conflict resolution and styles in problem solving

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13 Conflict Resolution and Problem Solving

Chapter 13 Check-in:

• Identify Conflict Causes and Effects
• Explore Conflict Approaches Solutions
• Basic Problem Solving Strategy PDCA

Like all communication, good conflict management and resolution requires your time: listen, reflect, and consider all elements of a situation and the people involved.  It is not a simple process and there are some steps to help you navigate the process.  In the end, it is about the relationship.

Frequently considered a negative, conflict can actually be an opportunity for growth in relationship or work.  Your attitude towards the situation and person plays a role in any outcome.  Adam Grant, Professor of Psychology at The Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and Saul P. Steinberg Professor of Management, notes that “The absence of conflict is not harmony, it’s apathy.  If you are in a group where people never disagree, the only way that could ever really happen is if the people don’t care enough to speak their minds.” (Grant, February 2021).

However, it is easy to feel at a loss in an immediate conflict situation.  Here are some brief points to consider when faced with more than just a disagreement.

Conflict is emotional: it is much greater than a difference of opinions.  It is usually an expression of not being heard, seen, valued or respected.   It is based on a deeply person need and emotional response, based on perceptions which have identified a threat in any form.  If conflict is ignored, it can fester and result in such entrenched opinions and sides that resolution appears impossible (Segal et al, 2020).

The first step is to determine what the actual problem is as perceived by all parties.  The Conflict Tree analogy is especially useful if you respond well to visuals (O’Connor, 2020).  It is an excellent activity for a group or individual to clarify the effects (branches), core problems (trunk), and even causes of the issue (roots).

Once the actual problem is identified, you can move on to tackling a resolution together.

Approaches to Conflict

There are generally five styles for approaching conflict (Benoliel, 2017) and understanding what they are and what style you lean towards, identifies how you will move through the process.  These categories are determined by whether the focus is on the relationship or the end goal of a task/project.  While these may be more specific to workplace conflicts, they certainly identify personal conflict responses as well.

Collaboration is marked by a balanced focus on the relationship with others and meeting long-term objectives.  A Competition style is marked by individuals who are assertive and probably uncooperative who demonstrate that their priority is the outcome of the project more than the relationships.  Although few people enjoy conflict, the Avoidance style focuses on the the immediate unpleasantness and therefore avoids the issues.  This traditionally marks individuals who are unassertive and uncooperative largely because they assume it is safer to ignore than face an issue.  Sometimes there are individuals who will do anything to please others: this Accommodation approach results in self-sacrifice and is usually the route taken by those who care more about the relationship than the outcome.  Unfortunately, they are frequently taken advantage of in their efforts to please others.  Lastly, there are those who prefer the Compromise strategy. This may seem expedient in the attempt to resolve the problem by aiming for mutually acceptable terms and concessions, it does frequently leaves no one side satisfied even though it allows most to maintain an assertive and cooperative stance.

Strategies for Solutions

Sometimes those involved in conflict turn to an third person for assistance to resolve a conflict.  A mediator can listen to the perspectives of those in the dispute and focuses on helping each side hear the concerns and priorities of the other.  Working with the individuals in conflict, a mediator aims to help them create a solution acceptable to both sides.  Sometimes the third party is an Arbitrator whose role is to hear each side and provide a decision to resolve the dispute.  In some cases the conflict results in the even more formal process of a trial.

There are four key skills you need to approach conflict resolution with or without a third party involved (Segal et al, 2020; Fighting Fair, n.d.).

Conflict can be a very stressful experience and your Stress Management is an essential first step.  When we are stressed, we can’t think clearly, we can’t understand someone else’s thoughts or feelings, and it makes communication very difficult.  Use whatever method works best for you to manage your stress.

Once your stress is managed, it is easier to exert Control over your Emotions.  Recognize the emotions you are experiencing to assist in your processing the experience without having a purely emotional response.

With your stress and emotions recognized and managed, it makes it easier to recognize and pay attention to the feelings you and the other people express  and you can Identify Non-Verbal Communication.   Much is said without words and body language is a good indication of how the other person feels towards the situation.

Respect each other is standard for every communication situation and essential to remember if you are in a position of conflict.  Personal attacks, or drawing on personal knowledge, has no productive part in conflict resolution.

Many resources may explain the benefits of humour, but caution should be used.  Sometimes an emotional situation is not the best time for humour as you can unintentionally be seen to diminish the importance another person places on the experience.

Work together to identify the problem by taking the time to see it from multiple perspectives.  Be clear about the desired results and end goal.  Think about the relationships and long term impacts that any course of action may have on all parties.  It takes commitment to resolve a conflict.

Problem Solving

We covered Reflection and Feedback in Chapter 12 and these are essential steps for effective conflict resolution and problem solving. Even the Trial and Error process of problem solving relies on evaluating the success of an action before moving on to another attempt.

Many different approaches to problem solving exist though the basic core approach can be seen across geographic and language borders.  The PDCA approach – Plan, Do, Check, Act – provides the basic four steps process that can be expanded to suit any profession or experience (Plan, Do, Check, Act, 2021).

Problem solving starts with a clear identification of problem.  Then you need to clarify the desired end result.  The development of a plan can be as short or as long as necessary.  Once you have a plan, you have to implement it: Do.  Check is your opportunity to evaluate the success of your plan and make any amendments necessary.  Finally, Act: put your strategy into practice.  An important point to remember is that the reflection and evaluation should be an ongoing part of the solution you implement.

Chapter 13 Check-out:

• Explore Conflict Approaches and Solutions

Remember your last conflict with another person.  How was it resolved?  How would you like it to have been resolved?  What could you have done to implement that change in result?

How do you usually approach problem solving?  How successful has it been for you? 

What, if anything, would you like to change about how you’ve problem solved in the past?

Resources and References

Benoliel, B. (2017). Five styles of conflict resolution.  Walden University.  [Online]  https://www.waldenu.edu/news-and-events/walden-news/2017/0530-whats-your-conflict-management-style

Fighting Fair to Resolve Conflict. (n.d.).  Counselling and Mental Health Centre. University of Texas at Austin. [Online] https://cmhc.utexas.edu/fightingfair.html

Goleman, D. (April 2012). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence .  Big Think. [Online] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

Grant, A., (February 2021). The Easiest Person to Fool .  The Hidden Brain. NPR Podcast. [Online] https://hidden-brain.simplecast.com/episodes/the-easiest-person-to-fool-f1hbMrGr

Grant, A., (April 2021). The Science of Productive Conflict . TED Podcast. [Online] https://www.ted.com/podcasts/worklife/the-science-of-productive-conflict-transcript

O’Connor, T., (October 2020). 3 Simple Conflict Analysis Tools That Anyone Can Use. [Online] https://medium.com/p/c30689757a0d

Plan Do Check Act: A Simple Problem Solving Methodology. (2021).  Educational-Business-Articles.com [Online] https://www.educational-business-articles.com/plan-do-check-act/

Segal, J., Robinson, L., and Smith, M. (2020). Conflict Resolution Skills. Helpguide.org. [Online] https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm

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What Your Conflict Resolution Style Says About You and Is It Healthy?

Better conflict resolution skills can improve your relationships

Rachael is a New York-based writer and freelance writer for Verywell Mind, where she leverages her decades of personal experience with and research on mental illness—particularly ADHD and depression—to help readers better understand how their mind works and how to manage their mental health.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

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The Five Conflict Resolution Styles

Common types of conflict in relationships, how to determine your conflict resolution style, how to improve your conflict resolution skills, can a relationship work if you have different conflict resolution styles.

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), one of the most widely-used models of conflict management, identifies five conflict resolution styles: competing, avoiding, collaborating, accommodating, and compromising.

While each style can be appropriate to different situations, a collaborating style is generally the healthiest for relationships because it emphasizes a team-oriented approach to finding a solution that satisfies both partners. By the same token, a competing style often puts excess strain on a relationship because it pits one partner against the other with the assumption that only one can win.

Research suggests that conflict resolution style has an even bigger impact on the strength and longevity of a relationship than the kind of conflicts or frequency of conflict. In other words, how you fight matters more than how often you fight or what you fight about.

Read on to learn more about each conflict resolution style, how to figure out your style, how that can impact your relationships, and how to develop a healthier conflict resolution style.

The five conflict resolution styles described by the TKI are positioned along a spectrum of cooperativeness and assertiveness .

Cooperativeness refers to the extent to which a person tries to understand and satisfy their partner’s concerns. Assertiveness, meanwhile, refers to the extent to which a person seeks to satisfy their own concerns.

A style leaning too far to either extreme can be unhealthy. For example, people who are too assertive and make no effort at all to satisfy their partner’s concerns can end up making that partner feel uncared for and, ultimately, unfulfilled in the relationship. But people who are too cooperative and refuse to assert themselves at all can end up creating a similar relationship dynamic, where one partner always gets their needs met and the other never does.

• Competing : This style approaches the conflict as if it’s a battle of wills where one person will win and one will lose. It’s less about solving the problem and more about figuring out which person gets to have their way this time. Eventually, this can erode the very foundation of the relationship as partners increasingly view each other as competitors battling for control over the relationship.
• Avoiding : This style tries to pretend the conflict doesn’t exist. Avoidance is usually done out of fear that the conflict could hurt or even end the relationship. But it’s not a long-term solution because you can’t solve a problem if you refuse to confront it. This, too, can erode the relationship as the unresolved problem puts strain on it and becomes harder to ignore.
• Collaborating : A collaborating couple treats conflicts as an “us versus the problem” situation. Rather than competing against each other, they work as a team to figure out a solution to the problem where both partners win. It leads to the best outcomes, but it also takes the most energy, patience, and empathy , especially when the problem doesn’t have an obvious win-win solution.
• Accommodating : One partner chooses to neglect their own needs or concerns for the sake of keeping the peace. For relatively small issues, like where to go for dinner, that might be fine. But for bigger issues, it’s not a long-term solution because it only “solves” the problem for the partner whose needs were accommodated. The one doing the accommodating will still feel like the issue isn’t resolved.
• Compromising : A compromise is a middle ground between two opposing sides. It still positions the partners as competitors, but instead of fighting for victory, they negotiate a solution that’s acceptable to both. Rather than win-win, it’s more often a draw where each side is left only partially satisfied. For tricky issues where there just isn’t a win-win, compromise is a good alternative. But when couples rely too much on compromise, both partners can end up feeling like they’re sacrificing too much for the sake of the relationship.

Conflict is normal in every relationship. The more two people try to build a life together, the more they will confront differences in views and expectations as they navigate the logistics of combining finances, sharing responsibilities, and agreeing on what they want for their future together.

• Financial disagreements . Couples can often get into disagreements about how to balance saving for the future with paying for the lifestyle they want right now. Others will disagree about how to share financial responsibilities.
• Parenting disagreements . Differing views on discipline, nutrition, education, and division of parenting labor can all be tough conflicts to navigate.
• Division of household labor . People might have different standards of cleanliness that are hard to combine. In other cases, one person might end up carrying more weight than the other.
• Intimacy . This refers to sex as well as other kinds of emotional and physical intimacy like cuddling, spending quality time together, and expressing your love and appreciation for each other. While it’s natural for intimacy to fluctuate over the course of a relationship, conflict can arise when one or both of you start to feel less loved than they used to at other points in the relationship.

Facing conflict in a relationship is not a sign of failure, but how you navigate that conflict can have serious consequences for the health of your relationship.

To figure out which style you tend to use in conflicts, it helps to see each one in a real-world context.

How People With Varying Conflict Resolutions May Respond to Conflict

Consider this real-world scenario to figure out your conflict resolution style.

Picture a couple with a teenage daughter. While she used to get a good mix of As and Bs on her report cards in the past, it’s shifted to a mix of mostly Cs with a few Bs now that she’s in high school.

The first parent wants to discipline the daughter when she comes with her latest report card of mostly Cs. The lower grades are going to make it hard to get into a decent college and have a bright future. The second parent thinks discipline is uncalled for. Cs are still passing grades. As long as she’s passing her classes, she should be given some room to live her own life.

Now, put yourself in this situation and consider how you would respond. After, you've decided how you think you might respond, read ahead to see which style best matches your response.

• A competing parent would continue to rehash their own point of view, either refuting or dismissing any counterpoints or concerns brought up by the other parent. They’ll continue arguing until one gives in or they both get exhausted and temporarily drop the issue without resolving it.
• An avoiding parent would ignore the topic altogether. The second parent might hide the report card, for example, hoping the first parent doesn’t find it so they don’t have to confront the issue.
• An accommodating parent would just let the other one do what they think is best. The first parent might just drop the issue as soon as they encountered any pushback from their partner.
• A compromising parent would try to find a middle ground. Perhaps they settle on not punishing her this time, but sitting her down for a serious discussion and a warning that she will be punished if her future report cards don’t improve.
• A collaborating parent would look for a solution that addressed the concerns of both parents. That might look like sitting their daughter down to ask her about school and her plans for the future. The parents can uncover any struggles she might be dealing with that are causing the declining grades or else work with her to figure out what she wants for her future and what kind of grades she’ll need to achieve that. That way, the first parent can leave satisfied that they’re helping their daughter achieve the goals she has for herself while the second parent is satisfied that they’re not placing undue pressure on her.

Conflicts are difficult by definition, so don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t great at resolving them.

Conflict Resolution Tips

Follow these tips to improve your conflict resolution skills:

• Forgive each other and start with a fresh slate . If your conflict resolution styles were unhealthy in the past, it’s easy to go into future conflicts expecting the same unhealthy dynamic to emerge. That expectation can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if you lean on old defensive habits that trigger your partner to fall back into their own old habits. So you both need to agree to forgive the past hurt and be patient and forgiving with each other as you work on developing a healthier conflict resolution style.
• Listen and repeat . Don’t interrupt each other when you’re talking. In addition to letting the other person finish speaking, start your response by recapping what they said to confirm that you understood them.
• Hold back judgment . If you feel the other person’s concerns are overblown or unimportant, keep it to yourself. Both of you need to be able to talk openly about your thoughts and feelings without worrying that they’ll just be dismissed.
• Treat it like a brainstorming session, not an argument . Each of you will throw out solutions that the other person doesn’t like. Instead of judging it, focus on addressing the elements of the plan that don’t work and suggesting alternatives.
• Brainstorm with empathy. Instead of focusing only on your needs, focus on ways to incorporate your partner’s concerns into the solution you’re proposing. Even if those concerns aren’t as important to you, you can still look for ways to tweak your original idea to address them. Your partner should do the same.

You don’t need to have matching styles to maintain a healthy relationship. However, it’s still important to find balance in how you resolve conflicts. If one partner has a competing style while the other has an accommodating style, for example, it’s easy for the relationship to become extremely one-sided, with the competing partner often getting their way.

It's important to find balance in how you resolve conflicts.

If you feel like you and your partner struggle to really resolve conflicts or it’s become one-sided , couples therapy can help you develop a better approach.

How a Couples Therapist Can Help

Therapists that specialize in couples counseling can be great at diagnosing where the miscommunication is happening and helping a couple practice healthier conflict resolution strategies.

Frequently Asked Questions

In general, it should be collaborative. A healthy relationship is one that fulfills both partners, which means both partners need to find the balance between asserting their own needs and meeting the needs of their partner.

If the problem will impact the relationship or either person’s future happiness, then yes. When you confront a major conflict, you either need to find a way forward that satisfies both of you or acknowledge that this might be a sign of incompatibility.

If you don’t have much practice with healthy conflict resolution, it can be hard to tell the difference between fundamental incompatibility and just lacking the skills to find a good resolution.

A couple’s therapist can help you navigate this situation and help both of you develop healthier conflict-resolution styles. 

Smaller conflicts about general annoyances and pet peeves, however, do not always need to be discussed. But if something bothers you or hurts your feelings, it's certainly worth bringing up.

Mossanen M, Johnston SS, Green J, Joyner BD. A practical approach to conflict management for program directors . Journal of Graduate Medical Education. 2014;6(2):345-346. Doi:10.4300/JGME-D-14-00175.1

Noller P, Feeney JA. Communication in early marriage: responses to conflict, nonverbal accuracy, and conversational patterns . In: Bradbury TN, ed. The Developmental Course of Marital Dysfunction. 1st ed. Cambridge University Press; 1998:11-43. Doi:10.1017/CBO9780511527814.003

By Rachael Green Rachael is a New York-based writer and freelance writer for Verywell Mind, where she leverages her decades of personal experience with and research on mental illness—particularly ADHD and depression—to help readers better understand how their mind works and how to manage their mental health.

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Conflict-Management Styles: Pitfalls and Best Practices

Conflict-management styles can affect how disputes play out in organizations and beyond. research on conflict-management styles offers advice on managing such difficult situations..

By Katie Shonk — on March 21st, 2024 / Conflict Resolution

People approach conflict differently, depending on their innate tendencies, their life experiences, and the demands of the moment. Negotiation and conflict-management research reveals how our differing conflict-management styles mesh with best practices in conflict resolution.

A Model of Conflict-Management Styles

In 1974, Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann introduced a questionnaire, the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument , designed to measure people’s conflict styles. Based on people’s responses to pairs of statements, the instrument categorizes respondents into five different conflict styles:

• Competing. When adopting a competing style, people view interpersonal conflict resolution as win-lose games. Rather than recognizing the value of ensuring that each party walks away satisfied, disputants focus narrowly on claiming as much as they can for themselves. While value claiming is an important component of negotiation, a single-minded competitive orientation sacrifices value in the long run and perpetuates conflict.
• Avoiding. Because dealing with conflict directly can be highly uncomfortable, many of us prefer to avoid it. An avoidant conflict style might at first appear to be the opposite of a competitive style, but in fact, it can be similarly obstructive. When we avoid conflict, we often allow problems to grow worse.
• Accommodating. Because they defer so often to others, negotiators who adopt an accommodating style can seem agreeable and easygoing. But when people consistently put others’ needs first, they are liable to experience resentment that builds up over time. Accommodating negotiators typically will benefit from learning to express their needs and concerns.
• Compromising. Sometimes we try to resolve conflict by proposing seemingly equal compromises, such as meeting in the middle between two extreme positions, or by making a significant compromise just to move forward. Although a compromising conflict style can move a conversation forward, the solution is often unsatisfying and temporary because it doesn’t address the root issues at stake.
• Collaborating. Those who adopt a collaborative conflict-resolution style work to understand the deeper needs behind other parties’ demands and to express their own needs. They see value in working through strong emotions that come up, and they propose tradeoffs across issues that will give each side more of what they want.

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A collaborative negotiation style is usually the most effective style for managing conflict and fostering productive long-term relationships; however, different conflict-management styles can be effectively applied to different phases and types of conflict in management. Moreover, though we may have a predisposition toward a particular conflict style, we adopt different styles depending on the situation.

Competing is often useful when you’ve jointly created value through collaboration and now need to divide up resources. Accommodating may be the best immediate choice when your boss is unhappy about a project that went awry. Avoiding can be wise when someone seems volatile or when we don’t expect to deal with them again. And compromising can be a fine way of resolving a minor issue quickly.

Conflict-Management Styles : Lessons from Marriage Research

Can people with different conflict-management styles get along? In his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail . . . and How You Can Make Yours Last (Simon & Schuster, 1995), psychologist John Gottman writes that healthy marriages tend to settle into three different styles of problem solving: validating (compromising often and working out problems to mutual satisfaction), conflict-avoidant (agreeing to disagree and rarely confronting differences directly), and volatile (frequently engaging in passionate disputes).

Perhaps surprisingly, Gottman’s research suggests that “all three styles are equally stable and bode equally well for the marriage’s future,” as he writes. Which style a couple leans toward isn’t important; what’s more important for lasting satisfaction is that both spouses adopt the same style.

Though Gottman’s research was conducted on married couples, the results suggest that disputants in the business world who have similar conflict-management styles may find they feel comfortable managing (or avoiding) conflict with each other.

When Conflict-Management Styles Are Complementary

By contrast, in the realm of negotiation, the results of a 2015 study published in the journal Negotiation and Conflict Management Research by Scott Wiltermuth, Larissa Z. Tiedens, and Margaret Neale found benefits when pairs of participants used one of two different negotiating styles.

They assigned study participants to engage in a negotiation simulation using either a dominant or submissive negotiating style. Those assigned to be dominant were told to express their preferences with confidence, use expansive body postures, and otherwise try to influence their counterpart. Those assigned to the submissive style were told to be cooperative, agreeable, and conflict avoidant.

Interestingly, pairs in which one party behaved dominantly and the other submissively achieved better results in the negotiation than pairs who were in the same condition (whether dominance, submission, or a control group). It seems the pairs of dominant/submissive negotiators benefited from their complementary communication style. A pattern in which one person stated her preferences directly and the other asked questions enabled the negotiators to claim the most value. By asking questions, the submissive negotiators assessed how to meet their own goals—and helped their dominant counterparts feel respected and competent in the process.

The research we’ve covered on negotiation and conflict-management styles suggests that opportunities to work through differences abound, regardless of our natural tendencies. Rather than spending a lot of time diagnosing each other’s conflict-management styles, strive for open collaboration that confronts difficult emotions and encourages joint problem solving.

What lessons about conflict-management styles have you learned in your own negotiation and conflict-resolution efforts?

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Guhan Subramanian is the Professor of Law and Business at the Harvard Law School and Professor of Business Law at the Harvard Business School.

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14 Conflict Resolution Strategies for the Workplace

One lesson common to humanity is how to negotiate conflict skillfully.

In a keynote speech to graduate students in conflict analysis, international mediator Kenneth Cloke (2011) made a profound statement that has stayed with me to this day: “Conflict is the arrow pointing to what we need to learn the most.”

Interpersonal skills such as conflict resolution extend beyond social circles, affecting the workplace and illuminating lessons yet to be learned.

American businesses lose $359 billion yearly due to unresolved conflict and low productivity (Kauth, 2020). The physical, emotional, psychological, and interpersonal tolls are incalculable.

Can we seek a better understanding of conflict and transform its devastating effects?

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Work & Career Coaching Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients identify opportunities for professional growth and create a more meaningful career.

This Article Contains:

What is conflict resolution & why is it important, 5 psychological benefits of conflict resolution, 7 examples of conflict resolution skills, how to do conflict resolution: 2 approaches, 6 methods and approaches to apply in the office, 6 strategies and techniques for the workplace, best activities, games, workbooks, and online tools, helpful books for managers and organizations, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Pruitt and Kim (2004, pp. 7–8) describe conflict as “perceived divergence of interest, a belief that the parties’ current aspirations are incompatible.”

Conflict resolution is an agreement reached when all or most of the issues of contention are cleared up (Pruitt & Kim, 2004).

Further, conflict management is a product of successful problem-solving in which the parties have worked out ways to de-escalate conflict and avoid future escalations.

Conflict can be disruptive and, at worst, destructive. Once it erupts, it’s hard to control (Bolton, 1986). Emotions run high during conflict, blocking the path to rational solutions.

Conflict resolution is important because “when people experience conflicts, much of their energy goes into emotions related to those conflicts” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p. 2).

Some emotions commonly associated with conflict include fear, anger, distrust, rejection, defensiveness, hopelessness, resentment, and stress (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011; Bolton, 1986).

Another reason conflict resolution is important is because people involved in heavily contentious conflict are likely to experience “a wide range of psychological and physical health problems including weakened immune system, depression, alcoholism, and eating disorders” (Pruitt & Kim, 2004, pp. 11–12).

Clearly, languishing in this state of emotional upheaval and chaos is harmful emotionally, physically, and psychologically.

Conflict resolution: A theoretical framework

Realistic conflict theory assumes “conflict can always be explained by some tangible (like territory, money, prizes) or intangible (like power, prestige, honor) resource that is desired by both groups and is in short supply” (Pruitt & Kim, 2004, pp. 28–29).

This theory attempts to explain why conflict occurs as humans perpetually strive to acquire perceived needs.

Cortisol released because of ongoing stress soaks the brain’s nerve cells, causing memories to shrink (Leaf, 2008).

This affects the ability to think creatively, a helpful component for resolution.

In addition, the stress response increases blood sugar levels, speeding up our heart rate to pump blood to our arms, legs, and brain in preparation to escape (Leaf, 2008). This physiological fight-or-flight reaction  saps precious energy.

Dealing with emotions first will help reduce emotional arousal and stress. Once the body returns to normal, rational problem-solving skills can resume. Typically, people get into trouble when they address conflict at the peak of emotional arousal.

For this reason, acknowledge that the issue needs to be addressed but wait until emotions subside before engaging in a discussion. This ensures the issue is not ignored. In other words, conflict can be scheduled .

Some psychological benefits of conflict resolution include (Arslan, Hamarta, & Usla, 2010; Sexton & Orchard, 2016; Bolton, 1986):

• Stress reduction
• Improved self-esteem

Improved self-efficacy

• Better relationships

Increased energy

Let’s take a quick look at two of the most common benefits.

Self-efficacy is a person’s belief in their capability to complete a specific task successfully (Lunenburg, 2011). Learning and practicing skills such as effective communication and conflict resolution are essential building blocks for self-efficacy. Successful conflict resolution skills in the workplace increase confidence, promoting the likelihood of future successes (Lunenburg, 2011).

Increased self-efficacy “influences the tasks employees choose to learn and the goals they set for themselves” (Lunenburg, 2011, p. 1). It also influences employees’ efforts and perseverance when taking on and learning new tasks (Lunenburg, 2011).

Sometimes you have to expend energy to gain energy. Conflict robs individuals and organizations of precious energy. Mastering conflict resolution skills takes energy initially but can save energy in the long run through reduced stress and improved relationships and productivity.

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To reap the benefits of resolving conflict, certain helpful skills must be applied, and there are many conflict resolution skills that are effective for the workplace.

Below are skills believed to be crucial for resolving conflict.

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is described by Goleman (1995, p. 43) as “recognizing a feeling as it happens.” Goleman states that people with high self-awareness have moment-to-moment awareness and navigate life adeptly.

2. Self-control

Self-control is the ability to manage unruly impulses and emotions effectively. Because emotions play a central role in conflict, the ability to stay composed despite heightened emotions is essential to constructive resolution.

3. Assertive communication

Bolton (1986) describes assertive communication as a dynamic communication style in which the speaker maintains self-respect, expresses personal needs, and defends their own rights without abusing or dominating others.

While an aggressive communication style may shut down a conversation, assertiveness encourages dialogue. This skill takes practice and courage. Bolton (1986) asserts that less than 5% of the population communicates assertively.

4. Collaboration

According to Folger, Poole, and Stutman (2009), the goal of collaboration is to consider all the important needs of the primary parties and develop a solution that meets these needs.

5. Problem-solving

Problem-solving in relation to conflict resolution is a strategy that pursues alternative solutions that satisfy the needs and goals of the parties involved (Pruitt & Kim, 2004).

According to Sorensen (2017), empathy is the ability to share and understand the emotions and feelings of others. Our understanding of another person’s perspective can increase the likelihood of emotional connection and collaboration.

7. Listening

Active listening is one of the most underrated and underutilized conflict resolution skills. Listening during conflict achieves key goals, primarily putting an end to cyclical arguing and opening the door to empathy and understanding.

The conflict resolution method

This simple, three-step formula for conflict resolution works well for conflicts involving values and intense emotions.

Step 1: Engage with the other respectfully

Respect is an attitude shown through specific behaviors, such as how you look at the other person, how you listen, your tone of voice, and word choices.

Step 2: Listen fully until you experience their side

The goal of listening in this manner is to understand the content of the other person’s ideas or contributions, what it means for them, and their feelings about it.

Step 3: Verbalize your feelings, views, and needs

Assertive communication works well in this stage. Some caveats accompany this stage of conflict resolution:

• This step is not always necessary.
• Make your statement brief.
• Avoid loaded words.
• Be truthful and concise.
• Disclose your feelings.

Collaborative problem-solving

Bolton (1986) provides a six-step outline for collaboration when the issue is more about needs than emotions.

• Define the primary needs surrounding the conflict.
• Brainstorm possible solutions.
• Choose solutions that meet the needs of both parties.
• Create an agenda delineating who will assume each task.
• Implement the plan.
• Evaluate the solutions and reevaluate if needed.

The conflict resolution method and collaborative problem-solving are generalized approaches to conflict resolution when two or more parties are willing to work together on an issue.

Lipsky, Seeber, and Fincher (2003) provide approaches to work through issues that erupt in work settings.

1. The open door policy

This generalized philosophy is intended to show that management supports open dialogue and encourages staff to discuss differences that arise in the workplace. It is considered an initial step toward conflict resolution.

2. Ombudspersons

These are neutral or impartial managers who provide informal and confidential assistance to staff and management in order to resolve work-related disputes. Ombudspersons may wear a variety of hats, including mediator, fact-finder, consultant, and change agent.

3. Internal peer mediation

Some organizations call on designated employees as mediators to help resolve conflict. This method often addresses issues of a non-statutory nature, such as unfairness.

The success of this method rests on the careful selection of peer mediators based on their exemplary communication skills and abilities.

4. Professional mediators

Professional mediators are not connected with the organization in any way and function as independent, impartial, third parties who assist the primary parties through a formal mediation process.

Mediation is a viable option for creating structure to conflict resolution in an unbiased manner.

5. Peer review and employee appeals

This process is sometimes used by manufacturing organizations in an effort to avoid a union process. The underlying belief is that if at all possible, employee disputes should be resolved internally.

6. Executive panels

This method provides an opportunity for employees to present their claims to a panel of the organization’s senior executives, assuming they will be objective and sympathetic.

Using tools such as questionnaires, activities, and assessments can help employees work through conflict by adding insight and skills to the equation. Let’s look at some such tools.

2 Tools for groups

Often, people haven’t been taught the skills to discuss issues calmly and productively. The following worksheets can be used to provide structure to conflict.

Reviewing these worksheets before conflict erupts is a great opportunity to open a conversation and agree upon a conflict resolution process before matters spiral out of control.

The Remaining Calm During Conflict – I worksheet helps clients walk through conflict, providing tips on how to perceive conflict and deal with emotional reactions.

The Remaining Calm During Conflict – II worksheet encourages clients to journal about times when they did and did not remain calm during a workplace conflict.

2 Effective questionnaires

This self-assessment provided by CINERGY™ can be used to broaden the scope of awareness of ourselves and others, particularly during conflict. The assessment measures an individual’s current level of conflict intelligence.

This Conflict Management Styles Assessment , made available by the Blake Group, allows clients to uncover their primary conflict style and includes a description of the five conflict management styles.

A look at meditation for conflict resolution

This video provides an insightful awareness of our own habitual patterns and how these manifest in us and others during conflict.

Here is another recommended video that helps visualize how to prepare for conflict and build boundaries with others in a calm manner.

The Two Dollar Game

The Two Dollar Game was developed to help employees learn basic conflict styles and the art of negotiation in a fun, thoughtful way.

Conflict Description Template

This conflict management template created by the University of Iowa is intended to deal with conflict in a university setting but can easily apply to other teams or departments and used as an intuitive conflict mapping guide.

Coping With Stress in the Workplace Workbook by Ester Leutenberg and John Liptak

This workbook by Leutenberg and Liptak contains activities, assessments, journaling prompts, and educational handouts that can be photocopied and used to address conflict in the workplace.

Chapters contain resources about how to deal with workplace stress , different personalities, work habits, and relationships.

Online tools and resources for conflict resolution

The website Online Master of Legal Studies includes a wealth of Free Tools and Resources for Conflict Resolution . Some resources have been incorporated into this blog.

The wide variety of resources include a Cost of Conflict Calculator and tools to enhance cross-cultural communication.

Role-play activity

In this Assertive Message Role-Play , participants are presented with various workplace scenarios and encouraged to formulate assertive messages to initiate a discussion about the problem at hand.

1. People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts – Robert Bolton

Some books are classics.

This one has been used for years to help guide individuals through the communication and conflict resolution process.

It’s a great resource for anyone interested in building robust interpersonal skills.

Find the book on Amazon .

2. The Big Book of Conflict Resolution Games: Quick, Effective Activities to Improve Communication, Trust and Collaboration – Mary Scannell

This is a useful resource for incorporating activities and games to help employees listen to each other, engage productively, and create a culture of respect.

Topics include conflict, communication, diversity, trust, perspectives, emotional intelligence, and collaboration.

3. Emerging Systems for Managing Workplace Conflict – David Lipsky, Ronald Seeber, and Richard Fincher

The authors walk readers through the emergence of conflict in the workplace by creating dispute resolution systems for integration in a corporate setting.

This is a helpful resource for managers and corporate leaders interested in reducing the corporate costs of conflict.

4. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High – Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

Crucial Conversations is a New York Times bestseller that provides tools to traverse difficult and important conversations.

Ideas discussed in this book can help transform your career, organization, and community.

Readers learn how to listen and speak in ways that create safety and inclusion.

• Assertive Communication This worksheet helps clients learn the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication. Assertive communication is essential for expressing our needs and opinions, and defending our rights in a direct and respectful manner.
• Active Listening Reflection Worksheet Use this worksheet to help clients sharpen listening skills essential for conflict resolution.

The worksheet reviews eight essential skills for active listening and includes a reflection exercise to evaluate which skills we use effectively and which can be strengthened.

• Blindfold Guiding Exercise This exercise can be used as an icebreaker or as part of a  team-building exercise when members are struggling with trust issues.

Trust is a crucial element of team stability and is essential when conflict erupts. In this exercise, one person leads a blindfolded partner using simple statements. As trust builds, the duo can be instructed to speed up, slow down, or attempt to lead with silence.

• Generating Alternative Solutions and Better Decision-Making This worksheet provides a map to work through problem-solving by considering three solutions to a specific issue accompanied by a discussion on the efficacy, do-ability, and effectiveness of the identified solution.
• 17 Positive Communication Exercises If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, check out this collection of 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners . Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

Conflict divides. The effects of poorly handled conflict range from disruptive to destructive. It robs individuals and organizations of precious resources, such as energy, productivity, peace, and harmony.

Regardless of our station in life, we all still have lessons to learn.

Will we ever be free of conflict? Perhaps we can look at it another way. As we gain skills and experience successes resolving conflict, we can anticipate the next conflict and the next lesson, mindful of the potential wisdom and strengths we’ll gain in the process.

Are you facing an unresolved conflict at work or in your personal life? Try not to be discouraged; instead, think of it as your next life lesson waiting to be discovered.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Work & Career Coaching Exercises for free .

• Arslan, C., Hamarta, E., & Usla, M. (2010). The relationship between conflict communication, self-esteem and life satisfaction in university students.  Educational Research and Reviews ,  5 (1), 31–34.
• Bolton, R. (1986). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflict . Touchstone.
• Cloke, K. (2011). Untitled [Keynote Speaker]. In 24th Residential Institute – Winter 2011 . Nova Southeastern University.
• Folger, J. P., Poole, M. S., & Stutman, R. K. (2009). Working through conflict: Strategies for relationships, groups, and organizations . Pearson Education.
• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ . Bantam Books.
• Kauth, K. (2020, January). Cost of workplace conflict . Mediate.com. Retrieved November 27, 2021, from https://www.mediate.com/articles/kauth-cost-workplace.cfm
• Leaf, C. (2008). Who switched off my brain? Controlling toxic thoughts and emotions . Thomas Nelson.
• Leutenberg, E. R. A., & Liptak, J. J. (2014).  Coping with stress in the workplace workbook.  Whole Person Associates.
• Lipsky, D. B., Seeber, R. L., & Fincher, R. D. (2003). Emerging systems for managing workplace conflict . Jossey-Bass.
• Lunenburg, F. C. (2011). Self-efficacy in the workplace: Implications for motivation and performance. International Journal of Management, Business, and Administration , 14 (1), 1–6.
• Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2011).  Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high  (2nd ed.). McGraw Hill.
• Pruitt, D. G., & Kim, S. H. (2004). Social conflict: Escalation, stalemate, and settlement (3rd ed.). McGraw Hill.
• Scannell, M. (2010).  The big book of conflict resolution games: Quick, effective activities to improve communication, trust and collaboration.  McGraw Hill.
• Sexton, M., & Orchard, C. (2016). Understanding healthcare professionals’ self-efficacy to resolve interprofessional conflict. Journal of Interprofessional Care , 30 (3), 316–323.
• Sorensen, M. S. (2017). I hear you: The surprisingly simple skill behind extraordinary relationships . Autumn Creek Press.
• Wilmot, W., & Hocker, J. (2011). Interpersonal conflict (8th ed.). McGraw Hill.

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5 Strategies for Conflict Resolution in the Workplace

• 07 Sep 2023

Any scenario in which you live, work, and collaborate with others is susceptible to conflict. Because workplaces are made up of employees with different backgrounds, personalities, opinions, and daily lives, discord is bound to occur. To navigate it, it’s crucial to understand why it arises and your options for resolving it.

Common reasons for workplace conflict include:

• Misunderstandings or poor communication skills
• Differing opinions, viewpoints, or personalities
• Biases or stereotypes
• Variations in learning or processing styles
• Perceptions of unfairness

Although conflict is common, many don’t feel comfortable handling it—especially with colleagues. As a business leader, you’ll likely clash with other managers and need to help your team work through disputes.

Here’s why conflict resolution is important and five strategies for approaching it.

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Why Is Addressing Workplace Conflict Important?

Pretending conflict doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. Ignoring issues can lead to missed deadlines, festering resentment, and unsuccessful initiatives.

Yet, according to coaching and training firm Bravely , 53 percent of employees handle “toxic” situations by avoiding them. Worse still, averting a difficult conversation can cost an organization $7,500 and more than seven workdays.

That adds up quickly: American businesses lose $359 billion yearly due to the impact of unresolved conflict.

As a leader, you have a responsibility to foster healthy conflict resolution and create a safe, productive work environment for employees.

“Some rights, such as the right to safe working conditions or the right against sexual harassment, are fundamental to the employment relationship,” says Harvard Business School Professor Nien-hê Hsieh in the course Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability . “These rights are things that employees should be entitled to no matter what. They’re often written into the law, but even when they aren’t, they’re central to the ethical treatment of others, which involves respecting the inherent dignity and intrinsic worth of each individual.”

Effectively resolving disputes as they arise benefits your employees’ well-being and your company’s financial health. The first step is learning about five conflict resolution strategies at your disposal.

Related: How to Navigate Difficult Conversations with Employees

While there are several approaches to conflict, some can be more effective than others. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model —developed by Dr. Kenneth W. Thomas and Dr. Ralph H. Kilmann—outlines five strategies for conflict resolution:

• Accommodating
• Compromising
• Collaborating

These fall on a graph, with assertiveness on the y-axis and cooperativeness on the x-axis. In the Thomas-Kilmann model, “assertiveness” refers to the extent to which you try to reach your own goal, and “cooperativeness” is the extent to which you try to satisfy the other party’s goal.

Alternatively, you can think of these axis labels as the “importance of my goal” and the “importance of this relationship.” If your assertiveness is high, you aim to achieve your own goal. If your cooperativeness is high, you strive to help the other person reach theirs to maintain the relationship.

Here’s a breakdown of the five strategies and when to use each.

1. Avoiding

Avoiding is a strategy best suited for situations in which the relationship’s importance and goal are both low.

While you’re unlikely to encounter these scenarios at work, they may occur in daily life. For instance, imagine you’re on a public bus and the passenger next to you is loudly playing music. You’ll likely never bump into that person again, and your goal of a pleasant bus ride isn’t extremely pressing. Avoiding conflict by ignoring the music is a valid option.

In workplace conflicts—where your goals are typically important and you care about maintaining a lasting relationship with colleagues—avoidance can be detrimental.

Remember: Some situations require avoiding conflict, but you’re unlikely to encounter them in the workplace.

2. Competing

Competing is another strategy that, while not often suited for workplace conflict, can be useful in some situations.

This conflict style is for scenarios in which you place high importance on your goal and low importance on your relationships with others. It’s high in assertiveness and low in cooperation.

You may choose a competing style in a crisis. For instance, if someone is unconscious and people are arguing about what to do, asserting yourself and taking charge can help the person get medical attention quicker.

You can also use it when standing up for yourself and in instances where you feel unsafe. In those cases, asserting yourself and reaching safety is more critical than your relationships with others.

When using a competing style in situations where your relationships do matter (for instance, with a colleague), you risk impeding trust—along with collaboration, creativity, and productivity.

3. Accommodating

The third conflict resolution strategy is accommodation, in which you acquiesce to the other party’s needs. Use accommodating in instances where the relationship matters more than your goal.

For example, if you pitch an idea for a future project in a meeting, and one of your colleagues says they believe it will have a negative impact, you could resolve the conflict by rescinding your original thought.

This is useful if the other person is angry or hostile or you don’t have a strong opinion on the matter. It immediately deescalates conflict by removing your goal from the equation.

While accommodation has its place within organizational settings, question whether you use it to avoid conflict. If someone disagrees with you, simply acquiescing can snuff out opportunities for innovation and creative problem-solving .

As a leader, notice whether your employees frequently fall back on accommodation. If the setting is safe, encouraging healthy debate can lead to greater collaboration.

Related: How to Create a Culture of Ethics and Accountability in the Workplace

4. Compromising

Compromising is a conflict resolution strategy in which you and the other party willingly forfeit some of your needs to reach an agreement. It’s known as a “lose-lose” strategy, since neither of you achieve your full goal.

This strategy works well when your care for your goal and the relationship are both moderate. You value the relationship, but not so much that you abandon your goal, like in accommodation.

For example, maybe you and a peer express interest in leading an upcoming project. You could compromise by co-leading it or deciding one of you leads this one and the other the next one.

Compromising requires big-picture thinking and swallowing your pride, knowing you won’t get all your needs fulfilled. The benefits are that you and the other party value your relationship and make sacrifices to reach a mutually beneficial resolution.

5. Collaborating

Where compromise is a lose-lose strategy, collaboration is a win-win. In instances of collaboration, your goal and the relationship are equally important, motivating both you and the other party to work together to find an outcome that meets all needs.

An example of a situation where collaboration is necessary is if one of your employees isn’t performing well in their role—to the point that they’re negatively impacting the business. While maintaining a strong, positive relationship is important, so is finding a solution to their poor performance. Framing the conflict as a collaboration can open doors to help each other discover its cause and what you can do to improve performance and the business’s health.

Collaboration is ideal for most workplace conflicts. Goals are important, but so is maintaining positive relationships with co-workers. Promote collaboration whenever possible to find creative solutions to problems . If you can’t generate a win-win idea, you can always fall back on compromise.

Considering Your Responsibilities as a Leader

As a leader, not only must you address your own conflicts but help your employees work through theirs. When doing so, remember your responsibilities to your employees—whether ethical, legal, or economic.

Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability groups your ethical responsibilities to employees into five categories:

• Well-being: What’s ultimately good for the person
• Rights: Entitlement to receive certain treatment
• Duties: A moral obligation to behave in a specific way
• Best practices: Aspirational standards not required by law or cultural norms
• Fairness: Impartial and just treatment

In the course, Hsieh outlines three types of fairness you can use when helping employees solve conflicts:

• Legitimate expectations: Employees reasonably expect certain practices or behaviors to continue based on experiences with the organization and explicit promises.
• Procedural fairness: Managers must resolve issues impartially and consistently.
• Distributive fairness: Your company equitably allocates opportunities, benefits, and burdens.

Particularly with procedural fairness, ensure you don’t take sides when mediating conflict. Treat both parties equally, allowing them time to speak and share their perspectives. Guide your team toward collaboration or compromise, and work toward a solution that achieves the goal while maintaining—and even strengthening—relationships.

Are you interested in learning how to navigate difficult decisions as a leader? Explore Leadership, Ethics, and Corporate Accountability —one of our online leadership and management courses —and download our free guide to becoming a more effective leader.

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Article contents

Conflict management.

• Patricia Elgoibar , Patricia Elgoibar University of Barcelona
• Martin Euwema Martin Euwema Katholieke Universiteit Leuven
•  and  Lourdes Munduate Lourdes Munduate University of Seville
• https://doi.org/10.1093/acrefore/9780190236557.013.5
• Published online: 28 June 2017

Conflicts are part of nature and certainly part of human relations, between individuals, as well as within and between groups. Conflicts occur in every domain of life: family, work, and society, local and global. Conflict management, therefore, is an essential competency for each person. People differ largely in their emotional and behavioral responses to conflict and need to learn how to behave effectively in different conflict situations. This requires a contingency approach, first assessing the conflict situation, and then choosing a strategy, matching the goals of the party. In most situations, fostering cooperative relations will be most beneficial; however, this is also most challenging. Therefore, constructive conflict management strategies, including trust building and methods of constructive controversy, are emphasized. Conflict management, however, is broader than the interaction of the conflicting parties. Third-party interventions are an essential element of constructive conflict management, particularly the assessment of which parties are intervening in what ways at what escalation stage.

• cooperation
• competition
• conflict behavior
• conglomerate conflict behavior
• constructive conflict management
• conflict resolution strategies

Definition of Conflict

Conflicts are part of nature, and certainly part of human relations. People experience conflict with other persons, in teams or in groups, as well as between larger entities, departments, organizations, communities, and countries. Conflicts appear at home, at work, and in our spare-time activities with friends, with people we love and with people we hate, as well as with our superiors and with our subordinates and coworkers. Parties need to accept conflicts as part of life dynamics and learn to deal with them effectively and efficiently. Conflict management refers to the way we manage incompatible actions with others, where others can be a person or a group.

Conflict is a component of interpersonal interactions; it is neither inevitable nor intrinsically bad, but it is commonplace (Coleman, Deutsch, & Marcus, 2014 ; Schellenberg, 1996 ). In the 20th century , Lewin ( 1935 ) concluded that an intrinsic state of tension motivates group members to move toward the accomplishment of their desired common goals. Later on, Parker Follett ( 1941 ) explored the constructive side of conflict and defined conflict as the appearance of difference, difference of opinions or difference of interests. Deutsch ( 1949 ) developed this line of thought and analyzed the relation between the way group members believe their goals are related and their interactions and relationships.

A common definition of conflict argues that there is a conflict between two (or more) parties (individuals or groups) if at least one of them is offended, or feels bothered by the other (Van de Vliert, 1997 ; Wall & Callister, 1995 ). Traditionally, conflict has been defined as opposing interests involving scarce resources and goal divergence and frustration (Pondy, 1967 ). However, Deutsch ( 1973 ) defined conflict as incompatible activities: one person's actions interfere, obstruct, or in some way get in the way of another's action. Tjosvold, Wan, and Tang ( 2016 ) proposed that defining conflict as incompatible actions is a much stronger foundation than defining conflict as opposing interests, because conflicts also can occur when people have common goals (i.e., they may disagree about the best means to achieve their common goals). The key contribution of Deutsch’s ( 1973 ) proposal is that incompatible activities occur in both compatible and incompatible goal contexts. Whether the protagonists believe their goals are cooperative or competitive very much affects their expectations, interaction, and outcomes as they approach conflict (Tjosvold et al., 2016 ).

Characteristics of Conflict

Euwema and Giebels ( 2017 ) highlighted some key elements of conflict.

Conflict implies dependence and interdependence. Parties rely to some extent on the other parties to realize their goals (Kaufman, Elgoibar, & Borbely, 2016 ). This interdependence can be positive (a cooperative context), negative (a competitive context), or mixed. Positive interdependence is strongly related to cooperative conflict behaviors, while negative interdependence triggers competitive behaviors (Johnson & Johnson, 2005 ). Interdependence also reflects the power difference between parties. A short-term contractor on a low-paid job usually is much more dependent on the employer than vice versa. Many conflicts, however, can be seen as “mixed motive” situations.

Conflicts are mostly mixed motive situations because parties have simultaneous motives to cooperate and motives to compete. Parties are, on the one hand, dependent on each other to realize their goal, and, on the other hand, they are at the same time competitors. For example, two colleagues on a team are cooperating for the same team result; however, there is competition for the role as project leader. In a soccer team, the players have a team goal of working together to win, but they can be competing to be the top scorer. The mixed motive structure is very important to understand conflict dynamics. When conflicts arise, the competitive aspects become more salient, and the cooperative structure often is perceived less by parties. Interventions to solve conflict, therefore, are often related to these perceptions and the underlying structures.

Conflict is a psychological experience. Conflict is by definition a personal and subjective experience, as each individual can perceive and manage the same conflict in a different manner. Conflict doesn’t necessarily have an objective basis (Van de Vliert, 1997 ). It depends on the perception of the specific situation, and the perception is by definition subjective and personal.

Conflict concerns cognitive and affective tension. When someone perceives blocked goals and disagreements, he or she can also, although not necessarily, feel fear or anger. Many authors consider that conflict is emotionally charged (Nair, 2007 ; Pondy, 1967 ; Sinaceur, Adam, Van Kleef, & Galinky, 2013 ), although the emotion doesn’t need to be labeled necessarily as a negative emotion. Some people actually enjoy conflict. Emotional experiences in conflict are also scripted by cultural, historical, and personal influences (Lindner, 2014 ).

Conflict can be unidirectional. One party can feel frustrated or thwarted by the other while the second party is hardly aware of, and doesn’t perceive the same reality of, the conflict.

Conflict is a process. Conflict is a dynamic process that does not appear suddenly, but takes some time to develop and passes through several stages (Spaho, 2013 ). Conflict is the process resulting from the tension in interpersonal interactions or between team members because of real or perceived differences (De Dreu & Weingart, 2003 ; Thomas, 1992 ; Wall & Callister, 1995 ).

Type of Conflict: Task, Process, and Relationship Conflict

Early conflict and organizational research concluded that conflict interferes with team performance and reduces satisfaction due to an increase in tension and distraction from the objective (Brown, 1983 ; Hackman & Morris, 1975 ; Pondy, 1967 ; Wall & Callister, 1995 ). Jehn ( 1995 ) differentiated between task and relational conflict, and later also included process conflict (De Wit, Greer, & Jehn, 2012 ). Task conflict refers to different opinions on content (Jehn & Mannix, 2001 ). Examples of task conflict are conflict about distribution of resources, about procedures and policies, and judgment and interpretation of facts (De Dreu & Weingart, 2003 ). Process conflict refers to how tasks should be accomplished (Jehn, Greer, Levine, & Szulanski, 2008 ). Examples are disagreements about logistic and delegation issues (Jehn et al., 2008 ). Finally, relationship conflict refers to “interpersonal incompatibility” (Jehn, 1995 , p. 257). Examples of relationship conflict are conflict about personal taste, political preferences, values, and interpersonal style (De Dreu & Weingart, 2003 ). All three types of conflict—task, process, and personal (relational) conflicts—are usually disruptive, especially personal conflict, which is highly disruptive (De Dreu & Weingart, 2003 ; Jehn, 1995 , 1997 ). A review and meta-analysis by De Wit et al. ( 2012 ) showed that, under specific conditions, task conflict can be productive for teams. Moreover, conflict can wreck a team’s efforts to share information and reach a consensus (Amason & Schweiger, 1994 ). Therefore, research supporting the benefit of task and relationship conflict is not conclusive and each situation varies. What seems to be clear is that managing conflict efficiently to avoid escalation is a priority for teams.

Conflict Behavior, Conflict Management, and Conflict Resolution

Conflict behavior, conflict management, and conflict resolution are different layers of a conflict process and therefore should be distinguished. Conflict behavior is any behavioral response to the experience of frustration, while conflict management is the deliberate action to deal with conflictive situations, both to prevent or to escalate them. Also, conflict management is differentiated from conflict resolution, which is specific action aimed to end a conflict.

Conflict Behavior

Conflict behavior is the behavioral response to the experience of conflict (Van de Vliert et al., 1995 ). Conflict behavior is defined as one party’s reaction to the perception that one’s own and the other party’s current aspiration cannot be achieved simultaneously (Deutsch, 1973 ; Pruitt, 1981 ; Rubin, Pruitt, & Kim, 1994 ). It is both what people experiencing conflict intend to do, as well as what they actually do (De Dreu, Evers, Beersma, Kluwer, & Nauta, 2001 ; Van de Vliert, 1997 ). In conflict situations people often respond primarily, following their emotions, more or less conscientiously.

Many factors affect how people respond to the experience of conflict. Social psychology shows the processes are largely unconscious (Wilson, 2004 ). For example, how people respond to intimidating behavior by their supervisor might be primarily influenced by the context and individual perception, as well as previous relations with persons in authority, including parents and teachers (Gelfand & Brett, 2004 ; Van Kleef & Cote, 2007 ). These natural behavioral responses are also referred to as “conflict styles.” They are rooted in our personality and can differ in context. Some people will naturally respond by being friendly and accommodating, where others will start arguing or fighting (Barbuto, Phipps, & Xu, 2010 ; Kilmann & Thomas, 1977 ; Van Kleef & Cote, 2007 ).

Conflict behavior becomes more effective once we are more aware of our natural tendencies and are also able not to act upon them, and instead to show flexibility in behavioral approaches. This is where conflict behavior becomes conflict management. Therefore, one can be a naturally highly accommodating person who will spontaneously give in to others who make demands, but one will be more effective after learning to assess the situation at hand and to carefully decide on a response, which might be quite different from the natural or spontaneous reaction.

Dual-Concern Model

The dual-concern model holds that the way in which parties handle conflicts can de described and is determined by two concerns: concern for self (own interests) and concern for others (relational interests) (Blake & Mouton, 1964 ; Pruitt & Rubin, 1986 ; Rahim, 1983 ; Thomas, 1992 ; Van de Vliert, 1999 ) (see Figure 1 ). Usually, the two concerns define five different conflict behaviors: forcing, avoiding, accommodating, compromising, and problem solving or integrating. These behaviors are studied at the level of general personal conflict styles, closely connected to personality, as well as at the level of strategies and tactics (Euwema & Giebels, 2017 ).

The different conflict styles have been studied intensively, with three approaches. A normative approach, wherein integrating (also known as problem solving) is seen as the preferred behavior for conflict resolution; a contingency approach, exploring conditions under which each of the behaviors is most appropriate; and a conglomerate approach, focusing on a combination of the behaviors (see “ Conglomerate Conflict Behavior ”).

Figure 1. Dual-concern model.

In forcing, one party aims to achieve his or her goal by imposing a solution onto the other party. Concern for one’s own interests and own vision is what matters. There is little attention and care for the interests and needs of the other party, or the relationship with the other (Euwema & Giebels, 2017 ). This style is appropriate when the outcome is important for one party but trivial to the opponent, or when fast decision making is necessary. It becomes inappropriate when issues are complex, when both parties are equally powerful, when the outcome is not worth the effort for one party, or when there is enough time to make a collective decision. Moreover, forcing decisions can seriously damage a relationship and contribute to bullying in the workplace (Baillien, Bollen, Euwema, & De Witte, 2014 ); however, normative forcing, which is referring to rules and imposing them, can be effective (De Dreu, 2005 ). Note that some alternative terms that have been used for forcing in the literature are competitive , contending , or adversarial behavior .

With avoiding, one party aims to stay out of any confrontation with the other. This behavior prevents efforts to yield, to negotiate constructively, or to compete for one’s own gains. The conflict issue receives little attention, usually because the avoiding party thinks he or she won’t gain from entering into the conflict (Euwema & Giebels, 2017 ; Van de Vliert, 1997 ). Avoiding may be used when the benefits of resolving the conflict are not worth confronting the other party, especially when the problem is trivial or minor; when no good solutions are available for now; or when time is needed (Van Erp et al., 2011 ). An important motive for avoiding also is to prevent loss of face and to maintain the relationship. This is particularly true in collectivistic cultures, particularly in Asian societies (Oetzel et al., 2001 ). Avoiding is inappropriate when the issues are important to a party, when the parties cannot wait, or when immediate action is required (Rahim, 2002 ). Rubin, Pruitt, and Kim ( 1994 ) distinguished between long-term avoidance, which is a permanent move to leave the conflict, and short-term avoidance, defined as temporary inaction.

Accommodating

Accommodating is giving in or going along with the ideas, wishes, and needs of the other party. Accommodating usually is the result of a low concern for one’s own conflictive interests combined with a high concern for the interests and needs of the other party. Giving in often is related to a strong need for harmony and a sensitivity to the needs of the other. Accommodation is useful when a party is not familiar with the issues involved in the conflict, when the opponent is right, when the issue is much more important to the other party, and in order to build or maintain a long-term relationship, in exchange for future consideration when needed. Giving in also can be an educational strategy, giving space to the other to find out what the effect will be. Accommodating is less appropriate when the issue is of great concern, when accommodation creates frustration, or when accommodation reinforces dynamics of exploitation (Spaho, 2013 ). Note that an alternative term for this concept that can be found in the literature is yielding .

Compromising

Compromising involves searching for a middle ground, with an eye on both one’s own interest and the interest of the other. The premise is that both parties must find a middle ground where everyone receives equal consideration, meaning that each party makes some concession (Van de Vliert, 1997 ). Compromising is appropriate when a balance of forces exists and the goals of parties are mutually exclusive (Buddhodev, 2011 ). Compromise leads to a democratic solution; however, it may prevent arriving at a creative solution to the problem and a limited effort to increase resources before distributing them (Spaho, 2013 ).

Problem Solving or Integrating

Problem solving is a win–win strategy aimed at “optimizing rather than satisfying the parties” (Van de Vliert, 1997 , p. 36). Great value is attached to one’s own interests and vision, but also a lot of attention is given to the needs, ideas, and interests of the other. One looks for open and creative solutions that meet both interests. Problem solving or integrating is useful in dealing with complex issues, and it allows both parties to share skills, information, and other resources to redefine the problem and formulate alternative solutions. It is, however, inappropriate when the task is simple or trivial, and when there is no time. Also, it is more difficult to develop when the other party does not have experience in problem solving or when the parties are unconcerned about the outcomes (Pruitt & Rubin, 1986 ). Note that some alternative terms that can be found in the literature for this concept are cooperation and collaboration .

The dual-concern model is used as a contingency model, describing which conflict behaviors are used best under what conditions (Van de Vliert et al., 1997 ), and also as a normative model, promoting integrating behaviors as the most effective style, particularly when it comes to joined outcomes and long-term effectiveness. Forcing, in contrast, is often described as a noncooperative behavior, with risk of escalated and unilateral outcomes (Blake & Mouton, 1964 ; Burke, 1970 ; Deutsch, 1973 ; Fisher & Ury, 1981 ; Pruitt & Rubin, 1986 ; Rahim, 2010 ; Thomas, 1992 ). As a result, authors define forcing and integrating as two opposed behavioral approaches (Tjosvold, Morishima, & Belsheim, 1999 ). Following this model, many scholars during the 1970s and 1980s proposed that individuals use a single behavior in conflict, or that the behaviors should be seen as independent. Therefore, the antecedents and effects of different conflict behaviors are often analyzed separately (Tjosvold, 1997 ; Volkema & Bergmann, 2001 ). However, parties usually try to achieve personal outcomes, and try to reach mutual agreements by combining several behaviors in a conflict episode (Van de Vliert, 1997 ). This is the basic assumption of the conglomerate conflict behavior (CCB) theory (Van de Vliert, Euwema, & Huismans, 1995 ), which established that conflict behaviors are used in a compatible manner, sequentially or simultaneously.

Conglomerate Conflict Behavior (CCB)

In the dual-concern model, a contrast is made between forcing (contending with an adversary in a direct way) and integrating (reconciling the parties’ basic interests) as two opposed behavioral approaches (Tjosvold et al., 1999 ). However, the CCB framework assumes that individual reactions to conflict typically are complex and consist of multiple components of behavior (Van de Vliert, 1997 , Van de Vliert et al., 1995 ). The CCB theory covers the idea that behavioral components may occur simultaneously or sequentially and that the combination drives toward effectiveness (Euwema & Van Emmerik, 2007 ; Medina & Benitez, 2011 ). The theory has been supported in studies analyzing conflict management effectiveness in different contexts, such as in managerial behavior (Munduate, Ganaza, Peiro, & Euwema, 1999 ), in military peacekeeping (Euwema & Van Emmerik, 2007 ) and by worker representatives in organizations (Elgoibar, 2013 ).

The main reason that people combine different behaviors is because conflicts are often mixed-motive situations (Euwema, Van de Vliert, & Bakker, 2003 ; Euwema & Van Emmerik, 2007 ; Walton & McKersie, 1965 ). Mixed-motive situations are described as situations that pose a conflict between securing immediate benefits through competition, and pursuing benefits for oneself and others through cooperation with other people (Komorita & Parks, 1995 ; Sheldon & Fishbach, 2011 ). Therefore, a person's behavior in a conflict episode is viewed as a combination of some of the five forms of conflict behaviors. An example of sequential complex behavior is to first put the demands clearly (forcing), followed by integrating (searching for mutual gains, and expanding the pie), and finally compromising, where distributive issues are dealt with in a fair way. An example of serial complexity can be found in multi-issue conflict, when for some issues conflict can be avoided, while for high priorities, demands are put on the table in a forcing way. Another CCB pattern is the conglomeration of accommodating and forcing. This pattern is sometimes referred to as “logrolling” (Van de Vliert, 1997 , p. 35), and it is a classic part of integrative strategies, to maximize the outcomes for both parties. Logrolling behavior consists of accommodating the high-concern issues of the other party and forcing one’s own high-concern issues. This approach is usually helpful in multi-issue trade negotiations; however, it requires openness of both parties to acknowledging key interests.

How to Explore Your Tendency in Conflict

The most famous and popular conflict behavior questionnaires are:

MODE (Management of Differences Exercise). MODE, developed in 1974 by Thomas and Killman, presents 30 choices between two options representing different conflict styles.

ROCI (Rahim's Organizational Conflict Inventory). The ROCI is a list of 28 items that measures the five styles of conflict behavior described.

Dutch Test of Conflict Handling. This list of 20 items measures the degree of preference for the five styles (Van de Vliert & Euwema, 1994 ; De Dreu et al., 2001 , 2005 ). It has been validated internationally.

Conflict management is deliberate action to deal with conflictive situations, either to prevent or to escalate them. Unlike conflict behavior, conflict management encompasses cognitive responses to conflict situations, which can vary from highly competitive to highly cooperative. Conflict management does not necessarily involve avoidance, reduction, or termination of conflict. It involves designing effective strategies to minimize the dysfunctions of conflict and to enhance the constructive functions of conflict in order to improve team and organizational effectiveness (Rahim, 2002 ).

Conflicts are not necessarily destructive (De Dreu & Gelfand, 2008 ; Euwema, Munduate, Elgoibar, Pender, & Garcia, 2015 ), and research has shown that constructive conflict management is possible (Coleman, Deutsch, & Marcus, 2014 ). The benefits of conflict are much more likely to arise when conflicts are discussed openly, and when discussion skillfully promotes new ideas and generates creative insights and agreements (Coleman et al., 2014 ; De Dreu & Gelfand, 2008 ; Euwema et al., 2015 ; Tjosvold, Won, & Chen, 2014 ). To make a constructive experience from conflict, conflict needs to be managed effectively.

Deutsch’s classic theory of competition and cooperation describes the antecedents and consequences of parties’ cooperative or competitive orientations and allows insights into what can give rise to constructive or destructive conflict processes (Deutsch, 1973 , 2002 ). The core of the theory is the perceived interdependence of the parties, so that the extent that protagonists believe that their goals are cooperative (positively related) or competitive (negatively related) affects their interaction and thus the outcomes. Positive interdependence promotes openness, cooperative relations, and integrative problem solving. Perceived negative interdependence on the other hand, induces more distance and less openness, and promotes competitive behavior, resulting in distributive bargaining or win–lose outcomes (Tjosvold et al., 2014 ).

Whether the protagonists believe their goals are cooperative or competitive very much affects their expectations, interactions, and outcomes. If parties perceive that they can reach their goals only if the other party also reaches their goals, the goal interdependence is positively perceived and therefore parties will have higher concern for the other’s goals and manage the conflict cooperatively (De Dreu et al., 2001 ; Tjosvold et al., 2014 ). On the contrary, if one party perceives that they can reach their goals only if the other party fails to obtain their goals, the interdependence becomes negatively perceived and the approach to conflict becomes competitive (Tjosvold et al., 2014 ). Goals can also be independent; in that case, conflict can be avoided (the parties don’t need to obstruct each other’s goals to be successful). Therefore, how parties perceive their goals’ interdependence affects how they negotiate conflict and whether the conflict is constructively or destructively managed (Alper et al., 2000 ; Deutsch, 1973 ; Johnson & Johnson, 1989 ; Tjosvold, 2008 ).

Successfully managing conflict cooperatively requires intellectual, emotional, and relational capabilities in order to share information, to contribute to value creation, and to discuss differences constructively (Fisher & Ury, 1981 ; Tjosvold et al., 2014 ). In contrast, a competitive-destructive process leads to material losses and dissatisfaction, worsening relations between parties, and negative psychological effects on at least one party—the loser of a win–lose context (Deutsch, 2014 ).

Deutsch’s theory proposes that emphasizing cooperative goals in conflict by demonstrating a commitment to pursue mutually beneficial solutions creates high-quality resolutions and relationships, while focusing on competitive interests by pursuing one’s own goals at the expense of the other’s escalates conflict, resulting in imposed solutions and suspicious relationships (Tjosvold et al., 2014 ).

In summary, Deutsch’s theory states that the context in which the conflict process is expressed drives parties toward either a cooperative or a competitive orientation in conflicts (Alper et al., 2000 ; Deutsch, 2006 ; Johnson & Johnson, 1989 ). In other words, a cooperative context is related to a cooperative conflict pattern, and a competitive context is related to a competitive conflict pattern. When parties have a cooperative orientation toward conflict, parties discuss their differences with the objective of clarifying them and attempting to find a solution that is satisfactory to both parties—both parties win (Carnevale & Pruitt, 1992 ). On the contrary, in competition, there is usually a winner and a loser (Carnevale & Pruitt, 1992 ) (see Table 1 ). In the CCB model, the patterns can include cooperative (i.e., integrating) and competitive (i.e. forcing) behavior; however, the cooperative pattern will be dominated by integrating while the competitive pattern will be dominated by forcing (Elgoibar, 2013 ).

Table 1. Characteristics of Cooperative and Competitive Climates

Source : Coleman, Deutsch, and Marcus ( 2014 ).

How to Manage Conflicts Constructively

The need for trust.

Trust is commonly defined as a belief or expectation about others’ benevolent motives during a social interaction (Holmes & Rempel, 1989 ; Rousseau et al., 1998 ). Mutual trust is one important antecedent as well as a consequence of cooperation in conflicts (Deutsch, 1983 ; Ferrin, Bligh, & Kohles, 2008 ). As Nahapiet and Ghoshal pointed out, “Trust lubricates cooperation, and cooperation itself breeds trust” ( 1998 , p.255). There is ample evidence that constructive conflict and trust are tightly and positively related (Hempel, Zhang, & Tjosvold, 2009 ; Bijlsma & Koopman, 2003 ; Lewicki, Tonlinson, & Gillespie, 2006 ).

Successful constructive conflict management requires maximal gathering and exchange of information in order to identify problems and areas of mutual concern, to search for alternatives, to assess their implications, and to achieve openness about preferences in selecting optimal solutions (Bacon & Blyton, 2007 ; Johnson & Johnson, 1989 ; Tjosvold, 1999 ). Trust gives parties the confidence to be open with each other, knowing that the shared information won’t be used against them (Zaheer & Zaheer, 2006 ). Various studies revealed that trust leads to constructive conglomerate behaviors and to more integrative outcomes in interpersonal and intergroup conflicts (Lewicki, Elgoibar, & Euwema, 2016 ; Lewicki, McAllister, & Bies, 1998 ; Ross & LaCroix, 1996 ).

How can trust be promoted? Developing trust is challenging (Gunia, Brett, & Nandkeolyar, 2014 ; Hempel et al., 2009 ). Numerous scholars have noted that trust is easier to destroy than to create (Hempel et al., 2009 ; Meyerson et al., 1996 ). There are two main reasons for this assertion. First, trust-breaking events are often more visible and noticeable than positive trust-building actions (Kramer, 1999 ). Second, trust-breaking events are judged to have a higher impact on trust judgments than positive events (Slovic, 1993 ). Furthermore, Slovic ( 1993 ) concluded that trust-breaking events are more credible than sources of good news. Thus, the general belief is that trust is easier to destroy than it is to build, and trust rebuilding may take even longer than it took to create the original level of trust (Lewicki et al., 2016 ).

However, there is room for optimism, and different strategies have been shown to promote trust. As held in social exchange theory (Blau, 1964 ), risk taking by one party in supporting the other party has been found to signal trust to the other party (Serva et al., 2005 ). Yet, fears of exploitation make trust in conflict management and negotiation scarce. Therefore, the use of trust-promoting strategies depends on the specific situation, and parties need practical guidance on how and when to manage conflict constructively by means of promoting mutual trust.

How does the possibility of trust development between parties depend on the conflict context? Based on this practical question, some strategies for trust development have been proposed (Fisher & Ury, 1981 ; Fulmer & Gelfand, 2012 ; Gunia, Brett, & Nandkeolyar, 2012 ; Lewicki et al., 2016 ). In relationships where trust is likely, the following strategies can help: assume trustworthiness, prioritize your interests and give away a little information about them, engage in reciprocity (concessions), highlight similarities and spend time together, get to know your counterpart personally and try to be likable, behave consistently and predictably, and paraphrase your counterpart’s positions. In relationships where trust seems possible: emphasize common goals; focus on the subject, not on the people; look to the future and find a shared vision; mix questions and answers about interests and priorities—the fundamental elements of information sharing—with making and justifying offers; take a break; suggest another approach; call in a mediator; and forgive the other party’s mistakes. In relationships where trust is not possible, more cautious strategies can help: make multi-issue offers; think holistically about your counterpart’s interests; engage in reciprocity (concessions); express sympathy, apologize, or compliment your counterpart; and look for preference patterns in your counterpart’s offers and responses.

Constructive Controversy

C onstructive controversy is defined as the open-minded discussion of conflicting perspectives for mutual benefit, which occurs when protagonists express their opposing ideas that obstruct resolving the issues, at least temporarily (Tjosvold et al., 2014 ). Indicators of constructive controversy include listening carefully to each other’s opinion, trying to understand each other’s concerns, and using opposing views to understand the problem better. These skills are considered vitally important for developing and implementing cooperative problem-solving processes successfully and effectively.

Deutsch ( 2014 ) stated that there haven’t been many systematic discussions of the skills involved in constructive solutions to conflict, and he proposed three main types of skills for constructive conflict management:

Rapport-building skills are involved in establishing effective relationships between parties (such as breaking the ice; reducing fears, tensions, and suspicion; overcoming resistance to negotiation; and fostering realistic hope and optimism).

Cooperative conflict-resolution skills are concerned with developing and maintaining a cooperative conflict resolution process among the parties involved (such as identifying the type of conflict in which the parties are involved; reframing the issues so that conflict is perceived as a mutual problem to be resolved cooperatively; active listening and responsive communication; distinguishing between effective relationships between parties and positions; encouraging, supporting, and enhancing the parties; being alert to cultural differences and the possibilities of misunderstanding arising from them; and controlling anger).

Group process and decision-making skills are involved in developing a creative and productive process (such as monitoring progress toward group goals; eliciting, clarifying, coordinating, summarizing, and integrating the contributions of the various participants; and maintaining group cohesion).

Tjosvold et al. ( 2014 ) and Johnson et al. ( 2014 ) also elaborate on the skills needed for facilitating open-minded discussions and constructive controversy. They developed four mutually reinforcing strategies for managing conflict constructively:

Developing and expressing one’s own view. Parties need to know what each of the others wants and believes, and expressing one’s own needs, feelings, and ideas is essential to gaining that knowledge. By strengthening expression of their own positions, both parties can learn to investigate their position, present the best case they can for it, defend it vigorously, and try at the same time to refute opposing views. However, expressing one’s own position needs to be supplemented with an open-minded approach to the other’s position.

Questioning and understanding others’ views. Listening and understanding opposing views, as well as defending one’s own views, makes discussing conflicts more challenging but also more rewarding; therefore, the parties can point out weaknesses in each other’s arguments to encourage better development and expression of positions by finding more evidence and strengthening their reasoning.

Integrating and creating solutions. The creation of new alternatives lays the foundation for genuine agreements about a solution that both parties can accept and implement. However, protagonists may have to engage in repeated discussion to reach an agreement, or indeed they may be unable to create a solution that is mutually acceptable, and then they can both learn to become less adamant, to exchange views directly, and to show that they are trying to understand and integrate each other’s ideas so that all may benefit.

Agreeing to and implementing solutions. Parties can learn to seek the best reasoned judgment, instead of focusing on “winning”; to criticize ideas, not people; to listen and understand everyone’s position, even if they do not agree with it; to differentiate positions before trying to integrate them; and to change their minds when logically persuaded to do so.

Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution processes are aimed at ending a conflict. So, while conflict management can also include escalation, conflict resolution searches for a way of ending the conflict. The difference between resolution and management of conflict is more than semantic (Robbins, 1978 ). Conflict resolution means reduction, elimination, or termination of conflict.

To find a resolution, parties have to bring an extra piece of information, relate the information they have differently, or transform the issue, change the rules, change the actors or the structure, or bring in a third party (Vayrynen, 1991 ). The most popular conflict resolution processes are: negotiation, mediation, conflict coaching, and arbitration (Rahim, 2002 ). Conflict resolution can also be accomplished by ruling by authorities. Integration of the different techniques sequentially or simultaneously has been shown to support optimal conflict resolution (Jones, 2016 ).

Negotiation

Negotiation is a process in which the parties attempt to jointly create an agreement that resolves a conflict between them (Lewicki & Tomlinson, 2014 ). Walton and McKersie ( 1965 ) were the first to identify the two polar yet interdependent strategies known as distributive and integrative negotiation. Distributive negotiation means that activities are instrumental to the attainment of one party’s goals when they are in basic conflict with those of the other party. Integrative negotiation means that parties’ activities are oriented to find common or complementary interests and to solve problems confronting both parties. Other scholars also focused on the opposite tactical requirements of the two strategies, using a variety of terms, such as contending versus cooperating (Pruitt, 1981 ), claiming value versus creating value (Lax & Sebenius, 1987 ), and the difference between positions and interests (Fisher & Ury, 1981 ).

If a distributive strategy is pursued too vigorously, a negotiator may gain a greater share of gains, but of a smaller set of joint gains, or, worse, may generate an outcome in which both parties lose. However, if a negotiator pursues an integrative negotiation in a single-minded manner—being totally cooperative and giving freely accurate and credible information about his/her interests—he or she can be taken advantage of by the other party (Walton & McKersie, 1965 ). The different proposals that have been formulated to cope with these central dilemmas in negotiation are mainly based on a back-and-forth communication process between the parties, which is linked to the negotiators’ interpersonal skills (Brett, Shapiro, & Lytle, 1998 ; Fisher & Ury, 1981 ; Rubin et al., 1994 ).

Mediation is process by which a third party facilitates constructive communication among disputants, including decision making, problem solving and negotiation, in order to reach a mutually acceptable agreement (Bollen, Munduate, & Euwema, 2016 ; Goldman, Cropanzano, Stein, & Benson, 2008 ; Moore, 2014 ). Using mediation in conflict resolution has been proven to prevent the negative consequences of conflict in the workplace (Bollen & Euwema, 2010 ; Bollen et al., 2016 ), in collective bargaining (Martinez-Pecino et al., 2008 ), in inter- and intragroup relations (Jones, 2016 ), and in interpersonal relations (Herrman, 2006 ). However, mediation is not a magic bullet and works better in conflicts that are moderate rather than extreme, when parties are motivated to resolve the conflict, and when parties have equal power, among other characteristics (Kressel, 2014 ).

Conflict Coaching

Conflict coaching is a new and rapidly growing process in the public as well as private sector (Brinkert, 2016 ). In this process, a conflict coach works with a party to accomplish three goals (Jones & Brinkert, 2008 ): (a) analysis and coherent understanding of the conflict, (b) identification of a future preferred direction, and (c) skills development to implement the preferred strategy. Therefore, a conflict coach is defined as a conflict expert who respects the other party’s self-determination and aims to promote the well-being of the parties involved. Giebels and Janssen ( 2005 ) found that, when outside help was called in, parties in conflict experienced fewer negative consequences in terms of individual well-being than people who did not ask for third-party help.

Sometimes, the leader of a team can act as conflict coach. A study by Romer and colleagues ( 2012 ) showed that a workplace leader’s problem-solving approach to conflicts increased employees’ perception of justice and their sense that they had a voice in their workplace, as well as reduced employees’ stress (De Reuver & Van Woerkom, 2010 ; Romer et al., 2012 ). In contrast, the direct expression of power in the form of forcing behavior can harm employees’ well-being (Peterson & Harvey, 2009 ). A forcing leader may become an additional party to the conflict (i.e., employees may turn against their leader; Romer et al, 2012 ).

Conflict coaching and mediation are different processes. First, in conflict coaching, only one party is involved in the process, while in mediation, the mediator helps all the parties in conflict to engage in constructive interaction. Second, conflict coaching focuses on direct skills instructions to the party (i.e., negotiation skills). In that, conflict coaching is also a leadership development tool (Romer et al., 2012 ). There is a growing tendency to integrate conflict coaching and workplace mediation, particularly in preparation for conflict resolution, because the coach can help the coached party to investigate options and weigh the advantages of the different options (Jones, 2016 ).

Arbitration

Arbitration is an institutionalized procedure in which a third party provides a final and binding or voluntary decision (Lewicki, Saunders, & Barry, 2014 ; Mohr & Spekman, 1994 ). Arbitration allows the parties to have control over the process, but not over the outcomes. Therefore, arbitration differs from negotiation, mediation, and conflict coaching, in which the parties decide the agreement themselves (Posthuma & Dworkin, 2000 ; Lewicki et al., 2014 ). In arbitration, the third party listens to the parties and decides the outcome. This procedure is used mainly in conflicts between organizations, in commercial disputes, and in collective labor conflicts (Beechey, 2000 ; Elkouri & Elkouri, 1995 ).

Decision Making by Authorities

The strategies of negotiation, mediation, conflict coaching, and arbitration have in common that the parties together decide about the conflict process, even when they agree to accept an arbitration. This is different from how authorities resolve conflict. Decision making by authorities varies from parents’ intervening in children’s fights to rulings by teachers, police officers, managers, complaint officers, ombudsmen, and judges. Here, often one party complains and the authority acts to intervene and end the conflict. This strategy is good for ending physical violence and misuse of power. However, the authorities’ decisive power is limited, and therefore in most situations authorities are strongly urged to first explore the potential for conflict resolution and reconciliation among the parties involved. The authority can act as an escalator for the process, or as a facilitator, and only in cases of immediate threat can intervene or rule as a last resort. Authorities who employ this strategy can improve the learning skills of the parties and can impose upon the parties an acceptance of responsibility, both for the conflict and for the ways to end it.

It is important to emphasize the natural and positive aspects of conflict management. Conflict occurs in all areas of organizations and private lives and its management is vital for their effectiveness. Through conflict, conventional thinking is challenged, threats and opportunities are identified, and new solutions are forged (Tjosvold et al., 2014 ). Therefore, when conflict occurs, it shouldn’t be avoided but should be managed constructively.

Further Reading

• Coleman, P. , Deutsch, M. , & Marcus, E. (2014). The handbook of conflict resolution . Theory and practice . San Francisco: John Wiley & Sons.
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• Elgoibar, P. , Euwema, M. , & Munduate, L. (2016). Trust building and constructive conflict management in industrial relations . Springer International.
• Lewicki, R. J. , McAllister, D. J. , & Bies, R. J. (1998). Trust and distrust: New relationship and realities. Academy of Management Review , 23 , 438–458.
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Can’t we all just get along? A guide to conflict management styles

Conflict is an unavoidable part of any workplace, as well as in any relationship. Whether you’re at odds with a coworker, your spouse, or your best friend, how you manage those conflicts makes all the difference. It’s an essential part of building strong personal relationships and maintaining healthy business relationships. On some levels, we each hold different conflict management styles that help inform how we react to conflict. At BetterUp, this is something we discuss in the employee onboarding process.

The way you manage conflicts at work can have a significant impact on the success or failure of your organization. Yet surprisingly little attention is devoted to this important topic in the literature of management. Learning how to manage conflicts in the workplace isn’t easy. This is especially true if you don’t know which management style will work best with your specific employee or situation.

What is conflict management?

Conflict management is the art of handling and resolving conflicts. It involves using effective communication to diffuse tension and reach an agreement that both solves the issue and leaves both parties feeling satisfied.

Not every disagreement or pushback falls under the insubordination umbrella . Conflicts can arise from any number of sources in the workplace, from a disagreement over a meeting agenda to personal animosity between two employees. Understanding the root of the conflict is necessary for effectively resolving it. 

What is the goal of conflict management?

The purpose of conflict management in the workplace is to avoid or manage conflict in the most productive way possible. Effective communication , decision-making, and problem-solving are all key components of conflict management. The style that works best for your team may not be the best for another. 

The first step to managing a conflict is understanding what kind of conflict you're dealing with. Understanding different types of conflicts will help you better understand how to approach each one.

There are two types of conflict — productive and unhealthy . Believe it or not, you actually want productive conflict on your team. When employees can disagree with one another in a respectful way, it’s a sign of high psychological safety . It boosts innovation, creativity, and problem-solving skills. Although productive conflict isn’t always easy, it's often necessary in order to come up with the best solutions. 

Unhealthy conflict is often characterized by anger, resentment, or aggression. This kind of conflict can poison relationships. Whereas productive conflicts stem from a healthy respect for one another, unhealthy conflicts come from frustration. One or more parties feel as if they’re not being heard or acknowledged. 

The intention of conflict management is to bring everyone to a working consensus. Now, this doesn’t mean that everyone will agree, or that challenges won’t arise in the future. What it means is that people can (together) find the best path to move forward, and leave the conversation feeling as if they’ve been heard and taken seriously. Depending on the situation, you may have to adjust your conflict management strategy to come to the best solution.

5 styles of conflict management

At some point in our lives we've learned from family members, friends, co-workers and others various methods of handling conflicts. These methods often fall into one of five styles (or approaches): accommodating , avoidance , compromising , collaborating , and competing . Each method of handling conflicts has its own pros and cons. The circumstances and intended outcome determine whether one (or more) of these approaches might be successful or appropriate for handling conflicts.

Accommodating

The accommodating style is the type of conflict management style most people are accustomed to. It’s generally the easiest way to go when looking for a good middle ground. This style is often characterized by mild confrontation and a willingness to give in or concede points. Employees with this style may be seen as passive, conflict-averse, and non-confrontational. 

The accommodating style can work when there are no clear winners in an argument. However, it should not be used when one person's needs are being ignored or marginalized. It is also not advisable for situations where one party is trying to take advantage of another by not speaking up for their own rights and interests . Unfortunately, an accommodating approach will likely escalate the conflict. It can allow the other party more room to push boundaries and make unreasonable demands.

The avoidant conflict management style is very different from the accommodating styles. It’s a passive approach where one avoids the situation, opting not to speak up. This can be problematic in that this style may not provide input or opinion. This could lead to a lack of understanding, or to the avoidant person not getting their needs met. 

It’s difficult for people who have a different conflict management style to understand this approach, since it is so foreign from their own. The avoidant conflict management style does not work when there are many people involved or when there are high emotions (like anger) present. If someone is feeling particularly angry or frustrated, the avoidant approach can leave them feeling dismissed and unheard. In this case, conflict management would involve addressing any underlying issues and emotions. This won’t happen if the parties involved try to avoid the situation altogether.

Compromising

The compromising conflict management style is useful when the issue isn’t a big one, or when the parties are willing to work together. If an issue needs to be resolved quickly, a compromise might get you to the fastest solution. 

Some cynics refer to compromise as “lose-lose,” since both parties generally have to give up something they want to reach an agreement. It's often ineffective when there are serious disagreements about how to resolve the problem. 

Collaborating

The collaborating style is most appropriate when there are many stakeholders. It can also be useful when there are complex and difficult problems or a lack of clarity around boundaries. However, it's not the best option when it's unclear who the decision maker is, there's a need for quick decisions, or when people have very strong opinions and want to get their way. The collaborating conflict management style provides a safe environment for all parties involved in order to work together to achieve the goal. A strength of this style is accomplishing that while still maintaining each person’s individual identity and needs.

The competing conflict management style is fairly straightforward: the goal is to win. However, winning can look very different depending on the parties involved and what’s at stake.

In the workplace, a competing style might arise between two employees vying for one promotion . However, it might also come up when the stakes are less clear. For example, a new manager that feels the need to assert authority might unconsciously find themselves in competition with their team.

Tips for managers

Conflict management skills are important, but so are strong team members who work together using these techniques. A leader needs a high degree of emotional intelligence to navigate disagreements between conflicting parties.

If you want your team to be productive and happy, here are a few ideas to help them avoid unhealthy conflicts: 

1. Be clear about your expectations 

A lack of clarity can create room for misunderstandings and disagreements. You can help minimize the potential for this by outlining your expectations clearly from the start. Clear communication can help minimize conflict in the workplace .

2. Be open about feedback 

When teams have a culture of feedback, there’s a free-flowing exchange of ideas. Team members are less likely to feel threatened when someone disagrees with them. Be open with your team about feedback. Make it a regular part of your communication, and encourage them to share feedback with you as well .

3. Don't take things personally

Remember that work is work. Everyone is trying to get something done, and everyone has factors outside of work that may affect how they show up. If someone comes off the wrong way, assume that it has nothing to do with you. Try not to get defensive or combative. If you need to, take time to calm yourself down before you respond.

4. Get a coach

There are a lot of benefits that come from working with a coach . But as much as it impacts individuals, the benefits of a strong coaching culture can ripple out to the team. BetterUp’s coaching has been shown to reduce conflict within teams by 24%. Not only that, but teams benefit from improved communication and a stronger sense of connection at work.

5. Don’t play favorites

When negotiating a conflict, it’s important to be impartial — even if you feel one person is right. A good manager will go to bat for their entire team. If you start playing favorites, you’ll inevitably create discontent among the people on your team.

6. Invest time in learning to manage conflict

You don’t have to learn conflict resolution skills on the fly. Consider investing in formal training in communication, mediation, or dispute resolution. Every manager can benefit from working on these skills, either in group training or with a coach.

7. Know when to stay out of it

Sometimes, “hands off” is the best approach. If your team members are experiencing a minor conflict, it might not be a bad idea to let them talk it out themselves. A manager getting involved in every conversation can actually escalate tensions or make things worse. On the other hand, allowing them to work it out might help them develop a better rapport in the future.

When to escalate a workplace conflict to HR

Just as it’s important to know when to stay out of it, it's important for managers to know when to escalate a conflict. Some conflict situations are best handled by human resources. There may also be certain procedural or legal steps to take.

Here are some situations that absolutely should be brought to HR:

- When someone is being mistreated or bullied at work 

- When performance management is being discussed 

- When workplace bullying or harassment is occurring (or other signs of a hostile work environment )

- When there’s a potential instance of discrimination

- When there's an interpersonal conflict between two employees that involves repeated conflict, yelling, or threats

- When one employee needs to be coached on how to speak more respectfully to others 

- If the person has come to you with a complaint about another employee

Human resources professionals have extensive experience with these kinds of situations and can help intervene. They may be able to diffuse the situation or take the appropriate actions. You shouldn’t hesitate to reach out.

Final thoughts

Effective conflict management in the workplace can be challenging, but it's possible to get better at it. Understanding the different conflict management styles of others can help you learn to navigate different situations. 

No matter which style you use, you need to balance technique with emotional intelligence and assertiveness. You need to be able to integrate viewpoints, communicate effectively and calmly, and listen actively. Most importantly, help your team feel heard and respected. Let your team know that you’re on their side, and that the goal is to solve problems together.

Lead with confidence and authenticity

Develop your leadership and strategic management skills with the help of an expert Coach.

Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

Guide to conflict resolution skills — plus real world examples

How to embrace constructive conflict, put team conflict to work with these constructive tips, leading people as people, a conversation with cynt marshall, ceo of the dallas mavericks, managers have a strong effect on team performance, for better or worse, reflections on shift: cracking the code to people transformation in the workplace, and beyond, outsmarting the innovator's bias: where future-mindedness and innovation meet, uplift 2020: ushering in a new era of employee experience, the key mindsets sales leaders need to unlock success: q&a with brad mccracken, global vp of sales at betterup, similar articles, how to disagree at work without being obnoxious, benefits of humor in the workplace (we found at least 10), 4 attachment styles and how they influence relationships, productive conflict isn’t bad, especially in the workplace, what to do when things get tense 7 tips to handle workplace conflict, we need to talk (about communication styles in the workplace), stay connected with betterup, get our newsletter, event invites, plus product insights and research..

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29 conflict management techniques (that actually resolve issues!)

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Bringing a group of passionate, talented individuals together to work on a common goal is the goal of every leader. But even the best teams in the world can disagree! While different perspectives are vital to the success of any business, without effective conflict management, those differences of opinion can fester and breed resentment. 

Left unresolved, conflict in the workplace can result in a toxic working environment and unhappy staff. As such, conflict management is one of the most necessary skills in a leader’s toolbox. Managing, growing, and developing a productive team is extremely difficult without it! 

In this post, we’ll explore how your team can approach conflict management productively and create a safe space for exploration, discussion and resolution. 

You’ll find practical tips for every stage of managing a conflict and we’ll include conflict management techniques to help you facilitate the process too! 

What is conflict management?

What are some common causes of conflict in the workplace, how to successfully manage and resolve a conflict.

Conflict management is a process of guiding groups safely and productively through a thorough exploration, discussion, and resolution of a conflict or issue. 

Effectively managing conflict means helping everyone be heard, facilitating a fair, equitable space for discussion, and limiting the potential for unproductive practices. Conflict management also means being able to identify sources of conflict, enabling others to participate, and build skills to help prevent and navigate conflict productively. 

It’s important to note that conflict management isn’t always a straightforward or linear path. Some conflicts need to be revisited, evaluated, and built upon as teams and organizations grow. Successfully managing conflict in the workplace means being committed to an ongoing cycle of discovery, exploration, discussion, and resolution. 

All of us are likely to include conflict, friction, and interpersonal issues at some stage in our working lives. While individual differences can be part of what makes a team successful, creative, and resilient, they can also be a cause of conflict. 

Remember that while conflict in the workplace is almost inevitable, the way that conflict is handled and approached is entirely in our control. Identifying the potential causes of workplace conflict can be a great start when trying to build your conflict management skills. 

Here are some of the most common causes of workplace conflict though bear in mind this is not exhaustive, and you should be vigilant for potential issues specific to your team and organization.

• Power imbalances and differences in status
• Closed, broken-down communication 
• Rigid hierarchies
• Conflicts of interest
• Lack of clear ownership
• Micromanagement 
• Team siloing
• No alignment on goals on shared purpose
• Difference in values or ideologies
• Performance expectations 
• Lack of resources or support
• Competition
• Overdependence on certain parties 

Conflict in the workplace can occur whatever the size, makeup, or happiness of an organization. While toxic workplaces are more likely to result in conflict, even happy workplaces can see issues arise. Whenever you bring together a group of people to work on something they care about, differences of opinion can become something that needs to be addressed. 

When conflict becomes a problem, it’s vital you follow a process to manage the issue and find a solution productively. Conflict handling can become problematic if people involved don’t trust that a solution will be found or that management doesn’t care about the issue. 

Effective conflict management creates a safe space to explore the issue, discuss the effects it is having and then help the group create a solution together. 

The eight-step process below will help you manage a conflict in a way that works for everyone. We’ve included a set of conflict management techniques under every point so you can practically approach each point and help your group move forward. Let’s dig in! 

1. Help everyone speak up and be heard

2. correctly identify the cause of the conflict, 3. reach a shared understanding, 4. cocreate the solution.

• 5. Set clear actions and responsibilities

6. Build emotional intelligence

7. debrief and collect insights, 8. evaluate progress and follow up.

When resolving a conflict, it can be tempting to try and rush to the end. Especially if you believe you know the cause and solution to the problem . But taking this approach can create further issues if you don’t first take the time to hear everyone out. 

Often, conflict arises because people aren’t being listened to, or because someone feels like they aren’t being understood. Taking time to ensure everyone has a chance to speak and be heard is an important part of conflict management you can’t afford to miss. 

Skipping this step can mean some people don’t have their issues raised or worse, that the group doesn’t want to hear what they have to say. This ill-feeling can quickly get worse and lead to disengagement. When solving conflict, it’s a priority to create a safe space for sharing that helps everyone move forward together. The following activities are great for achieving just that! 

Take a Stand

Heard, seen, respected, rollercoaster check-in.

Most teams want to help all their members be heard and share their thoughts – particularly during times of conflict. The problem is that unstructured discussions or certain frameworks don’t actively create space for everyone to contribute and be heard by others. 

1-2-4-All is a proven technique to facilitate meaningful group discussion. Start with a round of silent self-reflection on a central question related to your conflict. Move on to pair and small group discussion before then sharing with the larger room.

It’s much easier to feel heard in pairs and small groups and by going through this process, everyone can air their concerns meaningfully. Be sure to mindfully choose your core discussion point and brief everyone to listen and be respectful for best results!

1-2-4-All   #idea generation   #liberating structures   #issue analysis   With this facilitation technique you can immediately include everyone regardless of how large the group is. You can generate better ideas and more of them faster than ever before. You can tap the know-how and imagination that is distributed widely in places not known in advance. Open, generative conversation unfolds. Ideas and solutions are sifted in rapid fashion. Most importantly, participants own the ideas, so follow-up and implementation is simplified. No buy-in strategies needed! Simple and elegant!

Some attempts at resolving issues fail because of the format of the meeting. A traditional group discussion can lead to heated exchanges and some people may not get a chance to be heard. 

Take a Stand is an activity that explores an alternative way to surface feelings and help everyone make their opinion known. Start by asking participants to imagine a line where one end equals zero while the other end equals ten. Next ask a series of questions to surface how people are feeling and have people arrange themselves on the line based on their answer.

For example, you might ask “How well are we communicating as a team? 0 is not communicating at all. 10 is perfectly open and clear communication.” Have people discuss their position on the line with the person next to them. Afterward, move towards a group discussion to get opinions from people at various points on the line. 

Having everyone stand on the line means you can get a quick read on group feelings and focus on those areas that need attention. Plus, everyone’s opinion is out in the open without any possibility of being talked over or shot down!

Take a Stand   #hyperisland   #innovation   #issue analysis   This is a practical, dynamic and versatile method for groups to explore ideas and questions together. Something like a physical questionnaire; participants respond to questions by walking around the space and placing themselves on an imaginary line. This provides a starting point for reflection and discussion and brings teams together.

Using methods designed to help everyone in a group speak up and be heard is integral when it comes to solving conflict. But how can we go further and create a working atmosphere where people are ready to listen and enable others to speak?

Heard, Seen, Respected is an activity designed to help a group walk in the shoes of others, listen more deeply and build empathy. Start by asking pairs to share a story of a time when they did not feel heard, seen, and respected. Next, ask groups to reflect on the experience and discuss patterns they see in these examples.  

Try this activity when you want to help your group develop their conversational skills and be better listeners. The result will be a team of better, more empathetic listeners than will also feel more compelled to speak up and be heard. 

Heard, Seen, Respected (HSR)   #issue analysis   #empathy   #communication   #liberating structures   #remote-friendly   You can foster the empathetic capacity of participants to “walk in the shoes” of others. Many situations do not have immediate answers or clear resolutions. Recognizing these situations and responding with empathy can improve the “cultural climate” and build trust among group members. HSR helps individuals learn to respond in ways that do not overpromise or overcontrol. It helps members of a group notice unwanted patterns and work together on shifting to more productive interactions. Participants experience the practice of more compassion and the benefits it engenders.

When kicking off a conflict resolution meeting or workshop, it’s a great idea to get a temperature check from the room. But how can we encourage honest participation if people are upset as a result of recent conflict? 

Rollercoaster Check-in is a simple but powerful way of opening your sessions and checking in with your team. Start by drawing a wavy line to represent the rollercoaster of group feelings on a whiteboard. Next, invite participants to draw themselves on the rollercoaster, depicting the main way they are feeling. 

By reframing the check-in this way, your group can surface their feelings more safely and openly than by simply engaging in open discussion. 

Rollercoaster Check-In   #team   #opening   #hyperisland   #remote-friendly   This playful method creates a powerful shared picture of the feelings in the group. Checking-in is a simple way for a team to start a meeting, workshop, or activity. By using the metaphor of a rollercoaster this alternative version supports participants to think differently about how they are feeling. People place themselves at different points on the rollercoaster, explaining their dominant feeling right now.

One of the most important steps in resolving a conflict is correctly identifying the actual cause of the issue. If you don’t take the opportunity to go deeper and find out what the true nature of the conflict is, any solutions are unlikely to resolve the issue. 

Remember that identifying the cause of a conflict needs to come after everyone has had a chance to speak. It’s important not to rush to judgment and try to predetermine the cause of conflict.

If one person is upset because they feel their work isn’t being valued and they lash out verbally in a meeting, your first instinct might be to talk to that person about meeting etiquette. 

By exploring the conflict, you might find that the deeper cause of the conflict is that the person doesn’t feel valued by the team or that you need to find time to celebrate wins as a group. Only by correctly identifying the root cause can you and your team move towards solving the actual issue.

In our experience, people often have different perspectives on why a conflict has occurred. Explore these perspectives together before then aligning on the root cause of the conflict. 

Stinky Fish

Fishbone analysis, what, so what, now what w³.

It can be a challenge to discuss the conflict in the workplace while keeping things productive and neutral. Finding the root cause of conflict often means finding space to share fears, anxieties, and challenges safely. 

Stinky Fish is a method designed to enable everyone in a group to share what’s bothering them. The metaphor of something you carry around but don’t talk about while it gets stinkier and stinkier can be especially effective at helping a group approach conflict analysis. 

This activity is particularly useful if you’re not quite sure what the issue is, but know that there’s conflict and challenges in your team that need to be surfaced and solved. 

Stinky Fish   #hyperisland   #skills   #remote-friendly   #issue analysis   A short activity to run early in a program focused on sharing fears, anxieties and uncertainties related to the program theme. The purpose is to create openness within a group. The stinky fish is a metaphor for “that thing that you carry around but don’t like to talk about; but the longer you hide it, the stinkier it gets.” By putting stinky fish (fears and anxieties) on the table, participants begin to relate to each other, become more comfortable sharing, and identify a clear area for development and learning.

Some conflicts have a more obvious cause than others. When you are stuck on identifying what’s causing conflict on your team, it can be helpful to reframe the conversation and explore the problem from a new angle. 

With Speed Boat, start by drawing a boat with several anchors attached. Identify the boat as a topic such as team cohesion or team happiness, and ask participants to brainstorm what things might be holding the boat back. From this perspective, you can surface all those things that might be causing conflict on the team without getting bogged down in attaching blame.

Follow with a round of voting on which anchors are the most important and move towards a more focused discussion. You can then try removing those anchors by asking the group how you might fix them as a team.

Speed Boat   #gamestorming   #problem solving   #action   Speedboat is a short and sweet way to identify what your employees or clients don’t like about your product/service or what’s standing in the way of a desired goal.

Successfully diagnosing a problem and identifying the true cause of a conflict means going deeper. Some conflicts that seem simple on the surface have numerous contributing factors. Only by exploring a subject deeply and bringing all those factors into the open can you effectively resolve a workplace conflict. 

Fishbone Analysis helps a group go deeper by first starting with a core conflict or issue and labeling that as the head of the fish on the diagram. Next, participants brainstorm the causes of the issue and add these as bones to the diagram. Add subcategories and additional bones to the fish by asking why these causes come up. 

After several rounds of brainstorming and discussion, you’ll have a clear picture of what’s causing the core issue from multiple perspectives. End by identifying any recurring causes and prioritize those that have the largest impact on your conflict. These are what you want to work on as a group! 

Fishbone Analysis   ##problem solving   ##root cause analysis   #decision making   #online facilitation   A process to help identify and understand the origins of problems, issues or observations.

When a team conflict has occurred, it’s important to unpack what happened methodically to correctly identify the cause. It can be so easy for teams to get bogged down in the details and fail to understand the chain of events that can lead to conflict. 

What, So What, Now What? is an effective framework for helping everyone articulate what happened and why it was important from their perspective. This approach to sharing not only helps everyone be heard but also helps surface key insights that can move the group forward. 

Use this activity when you want to debrief on a shared conflict and ensure it is explored in full before developing solutions together. 

W³ – What, So What, Now What?   #issue analysis   #innovation   #liberating structures   You can help groups reflect on a shared experience in a way that builds understanding and spurs coordinated action while avoiding unproductive conflict. It is possible for every voice to be heard while simultaneously sifting for insights and shaping new direction. Progressing in stages makes this practical—from collecting facts about What Happened to making sense of these facts with So What and finally to what actions logically follow with Now What . The shared progression eliminates most of the misunderstandings that otherwise fuel disagreements about what to do. Voila!

One of the biggest challenges to resolving a conflict is alignment. If not everyone is on the same page and does not understand why people are upset, it’s very difficult to move forward. 

Building a shared understanding means helping your group see things from other perspectives and agreeing on a path forward. Once you’ve helped everyone be heard, this means filtering down to key points and helping the group align. 

These conflict management techniques are effective tools in this process. With a shared understanding, your group will then be positioned to create a solution together. Let’s take a look!

Agreement-Certainty Matrix

What i need from you, give and take matrix, issue analysis.

After everyone has had a chance to speak, it can be useful to align on the problems that have surfaced. Does everyone see them the same way? Only by aligning on the importance and nature of a problem can you create solutions that have an impact.

This activity from Liberating Structures helps a group consider the causes of conflict objectively. By sorting challenges based on four factors – simple, complicated, complex, and chaotic – you can create a shared understanding of issues and agree on a way forward together.

Be sure to align and find common ground on the nature of a problem before rushing to a solution. Skipping this can result in poor outcomes that might not address the issue!

Agreement-Certainty Matrix   #issue analysis   #liberating structures   #problem solving   You can help individuals or groups avoid the frequent mistake of trying to solve a problem with methods that are not adapted to the nature of their challenge. The combination of two questions makes it possible to easily sort challenges into four categories: simple, complicated, complex , and chaotic .  A problem is simple when it can be solved reliably with practices that are easy to duplicate.  It is complicated when experts are required to devise a sophisticated solution that will yield the desired results predictably.  A problem is complex when there are several valid ways to proceed but outcomes are not predictable in detail.  Chaotic is when the context is too turbulent to identify a path forward.  A loose analogy may be used to describe these differences: simple is like following a recipe, complicated like sending a rocket to the moon, complex like raising a child, and chaotic is like the game “Pin the Tail on the Donkey.”  The Liberating Structures Matching Matrix in Chapter 5 can be used as the first step to clarify the nature of a challenge and avoid the mismatches between problems and solutions that are frequently at the root of chronic, recurring problems.

We all have things we need from others in a team to be successful and happy in our work. When we feel our needs aren’t being met, or we’re unclear about what people need of us it can be frustrating for both parties. 

Conflict of this nature can contribute to an unproductive working environment with unhappy employees. Thankfully, this method is an effective way of getting things back on track! Begin by inviting your group to articulate the core needs of other individuals and parts of the organization. Each affected group must then respond to those needs with one of four options and agree to take action as a result. By being clear, concrete, and practical, you can repair misunderstandings and move beyond conflict together. 

What I Need From You (WINFY)   #issue analysis   #liberating structures   #team   #communication   #remote-friendly   People working in different functions and disciplines can quickly improve how they ask each other for what they need to be successful. You can mend misunderstandings or dissolve prejudices developed over time by demystifying what group members need in order to achieve common goals. Since participants articulate core needs to others and each person involved in the exchange is given the chance to respond, you boost clarity, integrity, and transparency while promoting cohesion and coordination across silos: you can put Humpty Dumpty back together again!

Teams are complex systems of different roles, needs, interactions, and motivations. Creating a shared understanding of that system can help a group navigate challenges, support one another and also identify causes of conflict. 

Start the Give and Take Matrix by listing all of the actors in a system on both the vertical and horizontal axes of the matrix. Next, have each person add what they need from the system to the matrix. Finally, move through each cell and have each person consider what they can offer one another to help them fulfill their primary needs. 

Completing the matrix helps build a complete picture of how needs flow through the system and what every actor in the system has to offer. You can also see where there might be room for improvement and create space for people to see how they can help others too!

Give and Take Matrix   #gamestorming   #issue analysis   The goal of this game is to map out the motivations and interactions among actors in a system. The actors, in this case, may be as small-scale as individuals who need to work together to accomplish a task, or as large-scale as organizations brought together for a long-term purpose. A give-and-take matrix is a useful diagnostic tool, and helps players explore how value flows through the group.

Some conflicts can feel difficult to solve because they are large, complicated, or vague. Finding a means to analyze a conflict and break it up into manageable parts is an important step in the process. 

Start by stating the core issue to be addressed in clear, simple terms. Follow by asking the group to brainstorm ideas around the issue with the statements  “I wish….” or “How to….”. 

Synthesize and clarify those ideas and then prioritize based on seriousness, urgency, and the speed at which the issue is growing. By sorting challenges relating to the conflict in this way, your group can align easily on the nature of the problem and then choose which aspects to focus on too.  

Issue Analysis   #issue analysis   #problem solving   #online   #remote-friendly   A process for understanding a complex problem situation

The best solutions are those that everyone in the team has a part in creating – this is even more true in the case of group conflict. By working together on the resolution to an issue, you can ensure it is in everyone’s interest. Remember that any conflict management process is improved when you involve all of the affected parties in creating the solution.

The result is a solution that is fit for purpose and addresses everyone’s concerns. This allows ample buy-in from your team and also helps highlight any weak points in the strategy.

Let’s take a look at activities designed to help a group collectively come up with a solution to the conflict. 

The Six Thinking Hats

Discovery & action dialogue, team of two, making space with triz.

Creating an effective solution as a team means tapping into everyone’s collective wisdom. Particularly when trying to develop a solution to the conflict, it’s important to explore different ways of thinking rather than arguing over which is best.

Six Thinking Hats is a great method for exploring a problem from various points of view and co-creating the solution. Start by explaining the six hats and their different approaches to the problem. For example, use the green hat to generate ideas, the yellow hat to explore benefits and values, and the red hat to explore feelings and intuition. 

Ensure everyone uses the same hat at the same time and consider developing sequences of hats to address different problems. Cocreating the solution to your conflict with a clear framework is a surefire way to ensure buy-in from the whole team.

The Six Thinking Hats   #creative thinking   #meeting facilitation   #problem solving   #issue resolution   #idea generation   #conflict resolution   The Six Thinking Hats are used by individuals and groups to separate out conflicting styles of thinking. They enable and encourage a group of people to think constructively together in exploring and implementing change, rather than using argument to fight over who is right and who is wrong.

Effectively resolving a conflict often means going beyond the current issues. Understanding the patterns and conditions that lead to the conflict will also want to be addressed to prevent further issues and get everyone back on track!

Discovery & Action Dialogue is a 7 step discussion designed to uncover and share practices and tacit solutions from within the team. Surfacing these with a proper framework means that the group can discover better solutions to common problems together.

Begin by asking the group how they know when problem X is present before asking successive questions to help everyone consider how they can contribute to solving that problem. 

Discovery & Action Dialogue (DAD)   #idea generation   #liberating structures   #action   #issue analysis   #remote-friendly   DADs make it easy for a group or community to discover practices and behaviors that enable some individuals (without access to special resources and facing the same constraints) to find better solutions than their peers to common problems. These are called positive deviant (PD) behaviors and practices. DADs make it possible for people in the group, unit, or community to discover by themselves these PD practices. DADs also create favorable conditions for stimulating participants’ creativity in spaces where they can feel safe to invent new and more effective practices. Resistance to change evaporates as participants are unleashed to choose freely which practices they will adopt or try and which problems they will tackle. DADs make it possible to achieve frontline ownership of solutions.

While conflicts in the workplace can come in all shapes and sizes, it’s worth noting that most disagreements occur between two individuals working together. Taking time to explore and repair these close working relationships can have massive benefits to the team at large.

With this activity, start by having each person in your team of two writes down how they think they could help the other person and how the other person could help them. By keeping things simple, you can help improve future interactions between employees and repair areas of common conflict. Be sure to guide participants to give and take equitably and be clear and concise with their requests for best results. 

Team of Two   #communication   #active listening   #issue analysis   #conflict resolution   #issue resolution   #remote-friendly   #team   Much of the business of an organisation takes place between pairs of people. These interactions can be positive and developing or frustrating and destructive. You can improve them using simple methods, providing people are willing to listen to each other. “Team of two” will work between secretaries and managers, managers and directors, consultants and clients or engineers working on a job together. It will even work between life partners.

It can be hard to move towards resolution if your team is stuck in the same old ways of thinking. Finding space for innovation and turn a conflict on its head can be one of the most effective ways to generate impactful solutions.

Start this activity by asking the group to make a list of all the worst things they could do to resolve the current conflict. You’ll find this reframing of the issue often elicits laughter and creativity too! Honestly assess the list and see if you are doing anything that resembles those items. Next, make a list of counterproductive behaviors and actions and discuss their impact.

Finally, explore what first steps you could take to prevent those counterproductive actions from occurring. Getting the skeletons out of the closet can be difficult. But with this reframed discussion, you can explore those issues and come up with innovative approaches too! 

Making Space with TRIZ   #issue analysis   #liberating structures   #issue resolution   You can clear space for innovation by helping a group let go of what it knows (but rarely admits) limits its success and by inviting creative destruction. TRIZ makes it possible to challenge sacred cows safely and encourages heretical thinking. The question “What must we stop doing to make progress on our deepest purpose?” induces seriously fun yet very courageous conversations. Since laughter often erupts, issues that are otherwise taboo get a chance to be aired and confronted. With creative destruction come opportunities for renewal as local action and innovation rush in to fill the vacuum. Whoosh!

5. Set clear actions and responsibilities 

After you’ve figured out the solution to a workplace conflict, your group should agree on what actions should be taken to achieve it. This means agreeing on specific things that we can do both collectively and as individuals and then putting them in writing. 

Effective conflict management is about enabling everyone to take responsibility while also helping them take the first steps in achieving change. These frameworks are a great next step that can ensure any solution is carried out methodically and that the core issue is resolved over time. 

Who/What/When Matrix

3 action steps, raci matrix.

Just as a workplace conflict can be composed of many complex parts, so too can the solution. Simplify the process by breaking down the next steps, assigning responsibilities, and giving a clear timeframe for completion. 

Who/What/When Matrix is a simple, effective method for managing expectations and tasks that come out of the conflict management process. Start by adding the name of participants responsible for taking action in the first column. Next, add the tasks they are responsible for and ask them when that task will be completed. Simple!

Remember that successfully managing any conflict means ensuring that agreed-upon actions are carried out in a timely and effective manner. Use this matrix to help a team move forward after discussing what to do and follow through on the solution!

Who/What/When Matrix   #gamestorming   #action   #project planning   With Who/What/When matrix, you can connect people with clear actions they have defined and have committed to.

Some conflicts have less clear points of resolution. Perhaps the change needed from your team is less structured, and you’re asking for a change in how people communicate or treat each other in the workplace. 

This activity is designed to help everyone in a group identify some clear next steps they can take to achieve the desired change. This can be especially helpful if there is still a lack of clarity about what individuals can practically do to minimize conflict at work. 

Start by asking the participants to imagine the workplace in 6 months from now, after the conflict has been resolved and they’ve accomplished everything they set out to accomplish. Next, ask them to write down what their vision is and then suggest concrete steps they can take to make that happen.

Finish by asking the group what the first thing is that they’ll do once they’ll return to work. The result is a team that feels enabled to start making the necessary changes to create a better work environment!

3 Action Steps   #hyperisland   #action   #remote-friendly   This is a small-scale strategic planning session that helps groups and individuals to take action toward a desired change. It is often used at the end of a workshop or programme. The group discusses and agrees on a vision, then creates some action steps that will lead them towards that vision. The scope of the challenge is also defined, through discussion of the helpful and harmful factors influencing the group.

Having a clear sense of everyone involved in delivering a solution is important in ensuring it is delivered effectively. What’s more, it’s valuable to see where other people fit into the process and also get a sense of who wants to be involved in a smaller capacity. 

RACI Matrix is a framework for helping a group understand everyone’s role in the process and also for agreeing on stakeholders. Start by creating a list of work that needs to be done to achieve your conflict solution and a list of roles. Set the work along the horizontal axis and the roles along the vertical axis of the matrix. Next, assign responsibility using one of four options: Responsible, Accountable, Consulted, Informed. 

By assigning responsibilities, everyone on the team has a clear view of their role and where they can and should get involved. When managing conflict, it’s integral that everyone in the group understands how they can help and who is ultimately responsible for certain outcomes on the road to resolution. 

RACI Matrix   #gamestorming   #project management   #action   Sometimes responsibilities aren’t clear. By creating a RACI (Responsible, Accountable, Consulted, Informed) matrix, a group will tackle the responsibility problem directly.

Conflict is hard work. It can be emotionally draining and ask a lot of us as people. While we might not be able to prevent conflict, we can build our emotional intelligence to help manage how we engage with others. Responding calmly to conflict and treating others with empathy and care throughout is something we can all learn to improve. 

These activities are designed to help you and your team build emotional intelligence, self-awareness and reconsider how we react to conflict. All of which can be instrumental in successfully navigating and managing workplace conflict.  

Conflict Responses

Everyday hassles , explore your values.

• 9 dimensions

Reconsidering how we react to conflict and pressure can be transformative. We’re all capable of overreacting or handling things in a less than ideal manner. What’s important is that we take the opportunity to reflect and learn from those instances.

Conflict Responses is an activity designed for reflection on a previous conflict. Start by having participants write down examples of previous team conflicts and then rate how they reacted. Next, ask the group to consider and discuss what behaviors and actions were helpful and unhelpful. Finally, ask your team to come up with some new guidelines for effective conflict handling based on those discussions. This reflection also serves as a catalyst for emotional intelligence and personal growth.

The resulting guidelines can then be used as a resource for future conflicts. By generating these guidelines as a team, you’ll find they are more relevant and likely to be used in practice!

Conflict Responses   #hyperisland   #team   #issue resolution   A workshop for a team to reflect on past conflicts, and use them to generate guidelines for effective conflict handling. The workshop uses the Thomas-Killman model of conflict responses to frame a reflective discussion. Use it to open up a discussion around conflict with a team.

Our automatic responses to what we might find annoying can be the cause of inter-team conflict. Challenging these responses and developing our emotional intelligence so we can respond better can be a key aspect of avoiding issues in the future.

In this activity, give participants the example of being annoyed at being stuck in traffic and ask them to brainstorm other everyday hassles. Give each group an everyday hassle and then ask them to come up with positive reactions to that situation.

Over successive rounds and a debriefing, your group will see how a change in mindset can help them react better to such hassles in the future. They’ll also learn that taking personal responsibility for our emotions and reactions is a vital ingredient for happy, productive teams – bonus! 

Everyday Hassles   #issue resolution   #issue analysis   #stress management   #thiagi   It is a great activity to show participants that it is plausible to change our automatic behaviours and reactions to annoying situations.

Our core values are incredibly important to our sense of self and overarching happiness at work. Conflict can arise in groups where we feel our values are not being reflected, used, or appreciated. So how can we help ensure everyone’s values are celebrated and do not become a possible point of conflict? 

Explore your values is a great activity to encourage reflection and help everyone in your team understand what is important to them. Begin by having everyone write down their top ten values. Then, one by one, reduce those ten values to the three most important. Ask your group to then reflect on how they might live those values more and use them in their working life. 

You’ll often find that people who do not have a chance to live their core values or are put in situations that challenge their values can become embroiled in conflict. By exploring these values, you can better understand how conflict might occur and create a happier, more emotionally engaged team.

Explore your Values   #hyperisland   #skills   #values   #remote-friendly   Your Values is an exercise for participants to explore what their most important values are. It’s done in an intuitive and rapid way to encourage participants to follow their intuitive feeling rather than over-thinking and finding the “correct” values. It is a good exercise to use to initiate reflection and dialogue around personal values.

9 dimensions – team variant

Being more emotionally intelligent often means being more self-aware of how you are doing and being open about that with your team. When you create a culture of self-awareness and honesty, you also create a team that is more resilient to conflict. 

With this activity, ask your team to reflect on how they are doing on each of nine dimensions – using colored dots to share whether they believe the team is crushing it or needs help. 

Discuss the results and see where your group is aligned or in disagreement. This kind of open discussion and reflection on how everyone perceives themselves and the team can help build both self and group awareness.

9 Dimensions Team Building Activity   #ice breaker   #teambuilding   #team   #remote-friendly   9 Dimensions is a powerful activity designed to build relationships and trust among team members. There are 2 variations of this icebreaker. The first version is for teams who want to get to know each other better. The second version is for teams who want to explore how they are working together as a team.

Resolving conflicts can be tiring and emotionally demanding in equal measure. Once you’ve finished a meeting to discuss the issue, it might be tempting to call it a day. But as with any process of solving problems, it’s important to solidify learnings, ensure alignment and leave the room on a positive note. 

These activities are designed to not only conclude the session but also help agreed actions stick and help the group get closure. Be sure to use them when you’re finishing up with resolving a conflict. They help create a good atmosphere for progress outside of the meeting.

I used to think…But now I think…

Thirty-five for debriefing.

Debriefing on a successfully resolved conflict is a perfect place to recap how far you’ve come. Not only does it help everyone cement what they’ve learned, but it can also be useful to ensure alignment before closing the session. 

This activity is great for sharing learning points and helping your group reflect on how their perspective has changed. Give 3-5 minutes of private reflection on the two questions above and then invite everyone to share with the group. You might even want to collect responses on a flipchart to ensure that the takeaways leave the room with every participant. 

I used to think…But now I think…   #teampedia   #review   #debriefing   #team   A simple but effective closing activity that could lead to identify the learning point or outcomes for participants and measure the change in their behavior, mindset or opinion regarding the subject.

Resolving conflict can be emotionally draining and take a toll, even if the outcome was good. Taking the time to appreciate one another as people and for everyone’s role in the discussion can help create a good feeling at the end of the resolution. 

Start by creating two rows of chairs to recreate the seating inside of a bus. Explain that the bus runs on positive energy and that everyone in the group will have to contribute to keeping the bus going. Next, have the participants in one row give positive feedback to those seated next to them. After 45 seconds, switch roles. Afterward, rotate passengers on the bus so that everyone gets a chance to give and receive feedback from everyone else. 

We love this activity at SessionLab. Particularly at the end of a conflict, it’s great to receive positive feedback for your contributions to resolving the issue. Leaving on a positive, happy note can also help the team get closure and feel good about the session.

Bus Trip   #feedback   #communication   #appreciation   #closing   #thiagi   #team   This is one of my favourite feedback games. I use Bus Trip at the end of a training session or a meeting, and I use it all the time. The game creates a massive amount of energy with lots of smiles, laughs, and sometimes even a teardrop or two.

Some conflicts are more complex than others. When an issue has many moving parts, it can be difficult to keep track of them all. Help your participants recall and share key learnings with this activity from Thiagi Group. 

Start by asking participants to reflect on a part of the conflict management process and write down what they learned on a card. Next, have participants swap cards without looking. After a few minutes, have everyone pair up, discuss and score their new cards. After several rounds, total the points on every card and discuss the highest scoring learnings as a group. Closing a session by resurfacing key learnings and then emailing them out afterward can help ensure the solution stays front of mind for your participants. 

Thirty-five for Debriefing   #debriefing   #closing   #thiagi   #action   #skills   You might be familiar with Thirty-Five as a structured-sharing activity. Thirty-Five can also be used as an effective debriefing game. In this version, participants reflect on an earlier experience and identify important lessons they learned. They write one of these lessons as a brief item. The winner in this activity is not the best player, but the best lesson learned.

Even after you’ve discussed a workplace conflict, come up with a solution, and implemented it, the conflict management process isn’t complete. You need a process for evaluating the progress of the team and to help ensure the resolution sticks. 

Such an evaluation is also a great time for the group to reflect on their conflict management skills. You might discover there’s more to be done to help the team avoid conflict in the future or that someone on the team has a great method for cooling off when things get heated. However, you’ve chosen to handle workplace conflict, ensure you take the time to check in and evaluate afterward. This way, you’ll ensure your solution is fit for purpose, continue to create space for people to voice concerns, and move forward as a team.

Project Mid-way Evaluation

Start, stop, continue, letter to myself.

When workplace issues are complicated, the solutions can be multifaceted too. Bringing those solutions home alongside all our other day-to-day work can be difficult. As such, it can be important to evaluate progress and ensure the agreed-upon solution is followed through on. 

This method is designed to help a group of people effectively evaluate where a project is at and find ways to shift gear or change track if necessary. Using one of three visual evaluation methods, you can identify patterns that are helping and hindering the conflict management process.

Remember that solving a conflict is rarely a linear path. Repeating some of the discovery steps and finding space to reflect freely can ensure that any resolution is fit for the team as it continues to evolve.     

Project Mid-way Evaluation   #hyperisland   #action   #evaluation   This method is useful for evaluating a project currently in progress, to see if any adjustments need to be made for the team to work more effectively together. It provides a framework for discussion. Participants focus on the things that are helping and hindering the team process, and create action steps for improvement.

Keeping things simple is always a useful maxim in facilitation – especially during the conflict management process. Once action steps have been taken and you’re asking your group to assess the landscape, being able to clearly and easily judge what’s working and not can help your group avoid unproductive discussion. 

Use Start, Stop, Continue to encourage a group to celebrate what’s working, what might be hindering the process, and what the team should start doing too. Some solutions are unproven until they are put into action and can also create unexpected results. This method is great at capturing group feeling as a conflict moves towards resolution and helping them suggest simple fixes for what comes next.  

Start, Stop, Continue   #gamestorming   #action   #feedback   #decision making   The object of Start, Stop, Continue is to examine aspects of a situation or develop next steps. Additionally, it can be a great framework for feedback

When we’ve finally resolved a workplace conflict, it can be tempting to move on and try and forget it happened. This approach can hamper potential solutions and prevent the kind of reflection and action that can help a team truly process and learn from conflicts at work.

With Letter to Myself, end a conflict discussion by asking participants to write down the actions they will take afterward. They’ll also add a concrete date to complete those actions and add those things they would like to have changed by that time. Next, collect those letters and then post them back to the recipients by an agreed-upon date in the future. 

This method is a way of setting some intentions for after the conflict meeting and checking yourself against them later. It means everyone can course correct, celebrate wins or double down on what’s working. 

Letter to Myself   #hyperisland   #action   #remote-friendly   Often done at the end of a workshop or program, the purpose of this exercise is to support participants in applying their insights and learnings, by writing a letter and sending it to their future selves. They can define key actions that they would like their future self to take, and express their reasons why change needs to happen.

In conclusion

Conflict can arise even in the most progressive, happy workplaces. Whenever you get a group of passionate and talented people together, opinions can differ. What’s important is that you have a framework for handling conflict in the workplace that allows your team to discuss things safely and productively. No more shouting matches or passive-aggressive emails!

Remember that handling conflict when it occurs is tough, but it’s much easier with activities designed to facilitate a productive discussion and move your group to a resolution. Furthermore, consider taking the time to build a respectful, open culture – that way, you’ll have fewer conflicts at work and be better positioned to work through them when you do! 

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Inferring Conflict Resolution Styles

• First Online: 01 January 2014

Cite this chapter

• Davide Carneiro 6 ,
• Paulo Novais 6 &
• José Neves 6  

Part of the book series: Law, Governance and Technology Series ((LGTS,volume 18))

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Each one of us has a particular way to behave before a conflict. We can assume a cooperative and collaborative attitude or we can behave in a more selfish or competitive way. Given our personality traits or our past experiences, each one has a tendency to behave more towards one or the other. Nonetheless, there are also external factors that influence our conflict handling style including the individuals we are conflicting with, our level of stress or fatigue, the level of escalation of the conflict or even the context or the setting in which it is being settled. Undeniably, the personal conflict resolution style of the parties is preponderant for the outcome of the conflict resolution process. The mediator, while knowing the style of each party, may better conduct the process, namely by pointing out and changing unrealistic, selfish or overly competitive behaviors. Traditionally, the mediator makes use of questionnaires to assess the conflict resolution style of the parties. In this chapter we detail a new view on the problem in which this knowledge is built in real-time, in a non-invasive way, based on the behavior evidenced by the parties during the conflict resolution process. The level of escalation of the conflict is also analyzed similarly, through the non-invasive analysis of the level of stress of the parties during the actual negotiation process. The relationship between stress and the personal conflict handling style is also studied.

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Carneiro, D., Novais, P., Neves, J. (2014). Inferring Conflict Resolution Styles. In: Conflict Resolution and its Context. Law, Governance and Technology Series, vol 18. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-06239-6_10

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Managing Conflict Resolution Effectively

How to set boundaries and act assertively in conflict..

Posted January 11, 2024 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

• Assertiveness and boundaries are a powerful combination for managing conflict.
• When you are being nonjudgmental and cultivating compassion, collaboration increases.
• Practice active listening to understand your partner while finding common ground.

Conflict resolution is a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. When a dispute arises, often the best course of action is assertive communication that resolves the disagreement while maintaining a respectful relationship.

When conflicts are managed constructively, it can help build trust in relationships. Respectfully, directly, and openly discussing opposing perspectives and resolving conflicts collaboratively can create a sense of unity, shared purpose, and mutual respect within the relationship.

Assertiveness and boundaries are essential skills for managing conflict in any situation. Whether it is at work, in your relationships, or in your team, you need to be able to express your feelings, thoughts, needs, and opinions respectfully and confidently.

What is assertive communication?

Assertive communication is a style of communication based on honesty, respect, and confidence . Assertiveness is the ability to express feelings and thoughts openly and to directly defend your rights while respecting the rights of others. It is about taking care of your own needs and wants while considering the needs and wants of others. It is the ability to take responsibility without being controlling. Assertiveness is the balanced space between surrender and aggressiveness. It is not about overpowering or dominating, but rather about finding balance, harmony, and mutual understanding.

Why is assertive communication important for dealing with conflict?

Assertive communication is an essential skill for conflict resolution, as it enables you to express your needs in a respectful manner while also collaboratively resolving your disagreement with your partner. Assertiveness helps build trust and rapport with your partner, empowering your partner while enhancing your self-esteem and confidence. In addition, assertive communication minimizes stress , while ensuring your rights and boundaries are respected.

Assertive communication is important because it ensures that you deliver your points in a constructive way—respectful, clear, direct, and kind. When you communicate in that manner, it will naturally help diffuse the conflict, establish healthy boundaries, and also prevent any issue from escalating.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits and rules you set for yourself and others in your interactions. They reflect your values, preferences, and expectations and help you define what is acceptable or unacceptable for you. Boundaries help individuals establish limits and protect their emotional and physical well-being. Without boundaries, individuals may not feel safe or secure in their relationships or environments.

Set healthy boundaries

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others is a skill you can learn and practice. To do so, identify your boundaries—what you want and need, what makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable, and your non-negotiables. Then communicate them clearly, directly, and respectfully to others. Be consistent and firm, but also flexible and open to feedback. If someone crosses or violates your boundaries, let them know how you feel and what you expect. Take action to protect yourself if they persist or disrespect your boundaries. Lastly, respect the boundaries of others. Ask for permission, listen to their cues, and accept their “no” without judgment, pressure, or manipulation.

Integrate assertiveness and boundaries to resolve conflict

Handling conflict with boundaries and assertiveness is not always easy, but it is achievable and beneficial. To do so, identify your state of mind, feelings, and needs, and prepare your statements. Choose an appropriate time and location to have a discussion about the conflict and make sure that both parties are ready and willing to converse. During the talk, objectively focus on the issue rather than the person. Avoid personal attacks, put down, or allegations, and use “I” statements to express your perspective. Stay calm and listen with curiosity to understand your partner while finding common ground. Respect both of your boundaries and rights while being willing to compromise and negotiate. Stay open-minded and make sure you maintain a caring relationship with your partner regardless of conflict and its outcome. Finally, thank the other person for their time and effort, summarizing what you agreed upon, expressing appreciation, and hoping for a stronger relationship and a bright future.

Practice active listening

To identify the source of the conflict, you have to pay attention and listen carefully. To listen actively, make sure you understand your partner and paraphrase the other party's points.

Pay attention to nonverbal signals and use appropriate body language , such as nodding your head, to show interest and to clarify that you're following them.

Listen without interruption to what the other person has to say. Aspire to be objective and clear. Then, ask questions to make sure each side understands what the other person thinks, feels, and wants.

Do that before speaking

Before you communicate, ask yourself the following questions about what you wish to say:

• Is it true?
• Is it kind?
• Is it useful?
• Is it necessary?
• Is it going to land well?
• Is this the right time to say it?

If one of the answers is no, consider not saying it. In these moments, silence is more productive than words. Be patient and once you find the time when the answers to these questions are yes, this is the time to speak.

7 steps for better conflict resolution

• Define the source of the conflict. Take your time to reveal the true needs of each party. The greater knowledge you have about the cause of the problem, the more easily you can resolve it.
• Find a common goal. Make similarities the starting point of finding a creative solution. Be open and curious to continually find common ground throughout the entire conflict resolution process.
• Establish safety. Creative conflict resolution requires that all parties feel safe enough to not only share what they need but to challenge each other's ideas without emotional escalation.
• Recognize your part. Be accountable and objectively assess your share in the conflict. Acknowledge your role in the problem and take responsibility for it.
• Empathize with your partner. Demonstrate to your partner that you understand their side while considering it. When you are being non-judgmental and cultivate compassion the fear of losing diminishes and collaboration increases.
• Review options. Remind yourself of your positive intention and what you want to achieve before you start the discussion. Be creative and discuss possible options while looking for solutions that benefit all parties.
• Discover a win-win solution. This is the ultimate goal—to agree on an option that benefits both sides to some extent. When one party wins and another party loses, the outcome does not resolve the underlying causes of the conflict.

Conflicts and disagreements are unavoidable. It is important to realize that the benefits of conflict resolution extend beyond resolving disagreements, contributing significantly to personal growth, emotional well-being, and healthy relationships.

Moshe Ratson, MBA, MFT, is a psychotherapist and executive coach in NYC. He specializes in personal and professional development, anger management, emotional intelligence, infidelity issues, and couples and marriage therapy.

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Conflict Resolution

8 ways to resolve conflict in the workplace.

By the Mind Tools Content Team

Where there are people, there is conflict. We each have our values, needs and habits, so it's easy to misunderstand or irritate one another – or worse, to fall into conflict.

Left unchecked, conflict can lead to bad decisions and outright disputes, bullying or harassment. Teamwork breaks down, morale drops, and projects grind to a halt. Organizations feel the hit with wasted talent, high absenteeism, and increased staff turnover.

But conflict can be resolved. What's more, it can bring issues to light, strengthen relationships, and spark innovation – so long as you don't try to ignore it!

In this article, we'll explore different types of conflict, what causes conflict, and how to reach a positive outcome when you find yourself in conflict with a co-worker. (To identify the signs of conflict occurring between other people and to help them overcome their conflict with one another, we recommend our follow-on article, Resolving Team Conflict .)

Conflict Resolution Definition

Generally, workplace conflicts fall into two categories:

• Personality conflict or disagreements between individuals. These clashes are driven and perpetuated by emotions such as anger, stress and frustration.
• Substantive conflict is tangible and task-related, like the decisions leaders make, the performance of a team member, or your company's direction.

If unaddressed, both can spiral into wider conflict between teams, departments or businesses. Conflict resolution can be defined as the process of identifying, addressing, and resolving disagreements or disputes among employees in a professional setting, thereby fostering a positive and productive work environment.

What Causes Conflict at Work?

Some of the most common causes of workplace conflict are:

• Unclear responsibilities . Some team members may feel they do more work than others, or resent those who seem to have fewer responsibilities. Blame and frustration can build due to duplicated work or unfinished tasks.
• Competition for resources . Time, money, materials, equipment, and skillsets are finite resources. Competition for them can lead to conflict.
• Different interests . People may focus on personal or departmental goals over organizational ones. Or be held up and frustrated by others who they rely on to do their jobs effectively.

Read our article on Bell and Hart's Eight Causes of Conflict for more sources of – and solutions to – disputes.

Five Conflict Resolution Strategies

When you find yourself in a conflict situation, these five strategies will help you to resolve disagreements quickly and effectively:

1. Raise the Issue Early

Keeping quiet only lets resentment fester. Equally, speaking with other people first can fuel rumor and misunderstanding.

So, whether you're battling over the thermostat or feel that you're being micromanaged, be direct and talk with the other party. However, if you're afraid of making that approach, or worry that it may make the problem worse, speak with your manager first, or your HR department if the other party is your manager.

Either way, be assertive (not aggressive) and speak openly. This will encourage others to do the same – and you can get to the root cause of a problem before it escalates.

2. Manage Your Emotions

Choose your timing when you talk to someone about the conflict. If you're angry, you may say something you'll regret and inflame the situation. Be careful to avoid playing the blame game .

So stay calm, collect yourself, and ask, "What is it I want to achieve here?", "What are the issues I'm having?" and "What is it that I would like to see?"

See our article Managing Your Emotions at Work for more insight and tips.

3. Show Empathy

When you talk to someone about a conflict, it's natural to want to state your own case, rather than hear out the other side. But when two people do this, the conversation goes in circles.

Instead, invite the other party to describe their position, ask how they think they might resolve the issue, and listen with empathy .

Putting yourself in the other person's shoes is an essential part of negotiation. This helps you to build mutual respect and understanding – and to achieve an outcome that satisfies both parties.

4. Practice Active Listening

To identify the source of the conflict you have to really listen. To listen actively:

• Paraphrase the other party's points to show you're listening and really understand them.
• Look out for non-verbal signals that contradict what they are saying, such as a hesitant tone behind positive words. Bring these out into the open sensitively to address them together.
• Use appropriate body language , such as nodding your head, to show interest and to make it clear that you're following them.

Go further with Empathic Listening or Mindful Listening .

5. Acknowledge Criticism

Some of the things the other person tells you may be difficult to hear. But remember that criticism or constructive feedback is about job behaviors and not you as a person.

So, keep an open mind and use criticism to help you to identify areas to improve, perform better next time, and grow.

Glasers' Three-Step Strategy for Conflict Resolution

Conflict management consultants Peter and Susan Glaser recommend a three-step strategy for resolving conflict, and it draws on many of the skills we've looked at above. You can hear the Glasers talking about their model in our exclusive interview with them. [1]

The steps for these conflict resolution skills are:

• Prove that you understand their side.
• Acknowledge that you are part of the problem.
• Try again if the conversation didn't go well.

Let's try a training exercise and apply each step to a fictional conflict resolution scenario.

Conflict Resolution Training Example

Imagine that the heads of two departments are in conflict. Product Manager Sayid changed the price of a product without letting Marketing Manager Gayanne know. As a result, the marketing team sent out an email to customers with incorrect prices. They had to send out a follow-up email apologizing for the error, and make good on the price some customers paid for the product.

1. Prove That You Understand Their Side

Instead of blaming Sayid, Gayanne asks him how he came to make the decision. She uses her questioning and listening skills to get the information she needs and to show that she's truly hearing Sayid's response.

She discovers that Sayid was pressured by a major client to drop the price or risk losing a contract. She empathizes , saying, "Yes, I've had difficulties with that client before, too."

As Susan Glaser says, "Only when you believe that I understand you, will you be willing to try to understand my perspective." [2]

2. Acknowledge That You Are Part of the Problem

If you're in conflict with someone, it's unlikely you're free of all blame. So admit your part in it. This leads to mutual trust, a better understanding of one another, and makes it easier to find a solution.

In our scenario, Gayanne could say to Sayid, "I should have shared our marketing strategy and email send dates with you. I'll do that right away."

3. Try Again if the Conversation Doesn't Go Well

Despite the progress they've made, relations between the two managers remain frosty, so Sayid calls Gayanne the following week. He says, "I was thinking about our conversation, and I'd like to try again because I'm not happy with how it went. I've had time to take your points on board, and I'd like to talk about how we can work together better going forward."

Remember that you get more than one shot at resolving a conflict. Susan Glaser says, "There's a myth that if we have a bad conversation with someone it's over. In fact, 'do overs' are powerful." [3]

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is conflict resolution important in the workplace?

Unresolved conflicts can hinder productivity and damage team dynamics. Effective conflict resolution helps maintain a positive work environment, promotes collaboration, and ensures issues are addressed before they escalate.

What are some common sources of workplace conflicts?

Workplace conflicts can arise from differences in communication styles, conflicting goals, personality clashes, misunderstandings, resource allocation, or competing priorities. Recognizing these sources is crucial for timely intervention.

How can a team manager effectively address conflicts among team members?

A team manager should act as a mediator and facilitator. Begin by listening to both sides, understanding perspectives, and acknowledging emotions. Encourage open dialogue, find common ground, and work together to find a solution that is fair and beneficial for all parties.

What strategies can managers employ to prevent conflicts from escalating?

Managers can implement proactive measures such as fostering a transparent communication culture, setting clear expectations, defining roles and responsibilities, and promoting team-building activities. By addressing potential sources of conflict early on, managers can prevent minor issues from turning into major disputes.

How does effective conflict resolution contribute to team productivity?

Resolving conflicts promptly maintains a harmonious working environment where team members feel valued and understood. This leads to improved morale, increased focus on tasks, and a more efficient workflow, ultimately enhancing overall team productivity.

When is it appropriate to involve higher management in conflict resolution?

Involving higher management should be considered when conflicts cannot be resolved at the team level or when the conflicts involve larger organizational issues. Higher management can provide a neutral perspective and additional resources to facilitate resolution.

Conflict is common in the workplace. The biggest mistake you can make is to do nothing. Unresolved tensions can affect the health and performance of people and organizations.

So, hone these five conflict resolution skills to pre-empt, manage and fix conflicts with your co-workers:

• Raise the issue early.
• Manage your emotions.
• Show empathy.
• Practice active listening.
• Acknowledge criticism.

Then try the Glasers' three-step conflict resolution strategy to resolve issues together:

• Try again if the conversation doesn't go well.

In the process, you may even discover positives such as improved processes, strengthened relationships, and innovation!

[1] [2] [3] Mind Tools interview with Peter A. Glaser, Ph.D. and Susan R. Glaser. Available here .

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Accommodating

• Collaborating 

Compromising

• It can be effective when time is of the essence, and a quick resolution is needed.
• It can be effective in cases where the other party is unwilling to compromise or negotiate.
• It can be helpful when an individual or group is in a position of power and needs to assert its authority.
• It can be seen as aggressive and may create resentment or hostility from the other party.
• It may not lead to a mutually beneficial outcome and can result in a “winner” and “loser” mentality.
• It can damage relationships, and the other party may be less likely to work with the individual.

• It can be effective in preserving relationships and maintaining harmony.
• It can help avoid the escalation of a conflict.
• It can be an excellent way to defuse a potentially volatile situation.
• It can be seen as weak and may lead to a partial resolution.
• It can result in the individual not getting their own needs met.
• It can be taken advantage of by the other party in future conflicts.

• It can be effective in preventing the escalation of a conflict.
• It can help preserve relationships by avoiding confrontation.
• It can be a good way to defuse a potentially volatile situation.
• It does not lead to resolving the conflict, and the underlying issues may resurface later.
• It might appear as a lack of leadership or willingness to address critical issues.
• It can lead to unresolved issues festering and causing problems in the future.

Collaborating

• It leads to a mutually beneficial solution that addresses the needs and concerns of all parties involved.
• It can improve relationships by creating a sense of teamwork and cooperation.
• It can be effective in resolving complex or long-term conflicts.
• It can be time-consuming and may not be feasible in situations where time is of the essence.
• It may be difficult to achieve if one or more parties are unwilling to cooperate.
• It may not be appropriate when one party has more power or resources than the other.

• It can lead to a quick resolution of the conflict.
• It can be effective when both parties are willing to make concessions.
• It can help preserve relationships by avoiding prolonged conflict.
• It may not lead to a fair or mutually beneficial solution.
• It can result in one or more parties feeling unsatisfied with the outcome.

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• Understand that different conflict resolution styles may be appropriate in different situations: Each style has its advantages and disadvantages, and the most effective managers can adapt their style depending on the specific circumstances of the conflict.
• Assess the situation: Before choosing a conflict resolution style, it’s vital to assess the nature of the conflict, the underlying causes, the interests and needs of all parties involved, the power dynamics at play, and the desired outcome.
• Communicate effectively: Effective communication is vital in conflict resolution. Listen actively and try to understand the other party’s perspective. Your communication style impacts the team heavily .
• Keep in mind the long-term goal: The goal of conflict resolution is not to “win” but to find a mutually beneficial solution that addresses the needs and concerns of all parties involved.
• Be prepared to use multiple styles: There may need more than one style to resolve a complex or long-term conflict. Therefore, be ready to use various styles in different stages of the conflict resolution process.
• Be aware of your biases: Our biases can affect our perspective on a conflict; be mindful and approach the situation objectively.
• Be open to feedback : Be open to input from the other party and be willing to adjust your approach if necessary.
• Seek support: If the conflict is complicated to resolve, seek the help of a neutral third party, such as a mediator, to facilitate the resolution process.

Aastha Bensla

Aastha, a passionate industrial psychologist, writer, and counselor, brings her unique expertise to Risely. With specialized knowledge in industrial psychology, Aastha offers a fresh perspective on personal and professional development. Her broad experience as an industrial psychologist enables her to accurately understand and solve problems for managers and leaders with an empathetic approach.

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10 Leadership Conflict Management & Resolution Skills 2024

Being a leader in any organization is no easy task. Not only are leaders responsible for their actions, and the ramifications thereof, they are also responsible for the behavior and actions of their team members.

Running a team like a well-oiled machine is no easy task, as more often than not it doesn't run as well as a leader may like. There will be times that there will be conflict in the workplace, which could, if left unchecked, threaten to derail the productivity and profitability of the organization, and the morale of the team. This is where leadership conflict management and resolution skills for team leaders come to the fore.

They are qualities that set a good and a great leader apart. Success requires teamwork and clear communication. When leading a team, one of your primary responsibilities is making sure your team works well together and when it doesn't, you're able to resolve the conflict.

Often, individuals with varying personalities comprise these teams. The ability to recognize potential conflicts between individual team members and develop conflict resolution strategies to resolve them quickly is essential for projects to proceed successfully.

Leaders recognize that understanding conflict management can help them resolve issues before they occur or resolve existing conflicts in such a way that your team can still work together as a cohesive unit.

10 Leadership Conflict Management & Resolution Skills

1. communicate early and often .

To reduce misunderstandings and ambiguity, communicate your intentions and desires to not just one party, but rather every employee and as such all parties involved in the work environment. Ask what your colleagues need to work their best, and do your part to meet their needs or – at a minimum – avoid doing that which you know will cause harm. If you suspect conflict amongst team members, a leader must nip it in the bud quickly as problems will not just disappear, but rather linger if not. Failing to act as a leader when you spot a potential problem can create problems down the line.

2. Listen actively

Active listening is a proven leadership skill for conflict resolution, and involves developing a skill for listening to what is verbally and nonverbally communicated. Often, conflicts arise because two parties misunderstand or mishear what the other person is saying. Leaders know how to manage conflict and understand that active listening helps ensure that the sender and receiver understand one another and can more easily move towards a resolution. This is half the battle when it comes to being a mediator in resolving conflicts.

3. Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, manage, and control emotions not just in oneself, but also in others. Understanding, expressing, and effectively handling emotions are vital for conflict resolution. EI skills help improve communication and relationships and therefore is included in the vital skills for conflict resolution.

4. Problem solving

Problem-solving skills help leaders or parties in conflict recognize and address the root causes of conflicts by identifying the issues and exploring possible solutions. Leaders can apply the 5 problem-solving steps or 5 conflict management styles for conflict resolution: identify the problem, list possible solutions, evaluate the solutions, choose one solution, and implement it. People can find creative and equitable solutions to their conflicts by applying problem-solving skills.

5. Negotiation

Negotiation is trying to reach an agreement between two or more parties. It can be used to resolve disputes and every conflict and is integral to conflict resolution. Negotiation skills can be learned and practiced, and one can apply them in various situations. Therefore, it is vital to have effective negotiation skills to help achieve successful outcomes in any case. Negotiation is one of the powerful skills for conflict resolution, and it can help bring parties together to work toward a common goal. 

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6. Observation

Observation is the key to effective conflict management. When a leader observes a conflict, one can understand it better and find solutions that work for both parties. You must also be able to keep track of your emotions and reactions to remain impartial. The skills required to be a practical observer will vary depending on the type of conflict you are dealing with.

7. Self-awareness

Self-awareness helps you understand your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, enabling you to identify the underlying causes of conflicts. Once you thoroughly understand the source of conflict, you can begin resolving it using other conflict management skills and techniques. This vital skill also helps you in identifying any biases you might have as a manager.

8. Team awareness

A conflict resolution team is especially important for effective conflict resolution, and must have the skills to work together effectively. One of the skills that are essential for conflict resolution is team awareness. This skill helps managers understand their team dynamics and how they interact with each other. In addition, it can help resolve conflict before it escalates into a severe issue. Conflict occurs through any disagreement and can cause rifts, so team awareness helps a manager to make their teams work through their differences and reach a consensus on a solution.

9. Patience

Conflict can mean different things to different people, but what is universal is that resolving conflict is a challenging but essential part of any relationship. It can be frustrating when an argument escalates quickly to the point of no return. But patience is critical to resolving conflict successfully. Effective leadership means that the best leaders need to take their time and not rush into a decision. When one is trying to resolve a conflict, it helps to circle back and understand the other person’s point of view to effectively manage things and develop a solution that works for both parties. By listening carefully and taking time to think about the situation, you can diffuse tense situations and build trust between you and the other person. All in all, patience can be one of the key skills for conflict resolution.

10. Impartiality 

It is often difficult to stay impartial when you manage conflict, but in any conflict, a good manager should never take sides. Being impartial means that you can listen to both sides of the story and act accordingly. A problem at hand can't be resolved unless the historical issues are addressed. In this type of situation, it's best to separate the conflict from the people that are involved with it. Effective leaders understand that they shouldn't focus on people and their personal characteristics, instead, they should look at the problem and center their energy on finding a solution. 

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Conclusion 

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Being a true leader is no easy task, and nor too is managing interpersonal or interdepartmental conflict within an organization. When it comes to conflict, being cool, calm, collected, impartial and able to see the wood for the trees, are skills every leader/manager worth their salt must posses or face the consequences of lost productivity and other knock-on effects that may also affect the profitability of the company. Many leaders know that their role in solving workplace conflict is to help employees involved in the conflict to clarify their needs and guide them to a fair solution that both sides will accept. All conflict situations can lead to division, so as part of the conflict resolution, be sure to address all types of different conflict right away; however, don't rush when it comes to working out a resolution.

Whilst many say that leaders are born and not made, what is apparent is that modern leaders can be coached at a university like Nexford , that offers BBA and MBA programs, on how to spot conflict early and develop ways of managing conflict in the workplace before things spiral out of control. Nexford's Leadership Management and Teams course focuses on how to create a personal and shared vision and communicate effectively with teams, as a leader, a manager and a team member. On the course learners will develop a personal philosophy of leadership, management and membership in the global workplace through a personal inventory and assessment, as well as apply conflict management skills to a personal and organizational setting. Complimenting that, Nexford's Leadership and Organizational Development course examines individual and group interaction and helps learners gain a deeper understanding of how human behavior drives organizational behavior and development. On the course learners will apply various leadership styles, conflict management strategies, and change models to organizational situations to resolve conflict at hand.

Discover how you can acquire the most in-demand skills that can help with managing conflict within the workplace with our free report. Download the free report  today!

What is conflict management?

Conflict management is an umbrella term for the way we identify and handle conflicts fairly and efficiently and is necessary for managing diverse teams. The goal is to minimize the potential negative impacts that are involved in a conflict and can arise from disagreements and increase the odds of a positive outcome. 

What is a conflict management strategy?

Strategies for managing conflict are the ways a manager can engage with their employees productively when it seems like there is a risk of conflicts and arguments emerging. People naturally deal with conflicts in different ways, but some can be better than others when it comes to keeping everyone involved in the situation happy and productive. By combining your own natural conflict management style with any of the styles below, you can develop a range of responses to arguments and clashes in the workplace.

What types of conflict can occur in the workplace?

As no two days are ever the same, so too are the types of conflict that may occur in the office environment. Knowing how to spot them, and stop them early can help to resolve a conflict in double quick time. Experts maintain that there are 5 conflict types that occur in the workplace and they are leadership conflicts, work style conflicts, creative conflicts, personality conflicts, and task-based conflicts.

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Why is it crucial for a leader/employer to have conflict management skills?

Understanding conflict allows leaders to manage it more effectively and can provide a path to accomplishing positive outcomes. Conflict can lead to division, so every leader needs to understand that conflict management training can be an active force that will allow leaders grow healthy relationships within their organizations which can ultimately result in effective team work and productivity and make it easier to manage workplace disputes.

What does it take for a leader to resolve disputes in the workplace?

Depending on the situation, there are many skills and strategies leaders must look at for managing conflict and resolve disputes in the workplace. Leading from the front is just one and taking control of a situation before a molehill turns into a mountain. But if you had to put your finger on it, what exactly does it take for a leader to increase their resolution efforts and  resolve disputes in the workplace? Experts would maintain that as a leader, even though you can initiate a constructive conversation, the effort always involves dialogue and discussion among the people involved. Conflict is inevitable, but by adopting a positive attitude toward the conflict, leaders find the best in people and in the situation, and maintain their sense of humor. Sounds easy enough, but more often than that it isn't necessarily so.

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Mark is a college graduate with Honours in Copywriting. He is the Content Marketing Manager at Nexford, creating engaging, thought-provoking, and action-oriented content.

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4 Common Types of Team Conflict — and How to Resolve Them

• Randall S. Peterson,
• Priti Pradhan Shah,
• Amanda J. Ferguson,
• Stephen L. Jones

Advice backed by three decades of research into thousands of team conflicts around the world.

Managers spend 20% of their time on average managing team conflict. Over the past three decades, the authors have studied thousands of team conflicts around the world and have identified four common patterns of team conflict. The first occurs when conflict revolves around a single member of a team (20-25% of team conflicts). The second is when two members of a team disagree (the most common team conflict at 35%). The third is when two subgroups in a team are at odds (20-25%). The fourth is when all members of a team are disagreeing in a whole-team conflict (less than 15%). The authors suggest strategies to tailor a conflict resolution approach for each type, so that managers can address conflict as close to its origin as possible.

If you have ever managed a team or worked on one, you know that conflict within a team is as inevitable as it is distracting. Many managers avoid dealing with conflict in their team where possible, hoping reasonable people can work it out. Despite this, research shows that managers spend upwards of 20% of their time on average managing conflict.

• Randall S. Peterson is the academic director of the Leadership Institute and a professor of organizational behavior at London Business School. He teaches leadership on the School’s Senior Executive and Accelerated Development Program.
• PS Priti Pradhan Shah is a professor in the Department of Work and Organization at the Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota. She teaches negotiation in the School’s Executive Education and MBA Programs.
• AF Amanda J. Ferguson  is an associate professor of Management at Northern Illinois University. She teaches Organizational Behavior and Leading Teams in the School’s MBA programs.
• SJ Stephen L. Jones is an associate professor of Management at the University of Washington Bothell. He teaches Organizational and Strategic Management at the MBA level.

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How to Resolve Most Any Conflict: The Solution

Mastering the five essential steps for conflict resolution..

Posted November 27, 2023 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

• What Is Stress?
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• Miscommunication is inevitable in human relationships and often leads to conflict.
• When fight-or-flight takes hold, conflicts quickly escalate and become more difficult to work through.
• There are five steps that can be learned and applied to reliably resolve most conflicts.

This post is part 2 of a series.

Miscommunication is inevitable in human interactions. Biases, filters, assumptions, expectations, and nonverbal information cause distortions in interpersonal communications, altering them to fit our own point of view. As noted in part 1 , up to 75 percent of all spoken communication is misunderstood, ignored, or forgotten (Guffey & Loewy, 2016; Tankovic, Kapeš & Benazić, 2023).

Miscommunications often lead to conflict. When communicated information is perceived as a threat, our fight-or-flight response is activated. Fight-or-flight shuts down both higher-order thinking and efficient information processing, increasing the possibility of further miscommunication. Once the brain is hijacked by fight-or-flight, conflicts quickly escalate. Learning how to manage communications capable of reducing threat and promoting problem-solving requires attention to several key points.

Managing Communications

To begin with, the earlier you take notice that a conflict exists, the easier it will be to manage it. You don’t need to fully understand what is transpiring to step back. By mutually acknowledging that there seems to be a problem, rather than pushing ahead with a discussion that is becoming heated, everyone becomes empowered, and you are able to start from a place of agreement.

The next goal, before addressing the conflict itself, is to diffuse negative emotions so a conflict does not continue to escalate, induce more fear and anger , or heighten the flight-or-flight response. Creating a sense of safety allows for the diffusion of negative emotions. Some ways this might be accomplished include (but are not limited to) taking a 15-minute break to calm and center, signaling to one another a desire to work together positively, giving voice to how fight-or-flight may have taken hold, and reassuring one another that you both want to resolve the problem positively.

When we do not acknowledge that a stress response has taken hold, the situation can feel dangerous and out of control. Taking a step back allows the stress response to calm so that the focus can shift to a more rational discussion of the conflict itself. Establishing common ground, before attempting to resolve a conflict, also demonstrates respect and compassion, which facilitates trust in the relationship and efficacy in your mutual abilities to resolve the conflict. Check in with one another before you move on to the next step, providing additional time or assurances as needed to build a sense of safety.

Active Listening

Once a conducive atmosphere has been established, the goal shifts to understanding each other’s point of view. It is not yet time to begin trying to solve the problem. Understanding the other’s perspective is a critical step, only possible with active listening . Active listening differs from passive listening, where information is absorbed and processed unilaterally with no opportunity for questions, clarification, or feedback. We are not able to fully comprehend what is being communicated with passive listening. Miscommunication happens when you interpret, without seeking clarification, and listen passively, simply awaiting your turn to speak. Active listening is when you pay full attention to another’s point of view, without judgment, and, when they finish speaking, clarifying to make sure you understand their perspective before switching to stating your point of view.

There are numerous forms of active listening including restating, paraphrasing, asking open-ended questions, and using "I" statements. Further, use your body language and gestures to show you’re engaged. You can do this by angling your body toward the other(s), sustaining eye contact, and nodding. Simply saying “I understand” and moving on to stating your point of view will not do the trick. This is still passive as it does not allow the other person insight into what you have heard, nor offer opportunities for clarification. Often, one person believes there is a significant relational conflict and the other may not even recognize that a misunderstanding has occurred or may judge it as slight and inconsequential. Active listening requires that you restate what you believe you have heard and then ask if you are correct, providing the time and opportunity for clarification and correction. Active listening allows all voices to be heard and truly understood. The goal of this step is for each person to prove that they understand the viewpoint of the other. Do not move on to the next step until all parties agree that what is being restated is, in fact, the intention of the communication.

Once the conflict has been clearly defined, from all perspectives, it is time to move on to the next step. The goal here is to list all the conditions that must be met for a solution to be acceptable to everyone involved, even if the conditions appear to be contradictory. There is no limit to how many pre-conditions are set, only that they be specific and realistic. When all of the pre-conditions are listed, you are assured of understanding the problem as well as is required for a true solution to be generated. This step is frequently skipped. However, listing the essential preconditions, before searching for possible solutions, allows you to move ahead together, with shared goals . It increases the precision of the solution and decreases the probability of crystalizing a desired outcome early on, before the situation is entirely understood. Reducing investment in particular solutions opens everyone up to alternatives and increases the likelihood of a win-win scenario (Likert & Likert, 1978). It is noteworthy that many conflicts can be resolved with these four steps alone. Once all perspectives are clarified and preconditions are stated, a solution often naturally evolves. So, it really pays to put in a considerable and conscious effort in establishing common ground at the outset of communications.

Generating Possible Solutions

Only now it is time to generate possible solutions. Consider the advantages and disadvantages of each possible solution and be open to compromise. By working together to creatively brainstorm potential solutions, all parties will feel respected. Once you choose a solution, clearly define all the terms and conditions for implementation and make sure everyone understands their responsibilities. Set times to check in with one another to make sure the solution remains sound and is accomplishing what you had hoped for.

Of course, some conflicts do not resolve with this process. There are dynamics that can get in the way including a lack of honesty or commitment to the process, power imbalances, unrealistic expectations, insufficient time, or an unwillingness to compromise. Some people are more transactional, confrontational, or focused on winning rather than creating mutual resolution. Conflicts can also be sustained by factors such as inequality, resource scarcity, political factors, lack of trust, cultural issues, and emotional entrenchment in a respective position. In some cases, there has been too much damage, in which case forgiveness and reconciliation must be established before moving toward conflict resolution.

Solidarity—that is, creating a commonality of understanding, feelings, and purpose—is a powerful force for conflict resolution. When collaboration , empathy, trust, and shared commitment are implemented, almost all conflicts can be resolved in equitable ways that promote healing and resilience .

Likert, R., & Likert, J. G. (1978). A Method for Coping With Conflict in Problem-Solving Groups. Group & Organization Studies , 3(4), 427–434. https://doi.org/10.1177/105960117800300406

Paxton, A., Roche, J. M., Ibarra, A. & Tanenhaus, M. K. (2021). Predictions of Miscommunication in Verbal Communication During Collaborative Joint Action. J Speech Lang Hear Res. , 64 (2), pp. 613–627. doi: 10.1044/2020_JSLHR-20-00137.

Leigh W. Jerome, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist, artist, and the founder and executive director of the non-profit art forum Relational Space.

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Collaborating Conflict Resolution Style: Everything You Need to Know

Conflict is an inherent and unavoidable aspect of both personal and professional interactions. The manner in which we manage these conflicts significantly impacts the health of those relationships and our collective achievements. This highlights the importance of effective conflict resolution .

The collaborative conflict resolution style is one of the most effective approaches to dealing with disagreements. This style emphasizes a win-win outcome for everyone involved. But what exactly does this mean, and how does it look in practice?

The collaborating conflict style champions cooperation. In this conflict style, all parties involved actively work together to find a solution that addresses everyone’s core concerns. This isn’t simply splitting the difference but digging deeper to uncover the underlying needs and interests of those in conflict. The goal is to reach a solution that satisfies everyone, strengthening relationships in the process.

It’s easy to mix up the collaborating style with the compromising style in conflict management. In the compromising style, each person gives up something to reach a middle ground. Collaboration, however, is about finding a creative solution that doesn’t require significant sacrifices for any of the parties.

The Importance of Collaborative Conflict Resolution in Today’s Complex World

Collaboration offers a powerful tool for navigating complex challenges. Here are five key reasons why this approach is essential:

1. Finding Sustainable, Win-Win Outcomes

The collaborative conflict style goes beyond quick fixes. It aims to uncover the root causes of a disagreement and develop a mutually acceptable solution that benefits all parties involved. This leads to more lasting resolutions, minimizing the likelihood of the same issues resurfacing.

2. Fostering Innovation and Creativity

When people feel heard and understood, they’re more willing to think outside the box. The collaborating style establishes a safe space for open communication, brainstorming, and exploration of unconventional solutions. This can unlock groundbreaking ideas that wouldn’t be possible under a confrontational conflict management style.

3. Building Stronger Relationships

Effective conflict resolution isn’t just about the immediate issue—it’s about nurturing relationships. The collaborating style emphasizes empathy and mutual respect. By working together to address challenges, the parties involved deepen their understanding of each other’s perspectives and build trust.

4. Promoting a More Harmonious Environment

The collaborating style has a positive ripple effect on the overall atmosphere. When individuals see collaborative approaches succeed, it fosters a culture of cooperation. This can lead to fewer instances of conflict, less reliance on adversarial strategies like the competing style, and a generally more supportive and productive environment.

5. Avoiding Escalation and Personal Attacks

Conflicts left unresolved can quickly descend into harmful territory. Instead of focusing on “winning,” collaboration emphasizes problem-solving. This reduces the tendency for defensiveness, blame, or personal attacks, often seen in the accommodating style or a combative conflict management style.

By choosing collaborating styles for conflict resolution over the accommodating style, we invest in productive problem-solving, innovation, stronger relationships, and a more positive, cooperative atmosphere.

How the Collaborating Conflict Resolution Style Manifests in the Workplace

The collaborating conflict style translates into tangible workplace practices. Here are five ways it comes to life, with examples to illustrate:

1. Prioritizing Open Dialogue

In a collaborative workplace, honest and respectful communication is the norm. Team members feel comfortable sharing their concerns, ideas, and opinions without fear of judgment. This open dialogue forms the foundation for addressing conflicts productively, leading to a better understanding of the challenges at hand.

Example: A team experiences tension over project deadlines. Instead of assigning blame, they hold a meeting where each member can voice their challenges and contribute to problem-solving.

2. Exploring Diverse Perspectives

Collaboration recognizes the value of different perspectives. It encourages active listening and consideration of all viewpoints. This approach often uncovers hidden insights and creates space for more comprehensive solutions.

Example: Two departments clash over resources. Instead of escalating the issue, a cross-departmental meeting is held to understand each team’s needs. This leads to the discovery of potential resource-sharing opportunities.

3. Emphasizing Shared Goals

The collaborating style shifts the focus from individual wins to collective success. It aligns the parties involved around a shared purpose and motivates them to find solutions that benefit the greater good.

Example: A marketing team member disagrees on campaign strategy. Instead of getting locked in internal competition, they revisit the campaign’s objectives, leading to a more cohesive and impactful approach.

4. Encourage Accountability and Shared Responsibility

A collaborative conflict management style empowers everyone involved to be part of the solution. This sense of shared responsibility naturally translates into greater accountability, as individuals are motivated to follow through on agreed-upon actions.

Example: A client expresses dissatisfaction with a delivered product. The team rallies together, avoiding finger-pointing, and works collaboratively to analyze feedback and create an improvement plan.

5. Proactive Problem-Solving vs. Reactivity

The collaborating style promotes moving away from the avoiding style or purely reactive conflict management approaches. It emphasizes seeking out and addressing potential issues early on, even before they escalate into major disputes.

Example: Instead of waiting for a performance issue to create conflict, a manager regularly meets with team members to proactively discuss bottlenecks and brainstorm alternative solutions to ensure a smooth workflow.

Adopting a collaborative conflict resolution approach can revolutionize the work environment. It replaces power struggles with teamwork, defensiveness with effective communication, and a focus on finding a middle ground with an emphasis on finding solutions that solve problems for everyone.

Examples of Situations Where the Collaborating Conflict Resolution Style Shines

The collaborating conflict style can be applied to various workplace situations, some of which include:

1. Resource Allocation Disputes

Departments or teams often conflict over shared resources, such as budget, personnel, or equipment. A collaborative approach involves all parties brainstorming ways to maximize the available resources, potentially leading to joint projects, staggered usage schedules, or resource pooling.

2. Strategic Disagreements

When teams or executives face major decision-making crossroads, differing opinions can create tension. The collaborating style establishes a forum for respectful debate and exploration of each viewpoint’s merits. This can lead to a hybrid solution that addresses everyone’s concerns and exceeds the quality of any single initial proposal.

3. Project Bottlenecks

Unexpected delays or obstacles in a project can quickly derail progress and lead to finger-pointing. Instead of getting stuck in blame games, the collaborating style brings the relevant team members together to identify the issue’s root cause and creatively re-strategize to get the project back on track.

4. Interpersonal Tensions

Conflicts between two employees can impact the whole team’s dynamic. A collaborative approach, facilitated by a manager or HR, helps individuals better understand each other’s perspectives, identify common ground points, and negotiate solutions that improve their working relationship.

5. Addressing Low Morale

A collaborative conflict management approach is crucial when a team or department experiences a significant amount of dissatisfaction or low morale. Leaders openly engage with employees to listen to their concerns, understand underlying challenges, and jointly develop strategies to improve the situation, which can resolve issues and build relationships and trust.

While the collaborating style is powerful, it’s not always the most suitable approach. It requires time and energy, making it less ideal for urgent or minor issues where other styles of conflict management might be a better fit.

Benefits of Collaborative Conflict Resolution Training for Individuals and Organizations

Collaborative skills don’t develop overnight. Targeted training provides individuals and organizations with the tools and framework to effectively adopt the collaborating conflict style.

1. Enhanced Problem-Solving Abilities

Collaborative conflict resolution training dives deep into techniques for identifying the root causes of conflict, active listening, and creative brainstorming. This translates into better solutions that address everyone’s interests and prevent problems from recurring.

2. Improved Communication and Relationship Building

The collaborating style emphasizes empathy, respectful communication, and acknowledging differing perspectives. Training helps individuals hone these skills, leading to stronger relationships inside and outside the workplace.

3. Increased Productivity and Efficiency

Unmanaged conflict wastes time, resources, and energy. By teaching an effective conflict management style , collaborative training enables individuals and teams to resolve issues quickly and efficiently, returning to core tasks with renewed focus.

4. Fostering a Culture of Collaboration

When individuals are more adept at collaboration, it creates a ripple effect throughout the organization. This leads to a more cooperative and supportive environment, reducing the likelihood of future conflicts and boosting overall productivity.

5. Boosted Morale and Employee Retention

A workplace where people feel heard, respected, and capable of resolving issues constructively is a more positive place to work. Collaborative training can lead to higher morale, job satisfaction, and employee loyalty.

While the collaborating conflict style can be more time-consuming than other approaches, like compromise, the benefits far outweigh the initial investment. By providing collaborative conflict resolution training, organizations and individuals invest in a lasting skillset that empowers them to achieve their goals sustainably and harmoniously. The effort put in upfront pays off tenfold in the long run.

Benefits of Conflict Resolution Training for People With the Collaborating Conflict Style

If you naturally gravitate toward the collaborating conflict style, you already possess valuable strengths in conflict resolution. You likely understand the importance of open communication, exploring differing perspectives, and working toward solutions that benefit all involved. However, even the most naturally collaborative individuals can benefit from targeted training.

1. Refining Your Skills

Training can help you become even better at collaborating. It can teach you specific techniques for active listening, facilitating discussions, and brainstorming creative solutions that might not come intuitively.

2. Understanding Other Styles

While your preferred approach is collaboration, training exposes you to other conflict management styles when conflict arises. This understanding helps you recognize the approaches of others and adapt your own communication for more effective interactions with the full spectrum of personalities.

3. Dealing With Difficult Situations

Even with a strong collaborative approach, you’ll initially encounter situations where a different style may be more appropriate. Training helps you recognize those situations and temporarily adopt a different tactic to de-escalate or pave the way for later collaborative solutions.

4. Addressing Your Own Biases

Everyone has blind spots. Training can help you become more aware of subconscious biases that might hinder your ability to truly hear another party, find common ground, or brainstorm innovative solutions.

5. Gaining Confidence in High-Stakes Conflicts

When focused on critical or important issues, stress and the emotional stakes can increase. Training provides a framework and practiced techniques that allow you to remain calm, focused, and collaborative under pressure.

The Power of Collaboration

The collaborative approach to conflict resolution builds stronger relationships, unlocks innovation, and creates a more positive work environment. Ready to enhance your collaborative conflict resolution skills? Contact AllWin Conflict Resolution Training today to explore our tailored solutions for individuals and teams.

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5 Conflict Resolution Techniques in Project Management

Fahad Usmani, PMP

July 24, 2022

Today we will discuss the five conflict resolution techniques we use in project management to resolve conflict.

These techniques are universal to any type of workplace. 

However, in project management, the work environment is dynamic and stressful, unlike the functional environment. Conflicts are common occurrences. If you are managing projects , you know how important it is to manage conflicts, and that is why you should understand conflict resolution techniques. 

Conflict Resolution Techniques

Conflict can occur when two or more stakeholders have different opinions or interests. 

Schedule priorities, scarce resources, technical reasons, and personal issues can all cause clashes. According to the American Management Association, managers manage conflicts 24% of their time.

Don’t panic; the situation is usually not as bad as you think. Resolving conflicts appropriately can build trust and sometimes bring new ideas and opportunities. This can make the difference between a positive and negative outcome.

If you don’t solve the conflict, your team members will lose trust. It will weaken your position as a project manager and the ability of your team to bond, which may affect your project’s success. You must deal with conflict before it is beyond resolution.

The following are a few consequences of improper conflict management:

• Low team morale
• Negative impact on the project manager’s authority
• Increased number of personal clashes
• Low productivity and efficiency
• Low-quality work

If required, project managers must monitor and resolve conflicts as quickly as possible to keep them from becoming bigger issues.

Now, we will talk about conflict resolution techniques.

This blog follows the PMI guidelines and PMBOK Guide. Here are the five techniques:

• Withdraw/Avoid
• Smooth/Accommodate
• Compromise/Reconcile
• Force/Direct
• Collaborate/Problem Solve

These conflict management strategies are also known as Thomas-Kilmann’s five approaches to resolving conflict.

Let’s discuss each technique in detail.

#1. Withdraw of Avoid

In this conflict resolution technique, you avoid the conflict or retreat and allow the conflict to resolve itself. This is for when stakes are low, and the conflict is likely to disappear on its own.

Use this technique in the following cases:

• Individuals involved in the conflict are not influential stakeholders.
• The issue does not require a time investment.
• An intense argument has already happened, and the individuals need time to cool off.
• You do not have enough information to pursue other techniques.

This technique saves time that you can invest elsewhere. It is a good conflict management strategy to apply to low-level disagreements and gives you enough time to prepare if the conflict re-emerges.

Disadvantages

Withdrawing or avoiding is not really a resolution, does not resolve a conflict, and may weaken your position because parties may assume you have an unfair bias. Team members may think you are lacking skills or are not authoritative.

Many experts don’t consider this technique as a conflict management strategy because avoiding and escaping is not a solution.

#2. Smooth or Accommodate

In this conflict resolution strategy, you find areas of agreement, try to smooth out the situation, and circumvent tough discussions.

The smoothing technique gives more consideration to one party than the other. You downplay the seriousness and behave as if the conflict never existed.

This technique is helpful in the following cases:

• You don’t have time to deal with it.
• You require a temporary solution to the problem.
• The conflict is minor and involves less influential stakeholders.

This conflict resolution strategy does not require much effort. You can focus on essential issues by ignoring unimportant arguments. Situations can be potentially handled simply while bringing harmony, creating goodwill, and providing enough time to find a permanent solution.

If you fail to bring a balanced approach, one party may take advantage since you are giving them more consideration. Other parties not being accommodated may question your authority or stop reporting conflicts.

This conflict resolution strategy is not recommended as it often weakens the project manager’s authority.

#3. Compromise or Reconcile

In this conflict management strategy, you take suggestions from both sides and partially satisfy them. This technique is useful when the stakeholders involved hold equal power.

You may use this technique in the following cases:

• All parties involved need to win
• When you have an equal relationship with both parties
• Collaborative and forcing techniques have failed
• When you need a temporary solution 

This technique brings quick results, lowers stress, and keeps all parties placated until you can find a permanent solution. You can cool off and revisit the situation later.

This conflict management technique does not generate trust in the long run; all parties remain unsatisfied, and the conflict could resurface at any time. Morals are not being strengthened. You may have to ensure all parties abide by the agreement.

#4. Force or Direct

In this conflict management strategy, you agree with one party’s viewpoint and enforce their wishes. This is a win-lose situation and risks demoralizing the team.

You can use this conflict resolution technique in the following cases:

• When you need a quick solution
• When you know that one party is right
• You do not have time to investigate
• When the conflict is not very important
• When the relationship with stakeholders is not essential

This technique provides a quick solution. It requires almost no effort from the project manager and may help establish their authority.

Using this technique may cause a negative impression on you. You may lose opportunities gained from the opposing party’s viewpoint. You cannot apply this technique with powerful stakeholders. It may backfire and worsen the conflict.

#5. Collaborate or Problem Solve

In a collaborative conflict resolution strategy, you discuss the issue with all parties and agree on a solution while considering multiple viewpoints.

• When incorporating multiple views
• If influential stakeholders are involved
• When a consensus is required
• If you want to distribute responsibility 

This is a real problem-solving technique that provides a solution to the conflict. It brings consensus, commitment, and shared responsibility for the outcome. This technique creates a win-win situation, builds your team’s confidence, earns respect, and establishes your authority.

You cannot use this technique when you need a quick solution because it takes time and effort. It is generally used for conflicts that may affect your project, not all issues.

Which Conflict Resolution Technique Should I Use?

The PMI does not recommend using any specific technique for all conflicts; it depends on the situation and the stakeholders involved.

For example, if two ground-level laborers have a conflict, what should you do?

 You may ignore it.

However, if you see that some important stakeholders have a conflict, you will intervene, solve the conflict, and spare your project from harm.

Although no single technique can be used for all conflicts, it is thought that the “Collaborate or Problem Solve” method brings the most consensus and commitment.

How to Prevent Conflict 

You cannot keep all conflict from happening, but following a few rules can minimize it. These guidelines are:

• Establish Strict Ground Rules: These help discipline team members, which results in less conflict.
• Have an Effective Communication Plan: This can help you avoid many conflicts. Define how much and how often you will communicate with your stakeholders.
• Have a Better Stakeholder Management Plan: Your project is successful if your stakeholders are happy. Project management is all about managing stakeholders’ requirements. 
• Solve Conflict Early: This takes less time and effort. Make sure an unresolved conflict doesn’t resurface again later.

The Role of the Project Manager in Conflict Resolution

I have explained all strategies to resolve conflicts and how you can use them. As a project manager, you have to respond rationally and reach a solution that best serves your objective.

While resolving a conflict, keep the following points in mind:

• Each participant deserves respect
• Be calm and rational.
• People are separate from problems
• Each participant should be listened to patiently
• There are always areas of agreement and disagreement
• You should explore all possible solutions.
• Mind your biases and don’t pick sides
• Don’t force or pressure participants
• Postponed conflicts may fester. 
• Focus on the conflict, don’t let escalate the issue or generalize it.

As a project manager, you are responsible for keeping conflicts under control. You cannot use any single technique for all types of conflict. However, you should use a conflict resolution strategy that inspires consensus and commitment from team members.

This is where this blog post on conflict resolution techniques ends.

Below is my old blog post on conflict resolution strategies based on the fourth edition of the PMBOK Guide. Since I have re-written it based on the sixth edition of the PMBOK Guide , the old blog post is no longer relevant, but I am keeping it archived. 

 “Conflict Resolution Techniques” was one of my favorite topics during my PMP certification exam preparation . Although, I observed a discrepancy between the PMP exam reference books and the PMBOK guide.

All the reference books suggest that confronting is the best conflict resolution technique and that a project manager should use this technique to resolve conflicts in all cases. However, the PMBOK Guide (fourth edition) favors the collaborative technique.

I have repeatedly reviewed this edition of the PMBOK Guide but could not find any support for this. To my surprise, nobody is discussing this discrepancy.

Therefore, I am launching my blog to address this issue, which is my first blog post.

Let’s get started.

Conflict happens while managing projects. The PMI recognizes this fact, and they have incorporated conflict resolution techniques into the PMBOK Guide.

Sources of conflict include scheduling priorities, technical problems, personal issues, scarcity of resources, etc. 

According to the PMBOK Guide (fourth edition), you can use six conflict resolution techniques to resolve conflicts:

• Withdrawing or Avoiding
• Smoothing or Accommodating
• Compromising
• Collaborating
• Problem Solving or Confronting

Now I will discuss each technique and the best conflict resolution as per the PMBOK Guide.

• Withdrawing or Avoiding: The project manager chooses to avoid the conflict, and those involved find a solution.
• Smoothing or Accommodating: The project manager is involved in the conflict, tries to avoid areas of disagreement and tough discussions, and focuses on commonalities. Smoothing is a way to avoid tough discussions.
• Compromising: This is a mid-way approach. Here, everybody gains some, but no one gets exactly what they want. This is a lose-lose approach.
• Forcing: The project manager favors one party at the expense of the others. This technique risks demoralizing team members and may cause serious conflict in the future. This is a win-lose approach.
• Collaborating: The project manager works with all parties to find a resolution that involves multiple viewpoints to create the best solution. This technique reinforces mutual trust and commitment. This is an example of a win-win approach.

In the fourth edition of the PMBOK Guide, Collaborating and Problem Solving were different techniques. However, the fifth and sixth editions, both are the same technique. Also, problem-solving was known as confronting in the fourth edition, but it no longer appears in current PMBOK Guides. 

A Note on Problem Solving or Confronting Technique

In confronting technique, the project manager must find a solution for a conflict. He will conduct a root cause analysis and provide a platform for all parties to express their disagreements and arrive at a solution.

So, Which is the Best Technique to Resolve a Conflict?

I have reviewed many books and internet resources to discover the best conflict resolution technique. Amazingly, I got the same answer: Confronting or Problem-Solving is the best technique for conflict resolution.

However, I do not agree with this.

A project manager’s job is not easy; they must constantly deal with multiple conflicts. No two conflicts are the same, so why would you always use one technique?

Project managers must use their judgment and experience to decide which conflict resolution technique is most suitable for each situation. The technique selected depends on the situation, timing, and the individuals involved.

The primary objective of the project manager is to complete the project successfully.

A project manager is not a detective. It’s not their job to look for the root cause, dig every available detail and scraps of evidence, and then reach a conclusion.

With problem-solving techniques, one person wins, and another loses; this is not a win-win situation and will leave one party unsatisfied even if they are in the wrong.

A prudent project manager will try to avoid this situation and look for a solution to satisfy all parties. The collaborating conflict resolution technique, which is a win-win situation for all.

Let us see what the PMBOK Guide says:

Page-239, second paragraph:

“If conflict escalates, the project manager should help facilitate a satisfactory resolution. Conflict should be addressed early and usually in private, using a direct, collaborative approach.”

Page-229, last paragraph:

“… managing conflicts in a constructive manner, and encouraging collaborative problem solving and decision-making.”

No statement in the PMBOK Guide suggests using the problem solving/confrontation technique for all conflicts; however, I noticed that the PMBOK Guide recommends the collaborative technique.

It seems that the PMI agrees with me too!

I do not recommend using the collaborative technique to solve all conflicts. However, it is the only technique that leads to consensus and commitment among all parties involved in the conflict.

The strategy of conflict management depends on the conflict. You can use the technique you think best suits the situation to resolve the conflict. However, I cannot agree that confronting is the best conflict resolution technique, and you should not use it blindly.

What conflict resolution techniques help you most to resolve conflicts? Please share your experience through the comments section.

I am Mohammad Fahad Usmani, B.E. PMP, PMI-RMP. I have been blogging on project management topics since 2011. To date, thousands of professionals have passed the PMP exam using my resources.

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Definition: A leadership style is a method of managing, directing, and motivating followers. Leadership styles define how leaders strategize their relationships with their followers. Therefore, knowing the leadership style is vital to gaining followers’ loyalty and increasing the leader’s effectiveness.  This article overviews seven leadership styles, their pros and cons, factors affecting leadership styles, and…

Quality Assurance Vs Quality Control (QA Vs QC)

Quality assurance and quality control are most important processes for any project, as the project’s success depends on these processes.

Every project has a quality control section to take care of these functions. The quality assurance function usually stays with the organization and the quality control section has to communicate with the organization to coordinate between these two processes.

Since these processes are connected and work in coordination, many professionals, especially those working in small and medium sized organizations, do not understand their differences.

This reminds me of one interaction when I was in my ISO 9001 training course a few years back. I met with many professionals involved in quality management. These people were all from different backgrounds and were working in various fields.

Work Performance Information (WPI) vs Work Performance Measurements (WPM)

This blog post was based on the 4th edition of the PMBOK Guide, and from the 5th edition of the PMBOK Guide, the PMI has changed the definitions of terms used in this blog post; therefore, this post is now obsolete.

I have re-written this blog post based on the current version of the PMBOK Guide (6th edition). Please visit: Work Performance Data and Work Performance Information. I am leaving this post in case someone wants to review the old post under the PMBOK Guide (4th edition).

Management is always interested in the status and progress of the project. They want to know:

64 Comments

Sir, i realy appreaciat your idea and its very educative, please sir what technique should be use in resolving the conflict over land.

I am really impressed with the topics dealt with conflict resolutions

Thanks Elfatih.

what the role as the PM or team member if conflict start to effect core project or one constrains should i start interfere to solve it or ask them to solve it by them self.

or should i report it

If you are not PM, you should report to PM.

If you are a PM you should use your best judgement to handle the issue.

Thanks for your notes and questions bank. Your notes really inspired me how to study PMP exam and I got it passed yesterday.

Congratulations Albert on passing the PMP exam.

Very informative,thanks.

You are welcome Rondity.

Hi Fahad, I failed my first test and preparing for the second one.I prepared well with lot of material including PMBOK. But,i am unable to justify my weak areas.I purchased your 400 questions and scored 80% .Practiced well in all the areas.Can you advise me please?

Send me an email at [email protected] with all details, I will reply you.

Is I have to explain again the need of new requirements to members, which technique should I use? And when we are discussing alternative which one? I found the blog quite clear but to be honest I fail to differentiate when to use collaboration and compromise. Pls can you help me

Compromise is relatively quicker process where you take suggestion from both parties and reach on a conclusion.

In collaborative approach you have a detailed discussion with both parties to reach on a best solution.

may be you are right but in my opinion all strategy are for work and in my case the compromise is the best option for me. Thankyou for your material.

It depends on the situation and stakeholders involve with the conflicts.

Hello Fahad,

I successfully completed the exam and now Certified PM :) I want to thank you for these notes that really helped me understand the processes better in simpler terms. You are great teacher! I had purchased your formula guide and EVM guide as well which was immense help as well. Thank you and God bless you.

Congratulations Hazra on passing the PMP exam.

Your blog is great help. I am currently preparing for my PMP exam. Every time I am stuck or fail to understand a term/usage/formula, I come here and your explanation(s) helps me understand it. I want to thank you for that. And I also appreciate that you update your notes when there is a new edition of PMBOK. So this is a great reference site for people like me preparing to give their exams. Best

You are welcome Hazra. Now the six edition of the PMBOK is arriving next year, so I will have update them again.

Thanks for your comment.

Hey Fahad, Thanks for your awesome notes. I also purchased the question set on Kindle. Helped me clear the test on first attempt.

Regards, Amol

Congratulations Anmol on passing the PMP exam, and I am glad that I could be of help to you.

I like your post, Thank you for the efforts in updating to latest PMBOK and helping the community.

Thanks Qhayum

Thanks Qhayum.

Can I please ask this question?

Is problem solving the most effective, sustainable conflict resolution technique? Please provide reasons to substantiate your response. Discuss your opinion point by point. Thank you

Please read the blog post again till end. This topic has been explained in detail.

Okay Ram, in future update I will try to include some scenario based examples.

I do see 3 to 5 questions coming out in MOCK Exams from Conflict resolution techniques. They are very close in resemblance among each other. However I commit the mistake between Smooth/Accomodate, Compromise/Reconciliation and also between Force/Direct, Withdraw/Avoid.

Judgement becomes tough & above explanations are quite lengthy to recall/remember. In such case, is it possible to provide one scenario(Same people) with different situations that match the 5 conflict resolution techniques to understand?

Many Thanks.

Regards, Ram Narayan

No more conflicts. These techniques are great(Withdraw/Avoid,Smooth/Accommodate, Compromise/Reconcile,Force/Direct,Collaborate/Problem Solve) http://ku.ac.ke

Thanks James for visiting and leaving comment.

I checked the PMOBOK fifth ed. and as you mention, but I also noticed the word confront (in pencil) near the word collaborate. I remembered that our instructor told us they have same meaning.

“but I also noticed the word confront (in pencil) near the word collaborate” – I did not understand what do you mean?

Another nice post. In fact, conflict management technique is a fav topic of mine as well.

However, I am unable to get – how compromise is loose-loose. Wont it be loose-win, even if temporary?

In compromise both parties have to give up something to reach on a common consensus.

(Please note that this article is based on the fourth edition of the PMBOK Guide, in fifth edition, PMI has amalgamated collaborative and problem solving techniques.)

Hello All Which one is the worst conflict resolution method? I think its :forcing/directing, but ive seen places which advocate that withdrawing/avoiding is the worst one. Please share your thoughts.

It depends on situation.

In PMBook 5th edition, collaborating and problem solving are given as synonyms. As for confronting it disappeared, however I just did the exam and it is still the term they use for this. The way I see it, confronting is the same general ideology than collaborating and problem solving, all seeks win-win situation.

Here is an excerpt from 5th ed.: “There are five general techniques for resolving conflict. As each one has its place and use, these are not given in any particular order” […] “Collaborate/Problem Solve. Incorporating multiple viewpoints and insights from differing perspectives; requires a cooperative attitude and open dialogue that typically leads to consensus and commitment.”

I also think confronting/problem solving/collaborating leads to best solutions. As with many other things in life, we often have to select optimal result given the constrains rather than the very best one.

Confronting is not a win-lose, its aim at win-win. you confront ideas of both party and the aim (the very reason why it’s time consuming) is by sharing actively their point of view, a common agreement will emerge (which can be to agree about one or the other party position or on a new position). Since it must be common agreement, it can only be win-win (unless it is a disguised compromise because one of the party pretend to agree). It is really the equivalent of collaborating/problem solving.

In the fourth edition of the PMBOK Guide, confronting and collaborative approach were different, now they are synonyms….

I’m sorry. Read the PMBOK again, and your sources. The PMBOK and PMI reinforce that the book is a “best practices” book, every management book is; take great care to understand and internalize that because the real world is quite different. No credible source can provide us with the “one and only” way, or the best way for all management situations.

The PMBOK does not say (quoting you) “applying the same technique to all conflicts” would be justified.

It actually says the opposite, which ironically is the case your’re making. “…each one has its place and use,”. For example, avoiding a problem, can be VERY effective in certain situation; particularly on a “high functioning” team.

Now, you’re right about the industry consensus on confronting providing the best outcomes and usually as the favorable approach… It is! You just have to know when you have the OPPORTUNITY to use it, and how to employ it.

(I’m a PMP and a “seasoned” Construction PM) Good luck to you!

I should add; collaborating and confronting are cross from parallels. That might be confusing you. If you read the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument; that definition of collaboration is very close to confronting. That and correctly diagnosing the issue goes hand in hand.

However, collaboration is less optimal since it takes time. Every time a conflict comes up; there’s not always time to have a campfire and roast marshmallows. I think the PMBOK is trying to show that finding the root problem, is not always an outcome of collaboration.

You said that:

‘No credible source can provide us with the “one and only” way, or the best way for all management situations.’

I am agree with you on it.

Again you’ re saying:

The PMBOK does not say (quoting you) “applying the same technique to all conflicts” would be justified.

I’m totally agree with you here again, and in fact to prove this point I wrote this blog post. In this blog post I’m only trying to say that PMBOK does not say that you should apply one technique on all conflicts.

I would agree on collaborating is best solution and that also eventually goes to the root cause and as well buys in everybody OK which is a permanent solution than confronting/problem solving.

for the purpose of get few marks we have to choose confronting !

Thanks for agreeing with me.

I feel Fahad is right. Collaborating is the best technique to resolve the conflicts. In most of the real situations , we need all the team members to get along / participate without any grudges. This technique generally helps to take all the team members towards goals without hurting individual’s self esteem. Confronting can not be win – win always. I feel usage of techniques depends upon situation and project managers understanding.

thank you for this post. I really liked it. Although I am still not sure I fully understand the difference between confonting and collaborating. Are there any specific features of these techniquest that can help differentiate them clearly? Currently, I have a feeling that Confronting and Collaborating are almost the same thing

In collaborating, you incorporate multiple viewpoints and negotiate for the best solution. It is a win win approach, on the other hand confronting is problem solving technique. In confronting you will find the root cause of the problem and then reach to its solution. Confronting is a win lose situation.

I was going through the above comments where you mentioned that confronting is a win-lose situation. But if go by Rita Mulcahy , she mentioned confronting as Win-win situation. Even in some of the multiple choice questions is it considered as win-win situation. can you please help to understand this better. Thanks in advance.

Regards, Gagan

In problem solving one loses and other wins regardless of who is on right path.

Not exactly. 2 people may be, dont have any right path, they go to discussion/argument to figure out what is the best way to deal with the conflict.

Confronting/problem solving includes: – Find the root cause of problem, not what is presented to you or what appears to be the problem – Analyze the problem – Identify solution – Pick a solution – Implement a solution – Review the solution and confirm that the solution can deal with the problem.

Hence, Confronting is win-win situation. Win-lose situation refer to Forcing solution (1 win, 1 lose)

Two team members are having conflict, most of the time one is correct and other is wrong.

In this case, if you go for the confronting then obviously the person who is in right path will win and other loses.

Collaborating does not necessarily fix the problem and may show up again, only Confronting does this, it gets to the “root cause”

Yes, you are right but it does not mean that the project manager should always go for confronting.

A project manager has to decide that which technique suits best to the situation.

I see your point thank you.

You are welcome.

What technique is used when a PM suggests to the Team members to contribute their respective PROS and CONS about the issue at hand and then suggests they discuss it. Is this collaborative or confronting?

It depends on what resolution he takes at the end. If he combines multiple view point and find the best agreeable solution, then it will be collaborative. And if he takes resolution of conflicts based on only facts then it will be confronting.

I think confronting will work here because PM trying to go to the root cause of this problem

You may be right but only discussion does not mean that he will chose the confronting. He may also go with the collaborative technique or try to smooth the situation. All depends on the situation and problem at the hand.

Yes you are absolutely right ! good

Thanks for agreeing with me! :)

I like your post very much and am in a project management class right now. Although confronting has a negative connotation, it is not always such. Confronting a problem and dictating how it should be resolved is the PM's job and if the other techniques do not work this approach should be taken. PM'S will run into personalities that will have a conflict with everything or everyone. Taking a direct confrontational approach may be required and should not be seen as a negative componant. Your assessment is great and accurrate.

Thank you for liking my post.

My point is—there is no single universal technique which applies to all conflicts and the PMBOK Guide does not recommend using conflict resolution technique every time a conflict occurs.

good I appreciate yourwork I using as a projects references

Thanks Nasry.

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How To Handle Fights When Your Partner Has No Conflict Resolution Skills

W e all have different ways of handling conflict and many of us in relationships can predict how our partner is going to react in an argument. Unfortunately, all too often these reactions escalate into unhelpful and unhealthy ways of communicating and solving problems. If your partner lacks conflict resolution skills they might shut down during an argument, run away, yell, criticize, compete, get defensive, placate, or be apathetic. Arguments are crucial in every relationship, as they allow you to air out grievances, form deeper understandings, and build trust. Conflict is inevitable and normal but if it can't be resolved healthily, it can ultimately doom the relationship.

If you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't know how to fight fairly, it can be extremely hard or impossible for both of you to grow and make progress as a couple. What's more, ineffective communication in an argument may lead to feelings of resentment that go unresolved and conflict avoidance can impact your relationship negatively. Luckily, there are ways to help your partner become a better communicator and change the tone of the argument from a "fight" to a discussion.

Different Styles Of Conflict Resolution

Firstly, it's important and helpful for you to ensure compassion in your relationship by trying to understand where your partner is coming from — what is their conflict style and how is it shaped by their background? Psychologists have identified different conflict styles as avoidance, anger, accommodation, compromise, and collaboration. If your partner is avoidant (runs away from conflict or shuts down), is quick to anger in an argument (gets combative, defensive, or competitive), or even is overly accommodating and dissociative (gives in to placate you and lacks interest), there is room for improvement.

A 2022 study of 280 young adults ages 19 to 32 showed that people who were exposed to a significant amount of interparental conflict as children may be at higher risk for relationship problems later in life. They also tended to have an avoidant (they are overwhelmed easily and pull back from commitment) or anxious (they smother their partner due to their own insecurities) attachment style.

It will serve you well to keep in mind that your partner's upbringing may have a role in how they handle conflict, remembering that the relationships of our parental figures and role models have a significant impact on how we handle our own relationships. Conflict-avoidant people, for example, tend to have learned in their youth that conflict is scary and should be avoided, instead of being a normal way to solve problems. If your partner grew up seeing adults fight violently or meanly, it makes sense that they would want to avoid conflict at all costs. Or, conversely, they may think that that is the only way to behave in an argument is to get angry and combative whenever a conflict arises.

What To Do When Your Partner Is Conflict-Avoidant

It can be extremely frustrating when your partner avoids conflict by fleeing an argument, saying things like, "Now is not the time," or completely shutting down and refusing to talk. In fact, it's so frustrating that renowned psychologists and relationship counselors Drs. John and Julie Gottman include this type of behavior, also known as "stonewalling," in their Four Horsemen metaphor used to describe unhealthy communication styles in relationships (along with criticism, contempt, and defensiveness). Stonewalling — essentially building a "wall" and shutting down during an argument — can be a predictor of a doomed relationship since it means there is no resolution in sight.

The silent treatment is a form of stonewalling, according to psychologist Dr. Nicole Le Pera (per news24 ). "People who engage in the silent treatment have typically learned this from their own parent figures. They struggle to self-regulate or are easily emotionally flooded (overwhelmed). To heal from these patterns, we have to learn to communicate," they advise. Do your best to stay calm and be patient when your partner shuts down; avoid berating them into talking to you since it's likely they will withdraw even further.

Psychiatrist and therapist Elisabeth Gordon, MD (per Fatherly ) advises using "I" statements when addressing your partner to avoid assigning blame. For example, you could say, "I see that you are shutting down and refusing to talk to me" and "I feel like we can't work on our relationship when we don't communicate." You can give them a moment to gather themselves, but don't let the argument go unresolved. When they do open up, make sure to listen well to your partner without interrupting and discuss ways to avoid this situation in the future.

When Your Partner Gets Combative And Competetive

In discussing conflict resolution, psychologists and counselors often refer to people's primitive fight, flight, or freeze urges when sensing danger. For some of us, when we are faced with conflict the limbic system in our brains takes over telling us to fight so we attack, criticize, scream, yell, blame, and make demands while arguing with our partner. If your partner is in "fight mode," it may be because they feel they aren't being heard or appreciated. 

Your partner wants to be heard (although they are going about it the wrong way) so validating their feelings is important. By listening to their side of the argument and genuinely trying to understand where they are coming from hopefully they will do the same for you. According to PsychCentral , Dr. Brian Wind, a licensed clinical psychologist, suggests repeating what your partner says to let them know you are listening and to slow down the pace of the conversation. Taking a time-out can also be an effective way of de-escalating anger, but is only constructive if you are both taking the time to work on what you want to say in a healthy, productive manner — for example, writing things down and using "I" statements — and subsequently resume the discussion.

Dr. John Gottman advises making a repair attempt during a conflict — a statement, a word, a silly gesture, or a physical touch — that defuses the argument. Couples can come up with repair attempts together which could be something as simple as holding the other person's hand or recalling a pleasant trip or moment the two of you shared. 

When Too Much Accommodation Is A Bad Thing

It can be good to "choose your battles," but don't bottle things up to the point of explosion. Accommodating or giving in to an argument isn't always a bad thing; sometimes the best approach to conflict is to wave the white flag, particularly when the argument has turned into a competition to see who's right about an issue of little importance. But if your partner easily gives up in most arguments, sometimes you may be wondering if they even hear you or if they are just placating you to avoid conflict. They may also be bottling up their emotions only to explode later — giving up an argument doesn't mean coming back to it at another time with full force.

Conversely, when you find yourself being overly accommodating to avoid your partner's unhealthy approach to conflict, it could backfire, leading to a power imbalance that creates more tension within the relationship. So, if you or your partner is overly accommodating in your fights, try asking yourselves if the issue has been resolved for both of you or if only one person is walking away satisfied. If more often than not it's only one person feeling happy with the way things ended, you may need to come up with a better solution.

Compromise And Collaboration Are Crucial

If you and your partner can get beyond the avoidance, anger, and habitual accommodation in your conflicts, you will be on your way to the healthiest conflict resolution styles: compromise and collaboration. When both partners in a relationship compromise, it demonstrates respect and concern for one another. While both partners gain a little and lose a little when compromising, collaboration is a conflict resolution style that results in a win for both of you.

When collaborating with your partner, you work towards solving a conflict in the most equal and fair way possible so that neither of you feels you are giving in. In order for this style of conflict resolution to work, couples need to listen intently, communicate their grievances clearly and matter-of-factly, and have a mindset of wanting to find a resolution that makes both of them happy. It can be helpful to recall times when you worked together to solve a problem or complete a project and to remind your partner that this is just a bump in the road that you will figure out together. When you do figure things out, celebrate the growth in your relationship and affirm your partner for their healthy way of handling conflict.

Also, keep in mind that it's a lot easier to see our partner's poor communication and conflict resolution skills than to recognize our own. Next time you find yourself wishing the argument was going better, try thinking of ways you could improve your communication, as well as holding your partner accountable for theirs. Most people could use some help with their conflict-resolution skills and self-reflection is an important initial step.

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