also as a person. Daniel’s friendship has enriched my life in immeasurable ways, and I am forever grateful for his intellectual companionship.

About Mr. Greg

Mr. Greg is an English teacher from Edinburgh, Scotland, currently based in Hong Kong. He has over 5 years teaching experience and recently completed his PGCE at the University of Essex Online. In 2013, he graduated from Edinburgh Napier University with a BEng(Hons) in Computing, with a focus on social media.

Mr. Greg’s English Cloud was created in 2020 during the pandemic, aiming to provide students and parents with resources to help facilitate their learning at home.

Whatsapp: +85259609792

[email protected]

L.A. Affairs: I found love in a truly hopeless place. Yes, the office

Alyah Holmes / For The Times

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Heartbroken after a breakup that was long overdue, crushed by a stalled entertainment industry and depressed by my temporary day job at a dementia center, I grasped at any semblance of stability. Desperation led me to apply for an office job at a law firm in Westwood despite having zero legal experience and a unique disdain for cubicles and fluorescent lighting.

Months of hopeful waiting ended with a curt dismissal: “We’ve decided to move forward with another candidate.”

I was bitter, and my mind was overflowing with imagined shortcomings directed at the other candidate. The guy they chose was probably fluent in legal jargon and adept at being mundane as hell. He probably penciled in his laughter. He probably was awful, I thought.

L.A. Affairs: He said having sex with me was like eating salad. Excuse me?

His comments sent me into a spiral. I was no longer sure of myself. I turned to friends to get their thoughts: What kind of salad was I?

May 3, 2024

Two months later, I received a phone call. The firm was expanding and wanted to hire me. I knew I would have to work with the person who got the job I had applied for, but I needed the income, so I dusted off my loafers and put my ego aside.

I wasn’t going to be there for the long-term and I certainly wasn’t going to make friends, I decided. Naturally the universe had other plans for my time in the office. My aloof facade crumbled upon meeting Chris.

When we were introduced, I politely asked him how he was doing, and he proudly belted out, “L-I-V-I-N!”

It was obvious why Chris was selected for the job that I had wanted. He didn’t know about statutes or precedents. He wasn’t stuffy or boring, and his laughter was far from regulated. Everyone loved him. And why wouldn’t they? I’d never met anyone like him.

His smile was like a floodlight. He repelled negative energy, and anxiety feared him. In an office that made the DMV look like Disneyland, he was everything.

L.A. Affairs: I’m a divorced woman. Was I ready to be naked with a new guy?

After my divorce, my self-esteem was low. The idea of dating in Los Angeles terrified me. Then I met a saucy Italian chef who managed to fire up my burners.

April 26, 2024

Chris was training me, and we were the only people in our department. I started wearing mascara, removing my headphones and asking Chris questions I already knew the answer to. He would leave notes on my car. We exchanged screenplays, and he would text me after work, referencing inside jokes that we pretended were funnier than they were.

But I’ll admit that I was stubborn. I couldn’t let myself enjoy anything about this job or this phase in my life. I needed to focus on my writing. The strike would end, the clouds would lift, and this blip in time would be forgotten. I couldn’t admit that I was in love with Chris. It wasn’t part of my plan.

We would go to Barney’s Beanery together on our lunch breaks but pretend that we weren’t going on dates. We would take our 15-minute breaks together to “get fresh air.” We made a combined Spotify Blend playlist, revealing our mutual love of Green Day and the Smashing Pumpkins. Sometimes I even forgot how much I hated going to the office.

Chris had an AMC Movie Pass, and I was a good liar. He would see movies after work to beat traffic, so I bought the pass and acted like I’d always had it.

The day we planned to see a movie after work, Chris received terrible news of a death in his family. I offered my condolences at the office. I wanted to hold him but didn’t know if I could so much as pat his arm. I asked if he’d still like to see the movie, and he insisted he needed the distraction.

L.A. Affairs: I was new to Los Angeles. Was driving 70 miles for love worth it?

The two-hour drive I didn’t want to make became the drive the two of us did willingly, almost every weekend for five years.

April 19, 2024

It was Christmas for all of December in Century City. As we drank three limoncellos each, Chris told me stories about his uncle who made Southern California feel like home, and we shared our first hug. He smelled like clean laundry, and I was drunk enough to tell him.

We sneaked more drinks into the theater and watched Paul Giamatti in “The Holdovers,” which made me cry. Chris held my hand. We stumbled into another movie — a private screening of a live production of “Titanic the Musical.” We didn’t want our night to end, so we went to Barney’s for a nightcap. Standing outside of our favorite bar, we shared our first kiss. It felt overdue.

Since then, we’ve met each other’s families and friends, taken road trips together and seen many more movies. (For me, the AMC Pass was a great investment.)

We also finished all of our work assignments at the law firm. Three weeks ago, the firm let Chris go. I wondered if I should quit. I wanted to. Chris was the best thing about that office, and I couldn’t bear the thought of being there without him. Thirty minutes after Chris was let go, I was let go. We were so happy to be free. The next day we went to Universal Studios to celebrate.

L.A. Affairs: I went to USC. He went to UCLA. Could I fight on in the name of love?

As he courted me, my future husband said he would manage to overlook the fact that my diploma was from USC because he (unfortunately) was a devoted Bruin.

April 12, 2024

The maze of dead-end interviews, the drudgery of temporary gigs and the tumultuous nature of making a living as a writer don’t feel so bad anymore. We have new day jobs but still go to Barney’s Beanery. We also work on our screenplays and write bad jokes.

Occasionally I make arbitrary plans and ridiculous statements about how things ought to pan out. And I find myself laughing. Not a penciled-in laugh. An unchecked laugh. A Chris-inspired free laugh. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but for now, Chris and I are falling deeper in love and “L-I-V-I-N.”

The author is a screenwriter living in West Hollywood. She’s on Instagram: @mlindz

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email [email protected] . You can find submission guidelines here . You can find past columns here .

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March 29, 2024

L.A. Affairs: I keep calling my new boyfriend Paul. That’s my ex’s name

March 8, 2024

L.A. Affairs: I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum. What he did next was shocking

March 1, 2024

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How to Create a Society That Prizes Decency

By David Brooks

Opinion Columnist

In 2020 Joe Biden ran on the theme of saving the soul of America. Once he was president, he used the power of his office to help direct hundreds of billions of dollars through the infrastructure law and the CHIPS Act to the people and places that had been left behind. At the time, I hoped that these programs would not only create jobs and give people a sense of financial security but also be seen as a sign of respect, a sign to the unseen and the alienated that America had their back.

These policies were successful in economic terms, sparking a torrent of additional investment and lifting real wages, but economic progress has not produced social or spiritual progress — less alienation, higher social trust. American society, at every economic level, is still plagued by enmity, distrust, isolation, willful misunderstanding, ungraciousness and just plain meanness. The pain in America resides in places deeper than economic policies can reach. So how can we create a society in which it is easier to be decent to one another?

To answer that question, I returned to Howard Thurman’s magnificent 1949 book, “Jesus and the Disinherited.” Thurman, a Black theologian, was a contemporary of Martin Luther King Sr., at Morehouse and had a strong influence on the activism of his son Martin Luther King Jr.

In the book Thurman asks a series of profound questions: How is it possible for the disinherited and the oppressed to live pushed against the wall without losing their humanity? More broadly, how is it possible to strengthen the spiritual and social foundation of society so that people will recognize one another’s full dignity amid the normal tussles of life? These are germane questions today, when so many — on the left and right — feel that society has pushed them against the wall.

Thurman emphasizes that Jesus was a poor Jew living under the tyranny of Roman power. But even in these vicious circumstances, Jesus focused his attention on the “inward center” of each person. He showed that you can’t look only at a person’s economic or political circumstances. The crucial level for any person is the spiritual level, the place where souls are either sanctified or degraded.

Thurman reminds us that when the networks of relationships in a society are broken and unjust, national transformation must flow from a tide of personal transformations.

He first focuses on how our circumstances either diminish or elevate our souls. With tremendous insight, Thurman probes the psychologies of both those who dominate and those who are disinherited. He points out that those who do the dominating often live in fear that if they don’t keep dominating, then their security will vanish. Meanwhile, those who are disinherited face their own psychic pressures: “There are few things more devastating than to have it burned into you that you do not count.”

In a passage that anticipates the rise of Donald Trump, Thurman notes the awful power of the demagogue who says to the alienated youth: “No one loves you — I love you; no one will give you work — I will give you work; no one wants you — I want you.” In another passage that anticipates the current agony in Gaza: “The doom of the children is the greatest tragedy of the disinherited.”

It is natural, Thurman writes, for people who are disinherited to feel fear and hatred toward their oppressors. It is natural to want to lie to those who dominate you in order to protect yourself. But, he continues, these are self-destructive responses.

He writes, “Jesus rejected hatred because he saw that hatred meant death to the mind, death to the spirit, death to communion with his father.” When you try to deceive someone else, even for your own protection, you end up becoming a deceiver deep in your nature. You end up losing the ability to make moral distinctions.

Thurman argued that the first step toward reconciliation comes when we redefine the people on both sides of these power equations. When status categories are frozen, people in different groups meet as enemies. But you can scramble status categories by asking deeper questions of one another: How have you decided to live your life? What are the questions you have had to answer? These inquiries begin the process of seeing others in their full dignity. They initiate a process of sharing mutual worth and value.

Then comes my favorite sentence in the book, “There cannot be too great insistence on the point that we are here dealing with a discipline, a method, a technique, as over against some form of wishful thinking or simple desiring.”

A discipline, a method, a technique.

To be a good citizen, it is necessary to be warmhearted, but it is also necessary to master the disciplines, methods and techniques required to live well together: how to listen well, how to ask for and offer forgiveness, how not to misunderstand one another, how to converse in a way that reduces inequalities of respect. In a society with so much loneliness and distrust, we are failing at these social and moral disciplines.

Similarly, to create social change, it is necessary to have good intentions, but it is also necessary to master the disciplines and techniques of effective social action. The people in the civil rights organizations in the 1950s and ’60s spent a lot of time rigorously thinking about which methods would work and which would backfire. Thurman’s emphasis on methodological rigor and technique influenced King’s brilliant and often counterintuitive principles of nonviolent resistance:

1. It is not a method for cowards. It is active nonviolent resistance to evil.

2. It seeks not to defeat or humiliate the opponent but to win his friendship and understanding in order to move toward a beloved community.

3. The attack is directed against the forces of evil rather than against the people who happen to be doing the evil.

4. One must have a willingness to accept suffering without retaliation, to accept blows from an opponent without striking back. Unearned suffering is redemptive.

5. It avoids not only external physical violence but also internal violence of the spirit. It is a refusal to hate.

6. Nonviolent resistance is based on the conviction that the universe is on the side of justice. It has a deep faith in the future.

There are obviously times when this nonviolent strategy is inappropriate — in a state of anarchy or war, when the very existence of your people is under threat. But these techniques did work in Birmingham, Selma, Chicago and beyond. Most important, they altered people’s souls, fortifying the state of consciousness of the disinherited, undermining the state of consciousness of the dominators and elevating the consciousness of those who looked on in awe and admiration.

These thoughtful techniques are a long way from the tit-for-tat crudities that now often pass for public discourse, the tantrums of the merchants of rage, the 57 percent of Republicans and the 41 percent of Democrats who regard people in the other party as their enemies .

As many have noted, we’re not going to solve our problems at the same level of consciousness on which we created them. If the national consciousness, the state of our national soul, is to repair, it will be because people begin to think as deeply as Thurman did and begin to be intolerant of the immoralities of their own side.

I was impressed this week by Georgia’s former lieutenant governor Geoff Duncan. A conservative Republican, he announced his decision to support Biden, and he rebuked those other conservatives who are appalled by Trump but still vow to vote for him. Duncan’s reasoning was straightforward: Character is more important than policy. Or to put it more grandly, the soul of our democracy is more important than whatever the future top tax rate might be.

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David Brooks has been a columnist with The Times since 2003. He is the author, most recently,  of “How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.” @ nytdavidbrooks