problem solving in the family

All families deal with relationship difficulties, small or large, at various times throughout the family experience. Family problems come in all shapes and sizes, impacting family dynamics and shaping family relationships. The ways that family members cope with and solve issues provide a framework for family dynamics and set the tone for family life. 

How to Solve Family Problems

• Create an Environment of Sharing
• Acknowledge the Problem
• Get to the Deeper Issue
• Focus on the Relationship – Let Go of Anger and Pride
• Get Professional Help

Remember to Take Care of Yourself

Creating a family culture of openness and security, and taking the steps to resolve family issues, can improve relationships and maintain positive family dynamics. 

Common Family Problems

Families face a variety of problems, both large and small. Family conflict and relationship problems can include arguments, miscommunication, and misunderstanding. They also can involve deeper issues such as substance abuse, financial instability, mental illness, grief, health problems, and divorce. Sometimes, these issues exist between only two family members, and other times they spread throughout the entire family, creating extended family issues . Some issues, like grief after the loss of a loved one, appear plainly on the surface, while others can be more subtle. Perhaps your child refuses to communicate with you, or your wife doesn’t seem to be a happily married woman .

Family issues often have underlying causes which are not always apparent.. And yet the impact of these root causes can spread throughout the family, creates conflict or emotional strain in several family relationships. Such conflict is especially impactful on a child’s life, creating emotional difficulties that are often carried from their childhood and adolescence into their adult lives and future family relationships.

Create an Environment of Sharing 

Families are built on relationships, and relationships are strengthened through healthy communication. An environment of sharing creates the foundation for healthy communication. Family members need to feel safe to share their feelings and discuss their issues and emotions. As a family oriented parent , that means allowing your child to share their point of view without fear of judgment or punishment. Sometimes, a child just needs to feel certain that what they say will be taken seriously. A child who feels safe can talk about difficult or emotional subjects, such as mental health, self-identity, anxiety, or substance abuse. Children who feel safe and respected are much more likely to open up to a parent when struggling with a situation or trying to make a difficult decision. This is also true for other family relationships—not just between parent and child, but between siblings and within the marriage.

Ways to achieve an environment of sharing include:

• Listen. Really listen to the other person before providing advice or counsel. Sometimes, it is better to first ask if advice is welcome. If the answer is no, let it go and follow up later.
• Be willing to share your own feelings. Sometimes things seem obvious to us, but they may not be obvious to your child, spouse, or sibling. Sharing your own feelings without placing blame can bring up new points of view.
• Speak for yourself and avoid blame. When sharing your perspective, present it as just that - your perspective and not the facts. 
• Recognize others’ experiences as valid. Telling others how they feel or should feel creates barriers and discourages sharing.
• Be human. Admitting you are wrong, or that you made a mistake, can help others feel more comfortable to admit their own mistakes.
• Model the behavior you want to see. We are all influenced by the people who surround us. Modeling healthy ways to express thoughts and emotions encourages others to do the same.
• Do things together. Families that spend time together engaged in positive activities achieve a sense of closeness that encourages open communication and sharing. Explore shared interests, sports, or service ideas for families . Activities that involve serving others and getting outside are especially fulfilling and often instigate future conversations and closer relationships.

Sharing openly among family members sets the stage for solving family problems and preventing future issues from arising.

Acknowledge the Family Problem 

Sometimes family problems stem from  something simple like a lack of closeness. Other times the problems involve something much more serious, like abuse. Acknowledging that a problem exists is the first step in doing something to fix the situation. Ignoring issues and pretending everything is fine are common unhealthy coping mechanisms for family members experiencing relationship conflict or emotionally difficult situations. 

Lack of acknowledgment can exacerbate issues, fuel negative situations, and culminate in negative or damaging behavior, such as lashing out in anger, aggressive argument, substance abuse, or family violence. Acknowledging a problem as early as possible allows positive action to be taken toward fixing the situation, and may prevent unhealthy coping mechanisms that lead to negative situations.

Sometimes we avoid discussing problems because our past efforts to do so only seemed to make things worse. As a result, we believe that avoiding is better than continuing to fight. In truth, avoiding instead of fighting just leads to other side effects in families. Feeling stuck is often a sign that involving a third party is needed, such as a good marriage and family therapist.

Get to the Deeper Family Issue

After acknowledging that a problem exists, steps can be taken to identify the source of the problem and improve the situation. Most family problems are merely symptoms on the surface of a deeper-rooted cause. Knowing the cause paves the way for greater empathy among family members and illuminates situations that require change. Here are some examples of family problems and their deeper issues:

Conflict between siblings – The majority of families will experience some sibling conflict between children at various times. But if that conflict extends beyond the occasional bickering to consistent emotional arguing or angry or hurtful behavior, then a deeper issue is likely the cause. That deeper issue could involve jealousy or feelings of inadequacy, where one child feels overshadowed by the other. One child could be putting pressure on the other to keep a secret from their parents (such as breaking a rule or lying). The cause could also be external, affecting one child who in turn uses their sibling as a dump truck for unloading their stress, frustration, or anger. 

Alcohol abuse or other substance abuse – Family members who abuse alcohol or other substances are often using the activity as an escape mechanism. They could be escaping from a difficult emotional situation, such as grief over the loss of a loved one, financial instability, marriage conflict, or divorce. Or, they could be escaping from physical pain from illness or other health problems. Professional help from a therapist or support group can help to break down the deeper issues that lead people to substance abuse and start them on the road to recovery.

Stress and anxiety in children – These are common effects of a variety of deeper issues. Often, anxiety is triggered by an event or a difficult situation. The stress that stems from it leads to further anxiety, creating a cyclical pattern. The root of the anxiety could be a social issue at school or concern for a friend. It could relate to feeling overwhelmed in school or struggling with an undiagnosed learning disorder. Children often perceive more than they let on and could be reacting to a passing comment from a parent, such as “Our budget is tight this month.” Talking with your child and maintaining trust through open communication encourages children to reveal the source of their anxiety.

Sometimes, identifying the deeper issue and bringing it out in the open is all it takes to resolve a problem. Other times, merely identifying the root cause is just the beginning of the long road to resolution. This important and necessary step will help to develop a plan for resolving issues and encourage understanding within family relationships.

Focus on the Family Relationship – Let Go of Anger and Pride 

Anger and pride are the enemies of healthy family relationships. They feed negative emotions, hamper empathy and understanding, and thwart positive and open communication. Holding on to these feelings blocks the path to conflict resolution. Anger and pride are divisive to family relationships and damaging to individual mental health. They are fuel for the cyclical patterns of stress, anxiety, and depression. Despite knowing this, however, letting go of such emotions can be difficult – and sometimes painful. The fear of pain, vulnerability, or failure are often what keeps a person from improving their family relationships and focusing on the importance of family .

One of the best ways to move beyond that fear is to focus on the relationship. Prioritize the goal—a healthier, happier relationship—over the fear of being hurt or the fear of failure. When family problems exist, a person has usually been hurt already, which makes the fear of being hurt again even greater. But while that risk of further hurt is real, the potential for healing and resolution is also real. Focusing on that potential, and letting go of those negative emotions, opens the door to healthier communication, relationship healing, and better mental health.

Get Professional Family Help

Getting professional help is one of the best ways to handle family problems. Some situations, such as those involving abuse, dangerous behavior, or domestic violence, require immediate professional help and formal family assessment . In other situations, such as ongoing disagreements over a certain topic or lack of closeness within a marriage, brief therapy help can provide the catalyst you need to get unstuck and achieve the fulfilling relationship that you each desire.

Many people hold back from seeking professional help because of fears or misunderstandings. Here are some facts about therapy that help to debunk some of these common myths and misconceptions:

Therapy is for everyone - A common misconception about therapy is that it is reserved for people with mental illness, individuals with an emotional disorder, or people who are too weak to handle their own problems. This could not be further from the truth. As humans, we need other humans to work through issues with us. Therapy provides a safe, confidential environment to do just that. 

Professional help is available for all types of issues, whether large or small, and in a variety of formats. Family therapy, marriage counseling, support groups, and individual sessions with a therapist are just a few examples. There is also a variety of specialties, including psychology, psychiatry, religious counseling, and much more. At the end of the day, therapy is merely a safe space to work through your family problems with the support of a trained professional.

Therapy is worth your time - Another common misconception is that therapy is a waste of time or money. You could talk to anyone, so why talk to a therapist? Therapists have special expertise gained through extensive professional training. They will not only help you talk about your family issues but will help you to develop strategies for resolving difficult situations. A family therapist can also discuss various types of issues you may be dealing with, and different options for resolution or treatment, such as new scientific approaches to treating a specific issues.

Therapy is safe - One myth about therapy is that there are risks. The risk of being judged (by the therapist or by friends and family) or the risk of being medicated. On the contrary, therapy provides a safe and confidential space to explore all options for healing. Often, professional counseling is all that is needed or desired for family conflict resolution.

Professional help can provide growth and healing for a parent, child, or an entire family, improving family dynamics and emotional health. It can provide mediation and conflict resolution within a marriage, between siblings, or any type of family relationship. Think about the type of support (such as family therapy, religious counseling, or psychiatry) that feels right for your family and seek it out.

It is true that the quality of the professional you work with can make a big difference in the outcome of your therapy. For this reason, it’s often best to seek a referral from a trusted friend or family member. If that feels uncomfortable, consider asking for a referral from your family doctor. If you’ve had a negative experience in the past, consider giving it another try, this time with a trusted referral.

Taking care of yourself and maintaining your mental health is essential when attempting to solve family issues. Maintaining positive, healthy family dynamics starts with a healthy self. Being in a healthy mental space allows you to let go of negative emotions. This, in turn, paves the way for safe and open communication between family members and helps the entire family focus on relationships. 

Not only does this place you in the right frame of mind to address family conflict, but it models a healthy example for your children to do the same. It is integral to maintaining a strong family structure that provides a sense of stability and security for children. For a parent, maintaining your mental health can provide you with the strength and perspective needed to maintain the necessary qualities of a good father and mother, such as understanding and empathy.

Taking care of yourself is often easier said than done, especially while feelings of stress, anxiety, or emotional dissatisfaction prevail. Finding a healthy outlet to decompress and let go of stress and other negative emotions can help to maintain a healthy state of mind. Choose a regular time in your schedule just for maintaining you. This could include a daily exercise routine, a therapeutic hobby (such as gardening or journaling), or a weekly therapy session. Taking care of yourself leaves you open to model healthy behavior for your children and to focus on family relationships.

Impact of Family Problems

When not addressed, family problems can have serious impacts on individual family members. Issues such as increased levels of stress and anxiety, emotional difficulties and disorders (such as depression), substance abuse, and addiction, are all likely to surface. Sometimes, these impacts carry on throughout a child’s life. Family problems can especially impact children, who are often capable of perceiving much more than one might think. Children may also perceive a problem, but not be able to fully understand it. Such misunderstandings can lead to greater issues, further affecting family dynamics and individual emotions. Where family issues exist, acknowledge the problem, and take the steps to resolution.

Solving Family Problems

Families experience a wide range of issues, some small and some large. These issues typically involve strain or conflict within family relationships. They can have lasting impacts on individual family members, especially children. Taking steps to address family issues, and seeking resolution among family relationships can ease emotions, promote mental health, and maintain a positive family culture. A family culture quiz by Kinmundo is an easy way for families to evaluate and improve the culture within their family.  

A positive family culture requires a structure built on family values that maintains a safe environment for sharing. Open communication in an environment safe from fears of judgment provides a model of stability and security for family members to acknowledge and address important issues with understanding and empathy. Creating such a culture is paramount to solving family issues when they arise.

A family that feels open and safe to share emotions, acknowledge issues, and seek help when needed can maintain positive relationships and mental health. When family members are prepared to resolve family conflict, they can reduce the lasting impacts of difficult situations and fix relationships that may seem broken.

5 Ways to Become a More Family Oriented…

• Contributors
• Advertise With Us
• Privacy Policy
• Unsubscribe From Notifications
• Terms of Service
• Do Not Sell My Data
• Radiant Digital

Family Problems: Unpacking the Dynamics and Finding Solutions

Family problems are something all of us grapple with, whether we’d like to admit it or not. Nobody’s family is perfect and every family faces its own unique set of challenges and hurdles. I’ve learned over time that the key isn’t about completely avoiding these issues, but rather finding effective ways to navigate through them.

Having spent years studying family dynamics, I’ve come to understand that these problems can range from simple disagreements to deep-rooted conflicts extending back generations. It’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean your family is ‘broken’ or ‘dysfunctional’. On the contrary, confronting and working through these issues can often lead to stronger bonds and deeper understanding among family members.

In this article, I’ll delve deeper into some common types of family problems many of us face and offer practical advice on how you can manage them effectively. Remember, it’s not about having a problem-free life, but learning how to deal with those problems when they do arise.

Understanding Family Problems: An Overview

Family problems. We’ve all had them, and let’s be real, they’re never fun. But it’s important to understand that these issues aren’t unique to any one household. In fact, they’re a universal experience.

To put things into perspective, family problems may arise from a multitude of factors. These range from financial difficulties to personal disagreements, health issues or even differing ideologies. It’s like a tricky puzzle that needs careful solving – each family has its own set of pieces with different shapes and sizes.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), some of the most common family issues include:

• Communication breakdown
• Parental discipline styles
• Substance abuse
• Divorce or separation
• Behavioral problems in children

Here’s an interesting piece of data from APA:

Quite a sobering table, isn’t it? But remember this – understanding is always the first step towards resolution. Afterall, you can’t solve what you don’t understand.

The good news is there are numerous resources available today for families facing such hurdles – professional counseling services, self-help books and online communities are just some examples.

So buckle up! As we delve deeper into this topic over the next few sections, I’m confident we’ll uncover ways to navigate these familial challenges together.

Common Types of Family Problems

Family problems. It’s a phrase we’ve all heard, but what does it actually mean? Well, let’s take a closer dive into the complexities that make up this term.

One common type of family problem is communication breakdown. Often times, members within a family struggle to effectively express their thoughts and feelings to each other. This can result in misunderstandings, conflicts and hurt feelings. A lack of open, honest communication can create tension and lead to further issues down the line.

Next on the list is financial stress. Many families grapple with money-related issues on a regular basis which can lead to significant strain on relationships within the family unit. Financial problems may include job loss, debt accumulation or disagreements about how funds should be managed or spent.

Substance abuse also falls under the umbrella of family problems. When one member suffers from addiction, it inevitably impacts everyone else in the family too – leading to emotional turmoil and instability at home.

Another prevalent type of issue is mental health disorders such as depression or anxiety among family members which often go unnoticed or untreated for long periods of time causing disruption in normal functioning and harmony at home.

Finally there’s divorce or separation – one of the most difficult types of familial disruptions both emotionally and logistically for everyone involved especially children who are caught in between parents’ disputes.

To summarize:

• Communication Breakdown
• Financial Stress
• Substance Abuse
• Mental Health Disorders
• Divorce or Separation

These are just few examples drawn from a vast array of potential challenges families face today. And remember, no two families are alike so what constitutes as ‘problems ‘ will vary greatly depending on individual circumstances and dynamics within each unique household.

Effects of Family Problems on Individual Members

Family problems can take a heavy toll on each member, affecting their psychological well-being, physical health and social interactions. Let’s dive deeper into these effects.

Firstly, on the emotional front, family issues often lead to stress and anxiety. It’s not uncommon for individuals to feel overwhelmed, resulting in sleep problems or mood swings. For children especially, this constant state of tension may lead to behavioral issues at school or home.

The impact isn’t just emotional – it’s physical too. Research has shown that ongoing family strife can manifest as health issues like headaches, high blood pressure or digestive problems. One study found that adults from broken homes were 44% more likely to suffer from a stroke compared with those from stable families.

Socially speaking, these internal struggles can seep into one’s external relationships as well. They may create barriers when forming new relationships or strain existing ones with friends or partners.

Let me share some statistics:

We need to bear in mind though that these figures represent averages and there will always be individual deviations based on personal resilience and available support structures.

In conclusion (without actually saying “in conclusion”), I’ll note how vital it is for families facing difficulties to seek professional help if necessary – therapists and counselors can provide valuable guidance toward resolution and healing.

How to Identify and Address Family Conflicts

Family conflicts can often bubble up without us even realizing it. It’s crucial to be aware of these issues, as addressing them promptly can help maintain a harmonious family environment.

One common indicator of family conflict is consistent disagreement. If you find your family gatherings marred by constant bickering or discord over trivial matters, it’s likely there’s some deeper issue at play. It could be resentment brewing under the surface or unresolved past conflicts making their presence felt.

Another sign could be withdrawal from family activities. When someone in the household begins avoiding spending time with others, it may signal an underlying problem. Whether they’re feeling left out, unheard, or emotionally overwhelmed – such behavior could point towards a potential family conflict.

Now that we’ve identified these signs let’s talk about addressing them:

• Open Communication: Encourage everyone in the house to express their feelings and concerns openly. Make sure they know that it’s okay to disagree sometimes.
• Active Listening: Ensure all parties involved feel heard and understood during discussions about conflicts.
• Seek External Help: If the situation seems too overwhelming for you to handle alone, considering seeking professional guidance from therapists or counselors who specialize in resolving family issues.

Remember, ignoring problems won’t make them disappear magically; instead, it exacerbates them over time. By recognizing and confronting these issues head-on, we have a better chance of fostering peace within our households and strengthening familial bonds.

Strategies for Resolving Family Issues

Family issues, we’ve all got ’em. They’re as common as the cold and can be just as tricky to shake off. But don’t despair! With the right strategies in place, you might find these problems easier to tackle than you’d think.

First off, let’s talk about communication. It’s often at the root of many family conflicts. We’re not mind readers after all, so how else can we understand each other? Regular family meetings can serve as a great platform for everyone to voice their concerns and frustrations in a controlled environment. Remember though, it’s crucial that everyone gets a chance to speak and is treated with respect during these discussions.

Secondly, try practicing empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a change. Seeing things from another perspective can lead to some surprising revelations and help defuse tense situations.

Thirdly, consider seeking professional help if needed. There should be no shame or stigma attached to this option. Therapists are trained professionals who can provide valuable insights and advice on handling family disputes.

Lastly but by no means least: patience! Change doesn’t happen overnight and old habits die hard – so give it time !

So there you have it – my top tips for resolving family issues:

• Regular Communication
• Professional Help

Remember these aren’t definitive solutions but rather strategies that could potentially alleviate some of those pesky familial tensions.

Professional Help for Serious Family Problems

Let’s face it, we all have our fair share of family problems. Sometimes they’re small, other times they can be quite serious. But when those problems start to become overwhelming, it’s often best to seek professional help. Psychiatrists, therapists and social workers are trained to handle a wide range of family issues – from marital conflicts to behavioral issues in children.

Family therapy is one such resource that families can tap into. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), nearly 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health after pursuing therapy. This form of intervention allows every member of the family to voice their thoughts and feelings in a safe environment.

But therapy isn’t the only avenue available for families facing troubles. Support groups also offer a valuable lifeline for individuals grappling with similar issues. These communities provide much-needed comfort, practical advice and reassurance that you’re not alone in your struggles.

For more severe cases where there’s risk involved – such as domestic violence or child abuse – immediate action is crucial. Organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline or Child Protective Services are equipped to intervene promptly and ensure safety.

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline : Provides round-the-clock support through phone calls or online chats.
• Child Protective Services (CPS) : An agency dedicated towards ensuring child welfare.

Ultimately, remember this: It’s okay to ask for help when things get tough at home. There are plenty of professionals out there ready and willing to lend a hand. Seeking assistance isn’t a sign of weakness; instead, it shows courage – acknowledging there’s an issue is already half the battle won!

Case Studies: Families Overcoming Difficulties

Let’s dive into some real-life examples of families who’ve faced serious difficulties, and most importantly, how they managed to overcome them. It’s crucial to remember that each family is unique, with their own set of challenges and coping mechanisms.

Meet the Andersons. They’re a middle-aged couple with two kids in high school. Life was sailing smooth until Mr. Anderson lost his job unexpectedly. This sudden loss of income shook their stability and led to significant financial stress within the family unit. But, they didn’t let this setback define them. Instead, they took it as an opportunity for change – Mrs. Anderson returned to work part-time while Mr. Anderson started his own small business.

Next up are the Garcias – a large extended family living under one roof consisting of grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren alike! Their challenge? Communication gaps and generational clashes were tearing at their familial bonds almost daily due to diverse age groups within one household. Their solution? Regular ‘family meetings’ where everyone had an open platform to voice their concerns or issues without judgement or interruption.

Last but not least are the Smiths – a single mother with three young children struggling with time management between work responsibilities and childcare duties after her recent divorce. Her solution? She sought out professional counseling services that helped her develop effective strategies for balancing work-life responsibilities along with nurturing emotional health during this challenging transition period.

These examples serve to remind us that problems within the family unit can be varied and complex, but they’re certainly not insurmountable. It’s all about identifying the issues, being open to seeking help, and most importantly – believing in one’s ability to overcome.

Conclusion: Turning Challenges into Opportunities

The road may be rocky, but let’s not forget that family problems can serve as catalysts for growth and change. I’ve seen it happen time and again. Families, riddled with issues, find a way to turn these challenges into opportunities.

When dealing with family problems, it’s important to remember that every challenge is an opportunity in disguise. For instance:

• A strained relationship can strengthen bonds over time. It might push us out of our comfort zones and force us to communicate more effectively.
• Financial difficulties could lead us to discover new ways of budgeting or even inspire a career shift.
• Disagreements on how to raise children might make us re-evaluate our own values and beliefs.

It’s important not just to focus on the negative aspects of these situations. Instead, see them as chances for personal growth and improved relationships within the family.

Overcoming family problems requires patience, understanding, and resilience. These are traits that we can cultivate during tough times. Once honed, they become invaluable tools in navigating life’s ups and downs.

Remember this: families aren’t perfect because perfection doesn’t exist in any human endeavor. We’re all works-in-progress learning from our experiences – both good and bad! So let’s take those challenges head-on.

• View each challenge as an opportunity for growth.
• Cultivate patience, understanding, and resilience during difficult times.
• Remember that no family is perfect; we’re all learning together!

By adopting this mindset toward any problem you encounter within your family unit you’ll start seeing them less as insurmountable obstacles but rather stepping stones towards better communication skills or stronger relationships between members.

In the end, it’s about changing how we perceive these issues – by turning challenges into opportunities for development – which could ultimately lead to harmonious familial relations down the line!

Related Posts

FamDyn: Uncovering 6 Family Types

Family Loving: Unleashing the Power of Deep Connections at Home

Advertisement

Common family issues & how to deal with them, from experts.

No family is perfect, but for people whose family life has never been outright "bad," it can be tricky to spot family issues as they arise. Family problems are much more than abuse or addiction, for example, and include a host of different things that affect every member of a family. Here's how to spot family issues and deal with them, according to experts.

What are family issues? 

Family problems or issues include any sort of dynamic, behavior, and/or pattern that disrupts the household or family at large. They can range from smaller, more common challenges like clashing personalities or divvying up household chores, to more intense issues like having a narcissistic parent , abuse, or intergenerational trauma, according to licensed psychotherapist  Babita Spinelli, L.P.

The main thing with any family issue is that it creates stress and tension within the family, which in turn negatively affects the members of that family, particularly if there are young children involved.

Types of family issues:

Clashing and/or toxic personalities.

Starting off basic, it's far from uncommon for a family to have clashing personalities. Perhaps siblings don't get along with one another, or one child doesn't get along with one or both parents, psychotherapist  Annette Nuñez, Ph.D., LMFT, tells mbg.

This can go a big step further when you're dealing with someone who displays narcissistic tendencies or other toxic traits , Spinelli adds, which introduces a bunch of other issues into the family unit, such as gaslighting or explosive fighting.

Poor communication

Nuñez and Spinelli both note that lack of open and healthy communication is at the root of many more general family problems. As Spinelli explains, if it's really difficult to actually speak to a family member, if there are trust issues , if they dismiss you, or issues get swept under the rug, those are all family issues surrounding communication.

Heavy pressure from parents

Perfectionism within a family can have extremely negative effects on children and their self-worth. As Nuñez notes, when parents shame or dictate how children should feel or be, it can take a toll on their ability to grow as individuals. "Parents do need to have some boundaries but not when it gets to the point where it's emotionally abusive," she explains.

Things like conditional love, or a deep sense of pressure to meet the expectations of your family, indicate some family issues, Spinelli adds. It could even lead to what's known as golden child syndrome .

Different parenting styles

One of the biggest hurdles of parenting as a couple is figuring out how to combine your parenting styles in an effective way. When you can't, it can cause some problems.

"It can cause a lot of tension when parents aren't on the same page with parenting," Nuñez tells mbg. And if you're dealing with extended family, Spinelli adds, having the input of in-laws when it comes to your parenting can also cause some problems.

So many families will deal with challenges surrounding finances, budgeting, and employment. Spinelli says money problems can include one parent making all the money and feeling burdened, not having enough basic funds for what you need, generational issues around poverty or gambling, and so much more. Money touches most areas of our life, and if there are issues here, the effects will be felt within any family.

Managing the household

It might seem juvenile, but chores really matter. If one person is carrying the weight of maintaining the household , that's a lot of responsibility and pressure. Nuñez notes it's important for household labor to be divided up in a fair and age-appropriate way, so one parent doesn't feel taken advantage of, and children begin learning how to take care of themselves.

Unchecked addiction or mental health issues

If a parent (or even a child) is dealing with mental health issues or addiction, that can cause a huge rift within a family unit. It's important for those things to not only be addressed but also talked about in an open and honest way.

As Nuñez explains, "If a parent feels like they're hiding mental illness or any type of substance abuse from a child, kids pick up on that. They pick up on those nonverbal cues of inconsistency, and children do need consistency to have a strong family foundation and feel secure."

Constant arguing

If you grew up thinking constant arguing was normal, according to Spinelli, it's very much not. "Some people don't realize that the constant bickering and arguing is actually an issue—they're just so used to it. They don't realize that when there's yelling or screaming and arguing, that actually creates stress and tension."

It's not uncommon, but yes, divorce certainly does disrupt a family unit and can cause problems when it's swept under the rug. "You'd be surprised how many people haven't processed divorce in the family," Spinelli says, adding, "It really does impact how you see relationships, and models fears around relationships, and often people don't even talk about it in the family."

While it can be hard to avoid, distance within a family can cause a lot of issues around expectations and boundaries, according to Spinelli. For example, as the holidays approach, there are often arguments around who's visiting whom, why someone has decided not to visit that year, and so on, she explains.

Codependency

" Codependency comes in all shapes and sizes," Spinelli tells mbg. While some instances of codependency are mild, the more enmeshment you find within a family, the more the individual members of that family will have a hard time distinguishing their own wants, needs, and desires, she says.

Scheduling conflicts

Nuñez notes that another common family issue is scheduling conflicts. If one or more family members has a busy schedule, it can be hard to connect together and make time for each other. This can look like one parent who works long hours and is rarely home during the day, or issues with scheduling as children get more involved with extracurriculars, she explains.

Intergenerational trauma

Last but not least, intergenerational trauma is a huge, often unaddressed family problem that stems back through generations. According to Spinelli, if past generations experienced things like extreme poverty, racial trauma, sudden death, addiction, mental health issues, and so much more, all of that can be passed down through generations.

"If something has happened in the previous generation, and that family member never dealt with it, that fight-or-flight and what they went through seeps into the other family members," Spinelli says.

How family issues affect us.

There are so many ways all of the aforementioned family issues can affect the members of that family, particularly children in their formative years of life. For example, "Children may start having behavioral issues, which then in return causes parents to get upset and the kids act out more," Nuñez explains. And that's just one more immediate example.

Our childhood experiences play out in adulthood through attachment wounds , as we bring those dysfunctional patterns into our adult relationships, she adds. "Let's say a parent leaves at a developmental age where a child needs a parent, for example. That brings up abandonment issues ," she notes.

Overall, a significant number of unaddressed family issues can make people feel that they don't have true safety in their lives, Spinelli says. "It's going to lead into attachment issues. Maybe they've dealt with abuse, neglect, abandonment, which has created an insecure attachment . They may also become an avoidant because they've never been modeled unconditional love by their primary caregiver," she explains.

Signs of family issues:

• Difficulty with open, honest, and healthy communication
• Frequent fights or bickering
• Frequent yelling and screaming
• Passive-aggressive behavior
• An absent parent or parents (physically and/or emotionally)
• Abuse of any kind (physical, emotional, and/or verbal abuse )
• Codependent behavior and/or enmeshment
• Struggles around finances or employment
• Perfectionism or high standards within the family
• Disagreements on household chores, parenting styles, etc.
• Tension in the household for no clear reason
• Difficulty trusting family members

What to do if you're dealing with family issues:

Identify what the specific issue is..

If you're getting the sense that you're dealing with some family dysfunction, the first thing you'll want to do is get clear on what specifically you're dealing with. Is it controlling parents ? Scheduling conflicts? Lack of communication?

Whatever the issue, Nuñez and Spinelli both note recognizing it is the first step. From there, you can begin processing how you want to bring it up to your family members, which brings us to our next point.

Talk about it.

Nothing gets solved by sweeping it under the rug, and family issues are no exception. Nuñez and Spinelli both say you'll want to address any issues weighing on your mind, even if it's not easy.

"Give yourself permission to say 'Hey, I feel angry or resentful, and I need to talk about this,'" Spinelli says. And as Nuñez notes, you can soften the blow using language that's not directed at them, opting for "I" statements, rather than "you" statements (i.e., "I feel sad when you miss dinner," instead of "You always miss dinner; you're so inconsiderate.")

Nuñez also adds that it's a good idea to pick a low-stress time when you can give each other your undivided attention and energy. (So, probably not around the holidays.)

Consider seeking professional help.

Once you've aired out some of your concerns, it may be necessary to ask for the help of a professional. Whether you opt for individual therapy, couples' therapy , or family therapy is up to you and your family, but any of them can certainly help in understanding how family problems have affected you—and how to deal with them.

"And even if a family doesn't go to therapy, it's important for every person to feel like they have a voice in their family, and to speak up, and to really voice what they need within that unit," Nuñez says.

Set boundaries.

And last but certainly not least, when all else fails, boundaries with family are a necessity in keeping a family dynamic as healthy as possible for everyone. "Really think about the ways you can set boundaries and give yourself permission," Spinelli says.

Whether you opt out of going to every family gathering, keep your distance from family members who make you uncomfortable or angry, or simply tell a family member when their behavior is unacceptable to you, Spinelli says you're completely in your right to do so.

The bottom line.

No family is without a little dysfunction. After all, it was spiritual icon Ram Dass who once said, "'If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family."

But no matter how many problems your family seems to be facing, all it takes is one of you to identify the problems at hand, work through them, and break the chain for future generations.

Enjoy some of our favorite clips from classes

What Is Meditation?

Mindfulness/Spirituality | Light Watkins

Box Breathing

Mindfulness/Spirituality | Gwen Dittmar

What Breathwork Can Address

The 8 limbs of yoga - what is asana.

Yoga | Caley Alyssa

Two Standing Postures to Open Up Tight Hips

How plants can optimize athletic performance.

Nutrition | Rich Roll

What to Eat Before a Workout

How ayurveda helps us navigate modern life.

Nutrition | Sahara Rose

Messages About Love & Relationships

Love & Relationships | Esther Perel

Love Languages

More on this topic.

My Sex Life Instantly Improved When I Added This Product To The Mix

Carleigh Ferrante

Experts Recommend Trying This If You Feel Pain Or Discomfort During Sex

I'm A Couples' Therapist & This Habit Tells Me A Couple May Be Headed For Divorce

Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT

Here's Just A Long List Of Ways To Prevent & Fade Dark Spots

Alexandra Engler

Try This To Give Your Brain Energy After Sleeping Terribly, Study Shows

Molly Knudsen, M.S., RDN

The Menopause Symptoms People Don’t Talk About Enough, From Experts

Hannah Frye

Popular Stories

• Bipolar Disorder
• Therapy Center
• When To See a Therapist
• Types of Therapy
• Best Online Therapy
• Best Couples Therapy
• Best Family Therapy
• Managing Stress
• Sleep and Dreaming
• Understanding Emotions
• Self-Improvement
• Healthy Relationships
• Student Resources
• Personality Types
• Guided Meditations
• Verywell Mind Insights
• 2024 Verywell Mind 25
• Mental Health in the Classroom
• Editorial Process
• Meet Our Review Board
• Crisis Support

Family Conflict Resolution Tips and Strategies

Sometimes, family issues can be the most complex

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

praetorianphoto / Getty Images

• Defining What You Can Control and What You Can't

The Role of Patterns

Simple changes for better results, what you can do now.

When families get together, we hope for fun times characterized by love and bonding, but we often find that family conflicts occur during these times as well. In fact, in most families, there are longstanding patterns of interaction and roles that people traditionally play within these interactions. When adult children get together with family, they often find themselves slipping back into these patterns, something laughingly referred to as "revertigo."

These interactions can be positive, but when they’re negative, they can bring high amounts of stress to a family gathering. That's where family conflict resolution comes in.

Defining What You Can Control and What You Can't

How often have you had an experience where you knew you were going to see your family and could predict in advance what annoying or frustrating interactions you might have with certain family members, and things went exactly as you’d hoped they wouldn’t? Have you ever wished you had a remote control for humans, complete with pause, rewind and mute buttons?

While you can’t control the actions of others, you can control your response to their actions, which can alter the whole dynamic and create more positive interactions.

In fact, Dr. Kathleen Kelley Reardon, USC Marshall School professor and author of Comebacks at Work: Using Conversation to Master Confrontation, estimates that 75% of how people treat us is under our control because of this. She advocates taking a different approach if you want to experience new, more positive results with these types of conflicts in the future.

“Communication is like chess where every move one person makes influences the choices of the other,” says Reardon.

A good rule of thumb is to not say what you would normally say in response to any provocation.

"If you let someone go on and on and that leads to anger, link something you have to say to his or her topic and then change to another one," she says.

If you think you’re being blamed for something, instead of getting your back up, try saying, “There’s some truth to that” or “I hadn’t thought of it that way but I see your point.” In other words, tweak what you normally do. Then you won’t just slip into conflict. Above all, don’t be predictable. When we’re predictable, those who want to argue can maneuver us into doing just that.”

This solution is based on the observation that many of our conflicts with people we know well are based on repeated patterns that we unwittingly perpetuate.

We may try to be proactive about responding in a way that will resolve the conflict each time (though let's face it, many of us are more focused on “winning” the argument rather than on dissolving or resolving the conflict, and there’s often a difference). This response could actually serve to keep things going the way they have in the past, which may not be what we want.

“All families and most friends bring with them emotional baggage from the past,” explains Reardon. “In Comebacks at Work we describe how this leads to URPS (unwanted repetitive episodes) in conversation. Most of us slip into these dysfunctional and stressful patterns without even noticing because we’ve been in them so many times before.

Some of the common URPS involve sibling rivalry issues, patterns with parents that have never gone away, political issues even in families where everyone identifies with the same political party, and who is more right about topics that aren’t really important.

According to Reardon, the key to getting out of these URPS situations is to recognize “choice points” in a conversation, or points in the discourse where you can alter the tone and direction that the exchange takes, by altering your own responses. She gives the following scenario as an example:

Alan: That’s a stupid idea. Eleanor: What makes you a genius? Alan: I’m not a genius but I know when something is ridiculous. Eleanor: You’re ridiculous.

“After Alan said, “That’s a stupid idea,” Eleanor was at a choice point, explains Reardon. “She reacted in the way many people would. But, she could have altered this conversation.” Here’s how that might look:

Alan: “That’s a stupid idea.” Eleanor: “At first, I thought so too. But hear me out.”

Or Eleanor might have said: “New ideas tend to sound stupid, but you’ll see in a minute why this one isn’t.”

“Instead of reacting to Alan with an attack, she chose to bypass that option,” Reardon points out. “Instead, she allowed that he may have a point but he’ll think differently when she finishes speaking.

“This is responding rather than reacting,” she says. “It gives the other person a chance to rethink whether he or she wants to argue. It’s a gift of sorts to be accepted or not – the other person’s choice point. Most people respond to such generosity in conversation with returned generosity.”

If you're anticipating conflict the next time you get together with certain people, you may want to think about things ahead of time and identify patterns you've experienced before, think about potential choice points, and consider alternative responses you may choose.

Try to come up with a few tactics for each scenario, and think about what would feel right for you.

Rather than getting caught up in the usual conflict and hurt feelings, try to imagine what tone you'd like the conversation to take, and see if you can lead the interaction in that direction with your own responses at pivotal choice points.

You may be surprised at how quickly things can change.

Learning better conflict resolution skills , knowing what to avoid in a conflict, and how to cool off when upset can also help immensely. And when all else fails, extra-strong listening skills have helped de-escalate many a conflict.

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Switch to the dark mode that's kinder on your eyes at night time.

Switch to the light mode that's kinder on your eyes at day time.

The Most Common Family Challenges And How To Overcome Them

by Patrick Rogers December 17, 2022, 18:04 23.8k Views

Families, despite their differences, share a common bond and experience a variety of challenges. From financial issues to communication breakdowns, understanding the most common family challenges and how to overcome them is essential for maintaining strong family relationships. This article dives deep into these issues, and provides helpful advice on how to navigate them. With a little patience and understanding, families can come out of these challenges stronger than ever.

Table of Contents

Communication: Poor communication is one of the most common family challenges

Good communication is key to any successful family dynamic. Openly talking about problems, feelings, and ideas can help families stay connected and on the same page. It is important to have a system of communication that works for the entire family, such as weekly family meetings, special one-on-one conversations, or even a family newsletter. Encouraging each family member to share their thoughts, feelings, and ideas is also essential. Having a set of rules and expectations can help promote healthy communication, such as listening to each other without interruption, speaking respectfully, and taking turns when talking. It is also important to be open-minded and willing to compromise. With the right combination of open communication and respect, families can learn to work together to solve problems and build strong bonds.

To overcome this, start by having regular family meetings to discuss any issues that arise

Regular family meetings provide an opportunity for members of the family to bring up any issues that need to be discussed, as well as come together to create solutions. By having regular family meetings, family members can practice communication and problem solving skills. The structure of these meetings can help ensure that everyone is heard, and that all family members are involved in the decision making process. The topics discussed can range from small everyday issues to larger family issues. By setting a regular meeting time, everyone can be sure that their voice is heard, and that any potential issues can be addressed before they become too large. Family meetings also provide a great opportunity to build stronger relationships, strengthen bonds, and work together to come up with creative solutions.

Encourage open and honest dialogue and make sure everyone is heard.

Honest dialogue is essential for families to work through their challenges and build a strong bond. Open communication creates an atmosphere of trust and acceptance, which encourages family members to express their feelings and opinions. To ensure everyone is heard, it is important to create an environment where everyone feels comfortable speaking their minds. This can include setting ground rules such as no interrupting or judging, and providing a safe space for family members to express their feelings without fear of criticism or judgement. Taking turns to speak and allowing each family member to have a say can also help ensure everyone’s voices are heard. It is also important to practice active listening and really pay attention to what each family member is saying. Through an open and honest dialogue, families can work through their challenges and build stronger relationships.

Finances: Finances can be one of the most stressful areas for families

Financial struggles can be a major source of stress for families. Taking the time to create a budget and plan for expenses can help alleviate those worries. Creating a budget and tracking expenses can be a tedious task, but it’s worth it in the long run. The first step is to identify all sources of income and all expenses. This will give you an idea of how much money you have to work with each month. Once you have a budget, you can start planning for the future by setting up an emergency fund, saving for retirement, and setting aside money for big purchases. Having a plan for your finances can help you stay on track and make sure you are able to provide for your family.

To overcome this, create a budget and stick to it

Creating and sticking to a budget is one of the most effective strategies for overcoming common family challenges. A budget is a plan that outlines how you and your family will utilize your income and manage your expenses. It is important to include all of your income sources, including employment, investments and other sources of income. Additionally, list all of your expenses and create a timeline for when they will be paid. This will help you prioritize your expenses and ensure that all of your bills are paid on time. Having a budget also allows you to plan for future expenses, such as vacations or special events. Additionally, it is important to regularly review your budget, as your financial needs may change as your family grows and evolves. By creating and sticking to a budget, you will be able to manage your finances more efficiently and effectively and will be better able to overcome common family challenges.

Make sure everyone is contributing to the shared expenses and that everyone is aware of where their money is going.

Having a financial plan in the family may help reduce any financial strains and make sure everyone is on the same page. One of the most effective strategies is to make a family budget and assign each family member a role in managing the finances. A budget for a family can include setting long-term and short-term goals and objectives, tracking income sources, setting spending limits, and outlining a plan to pay off debt. Additionally, it can be helpful to create a savings account for each family member to ensure that everyone is contributing to their own shared expenses. Having a plan in place to manage the family’s finances will promote transparency and open communication among family members, making it easier to track expenses and ensure that everyone is aware of where their money is going. Furthermore, setting a budget and tracking expenses can help to keep the family’s finances on track and reduce any financial pressures that may arise.

Parenting: Parenting is an ever-evolving job with different challenges

Parenting can be a difficult job, especially as your children grow and develop. With new challenges arising as your children age, it can be difficult to know how to meet these challenges and help your children to develop properly. One key challenge that parents face is how to balance their own needs and responsibilities with their children’s needs and demands. It is important to remember that your children are individuals and have different needs and goals than you do. It is important to be flexible and open to trying different approaches to parenting as your children mature. One way to help manage this challenge is to practice active listening, where you take the time to really listen to what your children are saying and trying to understand their perspectives. This can help you to better understand their needs and wants, and to be able to respond in a way that meets those needs. Additionally, it is important to set clear boundaries and expectations for your children, and to provide consistent discipline when these boundaries are broken. This will help to create an atmosphere of respect and responsibility, which is key for any successful parent-child relationship.

To overcome this, practice positive parenting techniques that focus on encouraging children to make good decisions and teaching them problem solving skills.

When looking for ways to help your family overcome common challenges, positive parenting techniques can be a great way to start. Positive parenting techniques focus on encouraging children to make good decisions and teaching them problem solving skills. This can help to equip your children with the skills they need to navigate difficult situations and to make wise choices. Positive parenting techniques also involve providing children with a structure of expectations and consequences that gives them the tools to self-regulate. As a parent, you can also model good behavior and provide guidance and support when needed. When it comes to overcoming family challenges, positive parenting techniques are a great way to help your children develop the skills they need to succeed.

Conflict: Conflict is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be destructive

Conflict in a family can present itself in a variety of ways. From arguments to disagreements, family dynamics can be a source of difficulty for many. While it is not possible to avoid conflict altogether, there are ways to approach it that can be conducive to positive outcomes. The most important thing is to communicate clearly and openly. When disagreements occur, it is important to remain respectful of one another, avoid personal attacks, and focus on the issue itself. Additionally, it is helpful to practice active listening to ensure that everyone’s perspective is heard and taken into consideration. This can help to avoid unnecessary escalations and create a more collaborative atmosphere. With patience and understanding, it is possible to work through difficult conversations in a way that can be beneficial to all parties involved. Through clear communication and a willingness to compromise, families can learn to navigate conflict in a constructive manner.

To overcome this, set ground rules and learn how to communicate effectively and calmly.

Setting ground rules and learning how to communicate effectively and calmly are key strategies for overcoming common family challenges. Creating boundaries and expectations for family members can help to reduce tension, increase understanding and build respect. Establishing ground rules can be done by family members discussing issues, listening to each other, and coming up with solutions together. An important part of this process is learning how to talk to each other calmly and constructively. This means using effective communication tools such as active listening, asking open-ended questions, and being aware of body language. Doing so can improve communication and understanding within a family, which is essential for resolving conflicts. Learning how to effectively communicate with family members is a crucial skill that can help to create a positive and harmonious family environment.

Time Management: Balancing work and family responsibilities can be a challenge

Good time management is essential to maintaining a healthy work/life balance. It can be difficult to juggle the demands of work and family life, but it’s important to make sure both are given the attention they require in order to stay healthy and productive. Start by setting aside specific times for work and family, and make sure that both are given the attention they deserve. Make a schedule and stick to it, leaving room for flexibility if needed. Prioritize tasks according to their importance and delegate responsibilities whenever possible. Take time for yourself to relax and recharge. It may help to set small, achievable goals in order to stay on track. Finally, make sure to communicate openly and honestly with family members to ensure that everyone’s needs are being met. With the right strategies, managing time between work and family can be an achievable goal.

To overcome this, create a family calendar and assign tasks to each family member

Creating a family calendar can be a great way to help your family overcome common challenges. By assigning tasks to each family member, it can help them to stay organized and be responsible for their own actions. This can also help to reduce stress levels by ensuring that everyone is aware of their expectations and responsibilities. Having a family calendar also allows everyone to plan ahead, which can help to reduce conflict and promote a more harmonious family environment. Additionally, it can help to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that everyone is working together to reach a common goal. With a family calendar, it’s easy to keep track of upcoming events and appointments, making it easier for everyone to coordinate their schedules and stay organized. This can help to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that family goals are achieved.

This will help ensure that everyone is on the same page and no one is overburdened.

When it comes to family challenges, communication is key. It is important to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that no one is feeling overwhelmed or overburdened. Establishing a weekly family meeting is a great way to get everyone together to discuss any issues that may be arising. During this meeting, each family member should be able to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement. This will help ensure that everyone is heard and that any issues can be addressed in a respectful and productive manner. By engaging in open and honest communication, family members can work together to find solutions that work for everyone. Additionally, taking time for self-care is important for all family members to be able to cope with the challenges that come their way. Taking a break and engaging in activities that bring joy, such as spending time with friends and family, can help restore balance and help family members better handle any challenges that arise.

The Role Of Family Rituals In Creating A Sense Of Belonging And Connection

Are Family Dollar Stores Closing

© 2024 by Family Nonstop

Username or Email Address

Remember Me

Forgot password?

Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password.

Your password reset link appears to be invalid or expired.

Privacy policy.

To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. %privacy_policy%

Add to Collection

Public collection title

Private collection title

No Collections

Here you'll find all collections you've created before.

• PRO Courses Guides New Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade Sign In
• EDIT Edit this Article
• EXPLORE Tech Help Pro About Us Random Article Quizzes Request a New Article Community Dashboard This Or That Game Popular Categories Arts and Entertainment Artwork Books Movies Computers and Electronics Computers Phone Skills Technology Hacks Health Men's Health Mental Health Women's Health Relationships Dating Love Relationship Issues Hobbies and Crafts Crafts Drawing Games Education & Communication Communication Skills Personal Development Studying Personal Care and Style Fashion Hair Care Personal Hygiene Youth Personal Care School Stuff Dating All Categories Arts and Entertainment Finance and Business Home and Garden Relationship Quizzes Cars & Other Vehicles Food and Entertaining Personal Care and Style Sports and Fitness Computers and Electronics Health Pets and Animals Travel Education & Communication Hobbies and Crafts Philosophy and Religion Work World Family Life Holidays and Traditions Relationships Youth
• Browse Articles
• Learn Something New
• Quizzes Hot
• This Or That Game
• Train Your Brain
• Explore More
• Support wikiHow
• About wikiHow
• Log in / Sign up
• Family Life

How to Deal With Family Problems

Last Updated: December 14, 2023

This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW . Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. This article has been viewed 362,266 times.

Death, addiction, money troubles, mental illness, separation/divorce, and transitional adjustments all take a toll on the members of a family. During stressful events or when the family’s resources are severely taxed, problems may not be resolved easily. This may lead to hostile disagreements, tension, and resentment. Conflict in the family can affect everyone’s functioning. Handle your family problems by learning effective problem-solving skills.

Developing Healthy Problem-Solving

• Schedule a meeting at a time that is most convenient for everyone. Make everyone aware of the purpose of the meeting and that you want them to arrive with suggestions and solutions at the ready.
• Be mindful that young children may be a hindrance to a family meeting. Huddle them in a separate room if you expect tempers to flair or sensitive information to be discussed.
• Therapists often suggest holding regular family meetings. [1] X Research source This tactic enables family members to bring issues out in the open before resentments develop. Talking with your family regularly can improve communication and the bond that you share.

• Strive to uncover what is important about the current problem. Building a case or bringing up old misdeeds will not assist you in resolving this issue.

• Remember, you are aiming to de-escalate the conflict and work towards a solution. Using “I” statements allows everyone to express themselves while showing respect for others listening. Making an “I” statements allows each person to take ownership of what they are feeling, and suggest a remedy for the problem at the same time.
• Examples of “I” statements include: “I am worried that our family is falling apart. I would like us to work things out.” or “I get scared when Dad drinks a lot because he starts yelling. I wish he could stop drinking”.

• Effective listening allows the other person to feel heard, motivates the other parties to want to listen to you, defuses arguments and strong emotions, and rebuilds the relationship during the conflict.

• Validate your family members by saying something like “I’m really glad you felt comfortable enough to share this with me” or “I appreciate your willingness to work towards a solution”.

Recognizing Communication Roadblocks

• For some people, conflict causes them to become hostile and defensive. This is the “fight” aspect of the physiological “fight or flight” response. These individuals may argue endlessly to remove any responsibility from themselves, or refuse to hear others’ points-of-view.
• Others resort to the “flight” aspect. These individuals may run from conflict at all costs. They may deny there’s a problem or believe there’s nothing they can do to resolve it anyway. Such family members may pretend as if they don’t notice any tension in the household, or downplay its effect on them.

• First work on trying to identify your emotions. Consider what thoughts you’re having, what you feel in your body, and what actions you want to take? For example, maybe you’re thinking “I hate this family.” Your fists are clenched and you want to punch something. Such a strong emotion could be labeled as anger or contempt.
• Next, aim to control and ease these strong emotions so that you can effectively problem-solve. Depending on how you’re feeling participate in a complementary activity to ease your discomfort. For example, if you are sad, you might want to watch a funny movie. If you are angry, it might be helpful to vent to a friend or engage in intense physical activity.

• Using “I” statements are one of the best strategies for minimizing blame and subsequent defensiveness. Say “I fear that your addiction will lead to someone getting hurt” rather than “Addicts are just dangerous people to be around”

Expert Q&A

• Your family consists of some of the most important relationships in your life. Having continuous conflict in this area can drastically affect your life satisfaction. If you cannot resolve family issues, seek professional help. Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0

Tips from our Readers

• Sometimes, creating distance by leaving is the healthiest thing you can do. Not all family members are inherently trustworthy, beautiful, or helpful, and getting some space can keep a bad problem from getting worse.
• Understand that it is not always your fault. Don't get upset or angry if someone gets on your nerves and you didn't do anything wrong.

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201209/10-tips-holding-family-meeting
• ↑ https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/luve-a-five-step-communication-process-for-conflict-resolution/validation-is-the-third-step-to-conflict-resolution-in-luve
• ↑ https://www.webmd.com/balance/family-therapy-6301
• ↑ https://www.drnadig.com/conflict.htm

About This Article

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Read More...

• Send fan mail to authors

Reader Success Stories

Mar 1, 2018

Did this article help you?

Nov 8, 2019

Steff Irwin

Sep 12, 2016

Ahlam Osman

Jun 6, 2016

Mbasa Mzaca

Nov 17, 2017

Featured Articles

Trending Articles

Watch Articles

• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• Do Not Sell or Share My Info
• Not Selling Info

wikiHow Tech Help Pro:

Develop the tech skills you need for work and life

Family Conflict Resolution: 6 Worksheets & Scenarios (+ PDF)

It is perhaps unrealistic to expect that relationships remain harmonious all the time; occasional disconnections and disagreements are a fact of life that can help a family grow and move forward, accommodating change (Divecha, 2020).

Repeating patterns of conflict, however, can be damaging for family members, especially children, negatively affecting mental and physical wellbeing (Sori, Hecker, & Bachenberg, 2016).

This article explores how to resolve conflict in family relationships and introduces strategies and activities that can help.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free . These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

How to resolve conflict in family relationships, 2 examples of conflict scenarios, 3 strategies for family counseling sessions, 6 activities and worksheets to try, a note on conflict resolution for kids, 3 best games and activities for kids, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

“Families typically develop certain basic structural characteristics and interactive patterns that they utilize to respond to internal and external stressors.”

Goldenberg, 2017, p. 4

Built on shared assumptions and narratives that exist within the family structure, family members support the group as it adapts and copes with shifting environments and life events.

Such structures, at times, may support and even promote conflict that occurs within families. Indeed, rifts, clashes, and disagreements within the family can take many forms, including physical, verbal, financial, psychological, and sexual (Marta & Alfieri, 2014).

Therapy has the potential to help a family understand how it organizes itself and maintains cohesion, while improving how it communicates and overcomes problems that lead to conflict (Goldenberg, 2017).

As psychologist Rick Hanson writes, “a bid for repair is one of the sweetest and most vulnerable and important kinds of communication that humans offer to each other” (cited in Divecha, 2020).

Crucially, families can learn to navigate the inevitable tension and disconnection that arise from falling out of sync with one another (Divecha, 2020).

Repairing ruptures resulting from miscommunication, mismatches, and failing to attune to one another is vital for parenting and maintaining family union. But how?

While there are many ways to recover from and resolve conflict, the following four steps are invaluable for authentic repair (modified from Divecha, 2020):

• Acknowledge the offense Try to identify and understand the hurt you’ve caused. Whether intended and with apparent good reason or not, this is a valuable opportunity to dial down your defenses and focus on how the other person is feeling.

Acknowledging the hurt without adding caveats is a powerful way to show humanity.

It can help to check your understanding, “Did I upset you? Help me understand how.” Your approach must be open and authentic; unless heartfelt, it risks escalating emotions.

• Express remorse Sometimes, simply saying, “I’m sorry,” is enough, or at least an excellent place to start.

Take care though. Adding a comment, such as, “Well, you shouldn’t have done X,” weakens your expression of remorse, especially when dealing with children. They are learning from what you do – right and wrong.

Also, don’t go overboard. Being too quick to say sorry or going over the top with an apology can make it more about yourself than the person hurt.

• Offer a simple explanation If the other person is ready to listen (neither too upset nor too angry), a brief explanation can clarify the thinking behind your actions.

Remember to focus on the other person’s experience rather than a litany of excuses for poor behavior. And avoid using this as an opportunity to add grievances or assign blame for issues that have arisen recently.

• Learn and practice expressing your intentions to fix the situation and stop it from happening again. Be sincere. Say that you are sorry and mean it.

There is little point in apologizing and recovering from conflict if you intend to repeat the behavior.

Conflict is often avoidable. But if it isn’t, then it is possible to recover and maintain family relationships through authentic activities that repair damage (Divecha, 2020).

Family therapy can help resolve conflicts within the family unit through multiple routes, including:

• Exploring various relationships that make up the family.
• Bringing couples and families together to resolve interpersonal conflicts rather than treating them separately.
• Focusing on interventions with entire families rather than individuals.
• Establishing the role of dysfunctional families in individual mental health problems.

Family conflict can appear in all shapes and sizes. While minor disagreements between siblings may be resolved quickly, major rifts can form between child and parent, damaging previously strong bonds.

All relationships within a family can at one time or another descend into conflict. Two such examples include (modified from Goldenberg, 2017):

• Conflict over money Bob and Tess are married with two children. In therapy, Tess claims that Bob is mean with his money: checking grocery bills and yelling at the cost of their children’s birthday presents. Along with other relationship issues, conflict had led them to sleep in separate rooms.

Bob argues he works hard for his money and gives her a generous amount each month, but Tess spends beyond their means.

During therapy, it became clear that Bob comes from a working-class family and was taught from an early age to live frugally. His long-standing beliefs underpin (but do not excuse) his outbursts.

In time, therapy helps them become more supportive of one another, giving up their underlying power struggles and successfully moving away from stereotypical gender roles.

• Cultural and intergenerational conflict Despite Indira and Sanjay Singh moving to the United States while they were still at preschool age, they have retained the cultural and moral values of their place of birth: India. When their two children were born, they were also taught to be compliant and respect their parents, while friends from school were discouraged.

As the children grew older, it became clear that the conflict between the old and new culture was causing a rift, dividing children and parents. Despite reluctance from the parents, in time, all four attended family therapy and began to deal with cultural differences and expectations arising from multiculturalism.

Download 3 Communication Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients with tools to improve communication skills and enjoy more positive social interactions with others.

Download 3 Free Communication Tools Pack (PDF)

By filling out your name and email address below.

• Email Address *
• Your Expertise * Your expertise Therapy Coaching Education Counseling Business Healthcare Other
• Phone This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Conflict in family situations can be “chronic and unresolved,” cycling through “periods of emotional distance and closeness with intense negative feelings” (Metcalf, 2011, p. 45).

In family therapy, the many theories offer different lenses through which to view the world and, most importantly, help families manage and resolve conflict (Metcalf, 2011).

The following strategies can help protect the family from or cope with conflict in its many forms.

Build an environment of connection and understanding

Divecha (2020) suggests that by building an environment of connection and understanding, you can “create a family culture where rifts are expected and repairs are welcomed.”

Encourage clients to make small but vital changes to the family setting (modified from Divecha, 2020):

• Watch out for the easily missed signs that indicate a child, young adult, or partner wishes to find a way to reconnect and recover from conflict.
• Normalize requests, such as, “I need a repair” and “Can we have a redo?” that tell us a family member is ready to fix a damaged relationship.
• Maintain awareness. If we think we may have caused upset or harm, circle back and check in with the other person.

Building a better environment through frequent repairs can catch problems early and reduce the likelihood of escalation.

Use “I” statements

How we say something can have a significant impact on what others hear. Encourage family members to express how they feel without blaming others, such as (modified from Goldenberg, 2017):

“I am hurt by what you said last night” rather than accusations, such as, “You were out of order last night.”

Speak directly to the therapist

There may be times during a therapy session when tension between family members heightens and the emotional intensity needs to be de-escalated (Goldenberg, 2017).

A helpful communication technique is to ask the family member talking to address the therapist directly. This refocus encourages the speaker to express themselves more calmly and allows the other person time and space to listen and respond under less pressure.

The following activities focus on exploring family structures, beliefs, and problem-solving behavior to avoid or resolve conflict within the group.

Recognizing Family Narratives

Family narratives provide support for coping with upsetting events and recovering from conflict (Goldenberg, 2017).

Use the Recognizing Family Narratives worksheet to identify narratives that explain and justify the structure and interactive patterns that exist within the family.

The constructs we form can enable or inhibit how we cope with conflict and other life events within the family (Goldenberg, 2017).

Parenting With Purpose

Parenting can be difficult; it is easy to lose sight of what is important. Defining meaning and purpose for ourselves as parents and our children can offer a valuable compass for day-to-day decision-making (Hart, 2006).

The Parenting With Purpose worksheet is a helpful reminder of your values and purpose as a parent.

The answers to the questions can help you understand what kind of relationship you would like with your children and why.

What Is Working Within the Family?

While it is essential to identify and fix what is causing conflict within a family, it is equally valuable to recognize what is working.

Once we recognize where we are successful in a relationship, it can remind us that not everything is terrible. We are doing some things right, and we have something upon which we can build.

The What Is Working worksheet helps identify and share the positives in the relationships within the family.

Recognize that conflict doesn’t occur in the family all the time and encourage the activities that unite you as a group.

Meeting Our Family’s Needs

Sura Hart (2006, p. 175), former teacher and education project director for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, says that “you can find conflict in every human story, and in the conflict situation you can find the needs people are wanting to meet.”

Use the Meeting Our Family’s Needs worksheet to help each family member have their needs heard, understood, and, ultimately, accepted.

Consider Your Intentions

Words have the power to share love and anger. Without clear and conscious intention, it is possible to communicate unhelpful and even harmful messages (Hart, 2006).

Use the Consider Your Intentions worksheet to identify and understand your intentions and help you respect and care for other family members’ needs.

Perform an early check on your intentions before you engage with the other family member, especially if it has the potential to turn into conflict.

Using the answers, consider how you can show positive intentions and steer clear of harmful intentions, such as proving yourself right.

Seeing Family Conflict as a Problem to Solve

Conflict isn’t always to be avoided; clashes can be productive, stimulating learning, fostering understanding, and moving a relationship forward (Hart, 2006).

However, some conflict is unnecessary and avoidable, especially regarding daily tasks, such as tidying the house, going to bed, and completing chores.

Use the Seeing Family Conflict as a Problem to Solve worksheet to help recognize everyday actions as problems to overcome rather than points of contention.

14 Effective conflict resolution techniques – BRAINY DOSE

“Life is a series of mismatches, miscommunications, and misattunements that are quickly repaired” says family researcher Ed Tronick (cited in Divecha, 2020).

Children can learn from the family environment that conflict need not be out of proportion to the situation and may, ultimately, lead to positive change.

It helps when family relationships are overwhelmingly positive. Make sure to make “special time” available for each child, where they have control over what you do and for how long, writes Divecha (2020). Learn to show gratitude and appreciation for what the child does more readily without it becoming predictable and unthinking.

Board games such as Monopoly, Checkers, and Life can be played as a pair or a family. The children see that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from their parents’ reaction to losing.

More physical, active games such as Tag or Hide and Seek allow the whole family to have fun, while, importantly, seeing each other having fun. Children need to experience their parents as humans with a wish to enjoy themselves. Parents benefit from experiencing their family laughing – a reminder that life is not all about duty and rules.

Quieter pastimes, including art and craft, can be a time to build and use mindfulness practices, considering colors, textures, and smells. Interactive activities such as making funny characters out of play dough or houses out of Lego is fun and beyond rules or feelings of failure.

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDFs] to help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Family conflict can often be avoided. The following resources help individuals gain a greater understanding of other family members’ needs and feelings.

• Mind the Gap Identify and share the values you would like to exist within your family, such as love, trust, compassion, and teamwork.
• Conflict at School Conflict outside the home can have an impact inside. Help your children to reflect on the relationships they have at school.

Additional reading and resources include:

• Conflict Resolution in Relationships and Couples: 5 Strategies For more ideas on how to resolve conflict in other types of relationships, read our conflict resolution in relationships article.
• 14 Conflict Resolution Strategies & Techniques for the Workplace This article about conflict resolution in the workplace is a helpful additional read, especially where the lines between family and work is blurred – working in the family business, working from home – these all can cause conflict so be sure to have a look at this article too.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, check out this collection of 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

It is vital that families learn to survive – and even grow – under adverse conditions. The family unit faces daily challenges from outside and conflict from within that can upset the internal stability that rests upon existing narratives, shared beliefs, and sometimes mistaken assumptions (Goldenberg, 2017).

It can become less about preventing all conflict, which is impossible, and more about creating a family environment that reduces unnecessary friction, repairs rifts and misunderstandings, grows, and moves forward.

Our communication – what we say and how we say it – remains crucial and can improve over time with practice and an improved awareness of one another’s needs. Family members can also learn skills and techniques to improve self-regulation, resilience, and coping that strengthen internal structures.

This article introduces tools and worksheets that help remove avoidable conflict and manage and resolve it within the family unit, where disagreement is inevitable. Try them out with your clients or within your own family to improve engagement, strengthen relationships, and build a more supportive and resilient family structure.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

• American Psychological Association. (2011). Family interventions. Retrieved October 6, 2021, from https://www.apa.org/pi/about/publications/caregivers/practice-settings/intervention/family
• Divecha, D. (2020, October 27). Family conflict is normal; it’s the repair that matter s. Greater Good. Retrieved October 4, 2021, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/family_conflict_is_normal_its_the_repair_that_matters
• Goldenberg, I. (2017). Family therapy: An overview . Cengage Learning.
• Hart, S. (2006). Respectful parents, respectful kids: 7 Keys to turn family conflict into co-operation . PuddleDancer Press.
• Marta, E., & Alfieri, S. (2014). Family conflicts. In A. C. Michalos (Ed.), Encyclopedia of quality of life and well-being research . Springer.
• Metcalf, L. (2011). Marriage and family therapy: A practice-oriented approach . Springer.
• Sori, C. F., Hecker, L., & Bachenberg, M. E. (2016). The therapist’s notebook for children and adolescents: Homework, handouts, and activities for use in psychotherapy . Routledge/Taylor & Francis.

Share this article:

Article feedback

What our readers think.

Thank you for the resources on family conflict resolution. I am working with a family that is really challenged.

We have had major conflicts in the family with me, my husband, who is the stepdad, and my grown kids. One speaks to us but lives on the northern East Coast. Haven’t seen him in 5 years. The other grown child is my daughter. She has had no contact with us of any kind for 5 years. I look forward to learning how to defuse conflicts and then grow healthy relationships, with my kids especially.

Let us know your thoughts Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Related articles

How to Say No & Master the Art of Personal Freedom

In a world that often values compliance over authenticity, the notion of personal freedom becomes not just a luxury but a necessity for our wellbeing [...]

Conflict Resolution Training: 18 Best Courses and Master’s Degrees

All humans have some things in common. We all need air to breathe and water to stay alive. We are all social beings, and if [...]

How to Foster Positive Communication: 9 Effective Techniques

Can you recall a really good conversation you’ve had? What was memorable about it? Was it the topic, the words, or just a feeling it [...]

Read other articles by their category

• Body & Brain (49)
• Coaching & Application (58)
• Compassion (25)
• Counseling (51)
• Emotional Intelligence (23)
• Gratitude (18)
• Grief & Bereavement (21)
• Happiness & SWB (40)
• Meaning & Values (26)
• Meditation (20)
• Mindfulness (44)
• Motivation & Goals (45)
• Optimism & Mindset (34)
• Positive CBT (30)
• Positive Communication (21)
• Positive Education (47)
• Positive Emotions (32)
• Positive Leadership (19)
• Positive Parenting (16)
• Positive Psychology (34)
• Positive Workplace (37)
• Productivity (17)
• Relationships (44)
• Resilience & Coping (38)
• Self Awareness (21)
• Self Esteem (38)
• Strengths & Virtues (32)
• Stress & Burnout Prevention (34)
• Theory & Books (46)
• Therapy Exercises (37)
• Types of Therapy (64)

• Comments This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Family Problems? What Causes It And The 6 Best Solutions

• Updated October 11, 2021

No two families are alike, but the fact that every family experiences conflict in some capacity is undeniable. Even those with the closest bonds and strong emotional IQs are not exempt.

Family issues can strain relationships, so handling them tactfully and being intentional is essential.

According to the  American Psychological Association , part of the strive for happiness involves a keen knowledge of coping with trouble.

Before jumping straight into the resolution process, it is important to know and understand the small details that make up family problems on a larger scale.

Common causes of family problems

Each incident may be isolated, and there are some common family problems that yours may never encounter.

However, understanding the following will help you become more well-rounded in terms of your capacity to identify triggers or red flags and help you mold into an existing family structure outside your own, say through marriage, for example.

1. Financial troubles

Money is the root of quite many scenarios in life. It can be a source of stress, opportunity, comfort, or pain. Money will likely fill each of those roles throughout your life in some way, shape, or form.

When money problems become family problems, however, that can create new challenges.

When two people get married, they choose how to handle money and their finances. They can combine them, keep them separate, or a combination of the two.

However, if one or both parties are not transparent, money can cause fights.

If each spouse has their own credit card, for example, and one is maxing it out and not paying it down, this can cause strife. Not only has this spouse withheld pertinent information, but they have potentially damaged marital financial health as well.

You can see where this can be problematic

In another example, in families where adult children are unable to self-start, it can cause a burden and subsequent trouble.

If this manifests itself in the parents continuing to fund their child, that will take its toll, specifically if one parent does not agree with this plan.

2. Too much distance

When logistics are not on your side, family relationships can suffer. Putting many miles in between loved ones requires heightened attention towards nurturing the relationship in non-physical ways. 

Additionally, there will be missed events, holidays spent apart, and major life moments that people are excluded from because of distance. All these examples, although they are expected, can wear down bonds over time.

There can also be a distance between family members who are not physically away from each other, which can also cause family problems.

Distance is created when people allow life, time, and the unimportant details of their daily grind to pull them away from their family members.

Emotional space can be more challenging to navigate in some cases than physical space because the feelings are slowly built up over time, and it can be easy for them to go unnoticed from day to day.

3. Children

One of the biggest choices you will make as an individual is if children fit into your life.

Whether you do this alone or within a partner, the decision is significant. And no matter how much thought you put into it, adding kids into your life can come with many unpredictable elements.

Family members are sure to give unsolicited opinions and advice, which can be unsavory to receive.

Throughout various stages of life, children will also put an unintentional strain on your relationship with your partner and your relationship with yourself. Having children can be a great source of conflict when a parent feels they have lost their own identity due to growing their family.

Additionally, it can be problematic when t wo partners forget about each other because they have been devoted and focused solely on their child/children.

4. Dishonesty

One of the biggest ways family issues can arise is through dishonesty .

Unfortunately, since family networks can extend into so many branches, this is more common than you may think. When an untruth is discovered, the person at the root of the lie has not only been deceitful, they have reframed how their extended family views them and their character.

Dishonesty can occur in the form of an outward lie, withholding information, or a white lie that the teller assumes will be insignificant to those who receive it.

Usually, your inner circle of the family will be your most significant support. If you choose to compromise that blind trust by being dishonest, you should expect a collapse in the structure for an extended period while everyone sorts out their emotions.

Moving is one of the most stressful things that an individual can do, and when this event involves family, that certainty is even more evident. Some examples of how moving can lead to family problems are:

• Having to move away from familiarity into an unknown situation
• Moving in with a significant other for the first time
• Leaving the nest to go away to college
• Having to move back in with family as an adult amid personal problems like divorce, job loss, etc.

In each of these examples, the opportunity for trouble exists because moving comes with expectations, which can contribute to family issues when left unmet, or even worse, unspoken.

How to deal with common family problems

As with everything, there are many ways, both healthy and unhealthy, to tackle family issues head-on.

According to the  National Institute of Mental Health , identifying the root causes of problems is a logical first step in ensuring mental health is a priority during periods of conflict resolution.

1. Remain calm

Almost nothing can be accomplished in an impactful and healthy way if emotions are running high. Be aware of your thoughts, words, and actions, and approach resolution with as much calm as possible .

2. Be objective

Allowing yourself to spiral out of control and make an isolated issue into something bigger than it needs to be will also heighten conflict. Stick to the issue at hand and be intentional in your plan to navigate your challenges.

3. Be an active listener

This means not interrupting the other person during conversations, no matter how tough they are. Being an active listener also means that your ears are open for the sake of truly hearing what the other person is saying, not waiting impatiently until it is your turn to share your side.

4. Use mirror style communication

Clarity is essential when dealing with common family problems because when the dust settles, you likely still want the relationship to be salvageable.

This communication style works in this way; when one person is done speaking, the other person mirrors how they heard what was said.

• “I want to downsize our home to work on our financial problems.”
• ‘What I hear you say is that you think a more modest dwelling will allow us to get our money back on track.”

5. Do not hold back

It is important to lay down all your cards on the table. This is especially true in situations like family therapy.

Being truthful but tactful while receiving professional help allows the therapist to do their job in the most appropriate way possible because they are working with all the information available.

Holding back for the sake of someone else’s feelings can hurt their feelings in the long run when what has been left in the dark comes to light.

An affordable and convenient option to find a suitable therapist is online where you can speak with a therapist from the comfort of your own home. 

6. Establish boundaries

Sometimes, to deal with family issues, you must establish boundaries . Even if this is not your desire, it may be your necessity.

In an example like addiction, for instance, your love may not lead you to create a boundary with an afflicted family member, but your desire for them to work through their troubles should override that and help you gain comfort establishing and maintaining boundaries.

Family issues are part of having a family relationship, and they cannot be avoided. However, they can be dealt with more gracefully if you, as an individual, work on your emotional and interpersonal skills.

If you cannot achieve peace on your own, you will have a battle trying to do so with others.

Being someone who respects differences, knows how to establish and manage expectations, and regularly checks in with loved ones will have a better shot at being a positive example when the time comes to handle strife within the system.

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Sign up to our newsletter!

More articles

How to say goodbye in the best way—formal and informal goodbye’s, best morning routine checklist—10 helpful steps to boost your day, how to break codependency to foster a healthy relationship in 5 ways, 10 books on finding your purpose to begin living your best life, 9 best books for self-awareness to help you in your life’s journey, 10 books about finding your passion and living an incredible life, looking for practical self-care.

Sign up now to receive your free ebook and more practical self-care tips, advice and products, in your inbox.

**Please check your spam folder!**

• Technical Support
• Find My Rep

You are here

Problem Solving in Families Research and Practice

• Samuel Vuchinich - Oregon State University, Corvallis, OR, USA
• Description

"This well-written book skillfully introduces the readers to the history of family problem solving. The range and quality of content in the book is vast and comprehensive. Strength lies within the detailed review of the literature. Readers seeking a wealth of information in a single volume may find this text a useful educational and research tool. Given the book's readability, it is recommended for upper-level seminars. It would be appropriate as a supplemental or required graduate-level text in courses from multiple disciplines that deal with family problems. The text is thought provoking, and it may be a useful resource for researchers, students, educators, and practitioners working with families."

--Journal of Marriage and the Family

"This exploration of problem solving is useful to a variety of audiences who work with and conduct research related to families… It offers practical applications of family problem solving as well as recent advances in and future considerations of research this field."

--America's Family Support Magazine

Family problems can range from mild conflicts to pathological issues. In recent years it has become apparent that an understanding of family conflict is impossible without more knowledge about a fundamental characteristic of families-family problem solving. The various methods and tools, both effective and ineffective, that families use to solve their problems is an ongoing subject of research and clinical work that involves many disciplines, including clinical psychology, sociology, family therapy, developmental psychology, communications, and social psychology. These vastly different perspectives and approaches emerging from this research have resulted in a diverse body of knowledge that has yet to be integrated and synthesized. In Family Problem Solving , author Samuel Vuchinich pulls this research together in one comprehensive volume that is written in an accessible and engaging style. Elucidating the core principles that have developed from these various fields, Family Problem Solving explores family conflicts, the nature of family problems, problems across the life cycle, and social constructions. This volume also includes applications of family problem solving as well as recent advances in and future considerations of this field.

This book will provide a useful resource for professionals and students in family studies, developmental psychology, sociology of the family, and family psychology.

See what’s new to this edition by selecting the Features tab on this page. Should you need additional information or have questions regarding the HEOA information provided for this title, including what is new to this edition, please email [email protected] . Please include your name, contact information, and the name of the title for which you would like more information. For information on the HEOA, please go to http://ed.gov/policy/highered/leg/hea08/index.html .

For assistance with your order: Please email us at [email protected] or connect with your SAGE representative.

SAGE 2455 Teller Road Thousand Oaks, CA 91320 www.sagepub.com

Select a Purchasing Option

• Skip to content
• Skip to navigation

Why problem-solving is important

As parents, the way you manage problems or disagreements in your relationship affects your child.

By managing problems positively and constructively, you help your child develop well and thrive . When your child sees you behaving and communicating with your partner in this way, your child learns to behave this way too. It can teach your child important skills for life.

When you and your partner find solutions together, you help the whole family have happier, healthier and stronger relationships . And you help to protect your child from the downsides of conflict.

This is because a problem-solving approach can help you and your partner to:

• confront issues, rather than avoid them
• talk and listen respectfully and patiently
• find solutions that you’re both happy with
• break unhelpful habits so problems don’t return
• feel like you’re working as a team.

Ground rules for problem-solving

Before you start problem-solving, it’s a good idea to set ground rules. It’s also important for you and your partner to come up with these rules together.

Here are suggestions for problem-solving ground rules to get you started:

• Either of you can raise a problem for discussion.
• You’ll choose appropriate times and places to raise problems. This might be when your child isn’t around, you’re both calm, there’s enough time to talk and you can both give your full attention.
• Either of you can say ‘no’ if you don’t want to talk about it right then, but you’ll agree to make another time soon to discuss it – no more than 1-2 days after it first comes up.
• If the discussion gets heated, either of you can call for a break to calm down and the other will respect this request.
• You’ll actively listen so you each understand what the other is saying. You’ll also avoid interrupting each other.
• You won’t raise conflict topics in front of other people and your child if you know it’s likely to get heated.
• You’ll keep the conversation respectful at all times, and be aware of your tone, body language and gestures.
• You’ll keep in mind that if one of you has a problem, it’s likely to affect both of you.

Problem-solving: how to do it

Positive problem-solving has 6 basic steps:

• Define the problem.
• Clarify what you each want.
• Brainstorm solutions.
• Evaluate solutions and choose one.
• Try the solution.
• Review the solution.

1. Define the problem

Be clear and specific about the problem:

• Describe what’s happening, how often it’s happening, and who’s involved. For example, ‘In the past 3 weeks, I’ve noticed we’ve argued a lot more than usual’.
• Focus on the issue, not the person. For example, ‘We’re always doing chores or going to children’s sport, and we haven’t been able to relax together. I think it’s affecting our relationship’.
• Acknowledge your part in the problem. For example, ‘I know I started a few of those arguments’.
• Describe the problem with a neutral, non-blaming approach. You could try saying ‘I’ and ‘we’ rather than ‘you’ and phrasing the issue as a question. For example, ‘I’m worried that we haven’t had time for each other lately. Can we talk about how we can spend time together?’

2. Clarify what each of you wants

Be clear about what’s important to each of you. Asking questions can help you clarify things. For example:

• Why do you want/need that?
• Why are you concerned/worried/afraid about that?
• Why don’t you want/need that?
• Why do you think we should avoid that?

Your goal is to have a clear understanding of what you both want. Be patient and focus on listening to each other’s answers.

3. Brainstorm solutions

Write down any and all possible solutions:

• Take turns to suggest ideas.
• Try to get as many ideas as you can, even if some don’t seem relevant. Aim for at least 8-10 ideas.
• Include all ideas. Rejecting ideas can hurt each other’s feelings and stop you from sharing ideas.
• Wait until you’ve got all your ideas down before you talk about them.

4. Evaluate solutions and choose one

Narrow down your brainstorming list to one practical option that can solve your problem:

• Cross off ideas you both agree won’t work.
• If one of you thinks an idea might work, leave it on the list.
• List the advantages and disadvantages for each idea you have left on the list. Look at the advantages first, and try to find something positive about every idea.
• Keep discussions brief so you have enough time to discuss all ideas left on the list.
• Cross off any ideas that clearly have more disadvantages than advantages.
• Rate the remaining options from 1 (not very good) to 10 (very good).
• Choose a solution that you and your partner agree to try. It might not be your preferred solution, but it should be one that you’re comfortable with.

If you can’t find a solution , repeat the brainstorming step and try to come up with different ideas.

If you need new ideas, you could ask trusted friends or family. But first check with your partner if they’re OK with this. Your partner might prefer to keep some of your problems private.

If this still doesn’t work , you could both agree to trying your choice of solution this time and your partner’s choice next time.

5. Try the solution

Commit to the solution by agreeing on the following:

• Who will do what, when and where?
• What will happen if we don’t do the things we’ve agreed on?
• Do we need to keep track of how well our solution is working?
• When will we review how the solution is going?
• How will we know if the solution is working well?

If your solution is related to your child, consider getting them involved in trying the solution, if it’s appropriate.

6. Review the solution

After a set time, look at your solution and talk about how it’s going. You could ask questions like:

• Is the solution working?
• What has worked well? What hasn’t worked?
• What could we do to make things work more smoothly?

If the solution is working, you’ll both notice that the problem is going away. If it isn’t, ask yourselves these questions:

• Was the solution reasonable?
• Did we both give and take?
• Were rules and responsibilities clear to both of us?
• Did we have consequences for breaking the agreement, and were they appropriate?
• Have other issues come up that we need to talk about before our solution will work?

You might find that you need to start the problem-solving process again to find a better solution.

It’s natural to  have ups and downs along the way, so set a realistic time frame to try the solution.

And remember to encourage and support each other as you try to solve the problem. For example, ‘I’m glad we’re trying to work on this together’ or ‘It helps when we talk things through. Thanks’.

Your goal is to do things differently and work on compromise. With patience, effort and support for each other, you can find a way to solve your relationship problems.

Getting help with problems in your relationship

If working on problems makes you or your partner very upset or angry, it might help to speak to a relationship counsellor. Relationship counsellors can help you identify what’s causing conflict and come up with practical solutions. You could try the following options:

• Call  Relationships Australia in your state or territory on  1300 364 277 .
• Call Family Relationships Online on  1800 050 321 .
• See your GP to talk things through and get a referral to a psychologist or relationship or family counselling service.
• Find a psychologist or counselling service through the Australian Psychology Society , Australian Counselling Association or Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia .

It’s good if you and your partner can see a counsellor together. But if your partner doesn’t want to go, it’s still worth seeking help by yourself.

Family violence is not OK. If you’re in a relationship that involves family violence, call the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service on 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).

Problem-Solving Family Therapy

• Living reference work entry
• First Online: 11 November 2017
• Cite this living reference work entry

• David Hale 4 &
• Dale E. Bertram 5  

533 Accesses

Name of Model

Brief strategic ; Communication approach ; Interactional approach ; MRI

Prominent Associated Figures

Problem-solving family therapy began, most notably on the West Coast, as an evolution of the Gregory Bateson Team research project that spawned Communication/Interactional theory and present day family therapy. Jay Haley ( 1987 ) is often associated with this approach because he wrote a book with the title Problem-Solving Therapy . Yet, there are many more people associated with the creation of problem-solving therapy: Gregory Bateson, Don D. Jackson, Milton Erickson, John Weakland, Jay Haley, and William Fry. Don Jackson founded the Mental Research Institute (MRI), one of the first free-standing marriage and family therapy training institute in the United States where he and Richard Fisch, John Weakland, and Paul Watzlawick developed the Brief Therapy Center, as part of the MRI, in which problem-solving family therapy was practiced and...

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this chapter

Institutional subscriptions

Chubb, H. (1995). Outpatient clinic effectiveness with the MRI brief therapy model. In J. Weakland & W. Ray (Eds.), Propagations: Thirty years of influence from the Mental Research Institute (pp. 129–132). New York: The Haworth Press.

Google Scholar  

Hale, D., & Frusha, C. (2016). MRI brief therapy: A tried and true systemic approach. Journal of Systemic Therapies, 35 (2), 14–24.

Article   Google Scholar  

Haley, J. (1987). Problem-solving therapy . San Francisco: Josey-Bass, Inc.

Haley, J. (1993). Uncommon therapy: The psychiatric techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D . New York: W.W. Norton & Company.

Nardone, G., & Watzlawick, P. (2007). Brief strategic therapy . New York: Aronson.

Ray, W., Schlanger, K., & Sutton, J. (2009). One thing leads to another, redux: Contributions to brief therapy from John Weakland, Ch.E., Paul Watzlawick, Ph.D. and Richard Fisch, M.D. Journal of Brief, Strategic, and Systemic Therapies, 3 , 15–37.

Weakland, J., & Ray, W. (Eds.). (1995). Propagations: Thirty years of influence from the Mental Research Institute . New York: The Haworth Press.

Weakland, J., Fisch, R., Watzlawick, P., & Bodin, A. (1974). Brief therapy: Focused problem resolution. Family Process, 13 , 141–168.

Weakland, J., Watzlawick, P., & Riskin, J. (1995). Introduction: MRI – A little background music. In J. Weakland & W. Ray (Eds.), Propagations: Thirty years of influence from the Mental Research Institute (pp. 1–15). New York: The Haworth Press.

Download references

Author information

Authors and affiliations.

University of Louisiana, Monroe, LA, USA

Abilene Christian University, Abilene, TX, USA

Dale E. Bertram

You can also search for this author in PubMed   Google Scholar

Corresponding author

Correspondence to David Hale .

Editor information

Editors and affiliations.

The Family Institute at Northwestern, Evanston, Illinois, USA

Anthony Chambers

Douglas C. Breunlin

Section Editor information

University of Louisville, Louisville, KY, USA

Eli Karam Ph.D., LMFT

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

Copyright information

© 2018 Springer International Publishing AG

About this entry

Cite this entry.

Hale, D., Bertram, D.E. (2018). Problem-Solving Family Therapy. In: Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Breunlin, D. (eds) Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-15877-8_332-1

Download citation

DOI : https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-15877-8_332-1

Received : 06 June 2017

Accepted : 27 October 2017

Published : 11 November 2017

Publisher Name : Springer, Cham

Print ISBN : 978-3-319-15877-8

Online ISBN : 978-3-319-15877-8

eBook Packages : Springer Reference Behavioral Science and Psychology Reference Module Humanities and Social Sciences Reference Module Business, Economics and Social Sciences

• Publish with us

Policies and ethics

• Find a journal
• Track your research

An official website of the United States government

The .gov means it’s official. Federal government websites often end in .gov or .mil. Before sharing sensitive information, make sure you’re on a federal government site.

The site is secure. The https:// ensures that you are connecting to the official website and that any information you provide is encrypted and transmitted securely.

• Publications
• Account settings

Preview improvements coming to the PMC website in October 2024. Learn More or Try it out now .

• Advanced Search
• Journal List
• Indian J Psychiatry
• v.62(Suppl 2); 2020 Jan

Family Interventions: Basic Principles and Techniques

Mathew varghese.

Department of Psychiatry, National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS), Bangalore, Karnataka, India

Vivek Kirpekar

1 N.K.P. Salve Institute of Medical Sciences, Nagpur, Maharashtra, India

Santosh Loganathan

Introduction.

Mental health professionals in India have always involved families in therapy. However, formal involvement of families occurred about one to two decades after this therapeutic modality was started in the West by Ackerman.[ 1 ] In India, families form an important part of the social fabric and support system, and as a result, they are integral in being part of the treatment and therapeutic process involving an individual with mental illness. Mental illnesses afflict individuals and their families too. When an individual is affected, the stigma of being mentally ill is not restricted to the individual alone, but to family members/caregivers also. This type of stigma is known as “Courtesy Stigma” (Goffman). Families are generally unaware and lack information about mental illnesses and how to deal with them and in turn, may end up maintaining or perpetuating the illness too. Vidyasagar is credited to be the father of Family Therapy in India though he wrote sparingly of his work involving families at the Amritsar Mental Hospital.[ 2 ] This chapter provides salient features of broad principles for providing family interventions for the treating psychiatrist.

TYPES AND GRADES FOR FAMILY INTERVENTIONS

Working with families involves education, counseling, and coping skills with families of different psychiatric disorders. Various interventions exist for different disorders such as depression, psychoses, child, and adolescent related problems and alcohol use disorders. Such families require psychoeducation about the illness in question, and in addition, will require information about how to deal with the index person with the psychiatric illness. Psychoeducation involves giving basic information about the illness, its course, causes, treatment, and prognosis. These basic informative sessions can last from two to six sessions depending on the time available with clients and their families. Simple interventions may include dealing with parent-adolescent conflict at home, where brief counseling to both parties about the expectations of each other and facilitating direct and open communication is required.

Additional family interventions may cover specific aspects such as future plans, job prospects, medication supervision, marriage and pregnancy (in women), behavioral management, improving communication, and so on. These family interventions offering specific information may also last anywhere between 2 and 6 sessions depending on the client's time. For example, explaining the family about the marriage prospects of an individual with a psychiatric illness can be considered a part of psychoeducation too, but specific information about marriage and related concerns require separate handling. At any given time, families may require specific focus and feedback about issues such issues.

Family therapy is a structured form of psychotherapy that seeks to reduce distress and conflict by improving the systems of interactions between family members. It is an ideal counseling method for helping family members adjust to an immediate family member struggling with an addiction, medical issue, or mental health diagnosis. Specifically, family therapists are relational therapists: They are generally more interested in what goes on between the individuals rather than within one or more individuals. Depending on the conflicts at issue and the progress of therapy to date, a therapist may focus on analyzing specific previous instances of conflict, as by reviewing a past incident and suggesting alternative ways family members might have responded to one another during it, or instead proceed directly to addressing the sources of conflict at a more abstract level, as by pointing out patterns of interaction that the family might not have noticed.

Family therapists tend to be more interested in the maintenance and/or solving of problems rather than in trying to identify a single cause. Some families may perceive cause-effect analyses as attempts to allocate blame to one or more individuals, with the effect that for many families, a focus on causation is of little or no clinical utility. It is important to note that a circular way of problem evaluation is used, especially in systemic therapies, as opposed to a linear route. Using this method, families can be helped by finding patterns of behavior, what the causes are, and what can be done to better their situation. Family therapy offers families a way to develop or maintain a healthy and functional family. Patients and families with more difficult and intractable problems such as poor prognosis schizophrenia, conduct and personality disorder, chronic neurotic conditions require family interventions and therapy. The systemic framework approach offers advanced family therapy for such families. This type of advanced therapy requires training that very few centers, such as the Family Psychiatry Center at the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS), Bengaluru, Karnataka, India offer to trainees and residents. These sessions may last anywhere from eight sessions up to 20 or more on occasions [ Table 1 ].

Types and grades of family interventions

Goals of family therapy

Usual goals of family therapy are improving the communication, solving family problems, understanding and handling special family situations, and creating a better functioning home environment. In addition, it also involves:

• Exploring the interactional dynamics of the family and its relationship to psychopathology
• Mobilizing the family's internal strength and functional resources
• Restructuring the maladaptive interactional family styles (including improving communication)
• Strengthening the family's problem-solving behavior.

Reasons for family interventions

The usual reasons for referral are mentioned below. However, it may be possible that sometimes the reasons identified initially may be just a pointer to many other lurking problems within the family that may get discovered eventually during later assessments.

• Marital problems
• Parent–child conflict
• Problems between siblings
• The effects of illness on the family
• Adjustment problems among family members
• Inconsistency parenting skills
• Psychoeducation for family members about an index patient's illness
• Handling expresses emotions.

CHALLENGES FACED BY THE NOVICE THERAPIST

Whether one is a young student, or a seasoned individual therapist, dealing with families can be intimidating at times but also very rewarding if one knows how to deal with them. We have outlined certain challenges that one faces while dealing with families, especially when one is beginning.

Being overeager to help

This can happen with beginner therapists as they are overeager and keen to help and offer suggestions straight away. If the therapist starts dominating the interaction by talking, advising, suggesting, commenting, questioning, and interpreting at the beginning itself, the family falls silent. It is advisable to probe with open-ended questions initially to understand the family.

Poor leadership

It is advisable for the therapist to have control over the sessions. Sometimes, there may be other individuals/family members who maybe authoritative and take control. Especially in crisis situations, when the family fails to function as a unit, the therapist should take control of the session and set certain conditions which in his professional judgment, maximize the chances for success.

Not immersing or engaging/fear or involving

A common problem for the beginning therapist is to become overly involved with the family. However, he may realize this and try to panic and withdraw when he can become distant and cold. Rather, one should gently try to join in with the family earning their true respect and trust before heading to build rapport.

Focusing only on index patient

Many families believe that their problem is because of the index patient, whereas it may seem a tactical error to focus on this person initially. In doing so, it may essentially agree to the family's hypothesis that their problem is arising out of this person. It is preferable, at the outset to inform the family that the problem may lie with the family (especially when referrals are made for family therapies involving multiple members), and not necessarily with any one individual.

Not including all members for sessions

Many therapeutic efforts fail because important family members are not included in the sessions. It is advisable to find out initially who are the key members involved and who should be attending the sessions. Sometimes, involving all members initially and then advising them to return to therapy as and when the need arises is recommended.

Not involving members during sessions

Even though one has involved all members of the family in the sessions, not all of them may be engaged during the sessions. Sometimes, the therapist's own transference may hold back a member of the family in the sessions. Rather, it is recommended that the therapist makes it clear that he/she is open to their presence and interactions, either verbally or nonverbally.

Taking sides with any member of the family

It may be easy to fall into the trap of taking one member's side during sessions leaving the other party doubting the fairness and judgment of the therapist. For example, after meeting one marital partner for a few sessions, the therapist, when entering the couple, discussions may be heavily biased in his views due to his/her prior interaction. Therapists should be aware of this effect and try to be neutral as possible yet take into confidence each member attending the sessions. Therapist's countertransference can easily influence him/her to take sides, especially in families that are overtly blaming from the start, or with one member who may be aggressive in the sessions, or very submissive during the sessions can influence the therapist's sides; and one needs to be aware of this early in the sessions.

Guarded families

Some families put on a guarded façade and refuse to challenge each other in the session. By being neutral and nonjudgmental, sometimes, the therapist can perpetuate this guarded façade put forth by families. Hence, therapists must be able to read this and try to challenge them, listen to microchallenges within the family, must be ready to move in and out from one family member to another, without fixing to one member.

Communicating with the therapist outside sessions

Many families attempt to reduce tension by communicating with therapist outside the session, and beginning therapist are particularly susceptible for such ploys. The family or a member/s may want to meet the therapist outside the sessions by trying to influence the therapist to their views and opinions. Therapists must refrain from such encounters and suggest discussing these issues openly during the sessions. Of course, rarely, there may be sensitive or very personal information that one may want to discuss in person that may be permissible.

Ignoring previous work done by other therapists

It is easy for family therapists to ignore previous therapists. The family therapist's ignorance of the effects of previous therapy can serious hamper the work. By discussing the previous therapist helps the new therapist to understand the problem easily and could save time also.

Getting sucked to the family's affective state/mood

If transference involves the therapist in family structure, the therapist's dependency can overinvolved him in the family's style and tone of interaction. A depressed family causes both: Therapist to relate seriously and sadly. A hostile family may cause the therapist to relate in an attacking manner. The most serious problem can occur when a family is in a state of anxiety, induces the therapist to become anxious and make his/her comments to seem accusatory and blaming. It is very difficult for the beginning therapist to “feel” where the family is affectively, to be empathic, yet to be able to relate at times on a different affective level-to respond according to situations. It is important to be aware of the affective state/mood of the family but slips in and out of that state [ Table 2 ].

Guidelines for conducting interventions with families

FUNCTIONS OF A FAMILY THERAPIST

• The family therapist establishes a useful rapport: Empathy and communication among the family members and between them and himself
• The therapist clarifies conflict by dissolving barriers, confusions, and misunderstandings
• Gradually, the therapist attempts to bring to the family to a mutual and more accurate understanding of what is wrong
• Counteracting inappropriate denials, conflicts
• Lifting hidden intrapersonal conflict to the level of interpersonal interaction.
• The therapist fulfills in part the role of true parent figure, a controller of danger, and a source of emotional support and satisfaction-supplying elements that the family needs but lacks. He introduces more appropriate attitudes, emotions, and images of family relations than the family has ever had
• The therapist works toward penetrating (entering into) and undermining resistances and reducing the intensity of shared currents of conflict, guilt, and fear. He accomplishes these aims mainly using confrontation and interpretation
• The therapist serves as a personal instrument of reality testing for the family.

In carrying out these functions, the family therapist plays a wide range of roles, as:

• An activator
• Interpreter
• Re-integrator

BASIC STEPS FOR FAMILY INTERVENTIONS

The initial phase of therapy, the referral intake.

• Family assessment
• Family formulation and treatment plan
• Formal contract.

Patients and their families are usually referred to as some family problem has been identified. The therapist may be accustomed to the usual one-on-one therapeutic situation involving a patient but may be puzzled in his approach by the presence of many family members and with a lot of information. A few guidelines are similar to the approaches followed while conducting individual therapy. The guidelines for conducting family interventions are given in Table 2 . At the time of the intake, the therapist reviews all the available information in the family from the case file and the referring clinicians. This intake session lasts for 20–30 min and is held with all the available family members. The aim of the intake session is to briefly understand the family's perception of their problem, their motivation and need to undergo family intervention and the therapist assessments of suitability for family therapy. Once this is determined the nature and modality of the therapy is explained to the family and an informal contract is made about modalities and roles of therapist and the family members. The do's and don’ts of the family interventions are laid down to the family at the outset of the process of the interventions.

The family assessment and hypothesis

The assessment of different aspects of family functioning and interactions must typically take about 3–5 sessions with the whole family, each session must last approximately 45 min to an hour. Different therapists may want to take assessments in different ways depending on their style. Mentioned below are a few tasks which are recommended for the therapist to perform. Usually, it is recommended that the naïve therapist starts with a three-generation genogram and then follows-up with the different life cycle stages and family functions as outlined below.

• The three-generation genogram is constructed diagrammatically listing out the index patient's generation and two more related generations, for example, patients and grandparents in an adolescent client or parents and children in a middle-aged client. The ages and composition of the members are recorded, and the transgenerational family patterns and interactions are looked at to understand the family from a longitudinal and epigenetic perspective. The therapist also familiarizes himself with any family dynamics prior to consultation. This gives a broad background to understand the situation the family is dealing with now
• The life cycle of the index family is explored next. The functions of the family and specific roles of different members are delineated in each of the stages of the family life cycle.[ 3 ] The index family is seen from a developmental perspective, and the therapist gets a longitudinal and temporal perspective of the family. Care is taken to see how the family has coped with problems and the process of transition from one stage to another. If children are also part of the family, their discipline and parenting styles are explored (e.g., whether there is inconsistent parenting)
• Problem Solving: Many therapists look at this aspect of the family to see how cohesive or adaptable the family has been. Usually, the family members are asked to describe some stress that the family has faced, i.e., some life events, environmental stressors, or illness in a family member. The therapist then proceeds to get a description of how the family coped with this problem. Here, “circular questions” are employed and therapist focuses on antecedent events. The crisis and the consequent events are examined closely to look for patterns that emerge. The family function (or dysfunction) is heightened when there is a crisis situation and the therapist look at patterns rather than the content described. Thus, the therapist gets an “as if I was there” view of the family. The same inquiry is possible using the technique of enactment[ 4 ]
• The Structural Map: Once the inquiry is over, the therapist draws the structural map, which is a diagrammatic representation of the family system, showing the different subsystems, its boundaries, power structure and relationships between people. Diagrammatic notions used in structural therapy or Bowenian therapy are used to denote relationships (normal, conflictual, or distant) and subsystem boundaries, in different triadic relationships. This can also be done on a timeline to show changes in relationships in different life cycle stages and influences from different life events
• What the client is trying to convey through his/her symptoms?
• What is the role of the family in maintaining these symptoms?
• Why has the family come now?

This circular hypothesis can be confirmed on further inquiry with the family to see how the “dysfunctional equilibrium” is maintained. At this stage, we suggest that a family formulation is generated, hypothesized and analyzed. This leads to a comprehensive systemic formulation involving three generations. This formulation will determine which family members we need to see in a therapy, what interventional techniques we should use and what changes in relationships we should effect. The team will also discuss the minimum, most effective treatment plan which emerges considering the most feasible changes the family can make

• Formal Contract: A brief understanding of the family homeostasis is presented to the family. Sometimes, the full hypothesis may be fed to the family in a noncritical and positive way (“Positive Connotation”), appreciating the way in which the system is functioning the therapist presents the treatment plat to the family and negotiates with the members the plan and action they would like to take up at the present time. The time frame and modality of therapy is contracted with the family, and the therapy is put into force. The frequency and intensity of sessions are determined by the degree of distress felt by the family and the geographical distance from the therapy center, i.e., families may be seen as inpatients at the center if they are in crisis or if they live far away.

The Family Psychiatry Center at The NIMHANS, Bengaluru, Karnataka, India, is one of the centers where formal training in therapy is regularly conducted. An outline of the Family Assessment Proforma[ 5 ] used at this center is given in Figure 1 . Several other structured family assessment instruments are available [ Figure 1 ].

Family assessment proforma (Obtained with permission from the Family Psychiatry Center, National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences, Bengaluru, Karnataka, India)

Middle phase of therapy

This phase of therapy forms the major work that is carried out with the family. Depending on the school of therapy, that is used, these sessions may number from a few (strategic) to many sessions lasting many months (psychodynamic). The techniques employed depend on the understanding of the family during the assessment as much as the family – therapist fit. For example, the degree of psychological sophistication of the clients will determine the use of psychodynamic and behavioral techniques. Similarly, a therapist who is comfortable with structural/strategic methods would put these therapies to maximum use. The nature of the disorder and the degree of pathology may also determine the choice of therapy, i.e., behavioral techniques may be used more in chronic psychotic conditions while the more difficult or resistant families may get brief strategic therapies. We will now describe some of the important techniques used with different kinds of problems.

Psychodynamic therapy

This school was one of the first to be described by people like Ackerman and Bowen.[ 1 , 6 ] This method has been made more contextual and briefer by therapists like Boszormenyi-Nasgy and Framo.[ 7 , 8 ] Essentially, the therapist understands the dynamics employed by different members of the family and the interrelationships of these members. These family ego defenses are interpreted to the members and the goal of therapy is to effects emotional insight and working through of new defense patterns. Family transferences may become evident and may need interpretation. Therapy usually lasts from 15 to 30 sessions and this method may be employed in persons who are psychologically sophisticated, and able to understand dynamics and interpretations. Sustained and high motivation is necessary for such a therapy. This method is found useful in couples with marital discord from upper middle-class backgrounds. Time required is a major constraint.

Behavioral methods

Behavioral techniques find use in many types of therapies and conditions. It has been extensively used in chronic psychotic illnesses by workers such as Fallon et al. , (1986) and Anderson et al. [ 9 , 10 ] Psychoeducation and skills training in communication and problem-solving are found very useful among families which do not have very serious dysfunction. Techniques such as modeling or role-plays are useful in improving communication styles and to teach parenting skills with disturbed children. Obviously, motivation for therapy is a major requisite and hence techniques such as contracting, homework assignments are used in couples with marital discord. Behavioral techniques used in sexual dysfunction are also possible when adapted according to clients’ needs.

Structural family therapy

Described by Minuchin; Fishman and Unbarger[ 4 , 11 , 12 ] has become quite popular over the past few years among therapists in India. This is possibly because of many reasons. Our families are available with their manifold subsystems of parents, children, grandparents and structure is easily discerned and changed. In addition, in recent years most clients present with conduct and personality disorders in adolescence and early adulthood. Hence, techniques like unbalancing, boundary-making are quite useful as the common problems involve adolescents who are wielding power with poor marital adjustments between parents. These techniques are useful for many of our clients.

Strategic technique

We have found that these brief techniques can be very powerfully used with families which are difficult and highly resistant to change. We usually employ them when other methods have failed, and we need to take a U-turn in therapy. Techniques employed by the Milan school[ 13 , 14 ] reframing, positive connotation, paradoxical (symptom) prescription have been used effectively. So also have techniques like prescription in brief methods advocated by Erikson, Watzlawick et al. ,[ 15 , 16 ] been useful. Familiarity and competence with these techniques is a must and therapy is usually brief and quickly terminated with prescriptions [ Table 3 ].

Summaries of the different schools of therapies

SES – Socioeconomic status

FAMILY INTERVENTIONS IN SPECIFIC DISORDERS

Techniques to promote family adaptation to illness.

• Heighten awareness of shifting family roles – pragmatic and emotional
• Facilitate major family lifestyle changes
• Increase communication within and outside the family regarding the illness
• Help family to accept what they cannot control, focus energies on what they can
• Find meaning in the illness. Help families move beyond “Why us?”
• Facilitate them grieving inevitable losses–of function, of dreams, of life
• Increase productive collaboration among patients, families, and the health-care team
• Trace prior family experience with the illness through constructing a genogram
• Set individual and family goals related to illness and to nonillness developmental events.

Schizophrenia

Family EE and communication deviance (or lack of clarity and structure in communication) are well-established risk factors for the onset of schizophrenia.

Psychoeducational interventions aim to increase family members’ understanding of the disorder and their ability to manage the positive and negative symptoms of psychosis.

Simple strategies would include reduction of adverse family atmosphere by reducing stress and burden on relatives, reduction of expressions of anger and guilt by the family, helping relatives to anticipate and solve problems, maintenance of reasonable expectations for patient performance, to set appropriate limits whilst maintaining some degree of separation when needed; and changing relatives’ behavior and belief systems.

Programs emphasize family resilience. Address families’ need for education, crisis intervention, skills training, and emotional support.

Bipolar mood disorder

To recognize the early signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder.

Develop strategies for intervening early with new episodes and assure consistency with medication regimens.

Manage moodiness and swings of the patient, anger management, feelings of frustration.

Family conflict and rejection, low family support, ineffective communication, poor expression of affect, abuse, and insecure attachment bonds are primary focus of family therapy associated with depression cognitive-behavioral and interpersonal interventions for depression.

Family-based treatment for anxiety combines family therapy with cognitive-behavioral interventions.

Targets the characteristics of the family environment that support anxiogenic beliefs and avoidant behaviors.

The goal is to disrupt the interactional patterns that reinforce the disorder.

To assist family members in using exposure, reward, relaxation, and response prevention techniques to reduce the patients’ anxieties.

Eating disorders

Target the dysfunctional family processes, namely, enmeshment and overprotectiveness.

To help parents build effective and developmentally appropriate strategies for promoting and monitoring their child's eating behaviors.

Childhood disorders

The primary focus is the development of effective parenting and contingency management strategies that will disrupt the problematic family interactions associated with ADHD and ODD.

Family-based interventions for autism spectrum disorder

Parents taught to use communication and social training tools that are adapted to the needs of their children and apply these techniques to their family interactions at home.

Substance misuse

Enhance the coping ability of family members and reduce the negative consequences of alcohol and drug abuse on concerned relatives; eliminate the family factors that constitute barriers to treatment; use family support to engage and retain the drug and/or alcohol user in therapy; change the characteristics of the family environment that contribute to relapse Al-Anon, AL-teen.

Termination phase

This last phase of therapy is finished in a couple of sessions. The initial goals of therapy are reviewed with the family. The family and the therapist review together the goals which were achieved, and the therapist reminds the family the new patterns/changes which have emerged. The need to continue these new patterns is emphasized. At the same time, the family is cautioned that these new patterns will occur when all members make a concerted effort to see this happen. Family members are reminded that it is easy to fall back to the old patterns of functioning which had produced the unstable equilibrium necessitating consultation.

At termination, the therapist usually negotiates new goals, new tasks or new interactions with the family that they will carry out for the next few months in the follow up period. The family is told that they need to review these new patterns after a couple of months so as to determine how things have gone and how conflicts have been addressed by the family. This way the family has a better chance of sustaining the change created. Sometimes booster sessions are also advised after 6–12 months especially for outstation families who cannot come regularly for follow-ups. These booster sessions will review the progress and negotiate further changes with the family over a couple of sessions. This follow-up period, after therapy is terminated is crucial for working through process and ensures that the client-therapist bond is not severed too quickly. It is easy to deal with the clients’ and therapist’ anxieties if this transition phase is smooth.

SPECIAL SOCIOCULTURAL ISSUES IN THERAPY SPECIFIC TO INDIA

Most Indian families are functionally joint families though they may have a nuclear family structure. Furthermore, unlike the Western world more than two generations readily come for therapy. Hence, it becomes necessary to deal with two to three generations in therapy and also with transgenerational issues. Our families also foster dependency and interdependency rather than autonomy. This issue must also be kept in mind when dealing with parent–child issues. Indians have a varied cultural and religious diversity depending on the region from which the family comes. The therapist has to be familiar with the regional customs, practices, beliefs, and rituals. The Indian family therapist has to also be wary of being too directive in therapy as our families may give the mantle of omnipotence to the therapist and it may be more difficult for us to adopt at one-down or nondirective approach. Hence, while systemic family therapy is eminently possible in India one must keep in mind these sociocultural factors so as to get a good “family-therapist fit.”

Constraint factors in therapy

The economic backwardness of most out families makes therapy feasible and affordable, in terms of time and money spent, only to the middle and upper classes of our society. The poorer families usually drop out of therapy as they have other more pressing priorities. The lack of tertiary social support and welfare or social security makes it less possible to network with other systems. We are also woefully inadequate in terms of trained family therapists to cater to our large population. In our country, distances seem rather daunting and modes of transport and communication are poor for families to readily seek out a therapist. We work with these constraint factors and so the “family-therapy” fit is an important factor for families that are seeking and staying in family therapy. 17

CONCLUSIONS

Over the last few years, a systemic model has evolved for service and for training. The model uses a predominantly systematic framework for understanding families and the techniques for therapy are drawn from different schools namely the structural, strategic, and behavioral psychodynamic therapies.

Appendix: Glossary of terms

The repetitive patterns of interaction that organize the way in which family members relate and interact with each other.

Boundaries are the rules defining who participates in the system and how, i.e., the degree of access outsiders have to the system.

It may comprise of a single person, or several persons joined together by common membership criteria, for example, age, gender, or shared purpose.

When alignments stand in opposition to another part of the system (i.e., when several family members are against another member/s.

The joining together of two or more members. It popularly designates appositive affinity between two units of a system.

Channels of communication are a mechanism that defines “who speaks to whom.” When channels of communication are blocked, needs cannot be fulfilled, problems cannot be solved, and goals cannot be achieved.

Enmeshed families

In which, there is extreme sensitivity among the individual members to each other and their primary subsystem.

Financial support and sponsorship

Conflicts of interest.

There are no conflicts of interest.

• Collaborative Problem Solving for Parents »

Collaborative Problem Solving for Parents

Our evidence-based approach, developed at Massachusetts General Hospital, is a big mind-shift when it comes to understanding your child’s behavior and what to do about it. Collaborative Problem Solving ® (CPS) is an evidence-based, trauma-informed practice that helps kids meet expectations, reduces concerning behavior, builds children’s skills, and improves family relationships.

You’ll learn how to partner with the children in your life to identify the triggers for their challenging behavior, and work together to produce a game plan for how to handle problems before they happen. Collaborative Problem Solving avoids using power, control, and motivational procedures. Instead, it focuses on collaborating with children to solve the problems leading to them not meeting expectations and displaying problematic behavior.

Collaborative Problem Solving is designed to meet the needs of all children at all ages, including those with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. It promotes the understanding that kids who have trouble meeting expectations or managing their behavior lack the skill—not the will—to do so . These children struggle with skills related to problem-solving, flexibility, and frustration tolerance and Collaborative Problem Solving builds these skills.

Transform Discipline at Home

Are you tired of the meltdowns, nagging, yelling, and constant power struggles between you and your child? If behavior charts, rewards, and punishments aren't working, we know why!  Research shows kids with challenging behavior lack the skill, not the will, to behave.

Traditional discipline is broken, it doesn’t result in improved behavior or improved relationships between adults and children. The Collaborative Problem Solving approach is an effective form of relational discipline that reduces concerning behavior and parent stress while building skills and relationships between adults and children.

A Mother’s Story

Ways you can learn more.

Join one of our courses to learn more about Collaborative Problem Solving.

Have you wondered why a child or an adult you know struggles to meet certain expectations or manage their behavior?

This 1-hour, self-paced,  free  course teaches the five Thinking Skills we all use to manage our behavior and meet expectations.

Parents & Caregivers, learn how you can help your kids meet expectations and improve your relationship!

This 1.5-hour, self-paced course introduces the principles of Collaborative Problem Solving ® while outlining how the approach can meet your family's needs. Tuition: $39 Enroll Now

Parents, guardians, families, and caregivers are invited to register for our supportive 8-week, online course to learn Collaborative Problem Solving ® (CPS), the evidence-based and trauma-informed approach for helping children develop the skills they need to manage their behavior.

The Results

Our research has shown that the Collaborative Problem Solving approach helps kids and adults build crucial social-emotional skills and leads to dramatic decreases in behavior problems across various settings including schools, residential, in and outpatient treatment, and homes. Results reported by parents, pediatricians, and outpatient therapists include improved behavior and reductions in caregiver stress.

Collaborative Problem Solving in Action

Watch these examples of Collaborative Problem Solving conversations to get an idea of what it is all about.

What Our Families Say

Parent & caregiver insights, how to talk to your kids about social media, kids lack skill, not will, behaviors charts: helpful or harmful, seeing red 4 steps to try before responding, changing behavior takes time, a mother’s collaborative problem solving story, the power of brief relational interactions in changing our brains and behavior, is social media ruining kids’ mental health let’s ask them, thinking skills assessment, attention and working memory thinking skills, language and communication thinking skills, rethinking our approach to youth mental health care, child having trouble transitioning between activities here’s how to help, how lagging social thinking skills can influence behavior, managing challenging behavior in youth sports, privacy overview.

• U.S. Department of Health & Human Services
• Administration for Children & Families
• Upcoming Events
• Open an Email-sharing interface
• Open to Share on Facebook
• Open to Share on Twitter
• Open to Share on Pinterest
• Open to Share on LinkedIn

Prefill your email content below, and then select your email client to send the message.

Recipient e-mail address:

Send your message using:

Promoting Problem-solving Skills in Young Children

Roselia Ramirez : I'd like to welcome you to the Home Visiting webinar series. We are happy that you have joined us today. The topic for our session is focused on problem-solving and how home visitors can partner with parents to really support its development. Before we get started, we want to tell you a little bit about us and want to have you meet your hosts for today's session.

My name is Roselia Ramirez and I am a senior training and technical assistance specialist at the National Center on Early Childhood Development Teaching and Learning, or DTL for short. I'm happy to be joining you from my home state of Arizona, and I'm going to turn it over to my colleagues and have them introduce themselves. Hey Joyce.

Joyce Escorcia: I am Joyce Escorcia, and thanks everyone for choosing to spend your hour with us. I work alongside Roselia and Sarah at DTL as a senior T and T specialist. You may have seen me in the Coaching Corner webinars and some other places and spaces. Thanks for joining us. We're excited to dig into our topic today. Sarah, do you want to introduce yourself, and share a little bit about yourself?

Sarah Basler: I'm excited to join you all today; you might recognize me as one of the presenters of the Coaching Corner webinar series and my role and work tends to be around coaching and specifically using PBC to support practitioners and even supporting coaches in their PBC practice. I also have a background in pyramid model practices. I'm excited to be here today and talk with you all about problem-solving, which is one of my passions. Thanks so much for having me today.

Roselia: Thanks for joining us, Sarah. It's exciting to see you and to have you as our guest for today on this often-challenging topic for many home visitors as well as parents. Thank you again, and it's so nice to see you. We do probably have some new viewers joining us today. We were wondering if you could start by giving an overview of the Practice-Based Coaching model and then share with our viewers some of the benefits of coaching for a home visitor.

Sarah: Sure. A quick little recap for some of you, and an introduction for others, Practice-Based Coaching or PBC as we call it for short, is a coaching model that when used with fidelity can lead to positive outcomes for children and their families. PBC can be used with anyone, so you can, a coach can support teachers or support home visitors, family childcare providers, or even other coaches. We refer to those that are receiving the coaching as a coachee, to support them to use a set of effective practices. PBC is a content-ready model, which means that any set of practices can be the focus for the middle of the cycle, visual, and so whatever set of practices that you might want to be the focus of coaching can go in the middle there.

The coach and the coachee together identify some strengths and needs related to those effective practices that have been selected for coaching and together they write a goal and an action plan to support that coachee in their implementation of those goals. The coach and the coachee engage in focused observation. The coach will come in and observe the coachee using those effective practices selected in their action plan. Then they meet and reflect about what happened during the focused observation, and the coach will give some feedback, some supportive, and some constructive feedback.

All of these components of PBC fit within a collaborative partnership. PBC occurs in that context, and it's really about a coach and a coachee coming together to work together and support the implementation of those effective practices. When we think about what those benefits might be for a home visitor, a home visitor could share with their coach, challenges that they might be facing related to working with families and together, a coach and the home visitor could talk through maybe some possible solutions or strategies that the home visitor may want to try with the family or support the home visitor in learning a little bit more about a certain set of effective practices.

Sometimes it's really nice to have that support and a colleague to ask your questions and get some ideas. A coach can support a home visitor to grow their home visiting practices. A coach could support them not only around maybe effective practices to try with the, to support the family to use, but could support the home visitor in growing their home visiting practices themselves. Thinking about how to enhance those skills.

Roselia: Thanks, Sarah, I really like the whole notion. The first thing that kind of comes to my mind is this whole idea of having a thought partner. But before we go any further into this topic, and this discussion, if you're just joining the session, we would like to remind you to visit that teal color widget that's at the bottom of your screen. Here's where you can gain access to this participant's guide that you're seeing a little screenshot on your screen now. This resource is intended to be interactive and you're going to hear us reference it and then direct you there during the session for some opportunities for engagement as well as some reflection.

I also want to point out that on the first page of the participant's guide, you're going to find some icons and images that we have been using in our home webinar series, such as the focus on equity segment and this is represented by that little magnifying glass image. I also wanted to mention that not every one of our Home Visiting webinars will have each of the segments in each of the webinars, but just to give you an idea of what those are when you do see them. The other thing we want to do before we go any further is we want to review the learning objectives that we have established for this session.

We have identified and framed the session around two learning goals. First, by the end of the session, we anticipate that you'll be able to describe some essential components of problem-solving, and then second, that you will have some practical strategies and resources that are intended to not only strengthen but nurture problem-solving within that home environment. Now in your participant's guide, we have provided a space for you to reflect and to think about your own learning goals and what you would like to walk away with from this session. Think about that for a moment. What's something that maybe a question that you might have or a type of reflection, something that you would like to walk away with. Take a moment and then jot down your thoughts in your participant's guide.

Joyce: To frame the space that we're in today for our Home Visiting webinar series this year, we've been focusing in on topics that have an impact on social and emotional development. As many of you know, social-emotional development is one of the domains in the Head Start Early Learning and Outcomes Framework, or the ELOF . You can see we have it highlighted here on the slide. When we began the series this year in October, we focused in on the home environment, and then in December, we focused in on relationships. In our last webinar, we really focused in on emotional literacy.

If you missed these webinars, don't worry, you can catch it on Push Play, and you'll have information about that towards the end of our webinar today. For our time today, we're really excited; again, I'm super excited to have my cohost from the Coaching Corner webinar series. I'm excited to be here with Sarah to focus on problem-solving and the practical strategies that we're going to be talking about today. We're really going to be looking at how a home visitor can support and partner with families kind of introduce and nurture that skill within young children. That's really where we're going to be at today.

Again, we wanted to make that connection with the Pyramid Model. While we're not going to go deep into the pyramid, we do want to just make that connection today that the Pyramid Model is a framework of evidence-based practices for promoting young children's social-emotional development. The Pyramid Model builds upon a tiered public health approach by providing universal support to, universal supports for [inaudible]. Animations are going a little wonky on me today. Universal support to all children to promote wellness and then targeted services to those who need more support and then also intensive services for those that need them.

In this webinar, we're going to be focusing in on problem-solving, which is that tier two targeted kind of social-emotional support piece, which we know are essential and important to healthy social development. That's where we're going to be focusing in on today, with, we're thinking about the pyramid. If you want to know more about the pyramid, check out the National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations, or NCPMI . We have links to that within the resource, within your viewer's guide for today. Be sure and check that out as well. We are again super fortunate to have Sarah with us today. We just really want to draw on all of her experience that she's had out in the field and really sharing some of her insight on problem-solving. Sarah, I'm going to pass it over to you.

Sarah: Social competencies like self-regulation, empathy, perspective taking, and problem-solving skills are really foundational to that healthy social-emotional development, and this includes positive interactions like friendship and relationship skills between peers and siblings. Young children really need that support of adults in their lives to help them learn these skills so that they can develop healthy relationships among peers and find ways to really work through social conflicts. As home visitors, you can support this process by really supporting teaching and modeling with families how to help their children develop these skills earlier on.

It can start as young as infants and toddlers. Home visitors can support building these foundational problem-solving and relationship skills that most children can access with adult support and start to use independently as they start to, as they continue to develop these skills. Children, as they become more independent, they'll tend to run into situations in their environment that can lead to frustration or even some challenging behavior.

If parents are intentional and teach children these skills early on in their development, they can become pretty fluent in problem-solving. Then as they learn these skills, they can become more independent and successful with these skills. Their self-esteem will then, in turn, increase, and they will be likely to be able to cope with certain levels of frustration as a result and engage hopefully in less challenging behavior. When they feel confident in these social interactions and are able to problem solve successfully, then we're going to likely see less challenging behavior.

Roselia: Sarah, this is a good place to note that as you get to know your families, you may also discover that there might be some children who struggle, and they don't readily learn these skills through those foundational teaching strategies such as modeling or co-regulation. This might include children with disabilities or suspected delays. Establishing that strong relationship with the parent becomes even more important to get more familiar with and to be aware of the struggles so that you as a home visitor can then explore and use some of those more individualized practices to work on these skills when children need that extra support. We're going to talk some more about that throughout this webinar, but we just thought that would be really important to point that out.

Let's talk a bit more about why problem-solving is important in child development. We know that the earlier that children begin solving those problems, the more ready they are to deal with bigger challenges as they mature. We know that the home is a safe, it's a controlled environment, where parents can direct children as they develop and practice those problem-solving skills. By viewing problems as opportunities to grow, children begin to broaden their understanding while building that confidence that you were talking about.

We also know that when children feel overwhelmed or maybe hopeless, they often, they're not going to attempt to address a problem and that's where some of this challenging behavior for us adults may come up. When they have support, and then adults really support them with that clear formula and some steps for solving problems, they'll feel more confident in their ability to even give it a try. By introducing problem-solving skills at a young age, children learn to think in terms of manageable steps. Sarah, can you share with us how a home visitor might go about this process with families?

Sarah: There are some steps to problem-solving that home visitors can use and introduce to parents and there are some ways that you can support families to incorporate these steps as they encounter social conflict in the home or in socialization. The first is to support children in identifying the problem. This can be simply stating what the problem is out loud and it can make a big difference for children and that even includes infants and toddlers as well as preschool-age children who are feeling stuck. Parents can really think about how to do this in an age-appropriate way to support their child to state what the problem that they're encountering is, such as, your sister doesn't want to play with you, or I see you're having a hard time rolling over, or would you like a turn?

Once the problem has been identified, parents can help their child to think about what some solutions might be to solving their problems. Parents can help to brainstorm possible ways that they might solve that problem. As a home visitor, we can help parents understand that all solutions don't necessarily need to be a good idea, meaning that really just the idea of children coming up with these ideas or sharing some possible solutions. We want to support that process and allow children to share no matter how silly it may sound, and we can support them by offering suggestions to them. The goal is for parents to help their child explore options and the key is to help them do this with creativity and support them to find many different potential solutions because we know that there's not one right way to solve a problem and we want to support children to be able to think of multiple solutions.

Parents can even talk through and help their child identify what the pros and cons of each solution might be. Parents really play this critical role in helping their child identify potential positive and maybe negative consequences for each potential solution they've identified. Once the child has evaluated the possible pros and cons of each solution, the parent can encourage them to pick a solution and try it out and see what happens.

That's where even sometimes those silly solutions that they come up with, it's okay, let them try it out because if it doesn't work, you can support them to try out a different solution. And finally, the last step would be really analyzing or evaluating if it worked. Did this solution that you tried work? Was it, did it solve your problem? And if it doesn't work, you can always come up with a different solution and help them to brainstorm new ones.

Roselia: Thanks Sarah. I think that's a really great way to kind of break down that process and a great way for home visitors to support parents as they're kind of working through that. From your experience as a coach, and then just the various different learning settings that you had the opportunity to work in, why do you think problem-solving is so important?

Sarah: Problem-solving skills give children that independence that they really crave. It gives them agency in their own lives. Even though they may not be able to do this independently right away, when we give children the tools that they need to be able to do this successfully, they're able to navigate interactions with others and it helps to build social competence that they're going to carry with them for the rest of their lives. No matter what the learning environment is that you are in, social interactions are inevitable. They happen all the time. It's important that adults give children the tools that they need and support them to use those tools when they need them so that they become independent and confident in solving these problems when they arise.

Joyce: When Sarah was talking, I said I really love how you made that connection about the importance of parents supporting that, because I think it goes back to what we stated when we started. That about supporting children to become these confident, capable children really does kind of lead into being confident, capable adults who can kind of explore the world around them with all the skills that they need. I think that it just makes a case why this is so important. Because we know that solving problems really is about making choices. As young children develop their problem-solving skills, they build their confidence and we just know that you know, that having all of that, being able to solve problems, figuring things out, really makes them happier, more content, and just independent individuals. That's really what we want.We know when they tackle problems on their own or in a group, they become resilient and persistent. They learn how to look at challenges from a fresh perspective, and therefore, they're confident enough to take more calculated risks and problem-solving is so important in child development.

Again, because we know if we do it and we get it right when they're little, it really turns into this other thing when they become adults that they become confident and capable and are good with taking risk in all kinds of other different ways. Some of you may be wondering why you're here with us, wondering what skills do children need to be successful at problem solving? This is important, like I know it's important. What skills do they need in order to be able to do it well and in order for children to be successful at problem-solving and developing relationships there are a lot of prerequisite skills that are required and needed. 

We're going to talk a little bit about that, but we want to open up the Q and A for you guys to say okay, what skills do you think are important for children? What do you think that they might need in order to problem solve? We're going to ask you to pop that into the Q and A, right there, just click on the Q and A widget and put your responses there. We're going to share some of those out. While you guys are kind of thinking and popping ideas into the Q and A, we want to ask Sarah and bring her into the conversation of, Sarah, can you share with participants what some of those, what you think some of those prerequisites could be?

Sarah: For prerequisite skills, as you mentioned Joyce, problem-solving is really complex and it's going to require that a child be able to do many different things at the same time. When we think about children three and up, what they might need to be successful at problem-solving, then you really need to be able to initiate and respond to others. That could be a verbal or a nonverbal interaction or response, and it would vary, of course, based on the child's age or ability. This might look like if a child wants a toy that another child has, it could look like holding out their hand to ask or asking for a turn. A response might look like the other child saying no, I don't want to give you a turn, or pulling the item back to say, I don't want to give you the toy. Children really need to be able to initiate and respond to be successful at problem solving. 

Another thing that they need to be able to do is identify emotions in themselves and in others. The reason this is important is because have you ever tried to solve a problem when you're upset? It's really hard. You're not thinking clearly. It's just not going to work. Children need to be able to return themselves to that state of calm before they're able to come up with solutions to their problem, or even to recognize what their problem is. Another step is being able to calm themselves or having an adult support them to calm down. 

The next skill might seem obvious, but children really need to be able to identify what the problem is. That could look like a child identifying hey, I've got two apples but there are three siblings here. And what, my problem is I've got two apples, and we don't have enough. Once they've identified the problem, children really need to be able to then come up with possible solutions to solve their problem. That could be that child identifying hey, if I split this apple, we all have some. Or it might be, I don't like apples, so you can have mine. 

These skills that I just mentioned are really higher level for maybe preschool-age children, but a home visitor can also support families of infants and toddlers by setting the stage for problem solving. Making sure the environment really promotes interactions with others. Are there opportunities for that child or other children in the home to engage with one another? There usually are, even in routines that we don't think there are, you can build in possible opportunities. Pointing those out for the family, helping them think about what they might do or say and providing, helping support them to provide more opportunities throughout the day.

Another way that a family could support problem-solving in the environment is narrating or pointing out the intentions or what another child might be wanting or needing so that could sound like, “oh, I see Julia crawling towards you. It looks like she wants to play with your ball.” What this does is really builds awareness of the wants and needs and intentions of others. I think that's so important because often I know you've been around children, you know that sometimes it feels like a threat and when we can narrate what's going on, we can frame what's going on for the child so that then they approach it as in a different way. 

Of course, it's important to share that if a coach is working with a home visitor to support families to use these practices, a coach can help a home visitor identify what those prerequisite skills are that might need to be taught to the child first, the family or the child to be successful. It's important to note that a coach can be an extra set of eyes. And that, some of the things that I mentioned are coming in on the chat, I'm seeing, or in the Q and A, some people are saying kids need to be able to share, kids need to be able to ask for what they need, kids need to be able to identify the problem, and so it looks like you guys are right in line with what we were talking about. Really having friendship skills is important. Thank you so much for your responses.

Joyce: I feel like folks have a lot of ideas to share about what it takes to problem solve. And again, thank you for all your responses; keep them coming in. We just talked about, there are a lot of things needed for children to be successful at problem-solving and we still see a lot of the responses here we see coming in in the chat. We have Kate and Catrina that talk about regulating emotions. We have Tom that talked about think about possible solutions and then also as adults think about how can we help kind of set them up with possible solutions. Thank you for putting all of those things in there. As you can see, there's a list there added to the list that is coming in the Q and A. All of those things all in mind, problem-solving steps that we talked about and how a home visitor might support the development of this process.

Sarah, just to pop in with a quick question here, when you were talking and explaining the, when you were explaining kind of the why. Like why because it kind of helps to take away that threat aspect of it. As a coach we do that with our coachee or home visitor and do you think that there's some importance or connection then as a home visitor having that knowledge than to be able to have that parallel process of sharing that information with a print of like this is why it's important to narrate kind of that parallel top piece. Do you think that that could also be helpful for a home visitor?

Sarah: Yes, absolutely. I think as adult learners, and when you're working with parents, working with adult learners, it's really important for them to know the why. Why are you telling me to narrate? Pairing the narration is important because it helps children feel less threatened by the other child and you share the intentions. Then it helps make it more, gives the parents the why. Why would I do this? And then they know that the possible impact that using that practice might have. It's really a parallel process. What you would, your coach would use with you, you might also use some of those strategies with the families that you would work with.

Joyce: Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I said it was just when you said that, that light bulb went off, like wow, that's important information to kind of share on both sides, so thank you for that. 

Now we're going to just summarize some of those key ideas and practices for home visitors and how they can support some of those problem-solving skills. Again, a lot of things have been coming in through the Q and A. Number one is just to promote healthy relationships, that home visitors can support parents in how they engage with and offer opportunities for young children to work on relationship skills. Sharing and helping and cooperating and comforting and making suggestions about play, even celebrating each other, and creating developmentally appropriate opportunities for practicing those skills throughout the day. 

Home visitors can support parents in creating opportunities within the home as well as exploring options where children can practice turn-taking and sharing. Maybe through a socialization activity. Particularly when you're thinking about when there's just one child in the home, parents may have a concern about their child not having opportunities to engage with other children, so that could be a great time to just kind of pause and think about the value they place on peer relationships and how they might be able to provide some of those opportunities for their child. Thinking about some of those being intentional and some might be planning some outdoor activities, some field trips, some going to the park, visiting with their cousins or whatever that aspect. 

Just knowing that can also help with thinking about, like, 'Wow, every interaction could be a learning moment, an opportunity to kind of learn and grow these skills.' Thinking about teaching problem-solving steps that earlier we talked about - some steps that home visitors can work through with parents. When it comes to developing problem-solving skills, young children are learning to manage their emotions and behaviors through co-regulation. They're beginning to reason and understand simple consequences. Our role as a home visitor, we have that opportunity to work with parents and support the development of problem-solving.

Problem-solving development at this young age allows children to identify problems, brainstorm possible solutions, and then test those out, test out those appropriate solutions, and then analyze and think about, "Okay, so what kind of results did I get? Did I get what I wanted in the end?" Parents can support children to work through these steps and gain confidence in their ability to work through the problems that they encounter.

Another component would be teaching problem-solving in the moment. Problem-solving is hard work. It is hard work, but a 2-year-old solving problems is hard work for everyone involved sometimes. As home visitors, we have that unique opportunity of supporting this process. We want to build a parent's skill base and their confidence really to help their child use problem-solving steps in the moment. As home visitors can partner with parents to brainstorm ways they can anticipate those social conflicts before they happen. When a problem arises, the parent can anticipate or recognize problems before things can escalate and get out of hand and feel overwhelming or intervene as needed to work through those problem-solving steps that home visitors can support. 

How parents individualize strategies they use to provide support, all these skills, really based on the learning kind of style and needs of their child. We know that some children may need the amount of language used to be modified; some children may need visual cues or gestures kind of paired with verbal language; some children may need specific feedback about consequences to really help them learn about the effect of their behavior on the environment really based on the individual needs of that family and the children as well.

Roselia: Thanks for sharing all that, Joyce. That's a lot of great information, and as you were saying all these things that we're doing to support parents or children rather — I think someone mentioned this earlier — about even as adults, problem-solving is difficult for us sometimes. To imagine for children that don't have the words and they're struggling with all these different emotions and wanting to stake their independence, it can really be a tough process. 

As home visitors, we're in that unique position to really help support. Thanks for sharing all that. Throughout this webinar, we've really been discussing ways to foster problem-solving skills for all children. Today, in our focus on equity segment, we're going to use our equity lens to take a closer look and really lift up the value of equity in all learning environments as we work with diverse families in our communities.

As home visitors, it is safe to say that we are working with a diverse group of families, and we never want to make any assumptions. Let's reflect on this question: How can a home visitor be sure that they are being culturally responsive to a family's values related to relationships and problem-solving? Think about that because we know it's not a cookie-cutter approach and we know that there are cultures within cultures. It's important that we don't make any assumptions, and thinking about being culturally responsive, how can a home visitor ensure that that is happening?

We'd like for you to take some time and share some of your thoughts with us in the Q and A. While you're doing that, we do have a few suggestions that we would like for you to consider. First, we want to make sure that the skills that you're introducing are culturally relevant to the family that you're working with. It's important to really take the time and think back to the information that you've gathered as you've been developing a relationship with the family. You want to be sure that you're considering the values, beliefs, what's important to them, what's important that, the importance and the goals that they have for their children, and again, not making any assumptions and really asking these types of questions as you're moving through the process.

We also recommend that you take the time to gather input about social problems that the child may face at home or perhaps other settings that they're participating in. Then lastly, although we just mentioned this, we wanted to place an emphasis on the importance of gathering information about the family's values. As you're building those relationships, as you're observing the family, just really asking those questions, and not making assumptions from your perspective but from how the family states it. It's important to remember that problem-solving and how it is approached is not going to look the same for all families. Again, even if you have families that are from the same culture, what works for one family may not work for another. It's important for the suggestions and the strategies to be culturally responsive and respectful of a family's values. Sarah, folks are still entering their thoughts into the Q and A. Is there anything that you would like to add?

Sarah: Those suggestions you gave are great. Something that I think is important is you want to make sure that teaching problem-solving is relevant. You mentioned that, but we want to make sure that it's meeting the needs of the family, like what you're suggesting. Think about, when I think about it from a coach's perspective, this might be an opportunity to support the home visitor to come up with some ideas.

For example, if a home visitor asks the family what kind of social problems are popping up at home, or in their socialization settings with their child, it could be, “Oh, my child is taking toys, and they don't think sharing is important.” What you might do is offer different suggestions, but it might be tricky for a home visitor if they don't value sharing. What else could I offer? That could be where coming to your coach and trying to brainstorm and problem-solve or with your colleagues or your supervisor. 

If coaching isn't offered, to come up with some different ideas of what they might offer to that family, what they might suggest they teach their child instead. That could be asking for a turn or asking their sibling to give them a turn when they're finished, so there isn't just one right way to do things, and I think sometimes we forget that even as home visitors, our culture and what we value, we bring that into the environment and what we value isn't the only way. That's where getting the input and what the family values because ultimately, you're there to support them to support their child. Remembering that although your culture is relevant as well when you're there to support the family, you want to think about their values and really incorporate it that way.

Some of the responses that are coming in are pretty much in line with what we just talked about. It's looking very similar, getting input from the family, not making assumptions. I'm seeing finding out what they value, learning about their culture is something new that we didn't mention. Getting the parents' input can be really, really helpful. Thank you for those responses.

Joyce: Thank you, and Sarah, like you said, those responses just keep coming in and we encourage you just to keep sharing and keep thinking about, what we need to do to support families in a way that's culturally responsive. 

Now, we want to move into our next portion of our time together, and we want to turn our focus just a bit on looking at how home visitors can support families. We've been talking about this, and that's a great segue into this, so just want to explore that just a little bit more. We want to do that by highlighting the resource, and then you have the link to the resource in your viewer's guide for today.

One resource that was developed by the National Center on Quality Teaching and Learning is “Problem-solving in the Moment.” This is a 15-minute in-service suite developed for preschool classroom teachers to help children problem-solve as they arise or in the moment. We've included a link to those materials in the participant's guide.

The content here really talks about these five steps that support and guide children's behavior to encourage problem-solving in the moment. You'll see that the five steps are here: anticipate, be close, provide support, multiple solutions, and then celebrating the success. We're going to explore each of these steps and relate them to how home visitors can partner with parents to guide their child's behavior at home to problem-solve in the moment. Rosalia is going to help us dig into that a little bit more.

Roselia: Anticipate is the first and very important step of this process. As home visitors, we can really work with parents to try and stay one step ahead of problems by recognizing and being proactive. Home visitors can support parents in sensing some of those changes in a child's behavior, as well as their emotions, and then really starting to pay attention to some of those identifying triggers. Home visitors can also help parents be aware as well as to be ready to activate some of those problem-solving steps that we have been talking about.

Let's move on here and talk about the next step, which is to be close. We know that often parents can be very busy, and they're not always going to be physically close when a problem situation presents itself. What parents can do is to relocate themselves and be near the location when the problem is beginning to occur. That's where it becomes important to start to identify some of those triggers, some of the changes in behaviors that are starting to happen, and then start to relocate. 

We want to work with parents to recognize some signs that a problem is about to occur so that they can then move themselves closer to that situation at this stage, rather than when the problem is in full swing. We want parents to know that when they are close, it's an opportunity for them to be able to explore and to begin to provide some support for their child. As a home visitor, you can really support families in beginning to pay attention, starting to recognize, and when to offer some of that proactive or preemptive support and figuring out some of those patterns of the behavior.

Being close, time also provides for families an opportunity to model how to remain calm and then some of those gentle approaches to problem-solving so when the parents are close, they're better able to support and then talk through identifying the problem as well as some of those possible solutions that we've been talking about. They can also support their child in regulating their emotions before they get to that heightened level, and then it's going to be a lot harder for them to be able to calm down. Parents being close also provides that opportunity for them to be able to provide that comfort that might be needed before things just really become too escalated and get out of control. Joyce, tell us a little bit about what this support might look like.

Joyce: One of the things that home visitors can explore with their family when it comes to being close and providing support for their child is knowing what level of support to provide to really ensure there is a teachable moment taking place. Sometimes, that support means helping their child stay near and in proximity to where the problem happens so they can problem-solve effectively. Sometimes, that could mean prompting their child to walk through the problem-solving steps. 

It can also mean verbal prompting, like, “Do you remember what to do when baby sister doesn't want to take a turn?” or maybe the parent can involve an older sibling in it if they're available, saying, “Hey, let's ask brother what would you do?” Sometimes it's really when children don't have those verbal skills, support can mean to use like visual cues as well and to prompt, that prompts them perhaps, takes them into those problem-solving steps. It really depends; that level of support depends kind of on the specific needs of their child. Knowing it's okay to kind of try out different levels of support to figure out what's needed.

Now we want to talk about the next step, which is multiple solutions. Like we said, there's a whole bunch of different ways to be right about things, and so there can be situations in which one solution maybe a good solution but we know that it may not always work. As children become older, parents can support problem-solving skills by encouraging their child to generate multiple solutions. Maybe with younger children they're going to need parents to support to generate choices or solutions. 

This is going to allow children to begin to grow their own toolbox of solutions to draw from when they encounter problems. The solutions don't need to be complicated and can be as simple as maybe using a timer, waiting patiently, or maybe even flipping a coin. Home visitors can support parents by talking through and really helping parents to determine some solutions they can present and help their child when problem-solving, and when problems arise. Sarah, we just want to tag you in here and ask you, do you have any resources in your toolbox that may support families with identifying solutions at home?

Sarah: There's a great resource from the National Center on Pyramid Model Innovations, and it's called the “Solution Kit.” They have a home edition, and it includes some common solutions to everyday social problems and it comes in multiple languages, which is great. Visual supports can be super helpful for young children and this resource might be something that a home visitor can share with families. 

Another great resource for teaching problem-solving is this scripted story, we can be problem solvers at home. This scripted story can be used by the family to help children understand the steps for problem-solving and it includes some scenario cards that you can use with children to help them think about solutions to common social problems that they're going to face, either in the home or the community. Those are two of my favorite resources.

Roselia: I love those, Sarah. Those are actually some of my favorites as well and I really love that they're visual and that they really have been designed to help support in the home environment, because often we see that there is resources for center-based children, but I love that these are specifically designed for the home. We have included the information in your Participant's Guide Resource List, so we want to make sure that you take the time to explore those and think about ways that you can utilize those with families that you might be supporting. 

Continuing on and thinking about the five steps that we've been talking about, the last step that we want to talk about is just as important as anticipating a problem and that is celebrating success. Reinforcing a child's success in problem-solving really supports their development as effective problem solvers, and as home visitors, we want to be sure that you share this with parents. They can reinforce that celebrating success. It can be formal, or it can be informal. Some examples of that informal celebration might be things such as a high five, acknowledging that they did a really great job, you can give them a thumbs up, a wink, a verbal praise, or even just a hug. 

Just letting them know that you're really proud of how they worked through that particular problem. As home visitors, you can really brainstorm some different options and some of those informal gestures that are culturally appropriate and relevant for their family. Then you can also support them in coming up with some more formal ways to celebrate the success. The important thing here is that we want to make sure that parents are acknowledging when children are working through those problems and that they're becoming much more independent so that children feel accomplished and of course if you recognize it in that positive way, they're going to want to do it again. They're going to feel that appreciation. 

We're going to watch a video clip. In this video clip, you're going to notice that the setting is a preschool classroom and that there are two children that have encountered a problem. We want you to take note on how the teacher handles the situation to really engage the children in working through problem-solving. In your participant's guide, you have some space, and we want for you to take some notes and really pay attention to some of the strategies that the teacher is using. It is a classroom; however, think about how this scenario might play out, perhaps in a home between two siblings or even at a group socialization between two children. Let's take a look.

[Video begins]

Teacher 1: Janny, what's the problem? You're getting it to make the fort and it looks like Amy's holding it too. Thanks, Elena for moving so I could get up. So what are we going to do about it? You both want the same block? What are we going to do about it? How are we going to fix the problem? I'm going to hold the block for a minute while you guys help figure it out. What's your idea?

Child 1: [Inaudible] 

Teacher 1: You want to play with it over there. Shall we find out what Jammy's idea was? What was your idea, Janny?

Child 2: [Inaudible] 

Teacher 1:  Oh, and she thinks she needs it for that building. So, you both need this block for two different buildings. Do you want to look for an idea in the basket? Grab the book. See what you can come up with. There's another one over there, right. I think Amy's got the book. What are we going to do? She's looking, so let's play together, so that would be building the same building together. 

Take a break, so you just take a break from building. Wait until she's done. One more minute, so she would have it for a minute and then you would have it for a minute. You build with something else, maybe next time. Playing together. You would build it together. Do you want to build together, Janny? Look at Amy's talking to you. Sorry, I just said it and Amy was saying it. Sorry about that, Amy. Here. So Amy, you're going to help Janny build her tower.

Child 1: Let's do this one.

Teacher 1: Excellent. You guys are expert problem solvers.

[Video ends] 

Joyce: We see some of the strategies coming through in the Q and A, we'll ask you to keep putting those out there for us, and just want to check in with Rosalia and Sarah to say what did you guys notice anything there about some of those great problem-solving skills that we saw happening?

Sarah: My favorite part of that video is that she really supported those two children to solve their own problem. She gave them support by prompting them to find the materials to help them problem solve. She read through some of the problems with them, or solutions with them, but ultimately the teacher didn't solve the problem for them. And that was really great to see because I think sometimes as adults, we want to be the fixer and in this video the children were really the experts. They were the expert problem solvers here. I thought that was…

Roselia: I agree, Sarah. I really love that and just the anticipation from the teacher, but also having their little solution book that they can kind of, the visual to work through and see they had multiple choices to choose from. That was my favorite part.

Joyce: Yeah, definitely lots to see in that one. I like that one. I think watching the adult and also watching the kids and how they react to that. Sarah, we just want to give you some space as we're kind of wrapping up to hear a little bit more from your coaching experience and just maybe some more tips for supporting home visitors and partnering with families.

Sarah: Sure. It's really important to remember that parents are their children's' best teachers and most children already, most of what children know or what they know when you come into a relationship with that family, has been learned by their parents. As home visitors, when we partner with parents, we really want to set the stage to provide those intentional opportunities for learning within the home setting. 

These tips for child size problems that children can solve with the help of their parents or on their own. Here are some tips that you can share with families to set the stage for their child to become problem solvers. One would be to help the child to relax. When children are faced with a problem, they can become upset, frustrated, angry, they might get their feelings hurt or even cry. 

This is not the time to try to solve the problem. When the child becomes calm, we want to help them to work through their problem, but when they're at the height of these emotions, that's not the time. We want to regulate, use some calming strategies to get them to calm down. Then we can support them to problem solve. You can support families to understand that supporting children to calm down is a really important step of this process. 

We want to make sure that we're giving uninterrupted time. As home visitors you want to partner with parents to help them understand that developing problem-solving skills is complicated and it takes time. Giving them uninterrupted time that's not rushed to talk through and support them to thinking through problems. Also, we want parents to feel like they are a coach. When we're talking about being a coach, we're not talking about home visitors coaching parents but what we mean here is that children at a very young age are still developing these skills. 

We want you to work with parents on developing their ability to identify opportunities and support their children through asking questions and helping their children think and share through what maybe these problems and solutions might be. Active listening is a really important part of this process, as parents it can be hard sometimes, we want to throw out our ideas and suggestions but active listening for children is so important. 

Here are some strategies that a home visitor can share with families, and we want you to jot down some notes in your participant guide. Encourage parents to withhold from solving those problems for children, so support them to support children and not solve them for them. Support parents in developing questions that they might ask when problems arise. Help parents to identify when they are, their critical solutions to their child is proposing, so try not to judge the solution. Sometimes they may be silly; let them try it out. Provide that active listening. All those strategies, you can remember those that will support families.

Joyce: Definitely, and we've included all of these tips in a handout, and that's part of your participant's guide as well. You may think, "What's my role in supporting some of these practices?" Rosalia, if you want to give maybe one kind of tip to close us out, what do you think that one thing would be regarding the role of the home visitor?

Roselia: I think the important thing, and I think Sarah has kind of really touched on this throughout, is just really taking the time to listen to the family. Finding out what's important to them, and then just kind of being a facilitator if you will — just kind of really asking some of those haunting questions to get the parent to start thinking about some of those steps that we talked about, like anticipating that behavior, looking at problem-solving as an opportunity for learning, and just helping children to really put words to those emotions that sometimes even we as adults struggle with. 

I think really being that partner, that reflective partner with the parent, and then providing some of these strategies to help them work through that and again just really seeing it as an opportunity and not necessarily as a behavior that challenges us. Just kind of taking that time to explore with their child and just giving them the words for those emotions to kind of help them become more aware as they kind of go out into the world and face some of those social conflicts if you will. That would be my suggestion.

Joyce: I think that's a great one to leave us with today. Thank you, Sarah, so much for joining us. Thank you everyone here. If you have any questions or anything, drop them in the Q and A. Also, feel free to reach out to us, we have to keep this conversation going, and we will see you guys next time. Thank you.

How young children approach and solve problems is critical to their overall development. Problem-solving supports how young children understand the world around them. It can impact their ability to form relationships as well as the quality of those relationships. Supporting the development of problem-solving skills is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Explore strategies and resources home visitors can use to partner with parents to strengthen and nurture these skills and help children cope with challenges as they arise. 

Note: The evaluation, certificate, and engagement tools mentioned in the video were for the participants of the live webinar and are no longer available. For information about webinars that will be broadcast live soon, visit the Upcoming Events section.

Video Attachments

• Webinar Slides (884.13 KB)
• Viewer's Guide (844.2 KB)

« Go to Home Visiting Series

Resource Type: Video

National Centers: Early Childhood Development, Teaching and Learning

Age Group: Infants and Toddlers

Audience: Home Visitors

Series: Home Visiting Series

Last Updated: April 5, 2024

• Privacy Policy
• Freedom of Information Act
• Accessibility
• Disclaimers
• Vulnerability Disclosure Policy
• Viewers & Players

• myWHRO Login

New 'Work It Out Wombats' Family App Brings Problem-Solving Fun to Families

The Work It Out Wombats! Family App brings the Wombats’ problem-solving fun right to your home! Join Zeke, Zadie and Malik- three marsupial siblings from the hit PBS KIDS series Work It Out Wombats!- as they use computational thinking, a creative way of thinking that helps children solve problems in a more organized way.

In the App, you can watch animated Wombats! videos, then do hands-on activities using easy-to-find materials, with step-by-step instructions. You can also take photos in the App, and use them to create a music video- starring your child! The App has over 20 different activities that are fun for the whole family!

The Work It Out Wombats! Family App is available from the Apple App Store and the Google Play store . The app is free to download and works offline- no data or WiFi required!

Download it today and help your child work it out!

Additional 'Work It Out Wombats' Resources

Step It Out! Game Children create a set of steps for the Wombats to make a sandwich, build a sandcastle, serve a snack, and get ready to swim. They learn that sometimes order matters, and sometimes it doesn’t, as they tell the Wombats what to do first, then second, then third, then fourth, and then fifth, until all the steps are in an order that works!

One Part at a Time Malik is having trouble learning a dance in this animated song from Work It Out Wombats! ™ Ellie helps him by breaking down the dance into separate steps. Soon Malik is having fun dancing along with Ellie, Zeke, and Zadie.

Zadie’s Shell Shuffle Zadie loses her hide-and-seek winning streak and blames it on JunJun’s singing in this animated story from Work It Out Wombats! ™ But when she messes up Mr. E’s shell garden, Zadie realizes JunJun’s song is the key to fixing the pattern of colorful shells. She relies on his song to recall and recreate the pattern of repeating colors. Now that the shell garden is fixed, can Zadie and JunJun patch things up?

Coloring Sheets: Let's Draw Zeke Zeke Work It Out Create Patterns Work It Out - Cornbread

WHRO is proudly owned by the 21 school divisions in the southeastern Virginia region. Learn more about the  many educational resources  that WHRO Public Media provides to educators and families.

Puzzles And Games Cut Dementia Risk—But Socializing With Friends And Family Barely Helps, Study Finds

P uzzles, card games, chess and adult education classes can reduce the risk of developing dementia over the age of 70 by as much as 11%, a new study found, but participating in group activities and maintaining active social circles have little impact on late-in-life memory loss.

Adult literacy activities, learning new skills, taking classes and, to a lesser extent, crafting or artistry all contributed to a lower dementia risk in people over 70, a study published Friday by the American Medical Association journal JAMA Network Open found.

Active mental activities—crosswords, puzzles, games, cards or chess—and adult literacy, defined in the study as attending a class, writing or using a computer, provided the greatest benefits because they either are competitive in nature and require problem solving or require participants to process and store new information.

The benefits of challenging cognitive activities stayed the same even as other factors in participants' lives were different—like level of earlier education and socioeconomic status—according to the study by researchers at Australia’s Monash University.

The study analyzed more than 10,000 people over the age of 70, 98% of who were white. Researchers found that frequency of social activities and the number of close friends and family were not associated with dementia risk.

The study’s results are in line with some existing literature that mentally stimulating activities may help delay the onset of symptoms of Alzheimer’s and other former of dementia, but findings on the issue differ—the Bronx 20-year longitudinal Aging Study found that doing regular crossword puzzles can slow memory decline by 2.5 years but a team of Scottish researchers in 2018 said they found such mental stimulation may help the brain cope with disease but does not prevent its actual onset.

Key Background

There are more than 10 million new cases of dementia each year worldwide, according to Alzheimer's Disease International, and as many as 78 million people are expected to be living with dementia by 2030 as the number of cases almost doubles every 20 years. The majority of the increase is expected to be seen in developing countries, ADI says. The global cost of dementia is above $1.3 trillion and is expected to rise to $2.8 trillion by 2030, including the cost of informal care provided by friends and family, social care and medical care. Population growth and population aging are the main reasons behind a large rise in global dementia cases, according to a study published in Lancet Public Health.

The Food and Drug Administration approved a first-of-its-kind drug last week to slow Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia. Lecanemab, which is made by Biogen and Japanese drugmaker Eisai, clears plaques in the brain that contributes to cognitive decline. Experts have expressed concern over severe and potentially fatal side effects of the drug.

Further Reading

Lifestyle Enrichment in Later Life and Its Association With Dementia Risk (JAMA Network)

FDA Grants Full Approval For Alzheimer's Drug, Despite Concerns ( Forbes )

Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter Diagnosed With Dementia, Family Says ( Forbes )

Understanding Twins

Why twin families disagree and fight so intensely, an analysis of the roots of twin family discord..

Posted May 29, 2024 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer

A common belief or fantasy about twin families is that twins and their families get along. The reality of twin-family disharmony is that many of these families disagree on how parenting should be handled. The adherence to certain family values and rules for behavior is much harder for twin families than non-twin families. So, “Is permissive parenting a way to provide unconditional love and healthy self-esteem ? Or is permissive parenting a surefire way to raise twins who won't listen carefully to mom and dad, or to other home and school rules?”

In other words, is permissive parenting an easy way out of establishing boundaries and rules for twins? I think not. Twin families, in my experiences consulting with them, have more difficulty enforcing respect for family rules. Without a doubt, twins are a parenting challenge, in comparison to families with single-born children, because twins know how to get their own way when they are together. Simply stated, twins can and do outsmart their parents and grandparents.

“The Twins Are on Their Way”

When an upcoming twin birth is announced, how the grandparents and parents will interact becomes an issue of serious importance for many reasons. Firstly, most caregiving with young twins has to be done in close proximity to both twins, from feeding, to sleep, to attention and play. Naturally, setting limits creates stress. Also, twins can figure out how together they can sabotage both their parents and grandparents, using well thought out strategies in order to get their own way. For example, one set of grandparents says “no sugar,” and their twin grandchildren tell the other set of grandparents that they always get candy when they are at their other grandparents’ house. Fighting begins.

Unfortunately, undermining their parents’ and grandparents’ rules creates anger and distrust between both families. And, twin children enjoy creating “double trouble” for all family members, as it is a means to get their own way. Added to this ripe-with-confusion and stressful parenting responsibility is the reality that there are too many cooks in the kitchen. Mom has her definite opinion and so does Dad. Both sets of grandparents think they know best. Which authority figure is top dog? Which one is really off-base? Can an agreement about how to limit fighting be reached in order to reduce conflict?

Families with twins try to agree. The general belief that twins are a special blessing and so twins “should and will get along” contributes to even more frustration. Once anger and frustration start, it is hard to tame it. For example, Mindy and Mandy are identical twins . Their biological parents are jealous of one another and project their negative feelings on to their children. Mandy believes that her sister Mindy’s daughter, Julie, is spoiled rotten and that her own daughter, Janie, is learning to be aggressive from spending time with Julie. Mandy and her husband refuse to get together with Mindy’s family. Both sets of grandparents take their child’s side and support the decision to keep distance. The children are hurt and disappointed because they like each other and think their parents are “goofy.” They beg their grandparents for help in reducing family fighting. But no help is to be found. Family war ensues over who is the “right” parent.

The outcome of “twin wars” includes temper tantrums and bad/rude behavior for the entire family. Hours and hours can be spent arguing over who got the best toy or video game, the most chocolate cake, or the best birthday outfit. I could go on and on. But use your imagination . In addition, hours can be spent on not saying the right thing. For example, never ever call your twin sister or brother fat, or dumb, or hopeless, as twins take very seriously what their twin “is” and will escalate the war.

Not all twin families fight. Once fighting starts, resolution is hard to come by.

How Can You End the Fighting?

Preparation to avoid conflicts is very important, possible, and useful. Here are some suggestions.

1. Try as hard as you can to avoid favoritism, which is very different than developing individuality in each twin. Not labeling your child's strengths or weaknesses is helpful. Labeling should be avoided, as it creates competition and discourages the twin who might perceive themselves as “less-than.”

2. While comparisons are inevitable, work as hard as you can to talk with each of your children about being an individual.

3. Be firm and clear about the negative effects of fighting.

4. Talk about why competition between twins causes fighting.

5. Teach your twins to do the best they can.

6. Protect your twins from onlookers who continually ask, “Are they twins”?

Conclusions

Remember that being a parent of twins is a very difficult responsibility. Parenting twins is very different from our cultural fantasies that twins always get along. Twins can fight a lot and spread their anger and resentment around the family as well as to each other. Separating twins helps with their development of identity and their ability to function without their twin, which is very critical.

Developing agreed-upon rules is very difficult to do but is a way to develop individuality and respect for the family. Fighting will be less intense and serious. The difficulty in curbing competition and fighting is the stone-cold reality that no one wants to give up their point of view.

Barbara Klein, Ph.D., Ed.D. , is an author and educational consultant who has done extensive research on the development of twin identity.

• Find a Therapist
• Find a Treatment Center
• Find a Psychiatrist
• Find a Support Group
• Find Online Therapy
• International
• New Zealand
• South Africa
• Switzerland
• Asperger's
• Bipolar Disorder
• Chronic Pain
• Eating Disorders
• Passive Aggression
• Personality
• Goal Setting
• Positive Psychology
• Stopping Smoking
• Low Sexual Desire
• Relationships
• Child Development
• Self Tests NEW
• Therapy Center
• Diagnosis Dictionary
• Types of Therapy

At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.

• Emotional Intelligence
• Gaslighting
• Affective Forecasting
• Neuroscience

• Share full article

Advertisement

Supported by

The Best Sex Advice Might Also Be the Hardest to Follow

Some couples would rather get divorced than talk openly about their intimate lives.

By Catherine Pearson

As a reporter who covers sex and intimacy, I spend a lot of time listening to experts extol the virtues of open, honest communication. To have good sex — and to keep having good sex over time — couples must be willing to talk about it , they say.

But some people would rather leave their relationships than have those conversations, said Jeffrey Chernin, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Achieving Intimacy: How to Have a Loving Relationship That Lasts” — especially if things in the bedroom aren’t going particularly well.

“One of the things I often say to couples who are having trouble is: ‘I wish there was another way through this,’” he said. “But the only way I know to have a better sex life, or to resume your sex life, is to discuss it.”

Dr. Chernin acknowledged how stressful those conversations can be, sometimes deteriorating into finger-pointing, belittling or stonewalling. That said, these suggestions may help.

Embrace the awkwardness.

It’s common for partners to have trouble talking about intimacy and desire. Research suggests that even in long-term relationships, people know only about 60 percent of what their partner likes sexually, and only about 25 percent of what they don’t like.

Cyndi Darnell, a sex and relationships therapist in New York City, said her patients frequently tell her that talking about sex is “awkward” — which is especially true “if you’ve spent months or years avoiding it,” she said.

“We’ve been tricked into believing sex is natural,” she added. “But, if it were easy and natural, people wouldn’t struggle with it as much as they do.”

She mentioned one couple she worked with, both in their 50s, who hadn’t had sex in years. Every time they talked about it, they fought. So they sought outside help to get past their embarrassment and anger.

In therapy, they realized that they had only been focused on penetration, but the husband was really longing for closeness and tenderness. And once the wife realized that her husband was not going to “pounce on her” whenever she cuddled with him, they were able to be more sensual with each other — and to talk about what they like to do and why, Ms. Darnell said. But it took a spirit of willingness, curiosity and acceptance.

Death to ‘We need to talk.’

It may be possible to temper the dread that often accompanies these conversations, if you approach them sensitively. “When a partner says, ‘We need to talk,’ Dr. Chernin said, “the other person feels like, ‘I’m going to the principal’s office.’”

Instead, try to:

Focus on problem-solving together

That means saying something like: “On the one hand, I know how difficult this is for us to talk about,” Dr. Chernin said. “On the other hand, I think it’s important for our marriage or for our relationship to be able to have some discussions about our sex life.”

Then ask: “What can we do about it?”

Prepare questions ahead of time

A script offers scaffolding, Ms. Darnell said. She suggested prompts like: “Our relationship is really important to me, and I’d like for sex to be part of it (again). I was curious if that is something you’d be into also?”

Bring in some positives

Maggie Bennett-Brown, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and an assistant professor at Texas Tech University, said “it doesn’t have to be explicit.” Maybe you tell your partner that you like it when he hugs you or plans a romantic night on the town.

If it has been a while since you were intimate, it can help to reminisce — and that can segue into a deeper question. “If people have never had a conversation about: ‘What do you enjoy?’ that’s a good first step,” Dr. Bennett-Brown said.

Be mindful of your timing

Be careful about initiating a discussion about sex while in bed, Dr. Chernin said, particularly if you are being critical. (Though some couples may find it easier to talk about sex when they are basking in the afterglow, he said.)

“Think about a conversation as a series of discussions,” Dr. Chernin said. “That way, you’re not putting too much pressure on yourself or your partner.”

Know when to talk to a professional.

If your partner is unwilling to talk — or if the conversation feels painful, not just uncomfortable, Ms. Darnell said — a sex therapist or couples counselor may be able to help mediate.

She did not downplay how high-stakes these conversations can be. But she added that sex may not always be a necessary component of a satisfying romantic relationship.

“One of the questions I often ask my couples for whom sex is a tenuous and difficult issue is: Does this relationship have to be sexual?” she said. She worked with one couple in their 30s and 40s who realized they liked engaging in flirty banter, but did not want to move beyond that. “Permission to not have sex at this phase of their relationship was huge — and a relief,” she said.

“Sex is about so much more than just what we do when our pants are off,” she said.

Catherine Pearson is a Times reporter who writes about families and relationships. More about Catherine Pearson

What to Know About Your Sexual Health

Sexual health can be an important part of personal well-being. the information below can help you demystify this often misunderstood topic..

Older daters are not getting adequate screening and protection from S.T.I.s. Here’s how to be a safer sexually active senior .

Any physical activity can improve your sexual health. But these five exercises  are especially beneficial.

New regimens in development, including once-weekly pills and semiannual shots , could help control H.I.V. in hard-to-reach populations.

Many women will deal with a yeast infection at least once in their lifetimes. Luckily, there are plenty of effective solutions .

The connection between the birth control pill and sexual desire is complex. The pill lowers testosterone, but what does that do to libido ?

We asked sex therapists and researchers to share a myth about sex they wished would go away. Here’s what they said .