why sex ed should be taught in schools essay

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Finding common ground.

A former K-5 public school principal turned author, presenter, and leadership coach, DeWitt provides insights and advice for education leaders. He can be found at www.petermdewitt.com . Read more from this blog .

Should Sex Education Be Taught in Schools?

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Thinking about sex education conjures up all of those uncomfortable moments as an adolescent when we had to sit at our desks and listen to our health teachers talk about things that we joked about with friends but never wanted to have a conversation about with adults. But things have changed a lot since then.

There has been an increase in the number of LGBT students who have come out while in high school, or sometimes, even middle school. We are surrounded images that inspire conversations about sex education and other images created by fashion that offer so much skin that there is nothing left to the imagination.

AVERT defines Sex Education as

the process of acquiring information and forming attitudes and beliefs about sex, sexual identity, relationships and intimacy. Sex education is also about developing young people’s skills so that they make informed choices about their behaviour, and feel confident and competent about acting on these choices.

First and foremost, there is a debate between the use of sexual education programs, where they openly teach about sex and prevention, and abstinence-only programs, which Advocates for Youth say,

• “has as its exclusive purpose teaching the social, psychological, and health gains to be realized by abstaining from sexual activity;
• teaches abstinence from sexual activity outside of marriage is the expected standard for all school-age children;
• teaches that abstinence from sexual activity is the only certain way to avoid out-of-wedlock pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and other associated health problems;
• teaches that a mutually faithful monogamous relationship in the context of marriage is the expected standard of sexual activity;
• teaches that sexual activity outside the context of marriage is likely to have harmful psychological and physical side effects;
• teaches that bearing children out-of-wedlock is likely to have harmful consequences for the child, the child’s parents, and society;
• teaches young people how to reject sexual advances and how alcohol and drug use increase vulnerability to sexual advances, and
• teaches the importance of attaining self-sufficiency before engaging in sexual activity.”

Advocates for Youth also believe,

Accurate, balanced sex education - including information about contraception and condoms - is a basic human right of youth. Such education helps young people to reduce their risk of potentially negative outcomes, such as unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Such education can also help youth to enhance the quality of their relationships and to develop decision-making skills that will prove invaluable over life. This basic human right is also a core public health principle that receives strong endorsement from mainstream medical associations, public health and educational organizations, and - most important - parents.

But is it the job of teachers in schools to educate students about sex or is it the job of the parents? According to the National Conference of State Legislatures ,

All states are somehow involved in sex education for public schoolchildren. As of Jan. 1, 2015: 22 states and the District of Columbia require public schools teach sex education (20 of which mandate sex education and HIV education). 33 states and the District of Columbia require students receive instruction about HIV/AIDS. 19 states require that if provided, sex education must be medically, factually or technically accurate. State definitions of “medically accurate” vary, from requiring that the department of health review curriculum for accuracy, to mandating that curriculum be based on information from “published authorities upon which medical professionals rely.” Many states define parents’ rights concerning sexual education: 37 states and the District of Columbia require school districts to allow parental involvement in sexual education programs. Three states require parental consent before a child can receive instruction. 35 states and the District of Columbia allow parents to opt-out on behalf of their children.

Of course, if it’s taught in schools, how properly are the students being educated? This debate between whether it’s the school’s job or a parent’s job will last for a very long time, and quite frankly it is an area that many parents and teachers may agree. There are parents who do not want their children to be taught sex education in schools, just as there are some teachers who don’t think it is their job to teach it.

On the other side are parents and teachers who agree it should be taught in schools and at home because it is a topic that we all cannot escape. And I’m sure there are a bunch of people in the middle who do not even want to discuss the topic at all and just hope for the best.

The NPR story, called “Beyond The Birds And The Bees: Surviving Sex Ed Today” ( which can be heard here ) inspired me to think about all of the places that the topic of sex comes up in conversation. Sometimes it’s through jokes on television or social media, other times it’s in stories on the news, and most times it’s the center of the conversation on the back of a school bus. Whether it makes us uncomfortable or not, we can’t seem to escape the topic.

In the NPR story, Lena Solow, a teacher of ten years,

Covers the topics you’d expect: how to prevent STDs, pregnancy. But Solow talks about way more than going all the way. “One of my biggest goals as a sex educator is to be sex-positive,” she explains, “to talk about pleasure and to talk about sex not just as something that just makes babies.”

Listening to the story made me blush a little as I drove alone in my car through Massachusetts, and made me laugh a bit when Solow said that when she was a student her sex education class was taught by the physical education teacher and revolved around spelling tests.

Yes, spelling tests. She said,

“I definitely had spelling tests as a big part of my sex-ed when I was in middle school: ‘Spell gonorrhea. Spell gonococcus. Now you pass or don’t pass health.’ Literally, that was what was prioritized.”

She wants her students to have a much more knowledgeable experience, and she also explores topics that are unfortunately still controversial in today’s schools, which is the topic of LGBT students. In the NPR story, Garsd writes,

“Beyond the basics, Solow is delving into topics that many teachers would skirt. Things like tolerance. Solow recently asked her students if they thought LGBT people would feel comfortable at the school. A lot of the kids say they didn’t think so.”

It’s definitely a complicated debate, which will last for a very long time. What are your thoughts?

The opinions expressed in Peter DeWitt’s Finding Common Ground are strictly those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinions or endorsement of Editorial Projects in Education, or any of its publications.

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Sex Education in America: the Good, the Bad, the Ugly

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The debate over the best way to teach sexual health in the U.S. continues to rage on, but student voice is often left out of the conversation when schools are deciding on what to teach. So Myles and PBS NewsHour Student Reporters from Oakland Military Institute investigate the pros and cons of the various approaches to sex ed and talk to students to find out how they feel about their sexual health education.

TEACHERS: Guide your students to practice civil discourse about current topics and get practice writing CER (claim, evidence, reasoning) responses.  Explore lesson supports.

What is comprehensive sex education?

Comprehensive sex education teaches that not having sex is the best way to avoid STIs and unintended pregnancies, but it also includes medically accurate information about STI prevention, reproductive health, as well as discussions about healthy relationships, consent, gender identity, LGBTQ issues and more. What is sexual risk avoidance education? Sexual risk avoidance education is also known as abstinence only or abstinence-leaning education. It generally teaches that not having sex is the only morally acceptable, safe and effective way to prevent pregnancy and STIs — some programs don’t talk about birth control or condoms– unless it is to emphasize failure rates.

What are the main arguments for comprehensive sex education?

“Comprehensive sex ed” is based on the idea that public health improves when students have a right to learn about their sexuality and to make responsible decisions about it. Research shows it works to reduce teen pregnancies, delay when teens become sexually active and reduce the number of sexual partners teens have.

What are the main arguments against comprehensive sex education?

Some people, particularly parents and religious groups, take issue with comprehensive sex ed because they believe it goes against their cultural or religious values, and think that it can have a corrupting influence on kids. They say that by providing teens with this kind of information you are endorsing and encouraging sex and risk taking. Some opponents also argue that this type of information should be left up to parents to teach their kids about and shouldn’t be taught in schools.

State Laws and Policies Across the US (SIECUS) 

STDs Adolescents and Young Adults (CDC) 

Myths and Facts about Comprehensive Sex Education (Advocates for Youth)

Abstinence-Only and Comprehensive Sex Education and the Initiation of Sexual Activity and Teen Pregnancy (Journal of Adolescent Health)

Abstinence-Only-Until Marriage: An Updated Review of US Policies and Programs and Their Impact (Journal of Adolescent Health) 

Sexual Risk Avoidance Education: What you need to know (ASCEND) 

We partnered with PBS NewsHour Student Reporting Labs for this episode. Check out their journalism resources for students: https://studentreportinglabs.org/

To learn more about how we use your information, please read our privacy policy.

Sex Education that Goes Beyond Sex

• Posted November 28, 2018
• By Grace Tatter

Historically, the measure of a good sex education program has been in the numbers: marked decreases in the rates of sexually transmitted diseases, teen pregnancies, and pregnancy-related drop-outs. But, increasingly, researchers, educators, and advocates are emphasizing that sex ed should focus on more than physical health. Sex education, they say, should also be about relationships.

Giving students a foundation in relationship-building and centering the notion of care for others can enhance wellbeing and pave the way for healthy intimacy in the future, experts say. It can prevent or counter gender stereotyping and bias. And it could minimize instances of sexual harassment and assault in middle and high school — instances that may range from cyberbullying and stalking to unwanted touching and nonconsensual sex. A recent study from Columbia University's Sexual Health Initative to Foster Transformation (SHIFT) project suggests that comprehensive sex education protects students from sexual assault even after high school.

If students become more well-practiced in thinking about caring for one another, they’ll be less likely to commit — and be less vulnerable to — sexual violence, according to this new approach to sex ed. And they’ll be better prepared to engage in and support one another in relationships, romantic and otherwise, going forward. 

Giving students a foundation in relationship-building can enhance wellbeing and pave the way for healthy intimacy in the future, experts say. It can also prevent or counter gender stereotyping, and it could minimize instances of sexual harassment and assault in middle and high school.

Introducing Ethics Into Sex Ed

Diving into a conversation even tangentially related to sex with a group of 20 or so high school students isn’t easy. Renee Randazzo helped researcher Sharon Lamb pilot the Sexual Ethics and Caring Curriculum while a graduate student at the University of Massachusetts Boston. She recalls boys snickering during discussions about pornography and objectification. At first, it was hard for students to be vulnerable.

But the idea behind the curriculum is that tough conversations are worth having. Simply teaching students how to ask for consent isn’t enough, says Lamb, a professor of counseling psychology at UMass Boston, who has been researching the intersection between caring relationships, sex, and education for decades. Students also to have understand why consent is important and think about consent in a variety of contexts. At the heart of that understanding are questions about human morality, how we relate to one another, and what we owe to one another. In other words, ethics.

“When I looked at what sex ed was doing, it wasn’t only a problem that kids weren’t getting the right facts,” Lamb says. “It was a problem that they weren’t getting the sex education that would make them treat others in a caring and just way.”

She became aware that when schools were talking about consent — if they were at all — it was in terms of self-protection. The message was: Get consent so you don’t get in trouble.

But there’s more at play, Lamb insists. Students should also understand the concept of mutuality — making decisions with a partner and understanding and addressing other people’s concerns or wishes — and spend time developing their own sense of right and wrong. 

“If a young person is not in a healthy relationship, they can’t negotiate sex in a meaningful way. Even if they’re not having sex yet, they’re grappling with the idea of what a healthy relationship is.”

The curriculum she developed invites students to engage in frank discussions about topics like objectification in the media and sexting. If a woman is shamed for being in a sexy video, but she consented to it, does she deserve the criticism? Regardless of what you think, can you justify your position?

“How do they want to treat people, what kind of partner do they want to be? That takes discussion,” Lamb says. “It’s not a skill-training thing.”

The idea behind the curriculum isn’t that anything goes, so long as students can discuss their reasoning. Instead, the goal is that students develop the critical-reasoning skills to do the right thing in tricky situations. 

After Randazzo’s students got over their cases of the giggles, the conversations were eye-opening, she says. “You give them the opportunity unpack their ideas and form their own opinions,” she says.

Healthy Relationships — and Prevention

Most sexual assault and violence in schools is committed by people who know their victims — they’re either dating, friends, or classmates. Regardless, they have a relationship of some sort, which is why a focus on relationships and empathy is crucial to reducing violence and preparing students for more meaningful lives.

And while it might seem uncomfortable to move beyond the cut-and-dried facts of contraception into the murkier waters of relationships, students are hungry for it. A survey by researchers at the Harvard Graduate School of Education's  Making Caring Common  initiative found that 65 percent of young-adult respondents wished they had talked about relationships at school.

“It’s so critical that kids are able to undertake this work of learning to love somebody else,” says developmental psychologist Richard Weissbourd , the director of Making Caring Common and lead author of a groundbreaking report called The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Sexual Harassment . “They’re not going to be able to do it unless we get them on the road and are willing to engage in thoughtful conversations.”

Nicole Daley works with OneLove , a nonprofit focused on teen violence prevention. She previously worked extensively with Boston Public Schools on violence prevention. She echoes Lamb and Weissbourd: A focus on relationships is key to keeping students safe.

“If a young person is not in a healthy relationship, they can’t negotiate sex in a meaningful way,” she says. “Really discussing healthy relationships and building that foundation is important. Even if they’re not having sex yet, they’re grappling with the idea of what healthy relationship is.”

And it’s critical to start that work before college.

Shael Norris spent the first two decades of her career focusing on college campuses, but now is focused on younger students with her work through Safe BAE . By college, many people’s ideas about how to act when it comes to sex or romance are entrenched, she says. The earlier young people can start interrogating what they know about sex and relationships, the better.

Safe BAE is led by Norris and young survivors of sexual assault. The organization works to educate students about healthy relationships, sexual violence, students’ rights under Title IX, and other related topics.

Movement to change middle and high school curricula to include a focus on healthy relationships and consent has been slow, Norris notes. In 2015, Senators Tim Kaine (D-Va.) and Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.) introduced the Teach Safe Relationships Act, which would have mandated secondary schools teach about safe relationships, including asking for consent, in health education courses. It didn’t go anywhere. And while eight states now mandate some sort of sexual consent education , there’s no consensus about what that should entail.

Instead, the momentum for a more comprehensive sexual education that considers relationships and violence prevention is coming from individual teachers, students and parents.

“We don’t have to wait for politicians to start having conversations about this,” Norris says.

A New Approach to Sex Ed

• Develop an ethical approach to sex ed. Place emphasis on helping students learn how to care for and support one another. This will reduce the chance they’ll commit, or be vulnerable to, sexual violence.
• Don’t just tell students how to ask for consent; prompt them to consider why concepts like consent are important. It’s not just about staying out of legal trouble — it’s also about respecting and caring for others.
• Respect students’ intelligence and engage them in discussions about who they want to be as people. Serious dialogue about complicated topics will hone their critical-thinking skills and help them be prepared to do the right thing.
• Even without access to a curriculum, students, parents and educators can work together to facilitate conversations around sexual violence prevention through clubs, with help from organizations like Safe BAE.

Additional Resource

• National Sexuality Education Standards: Core Content and Skills, K–12

Part of a special series about preventing sexual harassment at school.  Read the whole series .

Illustration by Wilhelmina Peragine

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In 2014, a study found that 93% of parents supported having sex education in middle school and 96% supported teaching sex ed in high school. A 2017 study again found that 93% of parents favored sexuality education in schools. These are not isolated results; decades of research support the benefits of comprehensive, inclusive sex education.

Comprehensive sexuality education is also supported by professional organizations such as the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the Society for Adolescent Health and Medicine, and the 184 organizations—including Power to Decide—who joined in coalition in May 2020 to support the Sex Ed for All movement. 

At the moment, 28 states (and DC) require some kind of sex education and HIV education and seven states only require HIV education. However, only 17 require that education to be medically accurate and 29 states require schools to stress abstinence . Because sex education in schools is legislated on the state (or individual school district) level, not the federal, the quality of what is taught varies widely across the country. The CDC’s 2018 School Health Profiles found that only 43% of high schools and 18% of middle schools taught ‘key’ topics in sex education. Some of the topics the CDC labels as ‘key’ include information on how to prevent STIs and unplanned pregnancy, maintaining healthy relationships, avoiding peer pressure, and using appropriate health services. 

The World Health Organization notes that the focus of sexuality education in Europe has shifted from preventing pregnancy in the 1960’s to preventing HIV in the ‘80’s to today covering these topics alongside such issues as sexism, homophobia, and online bullying gender norms, the sexuality spectrum, and emotional development. In contrast, a 2018 study reported that students in the US were less likely to receive sex education on key topics in 2015-2019 than they were in 1995. The same study found that only 43% of females and 47% of males who had penis-in-vagina sex covered safe sex in school before they engaged in sex for the first time. 

Truly comprehensive sex education includes, but isn't limited to:

• Taught by trained sex educators. 
• Begun early and progresses at an age-appropriate pace. 
• Evidence-based. 
• Inclusive of LGBTQ young people.
• Explicitly anti-racist. 
• Learner-centered. 
• Community-specific. 

Sex ed that is for everyone includes (but isn't limited to) information about:

• Healthy relationships.
• Anatomy and physiology. 
• Adolescent sexual development. 
• Gender identity and expression. 
• Sexual orientation and identity. 
• The full range of birth control methods and pregnancy options. 

All young people have a right to this kind of high-quality, evidence-based information and care to ensure their lifelong sexual and reproductive health. Again , and again , and again both national and international research has found that young people who have experienced comprehensive sexuality education delay having sex for the first time, are less likely to engage in risky behavior, and are more likely to use birth control. 

Plus, beyond giving young people facts, inclusive sex ed provides skills such as effective communication, active listening, and the ability to make informed decisions that will help them to grow and live safe, healthy, and fulfilling lives.   

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There is currently no consistent standard of sex, sexuality, gender and respectful relationships education across Australian schools. Each state and territory makes decisions about what they teach in schools. Additionally, religious schools have exemptions under anti-discrimination laws to decide how they approach these issues, and whether they include them at all.

Despite the gains made in the marriage equality debate, Australia has been unable to translate this into inclusive sex and sexuality education for young people. While countries such as England and Canada are adopting progressive, consistent sex education programs at a national level, Australia has not.

Read more: Australian sex education isn't diverse enough. Here's why we should follow England's lead

The federal Department of Education is spending A$5 million to develop resources to teach respectful relationships in Australian schools. According to one news report , these resources will not include topics on toxic masculinity, gender theory or case studies about young people’s sexual activity. This project is a part of the women’s safety package announced in 2015 by the Turnbull government, which seeks to educate young people about violence against women.

The federal government is quietly trying to distance these resources from Victoria’s Respectful Relationships program, which has been criticised by some conservative commentators. Politics aside, there is an urgent need for these resources. Gendered violence against women and LGBTIQ people is too common in Australia.

No more federal funding for Safe Schools

Only a few years ago, Australia was very close to having a standard national resource for sex, sexuality and relationships education – the Safe Schools program. Its creators aspired to consistency across all state and territory educational jurisdictions in Australia, in line with the nationally consistent Australian Curriculum .

Safe Schools was designed as an evidence-based , educational anti-bullying program. The program had LGBTIQ inclusion at its core, and sought to create safe and inclusive environments for LGBTIQ students. Resources used to help deliver the program were developed by experts and carefully selected to ensure they were age-appropriate for the students using them.

The federal government stopped funding the program in mid-2017, following an extended public pillorying by conservative politicians and media commentators . This ranged from concern students were encouraged to cross-dress and role-play as gay teenages to false claims the program showed children how to masturbate and strap on dildos.

Read more: FactCheck: does the Safe Schools program contain 'highly explicit material'?

An inconsistent approach

Safe Schools has been replaced by an eclectic mix of programs, which vary from state to state. As a result, Australia has an inconsistent approach across state education systems.

In Victoria, the Building Respectful Relationships program was trialled in 2015 in response to recommendations Royal Commission into Family Violence and rolled out more broadly since 2016.

The program contains strong messages of healthy relationships, violence prevention and control, which young people can relate to, regardless of their situation. The program has received criticism claiming it’s simply a repackaged version of the Safe Schools program. It runs concurrently with Safe Schools, which is now implemented in nearly all government secondary schools in Victoria.

Safe Schools programs are also run in one government school in the NT, 21 government schools in Tasmania and 24 government schools, 3 independent schools and 3 other educational settings in WA.

At the federal level, funding has been confirmed to make the John Howard-inspired school chaplain program permanent. The School Chaplaincy program is intended to support the social, emotional and spiritual well-being of school communities across Australia. This may include support and guidance about ethics, values, relationships and spiritual issues.

Federal discomfort with sex, sexuality and gender discussions

Scott Morrison has made a number of comments about LGBTIQ issues in his short time as Prime Minister. Morrison said schools don’t need “gender whisperers”, referring to an article which stated teachers were being taught how to spot potentially transgender students.

It has since been clarified teachers were being trained on how to support students if they identify as transgender, not to identify potentially transgender students.

Morrison has also brushed aside concerns about gay conversion therapy , and publicly stated he sends his children to a religious schools to avoid “ skin curling ” discussions about gender diversity and sexuality.

Other members of the Coalition have publicly echoed similar beliefs, including Tony Abbott and Tasmanian Liberal senator Eric Abetz who actively spoke out against voting “yes” in the same-sex marriage plebiscite for fear it would lead to a “ radical sex education program for schools ”.

A strong case for sexuality, gender and sex education

Gender and sexual diversity are part of the rich multicultural landscape of contemporary Australian society. But research indicates there’s significant cause for concern about gender-based violence and family violence. Education about respectful relationships was identified as a key way to combat this in the Royal Commission into Family Violence .

Likewise, current research about young people and sex, sexuality and gender diversity is alarming. There are still high levels of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide) among LGBTIQ young people as a result of bullying, discrimination, and harassment at school and in the wider community.

The data indicate increasingly high rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among young people are also a significant concern. Rates of chlamydia and gonorrhoea diagnoses in Australia are highest amongst people aged 15-24 years .

Regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, research indicates young people need to be reliably informed about safe sex. The ramifications of not doing so are far too significant. Research shows school-based sexuality education improves sexual health outcomes for young people.

Likewise, Australia has unacceptably high rates of family, domestic and sexual violence, while gender inequality permeates most aspects of society. This can be mitigated through reliable education about healthy relationships. Family, domestic and sexual violence is not a sign of a healthy society .

Read more: Young people want sex education and religion shouldn't get in the way

Sex, sexuality, respectful relationships, and gender all need to be discussed in schools as a component of a whole-school approach. This should not only include in-class education, but it should also be addressed in school cultures, policies and procedures, and in gender equity among the staff.

This is important because we need safe, inclusive schools that celebrate diversity. It’s also important to raise awareness among young people to mitigate family, domestic and sexual violence.

This article has been updated since publication to clarify that there are government schools in Victoria which run Safe Schools programs, and that the Building Respectful Relationships program is run concurrently, not as a replacement.

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The case for starting sex ed in kindergarten (hula hoops recommended)

Lee V. Gaines

Elizabeth Miller

A class of fifth-graders are sitting through an hour-long sex-ed lesson at Louis B. Russell Jr. School 48 in Indianapolis. Some fidget, others giggle. And they have a lot of questions.

How old do you have to be to start using tampons?

What's acne?

It's April, and sex ed teacher Haileigh Huggins does her best to answer them all.

One boy asks, "Can boys have babies?"

"No, they cannot get pregnant," she tells him.

"Because they both would have sperm cells right? There wouldn't be an egg cell."

Huggins is trained to teach age-appropriate, comprehensive sex education. But she only has an hour with these students — and that's just enough time to cover the basics, like puberty and reproduction.

When most people think of sex ed, those are the lessons that often come to mind. But comprehensive sex ed goes beyond that. It's defined by sex ed advocates as a science-based, culturally and age-appropriate set of lessons that start in early grades and go through the end of high school. It covers sexuality, human development, sexual orientation and gender, bodily autonomy and consent, as well as relationship skills and media literacy.

With abortion access changing in many states, advocates for comprehensive sex ed say it's more important than ever. But, like so many things related to schools, sex education is highly politicized.

Only three states require schools to teach age-appropriate, comprehensive sex education: Washington, California and Oregon. That's according to SEICUS, a group that advocates for progressive sex education policies. In other states, what students learn about sex ed depends on what school leaders choose to teach.

Shots - Health News

How one author is aspiring to make sex education more relatable for today's kids.

And yet, research shows these lessons can lead to better health outcomes for students.

"The major finding of the research is that comprehensive sex education scaffolded across grades, embedded in supportive school environments and across subject areas, can improve sexual, social and emotional health, as well as academic outcomes for young people," says Eva Goldfarb, a researcher at Montclair State University in New Jersey. She is co-author of a 2020 paper on the topic.

"Even though it may seem like sex education is controversial, it absolutely is not," says Nora Gelperin, director of sex education and training at Advocates for Youth — an organization that promotes access to comprehensive sex education.

She says comprehensive sex ed is "always in the best interest of young people."

Here's what it looks like, for different age levels from grades K-12:

Elementary school: Consent, personal boundaries and healthy relationships

Age-appropriate sex ed for kindergartners introduces topics like consent, identifying who is in your family and the correct names for body parts.

"When we're talking about consent with kindergartners, that means getting permission before you touch someone else; asking if it's OK if you borrow somebody's toy or pencil or game, so that kids start to learn about personal boundaries and consent in really age- and developmentally appropriate ways," says Gelperin, who was part of a team that released the first national sex education standards in 2012.

Gelperin loves to use hula hoops to teach young kids about bodily autonomy: Each student gets one, and is instructed to ask for permission to go inside someone else's hula hoop. The hoops are an analogy for boundaries.

"If someone is touching you inside your boundary in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it's OK to say no and talk to a trusted adult," Gelperin tells students.

Another good lesson for younger children is how to identify those trusted adults. Mariotta Gary-Smith, a sex ed instructor based in Oregon, asks students to write a list of people they trust in their communities: "People that you know care about you, people who are accessible to you, people who could support you."

The list can include peers, immediate and extended family members or chosen family members. Then Gary-Smith, who co-founded the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, asks students to think about how they would talk to the people on their list about safety, respect and boundaries.

The Birds And The Bees — How To Talk To Children About Sex

"When they knew that they had trust and safety in their circle, they felt like they could express themselves without judgment," she explains.

As students head into third grade, Gelperin says they should start learning the characteristics of healthy relationships with friends and family.

"Sometimes there's teasing and bullying that's going on in those grade levels. So you want to talk about how to interrupt teasing and bullying and how to stand up for others that may be getting teased or bullied," she explains.

There should also be a focus on respecting others' differences, including different family makeups, cultural backgrounds and faith traditions.

Gelperin says lessons on consent should continue throughout elementary school. And she recommends lessons on puberty begin in fourth grade, because that's when some students begin to see and experience changes in their bodies.

Middle school: Real talk about puberty

As students transition from elementary school to middle school, they should learn about the details of reproduction, including biological terms and why some people menstruate while others create sperm.

"That for me is a real hallmark of middle school sex education, is kind of really starting to understand how those parts and systems work together for reproduction," Gelperin says.

A new puberty guide for kids aims to replace anxiety with self-confidence

It's also a good time to connect the physical effects of puberty and hormones with the feelings of attraction that come along with them.

"Who gives you butterflies in your stomach? Who makes your palm sweaty?" Gelperin says. "Because we know with puberty, one of the changes is experiencing new hormones that make us feel feelings of attraction often for other people in a new and different way."

Students should also learn about sexually transmitted infections, like HIV, and how they're transmitted.

Sex education often leaves out queer people. Here's what to know

And middle school is a good time to start learning about gender expression and sexual orientation, as well as gender stereotypes. One Advocates for Youth lesson includes a scavenger hunt homework assignment where students look for gender stereotypes in the world around them, like a sports ad that only features men or an ad for cleaning supplies that only features women.

High school: When conversations about healthy relationships get deeper

Healthy relationships are a "hallmark" of comprehensive sex education, Gelperin says. As students move into high school, the conversation should expand from family and friends to partners and intimate relationships.

"What makes a relationship healthy? How do you know if a relationship is not healthy?" Gelperirn says.

Those conversations should also cover sexual abuse, sexual harassment and sexual assault.

At Mountainside High School in Beaverton, Ore., school health teacher Jenn Hicks shares statistics with students about the disproportionate rates of sexual violence for women, women of color and members of the LGBTQ communiity.

"Sexual violence can happen to anyone," she tells her class, "but it doesn't happen equally to everyone."

That leads to a conversation about consent.

"We have to talk about how we treat each other better, why consent is so important and why we need to listen to each other and protect each other," Hicks says. "Again, violence is used as a form of control to keep groups of people disempowered and fearful."

What Your Teen Wishes You Knew About Sex Education

And then, of course, come the classic lessons of high school sex ed, about pregnancy, how to prevent sexually transmitted infections and how to use contraception – a lesson Gelperin says is especially important.

"We can't expect young people to know how to use condoms correctly unless we help them learn how to do that."

One classic method: bananas. Specifically, having students practice placing a condom on a banana, as one Advocates for Youth lesson recommends.

Finally, there are lessons that don't have anything to do with sex (or fruit) — like how to find credible sources of information.

Think about all the rumors about sex that can circulate in a high school – those rumors are also all over the internet. And for a kid looking for information, it can be hard to know what to believe.

"We're allowing children to learn what's out there, and they are," says sex ed researcher Lisa Lieberman, who co-authored that Montclair State University paper. "They are accessing pornography; they are accessing the internet. They are learning in ways that are not the message that most parents and schools want children to have."

Advocates for Youth recommends asking students to evaluate different sexual health websites, and identify the ones that are trustworthy.

For Hicks, the goal of all this is to give every student the tools they need to stay safe.

"It's recognizing everybody that's in the room and giving them the knowledge and skills to make the best possible decisions for themselves and to lead a happy, fulfilled life."

Sex ed recommendations are always evolving

Mariotta Gary-Smith, with the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, says 10 years ago sex education wasn't culturally reflective or respectful to everyone, including to communities of color.

"The images that are used, that have been used historically ... you don't see bodies that are not white, able-bodied, cis, slender, slim," she explains. "You don't see or hear about young people who choose to parent if they become pregnant. You hear about teen pregnancy as this thing to be stopped, but not honoring that there are cultures and communities where young people who choose to parent are celebrated."

Texas got a sex ed update, but students and educators say there's still a lot missing

Gary-Smith has helped create more inclusive lessons through the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, and the sex ed standards Gelperin helped create in 2012 were updated in 2020 to include racism, inequality and their impact on sexual health. An Advocates for Youth lesson points students to examples of how racism has impacted the health and reproductive rights of low-income women of color, among other groups.

The national sex ed standards were also updated to touch on gender identity, sexual orientation, reproductive justice and sexually explicit media.

"It really allowed us to reflect the times in 2020 and what young people were saying was their lived experiences that they were so hungry to learn and talk about," Gelperin says.

Keeping sex ed inclusive and culturally reflective means teaching about systemic oppression, discrimination and the history and impacts of racism on certain communities, Gary-Smith explains. For example, a lesson on reproductive health might discuss historical examples of forced sterilization of Indigenous women or Black women, or the criminal justice system as it connects to family relationships.

These lessons may seem a far cry from those on consent or gender, and Gary-Smith understands that.

"Everything I'm talking about now, 10 years ago, we weren't talking about it," she explains.

That highlights one of the most important characteristics of sex ed for Gary-Smith: It should always be evolving.

"It needs to shift and change because things shift and change."

Lee Gaines is from member station WFYI, and Elizabeth Miller is from member station OPB. Nicole Cohen edited this story for broadcast and digital.

Let's talk about (queer) sex: The importance of LGBTQ-inclusive sex education in schools

Editor's note: This story originally published in August 2021.

What's a three-letter word that prompts parents to pontificate and teens to plug their ears when their parents bring it up? 

You guessed it: S-e-x.

Just because teens can be hesitant to talk with their parents about sex  isn't a reason to give up on the conversation. Not talking about it could be dangerous or even deadly, and markedly so for  LGBTQ youth .

Just 8.2% of students said they received LGBTQ-inclusive sex education, according to LGBTQ education nonprofit GLSEN's National School Climate Survey in 2019 . It's not shocking when you uncover that it's only mandated in a minority of U.S. states.

Melanie Willingham-Jaggers, director of GLSEN, compares the fight for inclusive sexual education to that of critical race theory, noting   people can favor long-held narratives over the truth.

"What we're having right now in our country is a debate around what responsibility we have to our children when it comes to educating them," Willingham-Jaggers says. "Queer, inclusive sex ed is not critical race theory. But what you see in both of these arguments is do we teach our children what is true in reality and history and nature? Or do we teach them what we want them to know?"

Sex education looks drastically different depending on where you live (though  legislation  is ongoing ).

• Thirty-nine states, plus Washington, D.C., require sex education and/or HIV education in schools, according to the Guttmacher Institute . But only 18 states mandate that sex and HIV education  be medically accurate.
• As for LGBTQ inclusivity: 11 states (and D.C.) call for "inclusive content with regard to sexual orientation."
• But on the other side of the coin, five states allow negative  information on homosexuality and/or a  positive push for heterosexuality. If you live in a state like Florida or South Carolina, for example, your children may be taught sexual education that discourages queer sex. 

Heads up: 'Pray Away' details trauma of LGBTQ conversion therapy – and new leaders are still emerging

What a lack of sex education means for LGBTQ youth

Dio Anthony , a 31-year-old writer in New York, remembers little about his high school sex education experience beyond   a weeklong course on sex.

"They weren't teaching you how to apply a condom like they show you in the movies," he says.

When he first slept with a man at 16, he had no idea what was going on. Future sexual encounters were not fun. He grew uncomfortable sharing details of his sexual escapades in his 20s even though his friends hooted and hollered about theirs.

"When we exclude LGBTQ+ young people from comprehensive education, we make them more isolated, behave in more risky ways and they are further pushed out and pushed into dangerous situations where negative outcomes are more likely," Willingham-Jaggers says.

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation found that LGBTQ youth, particularly Black and Latino LGBTQ youth, rarely receive sex education at school that is relevant to them.

This pattern reveals itself through statistics: Of the 36,801 people diagnosed with HIV in 2019 in the U.S., 25,842 were Black or Latino, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention . That's over 70%. 

"It isn't an accident that HIV is still so prevalent where it's prevalent," says   Justin A. Sitron , associate dean of the College of Health and Human Services at Widener University. "It's because the public health system has not responded to both the access needs, and the cultural realities that men of color especially face." Widener University's Interdisciplinary Sexuality Research Collaborative is behind the website swagtoolkit.com , aimed at providing sex education to Black gay and bisexual men.

Such websites prove crucial, considering how often people pepper their search engines with questions – particularly about taboo topics, Sitron says. 

"Without LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education, queer and trans youth are left in the dark when it comes to making informed decisions about their health, understanding their body, understanding how their body relates to other bodies out in the world," Willingham-Jaggers says. "When sex education labels some topics as controversial, it hurts all students by failing to provide a full and medically accurate understanding of sexual health."

LGBTQ young people get stuck at questions like, "'So I know I'm supposed to wear a condom when I have anal sex. But, like, what is anal sex?' " Sitron says. 

In case you missed: LGBTQ students need inclusive sex ed – but less than 10% in US are receiving it, report says

LGBTQ advocates change landscape of sex education

LGBTQ advocates are battling preconceived notions of sex education.

Scout Bratt, outreach and education director at Chicago Women's Health Center, directs a program of sexual health education for Chicago public schools and area universities; they work with fourth through 12th graders as well as college students. Yes, inclusivity begins as young as fourth grade: Instead of saying girls menstruate or boys produce sperm, for example, you can say people who menstruate and people who produce sperm to incorporate trans and nonbinary people.

"We are trying to infuse queer inclusivity and gender expansiveness in the curriculum across all grade levels across all subjects," Bratt says.

Sexual health educator  Shafia Zaloom  consults around the country with schools about sexuality, and notes that curriculums vary among different types of schools – i.e., public schools don't have the same standards as independent schools.

After receiving feedback from LGBTQ youth, Zaloom worked to create a program that went in-depth on LGBTQ issues led by queer staff.

"When we provide kids with really inclusive, comprehensive sex education, they grow up to have more bodily autonomy, more healthy perspectives on their sexuality, they tend to delay and make more responsible decisions and be far more relational and communicative in their relationships," Zaloom says.

Aww: ‘Sesame Street’ to ‘Ridley Jones’: TV shows are teaching kids about LGBTQ issues, diversity

Where to turn if your school isn't teaching LGBTQ-inclusive sex education

• Get involved in advocacy work . "The states that have passed comprehensive LGBTQ inclusive sexual health education laws did not happen because one person raised their hand and said, 'We should have that.' It took time, it took advocacy, it took education," Vincent Pompei, director of the Human Rights Campaign's Youth Well-Being Program. says. "What we need to do is provide opportunities for communities and parents and educators to understand why it's essential."
• Turn to your local community.  Health educators, doctors and other sexual education resources and community centers abound. Talk to them, Sitron advises.
• Look online for resources – but verify them. Planned Parenthood, Advocates for Youth and SIECUS are all solid resources, according to Sitron. Don't underestimate YouTube channels either. "When you live in a highly stigmatized area and you have no support, online might be the only community that you might be able to find," says Carmen Mojica, a reproductive justice movement leader. "And I don't think that there should be any shame in that." See also GLSEN and HRC .
• Adults, affirm your children.  Sitron recommends doing away with your helicopter parent mindset and becoming more of a partner to your child as they navigate their concerns.
• Children, talk to adults. Spend some alone time with your doctor without your parents if you have any specific questions, Sitron says. Bratt adds that young people are leading this movement – so adults, make time to listen. 

Above all, remember this: Sex should make you feel good – and feel good to talk about.

"It should be one of the things in our lives that makes us the most joyful," Sitron says. "And when queer people don't get to have that because their sex is problematized, we miss out on such an opportunity to be joyful and happy."

Hear, hear: We need to celebrate LGBTQ joy. Lives depend on it.

Home — Essay Samples — Education — Sex Education — Pros And Cons Of Sexual Education Being Taught In Schools

Pros and Cons of Sexual Education Being Taught in Schools

• Categories: Public School Sex Education

About this sample

Words: 655 |

Published: Dec 16, 2021

Words: 655 | Page: 1 | 4 min read

Works Cited

• Chin, H. B., Sipe, T. A., Elder, R., Mercer, S. L., Chattopadhyay, S. K., Jacob, V., ... & Community Preventive Services Task Force. (2012). The effectiveness of group-based comprehensive risk-reduction and abstinence education interventions to prevent or reduce the risk of adolescent pregnancy, human immunodeficiency virus, and sexually transmitted infections: Two systematic reviews for the Guide to Community Preventive Services. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 42(3), 272-294.
• Kohler, P. K., Manhart, L. E., & Lafferty, W. E. (2008). Abstinence-only and comprehensive sex education and the initiation of sexual activity and teen pregnancy. Journal of Adolescent Health, 42(4), 344-351.
• Lindberg, L. D., Maddow-Zimet, I., & Boonstra, H. (2016). Changes in adolescents’ receipt of sex education, 2006–2013. Journal of Adolescent Health, 58(6), 621-627.
• Morgan, M., Gibbs, S., Maxwell, K., & Britten, N. (2015). Hearing children’s voices? Including children’s perspectives on their experiences of living with parental alcohol problems in assessments and reviews. Child Abuse Review, 24(2), 92-104.
• Planned Parenthood Federation of America. (2021). Sex education: Get real. Retrieved from https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/for-educators/sex-education
• Santelli, J. S., Kaiser Family Foundation, & American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. (2017). Sex education in America: A view from inside the nation’s classrooms. Journal of Adolescent Health, 61(3), 297-304.
• Schalet, A. T. (2011). Not under my roof: Parents, teens, and the culture of sex. University of Chicago Press.
• SIECUS: Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. (2021). Comprehensive sexuality education. Retrieved from https://siecus.org/what-we-do/sexuality-education/
• UNESCO. (2018). International technical guidance on sexuality education: An evidence-informed approach. Retrieved from https://unesdoc.unesco.org/ark:/48223/pf0000263037
• World Health Organization. (2010). Developing sexual health programmes: A framework for action.

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Why Sex Education Should Be Taught in School? - Argumentative Essay

Introduction.

A sex education topic is one of the most sensitive subjects that teachers have to teach their students in school as they equip and inform them with the right information about the human body and sexuality. It is hard because teachers are expected to educate students about sex depending on their age (Iyer & Aggleton, 2013). Further, in the modern day where technology and the internet are easily accessible to young children, as well as exposure to sex scenes in movies and television, teachers are daunted with the responsibility of dealing with students that are aware of sexuality, even though some of the information might be wrong.

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Children also get information from their friends, and other unreliable sources, some of which is misleading (Stanger-Hall & Hall, 2011). The justifications for teaching sex education in the classroom is to equip students with the right information so that they can make better choices in their lives, both in the short-term and in the long-term. Teaching sex education demystifies the hearsay information that students have heard or assumed about how their bodies function, allowing them to know what is right or wrong for them.

Students should be taught about sex as it equips them with the necessary biological information. Sex education is comprehensive and diverse, and it incorporates the right biological terms, describing the reproductive system of both men and women (Iyer & Aggleton, 2013). Students are aware of what to expect of their bodies in the future, and the care they should give to their bodies so that they can lead a healthy and meaningful life. Teachers use practical lessons to explain the theoretical concepts about the human body. For instance, a teacher might demonstrate how to insert a condom on a dummy erect penis for teenagers.

Sex education is essential for learners since it gives them a chance to understand and explore the concept of gender (Stanger-Hall & Hall, 2011). Gender identities are an issue that young children need to know as it gives a person a sense of individualities, and is not limited to the normal heterosexuals. It informs learners of the rights they have over their sexualities as well as the power they have in relationships. For instance, some learners may feel trapped in the wrong body and may consider changing their gender, which is justifiable since every individual has a right over his or her sexuality.

Sex education is vital for learners since it gives them a chance to ask questions they would feel shy asking their parents. Iyer & Aggleton (2013) suggested that most children are uncomfortable discussing sex and changes taking place in the body with their parents, which forces young people to look for information from their peers. Some of the information they receive from their peers is wrong. In a classroom setting, teachers give the learners the chance to state what they know about sexuality, which then provides the tutors an opportunity to correct any wrong information (Stanger-Hall & Hall, 2011). Some institutions may involve parents in the sex education programs in school where children meet with their guardians and tutors and expand the topic of sexuality with ease.

In conclusion, teaching sex education in school is essential. Learners are given information about their bodies, giving them a chance to make the right choices. Therefore, if learners choose to engage in sex at an early age, they can make the right decisions like using protection. Sex education informs learners about the dangers of engaging in unprotected sex with multiple partners. Telling the learners about their sexuality empowers them to choose what they desire.

Iyer, P., & Aggleton, P. (2013). 'Sex education should be taught, fine... but we make sure they control themselves': teachers' beliefs and attitudes towards young people's sexual and reproductive health in a Ugandan secondary school. Sex Education, 13(1), 40-53.

Stanger-Hall, K. F., & Hall, D. W. (2011). Abstinence-only education and teen pregnancy rates: why we need comprehensive sex education in the US. PloS one, 6(10), e24658.

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By Alexandra Sifferlin

In spring 2014, parents in the normally progressive Bay Area city of Fremont, California, started a campaign to get a book removed from the 9 th grade curriculum for the five district high schools, arguing it was inappropriate for their 13 and 14-year olds. They hired a local lawyer and put together a petition with more than 2500 signatures.

Their target: Your Health Today, a sex-ed book published by McGraw Hill. It offers the traditional advice and awkward diagrams plus some considerably more modern tips: a how-to for asking partners if they’ve been tested for STDs, a debate on legalizing prostitution. And then there was this: “[One] kind of sex game is bondage and discipline, in which restriction of movement (e.g. using handcuffs or ropes) or sensory deprivation (using blindfolds or masks) is employed for sexual enjoyment. Most sex games are safe and harmless, but partners need to openly discuss and agree beforehand on what they are comfortable doing.”

“I was just astounded,” says Fremont mom Teri Topham. “My daughter is 13. She needs to know how boys feel. I frankly don’t want her debating with other 13-year-olds how well the adult film industry is practicing safe sex.” Another parent, Asfia Ahmed, who has eight and ninth grade boys, adds: “It assumes the audience is already drinking alcohol, already doing drugs, already have multiple sexual partners…Even if they are experimenting at this age, it says atypical sexual behaviors are normal. ”

The singer Rihanna, for example, has legions of young fans. Her music video for the song “S&M”—viewed more than 57 million times on YouTube so far—shows the artist, pig-tied and writhing, cooing “chains and whips excite me.” It then cuts to her using a whip on men and women with mouths covered in duct tape.

“I think denying that [sex] is part of our culture in 2014 is really not serving our kids well,” says Lara Calvert-York, president of the Fremont school board, who argues that kids are already seeing hyper-sexualized content—on after school TV. “So, let’s have a frank conversation about what these things are if that’s what the kids need to talk about,” she says. “And let’s do it in classroom setting, with highly qualified, credentialed teachers, who know how to have those conversations. Because a lot of parents don’t know how to have that conversation when they’re sitting next to their kids and it comes up in a TV show. Everyone is feeling a little awkward.”

But the Fremont parents aren’t budging. “Any good parent monitors what their child has access to,” says Topham. “We don’t say, ‘they’re going to drink anyway, let’s give them a car with bigger airbags.’” The parents note that the book was actually written for college students, and refers to college-related activities like bar crawls. (While acknowledging this, the book’s author Sara L. C. Mackenzie, believes it’s appropriate for high schoolers; her children read it at 13.)

The book has been shelved, at least for this year. But the problem isn’t going away. The Fremont showdown is a local skirmish in what has become a complicated and exhausting battle that schools and parents are facing across the nation. How, when, and what to tell kids about sex today? TIME reviewed the leading research on the subject as well as currently available resources to produce the information that follows, as well as specific guides to how and when to talk to kids on individual topics.

( Read more: How—and when—to talk your kids about which subjects. )

The average American young person spends over seven hours a day on media devices, often using multiple systems at once. Studies show that more than 75% of primetime TV programs contain sexual content, and the mention of sex on TV can occur up to eight to 10 times in a single hour. And that’s the soft stuff: A national sample study of 1,500 10 to 17-year-olds showed that about half of those that use the Internet had been exposed to online porn in the last year.

How do you learn appropriateness and consent in a culture where Beyoncé’s song about pleasuring a guy in a car is championed by some as feminist and others as lewd? Or where Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” can refer to violent sexual acts in a music video viewed on the web at least 36 million times? Or where, in a major news story, it becomes apparent that wholesome girls from teen adventure movies send naked photos . Or where primetime TV shows—the kind you often watch with your family—not infrequently make reference to anal sex?

And that’s just the media teenagers consume. There’s a whole different set of issues raised by the other ways they use tools of communication.

“I was sexting and sending pictures to a guy older than me because he told me he loved me and i believed him and he showed everyone my picture and i had everyone asking me for photos and making fun of me and calling me a slut.”

“me n my girlfriend have been datin a year an almost 2months, she has sent me naked pics of her and she asked me to send her some of me naked, but i dont want too and i dont want to lose her either.”

“My girlfriend will text me good morning, if i dont respond right away she will send a question mark with a question, then a few more question marks, then call me. If i don’t respond she gets realy upset and angry. is this abuse? what do i do?”

Young people now engage in relationships increasingly via technology, which means they’re able to connect in a variety of ways and at a speed and frequency not known to prior generations. They also appear to be more comfortable showing skin. A 2014 survey published in the journal Pediatrics among over 1,000 early middle school students found 20% reporting receiving sexually explicit cell phone text or picture messages (more colloquially known as “sexts”) and 5% reporting sending them.

While many parents think that explaining the consequences of sending out explicit images will get teens to stop, they may be missing the point. “There’s a pressure that people feel to send a sext as a digital currency of trust,” says Emily Weinstein a Harvard University doctoral student who collected the texts above from an online forum run by MTV, for a study on the digital stress of adolescence. “It’s a way to say to someone, here is a thing that could destroy me, I trust that you won’t use it.”

On paper, the United States is checking all the right boxes of managing teen sexual behavior. The national pregnancy rate is at a record low and it appears teens are waiting longer to have sex, and those that are sexually active are using birth control more than previous years. But these numbers only tell a tiny snippet of the story.

“Sex education in the U.S. has only gotten worse,” says Victor Strasburger, an adolescent medicine expert and distinguished professor of pediatrics at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine. “Most of the time they don’t talk about contraception, they don’t talk about risk of pregnancy, STIs [sexually transmitted infections]—certainly not abortion. At some point you would think adults would come to their senses and say hey we have to counteract this.”

( Read more: Sex Education, From ‘Social Hygiene’ to ‘The Porn Factor’ )

Strasburger says the U.S. shouldn’t base success on its teen pregnancy numbers: “Everyone else’s teen pregnancy rate has gone down too. Before we pat ourselves on the back, we should acknowledge that we still have the highest rate in the Western World.”

Not only does sex education still virtually not exist in some areas of the country, but school programs that do teach kids about what used to be called the facts of life start too late. A recent CDC study showed that among teens ages 15-17 who have had sex, nearly 80% did not receive any formal sex education before they lost their virginity. Or, if they did, it was only to discourage them from being sexually active. “Parents and legislators fail to understand that although they may favor abstinence-only sex education (despite the lack of any evidence of its effectiveness), the media are decidedly not abstinence only,” reads a 2010 American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement .

“I had sex with my older boyfriend at 16,” says Ashley Jones, 22, a young Georgia woman. “Suddenly my dad wanted to talk about the birds and the bees. I was like, what? It’s too late!” (The Kinsey institute puts the average age that kids have first have sex at 16.9 for boys and 17.4 for girls.)

Current sex education, where it does exist, often teaches the basic plumbing, but it’s not answering the questions young people really have when it comes to sexuality: What should I do when my girlfriend/boyfriend is pressuring me to have sex? What on earth was happening in that video I probably shouldn’t have clicked online? What do I do when my best friend tells me they’re gay—or I think I am?

School-wide sex education largely ignores gay men and women. “I think the Internet is one of the most commonly used sources for young LGBT folks to gain information,” says Adrian Nava, 19, who says his question about same sex relationships in his Colorado high school sex ed class that was shot down by the teacher. “In some ways it’s great because online forums tend to be supportive and positive. But there’s so much misinformation that reinforces negative feelings.”

( Read more: How to Talk to Your Gay Teen About Sex )

Sex ed courses tends to hyper-focus on the girls. “Girls are the ones who have babies,” says Victoria Jennings, director of the Institute for Reproductive Health at Georgetown University, whose research has shown there are globally more programs developed to help young girls navigate their sexuality than to help boys. Given the fact that recent CDC literature shows 43.9% of women have experienced some form of unwanted sexual violence that was not rape, and 23.4% of men have experienced the same, public health experts agree both sexes need education on appropriate behavior.

It doesn’t help that the two groups are getting quite different messages. “The way we talk to boys is antiquated and stereotypical,” says Rosalind Wiseman, educator and author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, about teen girls and Masterminds and Wingmen , on boys. “There’s an assumption that they’re insensitive, sex-crazed, hormone-crazed. It’s no surprise that so many boys disengage from so many conversations about sex ed.”

We teach girls how to protect themselves, adds Wiseman, and their rights to say yes and no to sexual behaviors. But we don’t teach boys the complexities of these situations or that they’re a part of the conversation. “We talk to them in sound bites: ‘no means no.’ Well, of course it does, but it’s really confusing when you’re a 15-year-old boy and you’re interacting with girls that are trying out their sexuality,” she adds. Data show that boys are less likely than girls to talk to their parents about birth control or “how to say no to sex,” and 46% of sexually experienced teen boys do not receive formal instruction about contraception before they first have sex compared to 33% of teen girls.

Yet completely reshaping the sex education landscape is currently almost impossible, not just because of disagreements like the one in Fremont, but because schools lack resources. There’s historically large funding for abstinence-only education, but supporters of comprehensive sex education—which deals with contraception, sexually transmitted diseases and relationships—face significant logistical and financial barriers.

Only 22 states and the District of Columbia require public schools teach sex education. Oklahoma and Alabama—two states with the highest teen pregnancy rates—don’t require any sex ed. And few states really take a critical look at sexuality in the way kids encounter it, through TV shows, movies, and yes, even pornography. It’s like taking a child to a waterpark without teaching them how to swim.

This leaves the ball in the parents’ court. A recent survey from Planned Parenthood shows that 80% of parents are willing to have “the talk” with their kids, but in order for these conversations to have real meaning, parents need to understand just how much sexual exposure their kids are getting daily and how soon. They also need to overcome the desire to lecture, and kids need to understand that the conversation is less about rules and more about guidance. All of this while having a conversation about what is usually a very private matter.

( See a gallery of vintage sex education books from the 19 th Century to now: Sex Education Through the Ages. )

Some experts believe that many of the obstacles can be overcome by approaching the adolescent in his or her own habitat: using the Internet or cell phones as learning tools.

Websites like Bedsider.org (developed by Brown’s group) offer easy to understand facts about contraception in an open-minded and legitimate way. As do other websites like StayTeen.org, GoAskAlice! and Sex, etc. On Scarleteen.com, educators answer questions from “How do I behave sexually without someone thinking I’m a slut?” to questions about pubic hair .

For reaching teenagers right where they gather, it’s hard to beat YouTube. Laci Green has made a name for herself by providing frank and funny videos that answer common questions young people have and dispel myths. Her approach is not for everyone; two of her more popular episodes are “ You Can’t POP Your Cherry! (Hymen 101) ” and “ Sex Object BS .”

Texting has also proved to be a surprisingly useful tool. Some health departments and community groups in states like California and North Carolina have established services where teens can text their sex-related questions to a number and receive a texted response in 24 hours, allowing for anonymity. Planned Parenthood offers a chat/text program where teens and young adults can either live text or chat with a Planned Parenthood staffer. Since the launch in May this year, there have been a total of 393,174 conversations.

Should parents really cede sex education to the digital realm? Given that an incredibly high number of young people go to the Internet for information on sex anyway, directing them to quality material that appeals to their age range may be the one of the better ways to circumvent poor education at school. Showing kids a reliable website can’t replace a good conversation, but it can complement one.

In Fremont, parents are supplementing their children’s sex education in different ways. “I don’t just rely on the school to teach sex ed to my children,” says Topham. “I told my kids about [sex] when they are in third grade, and open up the dialogue at that point. When we are watching movies together or discussing current events that may touch on this topic, we talk about it.”

Not all parents are prepared to go as far as Topham: Her five kids did not get a smartphone until they were 18 and they can’t have TVs or computers in their bedrooms. “You can be the best kid possible but we don’t want you to have porn in your pocket,” she says. To some her views may seem extreme, but when it comes to sex ed, Topham’s decided it’s better to take no chances. In the age of Innocence vs. the Internet, some parents won’t go down without a fight.

Sex Ed Books Through the Ages

More than 100 years of trying to teach kids the facts of life

How I Learned About Sex

How to talk to your gay teen about sex.

Advice from Dannielle Owens-Reid and Kristin Russo, co-authors of This Is a Book For Parents of Gay Kids

I never learned how to have safe sex. I am sure that I had a few health classes that talked about condoms and rattled off a lot of facts about scary diseases I might get if I did the wrong thing with the wrong person—but no one ever mentioned what to do if I wasn’t having sex with a boy. I didn’t know if I was supposed to protect myself and, if I was, I had never heard of any ways in which I could do so. My parents didn’t know that I was gay until after I was sexually active, and I don’t think they ever even considered talking to me about having safe “gay” sex. —Kristin

If your kid has recently come out to you as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer, there is a chance that you might feel a bit like a deer in headlights when it comes to approaching them with tips on safe sex. Between 1991 and 2010, the average age of coming out dropped dramatically from 25 to 16, which means many young people are already out by the time parents would start talking with them about sex.

Finding out how to talk to your LGBTQ kid about safe sex is much, much easier than you think. The more you know, the more open you can be with your child and the more open you can be about sex, the easier it becomes for your kid to talk to you about their questions and concerns. Here are the three main points to remember:

Be Open to Questions

The earlier you start talking to your kids, the easier things will be for you later in the game, according to globally recognized sex expert Dr. Justine Shuey. “The most important thing you can accomplish is to become an askable parent,” she says. This does not mean you have to have all of the answers, or that you need to be comfortable talking to your child about everything (or telling them what you do sexually) — just that you are approachable. If you don’t know an answer, research it together, or look for reliable and factually accurate sources with your child.

“When I teach educators, I teach them to first say ‘Good question,’ ” Shuey explains. “That is your moment to think about your answer before you laugh or blurt out something silly or negative.”

Educate Yourself

Before you start looking for resources to answer your questions, it’s helpful to address the many misconceptions surrounding the LGBTQ community. First, your child isn’t going to have any more sex than their classmates — our identities do not shape our personalities or our interest in sex. Second, they face the same risks; fluids are fluids are fluids, and sexually transmitted infections can happen to any sexually active human being on this planet.

Lastly, there’s no such thing as “gay” sex acts—there are sexual acts that are shared between people of all genders, and the way we keep ourselves safe is always the same. Inform yourself about ways to be safe when engaging in oral sex, anal sex and sex with toys. Newsflash: these are sexual acts that any person may engage in, so even if your kid doesn’t identify as LGBT, they still need to be informed.

Learn What Works for Your Kid

We all have our own relationships to sex, and we also all have our own relationships to our children. You know your kid, and you also know yourself, so don’t feel as though there’s only one way to exchange this important information. The “sex talk” doesn’t—and most likely shouldn’t—have to be one long conversation held at the dinner table. It can be something that evolves over time, perhaps in a letter or over the course of several smaller discussions. Prepare yourself with information, and communicate in the way that you think will bring the highest level of comfort to both you and your child.

Sometimes that means having a talk without actually talking. Oluremi, an out 18-year-old whom we spoke to while researching our book, said her mother took a different route than most when approaching safe sex.

“Luckily, my mom understood that I wasn’t really one for talking, but knew I would read anything put in front of me,” she said. Oluremi’s mom communicated most of her thoughts on safe sex with her daughter through e-mail, which she knew would make the exchange of information easier.

Just like Oluremi’s mom, you can send your kid an email if that’s easier. Or hand them a copy of This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids with the safe sex chapter bookmarked (shameless plug alert!). Or talk to them about your feelings on sex as much as you are both comfortable and then tell them to check out some of the websites listed in the main story. You can even make them read this article. The point is, you have options in how you approach this topic with your kid.

When all is said and done, familiarizing yourself with the resources available and making them available to your kid is the critical piece of this sex-talk puzzle. Be prepared in case your kid does feel comfortable enough to ask you questions, even if that means just knowing where to point them when you don’t have the answers. Many teens say that they listen to their parents more than anyone else when it comes to practicing safe sex. What you say matters, and what you don’t say can matter even more.

Resources and Guidelines

How to talk to your kids about sex, intimacy and other awkward subjects. Plus reliable, relatable sites to send them for more information.

What kids should know at what age: As a parent, it can be tricky to know when to have The Talk, and how much you should bring up to your kids at what time. The National Sexuality Education Standards suggests that by the end of second grade , kids should know the proper names for male and female body parts and know that all people have the right to tell others not to touch their body when they don’t want to be touched. By the end of fifth grade , they should be able to define the process of human reproduction, and be able to describe puberty and how friends, family, media, society and culture can influence ideas about body image. By the end of eighth grade , kids should be able to explain the health benefits, risks and effectiveness rates of various methods or contraception, including abstinence and condoms and should know how alcohol and drugs can influence sexual decisions. By the end of 12th grade , students should know how to communicate decisions about whether and when to engage in sexual behaviors and understand why using tricks, threats or coercion in a relationship is wrong. (For more detailed information, click on the NSES link above.)

Other useful and reliable websites:

For Parents

Common Sense Media When it comes to advice and resources for healthy media and technology consumption, Common Sense Media is a one-stop shop. Parents can use the organization’s media reviews tool to look up movies, apps, TV shows, books and games and view a content breakdown of specific elements like violence, language, substance abuse, role models and sex. There are also resources to answer parental concerns related to themes like cyberbullying and social media use. For instance: “How can I help my kid avoid digital drama.”

Answer Answer is a national organization established by the New Jersey Network for Family Life Education to offer sex ed resources to parents, teens, and advocacy groups. It publishes Sex, Etc. magazine and has a website for teens, written by teens. Especially helpful is Answer’s curated book list, organized by age appropriateness.

Planned Parenthood Federation of America Planned Parenthood wants parents be the go-to resources for their kids and teens. The site offers advice for how to talk to young people about sex and sexuality, how to parent teens who may be sexually active, and even how to answer questions from LGBT children and teens. Planned Parenthood also offers book lists for both parents and children.

The Guttmacher Institute For parents who are curious about trends, and want the latest data on issues like contraceptives, puberty and sexual initiation, the Guttmacher Institute offers a scholarly approach on research, education, and police. It publishes two peer-reviewed journals and collects data on topics like adolescents, contraceptives, abortion and STIs.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy The National Campaign’s goal is to prevent teen and unplanned pregnancy, especially among single, young adults. The site offers resources to parents and runs several spin off websites like StayTeen.org and Bedsider.org that target young people at different ages and stages in their sexuality.

The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) SIECUS educates and advocates for better sex ed in the United States. Along with other groups that advocate comprehensive sex ed, it developed “The Future of Sex Education,” an initiative to spur discussion about the future of sex education and to encourage implementing comprehensive sexuality education in public schools.

Sexual Health at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) For the most frank and up to date information about sexual health, check out the CDC’s resources on all topics from sexual violence prevention to healthy pregnancies.

KidsHealth Developed by the Nemours Foundation, a non-profit organization focused on children’s health, the site provides health resources for parents, kids and teens. The kids’ site has information about topics like puberty as well as explainers on how all parts of the body work, from the brain to the kidney.

It’s My Life Run by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, It’s My Life provides kid-friendly information on everything from dating to puberty to eating disorders and money. The site also offers games that help kids navigate issues like gossiping and cheating on school work.

Bedsider Bedsider is an online birth control support network for women 18-29. The site talks to teens like a best friend, and prides itself on being unbiased: It’s not funded by pharmaceutical companies or the government.

Answer (see above) Answer’s Sex, Etc. magazine and website offer teens advice about gender and talking to parents about sex, plus forums where Answer’s experts answer questions.

Stay Teen The goal of Stay Teen, a site sponsored by the nonprofit organization National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, is to encourage young people to enjoy their teen years and avoid the responsibilities that come with a too-early pregnancy. It provides resources and advice for how to say no to situations young people are not ready for.

Planned Parenthood Planned Parenthood has easy to use chat and text sex education programs that allow young people to chat in realtime with a Planned Parenthood staffer about everything from STD to morning-after pill question. The organization also has an Awkward or Not app that takes young people through an online quiz that gives them the chance to send their parents a text to start a conversation about dating and sex.

Go Ask Alice! Go Ask Alice! is the health question and answer site produced by Alice! Health Promotion at Columbia University. Users can get answers to their questions from how to use a condom properly to urinary problems.

I Wanna Know Run by the American Sexual Health Association (ASHA), I Wanna Know offers sexual health information for teens and young adults. There’s in-depth information on topics like STDs, relationships and myths. Common Sense says I Wanna Know is appropriate for ages 13 and up.

Laci Green Laci Green is a sexual health educator who creates fun and flashy videos to answer sex-related questions people are often too embarrassed to ask. Green has over one million subscribers to her YouTube channel. Her content is fun, but some parents may find it too explicit.

Scarleteen Scarleteen is an edgy site that provides sexuality education through popular message boards and fact sheets. Data has shown young people spend almost twice as long on the site as THE AVERAGE user DOES on Facebook. It’s also more explicit than OTHER sexual health sites, but answers questions submitted by teenagers themselves. All message boards are moderated by Scarleteen staff and volunteers.

Center for Young Women’s Health Young women looking for easy-to-access accurate and extensive information about all sexual and gynecological health topics can find it at the Center for Young Women’s Health. The center is developed as a partnership between the Division of Adolescent & Young Adult Medicine, the Division of Gynecology, and the Center for Congenital Anomalies of the Reproductive Tract at Boston Children’s Hospital.

Young Men’s Health Youngmenshealthsite.org (YMH) is produced by the Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine at Boston Children’s Hospital. The site provides well-researched health information to teen boys and young men. There’s sexual health information as well as explainers on other health issues from celiac disease to Ebola.

Advocates for Youth Advocated for Youth is an organization meant to help young people make informed and responsible decisions about their reproductive and sexual health. The organization also offers support to young people who want to bring better sex education to their schools.

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